Ask Gabrill Ecco Emoa

Post-parasite individual trying to navigate through his world after hardships and lost time.

[gabrillechoes]

>> I have more important thing to worry about now

A lot of things have happened in the silence that I will not speak about both for our safety and due to lawsuit restriction. Know that I am safe and to ensure my kids are as well I will no longer be posting on here. I know it might be jarring - both the abrupt stop in activity and me having children- but sometimes that's just how life is. Maybe when the world becomes kinder to people like us, the lawsuit is over and my kids are old enough Ill post again.

While these two may not be 'mine' genetically they are my kids all the same. As surprising as that may sound they are only 6 and 12 MONTH old respectively thanks to whatever the agency was testing. I don't know what their future growth will bring out for me but rest assured Ill do my best for the both of them an any other hybrids that may crop up in the future (whether I end up having to take care of more later or just be a guide and advocate for other parents raising hybrid children).

So like I said I have more important things to worry about now, I do not intend on becoming a 'family blogger' exploiting my children's formative years.

[gabrillechoes]

[gabrillechoes]

[gabrillechoes]

[gabrillechoes]

Online Interview Thing - Part 7: World

What do you notice about the agency first?

“As much as they like to say they aim to protect both parasite hosts and the general population, it's clear to me that we're more like guinea pigs they can experiment on rather than people they truly care for.”

If the agency spoke to you out of nowhere, what would your first instinct be?

“The only ever message me for appointments or important structural matters. If any employee messaged me for anything casual it would be a massive red flag for me...”

What would have to happen for the agency to get your attention, and keep it?

“They got my attention with their egg experiment alright...”

Would you trust the agency in an emergency? What's that based on?

“I don't really do but I don't really have a choice. I simply can't go to a normal doctor if I get hurt, even if they would probably be able to take care of me logistically they can't due to biohazard regulations. Even if there are no evidence of my blood being able to contaminate anyone the laws in place dictate host needs to be treated only in dedicated facilities for the public's safety.”

If you could ask Mikail Emoa one question and get a completely honest answer, what would it be?

“I wonder if he hates me somehow...”

If you could ask your parents one question and get a completely honest answer, what would it be?

“Why... just why?”

If you could ask the agency one question and get a completely honest answer, what would it be?

“I know better than ask them too many questions...”

What would you never say to the agency's face?

“I've raised my voice quite a few times already but I don't think I could tell them how much I despise everything they do. Even if they helped me regain control of my body, the way they went about it... the amount of things they done when I wasn't in control... the test they keep putting me through...”

What do you think the agency actually wants in life?

“Breakthroughs. What types of breakthroughs I'm not sure. I just know they want to make something useful for normal humans with whatever hosts and parasite can offer them.”

In a different life, what could your relationship with Mikail Emoa look like?

“Maybe we'd still be close. He'd have a wife and kids like he'd always dreamed of and I'd be the uncle with the beach house they'd come visit during summer...”

In a different life, what could your relationship with Asta look like?

“If he was still there I feel like I could have been a decent dad to them. I know life would have probably been hard for them tho... I hate that them leaving so soon was probably the best outcome...”

If the agency approached you out of nowhere and needed something from you, what would your immediate reaction be?

“The always need something from me...”

You're in a public place, and something starts to feel off. What do you do?

“If I sense a parasite, I'd call the agency. Anything else I just leave as fast and as discreetly as possible.”

[gabrillechoes]

Online Interview Thing - Part 6: Bonds

If your parents could see who you are now, what do you think they'd say?

“I don't think they'd care. They left me behind and change their identity for a reason. They want nothing to do with me. My brother followed them back then and considering he hasn't reached out to me since, he probably agrees with them.”

Is there something about yourself that Mikail Emoa knew -- that no one else did?

“He knew I was bi... never had the chance to come out to my parents. Maybe they would have ditched me all the same without the parasite if they knew.”

How do you act differently around Asta than you do with most people?

“I barely had anything with them but... I didn't know i had any type of fatherly instinct to be honest. I always saw myself as the type of person to remain child-free”

What's a memory with Asta that you go back to more than you'd expect?

“Sometimes I can still feel their weight in my arms...”

If you had to describe Asta to someone who'd never met them, what would you actually say?

“I wish more people knew about them, even if they didn't live for long... But people probably wouldn't understand... not in a way that matters at least...”

[gabrillechoes]

Online Interview Thing - Part 5: The past

What was your childhood like, looking back?

“It was great. My brother and I were often up to no good. Nothing too bad of course but growing up with the internet and it's crazy viral challenges sure was something back then!”

What did you believe about yourself when you were younger that you don't anymore?

“Hmmm... Les about myself but more about my bonds... I though my brother and I would always be inseparable. I'd grow up to be his kids' cool uncle r something like that.”

What do you think made you who you are -- a person, a place, something that happened?

“The internet, my brother... The parasite too I suppose...”

Is there someone who shaped who you became, and do they know it?

