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@g-carly-angel
I don’t know who needs to hear this but grief is so much more than just something you experience when someone dies. it’s okay to grief opportunities and time lost. people you used to know. people you used to be. relationships. ways of living. places. your childhood. you can feel grief over so many things and it’s okay and real and seeking help is okay too, you’re not being disrespectful.
I’ve been seeing L since the end of September 2022. The most amazing first date ever. I fought to get this one started, he’s not perfect but he’s perfect for me. Caring, understanding, loving. I hope once he realises my unconditional love, he doesn’t turn on me. I’m in it for the long haul, I hope he is too…why am I always preempting the worst, why do I think he’ll leave me once he’s been around long enough to see who I am? Why do people always leave? He’s talking the talk and walking the walk… for now.
“I stole her heart away and put ice in its place.” - Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
I treated you good as I possibly could and that still wasn't good enough for you. You have no idea how much that gets to me, you made me realize that no matter how good or how much love I give to that special person it's never going to be enough.
Me, in tears: whatever tho I guess it doesn’t matter haha
Not gonna lie friends. I would like to feel desired and feel like someone’s first choice
accepting what you look like is an act of self love.
1.5 relationships, 3 years and a whole pandemic since my last post. Post apocalypse. Moved out of home with friends, didn’t go so well, moved home. Mental health at an all time low but I’m not letting you treat me like shit anymore. Want to build a life with someone who deserves my unconditional love. One day.
Hey. Hi. How are ya?
Like it’s been a while, yeah? Sorry bout that.
I’ve started hanging out with someone new. New guy bestfriend. But feels like there’s weird sexual tension. I’m not sure if it’s actually there or if my dry spell it’s causing me to wanna fuck anything that moves... relatable?
From Melissa’s book, PELUDA. Get it in stores now!
Why do I get heartbroken so easily? Maybe I just expect the best of people...
me: wow things are actually going really well for once!
the crippling anxiety, waiting in the corner:
I’m not good enough...
I’m not good enough for you to take an interest in me and treat me like a normal human being with my own feelings and thoughts, I’m just an object.
I’m not good enough to be treated with dignity and respect... you’d rather have your way with me and treat me like an object...
I’m not good enough to date; I’m a play-thing to satisfy all your wants and needs, but when I want or need something it’s irrelevant because I’m an object...
I’m not good enough to be loved because your primitive instincts tell you I’m nothing of importance... just an object.
I want to love and be loved ... I am not an object, I’m a person... I deserve to be treated as a human being, I deserve to be treated respectfully and with dignity... I deserve to be loved... but you don’t see that.
You lie and you scheme to reach your end game which is to achieve gains and disadvantage me because I do not matter to you.
But I matter to me and the people who love me... that’s what I’m told anyway.
All year I've felt so distanced from my bestfriend "G". I don't know if it's because we're slowly becoming different people who value different things and have constantly changing aspects of our lives, if or if we are just drifting apart.
10 years of friendship and I feel like I don't even know her anymore. We don't talk often, I will sometimes go weeks without seeing or speaking to her. She doesn't listen to me anymore. For example if I make a suggestion to her, she won't take my advice until someone else tells her the exact same thing and then will give them the credit. She wakes up and goes to work, comes home then goes to sleep, ever day. She has time to see her boyfriend, but never time for me. Another example is that after 5 years of the same work roster, she can't seem to even remember the 1 night a week I work the night shift. Then when I get slightly upset that she doesn't pay attention, I'm the bad guy.
I feel like I would do things for her that she wouldn't do for me and I feel like I just generally treat her better than she does me.
I'm feeling very obselite, like an accessory she no longer requires... tell me, is that what friendship is meant to be like? I almost wouldn't call her my bestfriend anymore...
Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me. Like every way I perceive myself is completely wrong and different to how everyone else perceives me. Like some days I'll look in the mirror and think I look nice but someone will take a photo and looking at it I'll perceive myself completely differently.
Like when I don't have makeup on I don't feel very pretty. Sometimes I have people tell me I'm pretty and I won't believe them. But then some days I'll get ready, do my hair and makeup and think I look great; on these days I think I'm an attractive person.
This gives me enough reason to think I am pretty.
In conversation today I mentioned how much worse I looked after removing my makeup. Even though I was still comfortable with myself it came up in conversation that I indeed was no a good looking person; however 'every girl has something about them which is special'.
After asking 'so you agree I'm ugly?' the response was 'I can only say that because I am too'.
This is coming from a person who says they're attracted to me. I'm very confused and back to square one.
So if I see myself as more attractive than I actually am, how ugly am I really?
Xoxo Ugly Girl
