ruthless gangster superstar

relaxed and powerful my photos

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desperado by the eagles 🦅

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1.12.23

going to the dentist today 🤪 feeling like i’m going through a major dark night of the soul. gotta look myself square in the face and yell “i believe in you! you deserve good things!” but sometimes it’s hard to remember to do that. so i sit still and listen but this dang doom scrolling device is always so close by. giving myself grace… looking forward to going back to school for some focus but also relishing in this stillness and self reflection. i do love myself just forget that i do sometimes. reconditioning is a slow and painful process. but dammit i have come so far.

[deviika]

Don DeLillo, White Noise

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1.3.23 but really 1.4.23 cause it’s after midnight.

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12/14/22 last final tomorrow. (civil procedure)

p.s. i have a new furnace as of 1 hr ago

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i’m out at restaurant alone. eating a burger and fries (and now a slice of apple pie 😳) cause i need to eat and drinking a beer because i wanted to drink a beer.

i’m in the last week of my first semester of law school and my brain is exhausted. totally choked on my first final and taking my second final tomorrow.

my furnace has been broken for almost two weeks and i’ve had maintenance people in and out of my apartment for that many days saying “it’s broken.” I already know that. I knew that the first time someone came by and said it was broken. In fact I’ve known that for the past 6 years because it’s breaks every winter.

I’ve had about 7 strangers in my apartment in the past 7 days. I say about because one of them is the maintenance guy so i don’t really count him as a stranger, but he’s not really a friend either so i lumped him in there with the rest of the furnace boys. The second one put nice little shoe covers on to keep my carpet from getting snow on it. The rest of them did not seem to consider they were in someone else’s home at all. I’d like to mention that 4 of the 7 worked for maintenance and that 2 of them were contractors. The contractors declared it in need of replacement and told me it was from 1987. The maintenance folks wrestled with the furnace but to no avail. she’s dead. RIP.

Anyway, i started rambling cause i didn’t want to look at instagram but i also didn’t want to work on more study questions so i took to journaling instead. Now i’m full and tired and ready for a walk home, then bed. LONG LIVE THE WRITTEN WORD!

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12/7

wheel of fortune shit

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i’ve started drinking all these different herbal teas and not gonna lie they are changing my life for the better. my skin and overall mood and energy just everything. marigold got me into it and so far i’m drinking stinging nettle, roasted dandelion root, and red raspberry leaf. 10/10! i believe in the power of plants 😌 i started exploring teas to help with hormone imbalance and increase my intake of certain vitamins and minerals and it has been so beneficial. I feel like an advertisement for plants but i just wanna SCREAM IT FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOPS!

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i’m tired, cranky,

need some serious me time i’m pretty sure is what the real is. having a rough time and getting upset with every one in my proximity during the process. had a total melt down because some ugly old dude approached me and told me i was cute

written on 9.16

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wow this human design stuff is pretty nutty. i like it. SPOT ON.

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pictures from the weekend 💖 all about the balance baby. 🐺 post howling at the pisces full moon.

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9.12.22

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tarot cards can be so damn literal sometimes like smack ya in the face type literal

The cards are telling me that the life experience of inner turmoil and the life experience of emotional wealth and abundance are ultimately a choice left up to me. It is my decision what i dedicate myself to - whether that be self ridicule or nurturing relationships that will nurture me in return. Reciprocity or bust imho 🤘

[g4rb4g3d4y]

i walked intentionally

that’s all my body really could have asked

and even now i walk with a purpose

a purpose my body never really had

and a purpose it never really

required from me.

ya ever wake up not thinking

today might be the day

this morning might aggress me

the way i specifically asked

it not to.

leave me alone forever

and further

independently.

Drunken poem found in my tumblr drafts from last weekend. Virgo new moon drama.