“Actually I think Grey Birtchfield the lead singer of the band Bitchfield and the evil doers played a huge part in who I am today. I did meet him once and probably gushed about how him and his music affected me but I wouldn't say he knew exactly how he shaped me. -I- didn't know at the time either. It was all before the parasite attack and his music did help me after I recovered.”

What's a decision you've spent too much time with since you made it?

“Sometimes I do wonder how things would have been if I had decided to move to the coast right away instead of taking that job at the pool.”

Is there something from your past that you've never fully resolved?

“I wonder where my brother is now... what he's up to.. If he ever think about me sometimes...”

What's the moment that changed you most -- and did you notice it happening?

“I think I've mentioned the parasite incident enough by now...”

Who were you before the thing that changed you? Do you miss that person?

“I was the 'real me' and yeah.. I miss myself a lot...”

Is there something you did that you don't think you can ever make right?

“Maybe if I had been a more well behaved kid my parents wouldn't have given up on me... Nothing I can do about it now...”

[gabrillechoes]

Online Interview Thing - Part 4: Dissonance

What's a question you hate being asked?

“I really don't like when people only ask me about parasite related stuff. Unless it's a medical appointment or something that was discussed ahead of time I'd rather talk about myself and my hobbies. The times I do want to talk about it tho it's often not in the way people want me to. People wanna hear about how 'cool' and 'weird' it must be to have an alien on your back, they aren't interested in the "this sucks, im tired, uncomfortable and want my humanity back"...”

What's the fastest way to make you shut down in a conversation?

“I... Probably the usual bigoted shit. I prefer to just shut up and walk away. I dont need to waste any energy debating that.”

What do you lie about most casually, almost without thinking?

“Im not much of a liar. Im not that much of a talker either, at least not in person. I do talk a lot online.”

When you're upset, what do you say instead of admitting it?

“For better or for worse I'm rather vocal and straightforward when I'm upset. I have big outbursts even...”

What's a compliment you genuinely don't know how to take?

“I still have trouble accepting compliments regarding my appearance. I can see how Im not ugly but at the same time I'm so... It's not the me I was supposed to be. I do find compliments regarding the visual part of the parasite on my back a bit off-putting tho. I was told its swirling patterns were mesmerising and I still don't exactly know what to think of it.”

What's a topic you can talk about endlessly to avoid another topic?

“I really love mah-jong. I play a lot of it online. I even want to save up to buy a VR-headset and join one of those VRchat game rooms so maybe I can have more 'in person' fun with people while easily hiding my parasite-host status.”

When someone gets too close to something real, what do you do?

“It hasn't happened in quite some time...”

Is there something you wish someone would ask you about, but no one ever does?

“Well considering I run an askblog I feel like people have already asked about things I'd have though about asking myself so far? I think question that !I wouldn't expect would be more fun perhaps?”

What would you change about yourself if you were being totally honest?

“If we're speaking non-physically I could probably benefit from having more confidence.”

What do you do when someone is right about you in a way you're not ready for?

“Has anyone ever been right about me yet?”

[gabrillechoes]

Online Interview Thing - Part 3: The body

How do you feel about your own reflection? Your immediate thought when you see yourself.

“I'm a ghost of my former self. Gone are my rosy cheeks, golden hair and ruby eyes. It's all sickly whites and foreign purple now...”

Is there any reason you avoid the mirror?

“I don't been reminders of how much I've been corrupted.”

When did you last feel comfortable in your own skin? What was different about that moment?

“It's pretty obvious isn't it? Back when my body was fully mine, without this parasite burrowing it's way inside me.”

Is there something about your body you've made peace with? Something you haven't?

“As much as I hate the parasite I did make peace with it in a way? It's both a foreign object and an extension of myself I've learn to use and get accustomed to. I guess I've made peace with the physical part of the parasite, not its... soul? If its sentience came back in any way inside of me even if I'm still the one in full control of my body I'd very much not be at peace about it. I'm not at peace with the possibility it can happen even.”

Do you think people judge you by the way you look? Do you think they're right?

“Obviously they do. Just seeing the purple scar on my lip make them step back. I don't blame them for being scared of turning like me but I'm not contagious, I wish they remembered that...”

What does exhaustion feel like for you? How do you act differently when you're there?

“Im exhausted most of the time it feels. Always feeling so cold and sleepy. Caffeine doesn't help much but the sweaters and blankets I've been gifted has help quite a bit. Keeping myself warm also keep me awake easier. Perhaps I should invest in some warmth-retaining undergarments too.”

Are there colors you think you can't wear and why?

“I hate purple on me... I hate purple inside me.”

What does your closet or dresser look like? What kind of clothes is it filled with?

“There's a good balance of simple black professional clothes and colorful cherry-themed comfy wear to lounge in at home.”

Is there a set of clothing that you find comfortable to wear no matter what?

“I think I'm comfy in pretty much anything... then again I haven't tried EVERYTHING-everthing... I did wear skirts and dresses at some point, they were fine.”

