incognito

the shadow council's unofficial cognito inc headquarters archive — indefinite hiatus. rip inside job, you will be missed <3

[fyeahinsidejob]

[wingedjarchivist]

WHAT THE FUCKIGN HELL

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:(

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Myc: C'mon, Reagan. Brett isn't going to be a problem.

Myc: You and Brett just need to bone.

Reagan: ...

Reagan, angrily: What did you say?

Gigi: No, honey, don't say it—

Myc, deadpan: I said you two need to bone.

Reagan, angrily and loudy: HoooOOW DARE you, Magic Myc! I am YOUR BOSS!!!

[5 Minutes In]

Reagan, mad and screaming: BONE!!!!

[10 Minutes More]

Reagan, still mad and still screaming: What happens in my bedroom, Myc, is NONE of YOUR business!!

[21 Minutes Passing By, Andre and Glenn Present]

Reagan, still very mad: !BOOOOONE?!?!

[40 Minutes Later, Everyone Present]

Reagan, still evidently mad: Don't EVER speak to me LIKE THAT again.

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Brett: You’re such an amazing person. You’re funny, beautiful, kind...

Brett: I wish you could see yourself from my eyes...

Reagan: You’re such a good friend, Brett.

Brett, squeaking: F-friend?

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Reagan: Because you saved my life, you can hug me for 4 to 5 seconds, but that’s fucking it okay?

Brett: I can hug you for 45 seconds?!

Reagan: NO–

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Reagan: I'm playing a new drinking game.

Reagan: It's called "Every time I'm depressed, I take a drink."

Myc: That game exists. It's called alcoholism.

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Reagan, to the gang about her exes: If I say something everybody's thinking, does that make me a mean person?

Reagan: Or... 

Reagan: Does it make me a brave person?

Reagan: One who is courageous enough to stand up and say something... Behind someone's back... And infront of them..

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Rand: I always wanted a son. 

Rand, laughing: No one knows this, but for the first year of her life, I made up Reagan like a boy and told everybody that she was my son.

Rand: But just for a few times.

Rand, still laughing: I didn't want to mess with her head.

Rand: When she found the pictures, I told her that it was her twin brother who died.

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Brett, inside Reagan’s head: I've answered enough of your questions. Now, it's your turn to answer one.

Younger Reagan: What is it?

Brett: Why don’t you want to wear a dress?

Younger Reagan: ...

Younger Reagan: Because I don't to look like Gretchen and her stupid friends.

Brett: Reagan, why are you fighting me on this?

Younger Reagan: Just- It doesn't matter if I dress up. I'm not pretty like Gretchen, mom, and you.

Brett, shocked: That's ridiculous! You're beautiful. 

Younger Reagan, serious: I'm not.

Younger Reagan: But that's okay. I'm the smart one.

Brett: Mmm. The cute busboy doesn't know that you're smart. 

Younger Reagan: What?

Brett: He's been smiling at you since we went here. 

Younger Reagan: He does not! He’s literally several years older.

Brett: Look. One day you're going to want to date a cute guy like that.

Brett: And when that day comes, you're going to want to look beautiful, and then you'll wear a dress.

Younger Reagan: ...

Younger Reagan: So, you ever kiss another man?

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Reagan: Can we just please get the wires and get out of here?

Brett: Fine, but I wanna stop by the wine section first.

Reagan, chuckles: Wait... There's a wine section?

Brett: Yeah, a really good one- just past the tires. No way.

Reagan: They do not have- 

Reagan, shocked: Oh, my God.

Reagan: Oh, my- Brett. 

Reagan: Brett. The paper shredder I wanted.

Brett: Huh? Confetti and crosscut.

Reagan, chuckles: Yep.

Reagan, gasps: Oh, my God. Amazing.

Brett: Yeah.

Reagan: Brett, what is this place?

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Brett: Back at my hometown, my family and I had a saying: As long as you're bringing the all trophies home, you-

Reagan: [Roles her eyes]

Brett: I feel you rolling your eyes at me.

Brett: We met at one of J.R.’s legendary game nights.

Brett: I remember Reagan because she kept rolling his eyes... 

Brett: Every time I would get a little boisterous. 

Reagan: ... 

Reagan: I did not.

Brett: A little bit.

Reagan: Yeah, maybe a little bit. Anyway, we were- we were playing charades, and I had no idea how to act out my clue.

Reagan: And all I could think of to do was shake my hands all over the air.

Reagan: And without missing a beat, Brett says-

Brett: Casablanca.

Reagan: All I did was this- Casablanca.

Reagan: [Shakes her hands all over the air]

Brett: Casablanca.

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Myc: I don’t like your accusatory tone.

Reagan: Well, I’d use a different tone, but I’m trying to accuse you of something.

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Reagan: Okay, for this to work, you need to be mean to people. Can you do that?

Brett: Yeah! Try me

Reagan: Get me a glass of water.

Brett, handing her a glass of water: Here you go!

Gigi: No, honey. Let’s try again. Be mean!

Brett: Alright

Andre: I’ll try. Brett, get me a glass of water.

Brett: No, I would never give you that, you… dumb person.

Reagan: …

Reagan: Brett, what do you have behind your back?

Brett: Nothing.

Reagan: … 

Brett: … 

Reagan: … 

Reagan: Give it to me.

Brett, pulling a glass of water: It’s a glass of water.

Gigi: Oh, boy.

Brett, pulling another glass: And a backup glass.

Andre: We’re screwed, aren’t we?

Gigi: You think?

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Tamiko, to Reagan about Rand: Honey, you're 15, so I think it's time we have a mother-daughter talk.

Tamiko: Your father is part of the family's trash. Any questions?

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Reagan: Gigi told me instead of being sad I should "Go get it, girl," so I'm going to "Go get it, girl".

Robotus: Get what?

Reagan: Unclear. I'll get everything, just to be safe.

[fyeahinsidejob]

Reagan: To Myc, the best alien!

Myc: Not an alien.

Reagan: … 

Brett: Organism.?

Myc: Not an organism.

Andre: But a straight-up hottie

Myc: I am attractive, yes

[fyeahinsidejob]

Reagan: Good news! I have a great idea.

Myc, sighs: Is it actually a bad idea?

Reagan: I don't understand.

Brett: You said you had a great idea. Is that what you have, or do you have a bad idea?

Reagan: I have a great idea.

Gigi: You're sure? You have a great idea and not a bad one?

Reagan: That is correct. I have a great idea. I do not have a bad idea.

Myc: Excellent. Let's hear the idea.

Reagan, enthusiastically: We bet our very own lives and the sake of this planet to trusting Robotus and hope that he doesn’t betray us.

Brett, Gigi, Myc, Glenn, and Andre: ...

Andre, trying not to scream: Thank you, Reagan.