[gabrillechoes]

Online Interview Thing - Part 2: Habits

What does your body do when you're nervous, before you've had a chance to stop it?

“I don't really like talking about my body like that to be honest... Not when it's not entirely me... if that makes sense...”

What's a comfort object that you reach for when you need to decompress?

“I was recently given a purple monkey plush... It's nice to hold onto.”

What is an activity you do to escape from your everyday life?

“I like Mah-jong.”

What's the last thing you do before you sleep?

“Brush my teeth.”

What do you do when you can't sleep?

“Not much... I just lay there and wait for it to pass.”

Do you have any rituals, or just things you do in a specific order? What happens when you can't?

“I've been lighting candles around the apartment a lot lately. does that count as a ritual?”

What's a habit you have that other people find strange, though you've stopped noticing it?

“I'm told sometimes my antennas pop out sometimes and move in a weird pattern... I don't know...”

When you're bored, where does your mind go on its own?

“My mind is always there... I can't risk it going anywhere.”

What does your space look like? The one you actually live in, not the one you let people see.

“It's pretty bare and simple... I do have a few posters of my favorite band...”

[gabrillechoes]

Online Interview Thing - Part 1: The Self

What's your name -- and is there a name you'd rather go by?

“my name is Gabrill Ecco Emoa. Yes it's pronounced Gay-Bril, not Gabriel. Im fine with people calling me Gabe if that's an issue.”

How old are you? How do you feel about it?

“Im in my thirties. I'm... happy? I guess? Im alive.”

What fills most of your days?

“Watching TV mostly. Sometimes I knit or play mah-jong online at the same time.”

What do people usually get wrong about you when they first meet you?

“They think I'm a violent animal of some kind. I understand that they are scared of my parasite but I'm still a human person just like they are.”

When you walk into a room full of people, what's going through your head?

“It depends... If I made my way in discreetly enough not to be noticed I'd probably go about my normal train of thoughts but if I'm noticed... well usually people don't hide their discomfort and judgement from my presence so it's hard for me not to think about what they probably think about me...”

What do you believe to be true about people, generally?

“I try not to generalise people...”

What's the last thing that made you genuinely laugh?

“I... I don't know... It's been a while...”

What do you want right now, the thing you'd say out loud if someone asked?

“I'm... I'm a person.”

What do you actually need? Not just desire, but need.

“Freedom.”

What are you afraid of?

“I worry I might lose my body to the parasite again.”

What do you do when you're really, truly alone?

“I'm already pretty much always alone... So my daily routine I guess...”

What do you think your face does when you're trying not to react?

“Having to deal with the agency I've learn how to not show my emotion when needed. Unless my feelings are extreme I think I can do a fairly good job at not showing any reaction on my face.”

What are you most proud of? Do you talk about it?

“I don't have anything to be proud of... not yet.”

What are you running from -- or toward?

“I'm not running. I'm not moving even...”

When something goes wrong, what do you tell yourself?

“Either the agency will fix it or they are the one who caused it... that's how it is usually...”

What's something you've never said out loud to anyone?

“Probably a lot of things... I can't say I talk much these days... I still try but it's not easy...”

What's something you're still figuring out?

“Where I fit in I suppose? Like... Yes there are spaces that welcome "freaks and weirdos" but even there... Look, plenty of people have crazy fantasies and that's cool, but someone these people just... I'm one of those people fantasy that until now was only an "in fiction" thing and the second those alien dream fantasy are manifest in front of them I'm not longer a "weirdo part of the freak community", I'm just a tool to achieve their fantasy... I know it's not everyone who's like that it's just. Even in those group for outcast I'm pushed to the side for being too weird and the few that do get close to me do end up doing so only to fulfil something of theirs... Then again I've only tried joining these type of communities 3 times, but when you get burned each time it doesn't make you want to try again. Of course I tried other more "normal" support groups like LGBT groups but I can't exactly talk about my parasite struggles there as it's just... not really... I don't know... I can't even talk about how disabling the parasite can be to me because as far as people are concerned I have all my limbs and senses with extra ones on top. They see me as some extra-abled ungrateful whiny bitch. The don't see how the parts where I can't regulate my body temperature properly any more, they don't see how fast I get tired compared to most people, they don't see how overwhelming those "extra cool senses can get", how hard it even was to adjust and control that foreign body that made its home inside myself, how much I fought and suffered to get my body back... Sorry... I think I went a bit off-topic there... It's just... Never mind...”

Is there a version of your life you gave up on? What happened to it?

“I wanted to be a surfer or a beach lifeguard. U used to work at a pool as a cleaner, on my way to climb the rank you get my lifeguard certificate there and use those recommendation once I move to the coast... Then the parasite got me...”

What do you want your life to look like in ten years -- and do you believe it's possible?

“I just want to be free to walk around, travel, visit the beach maybe. Dr.Astric said the agency was working on a breakthrough that would allow me and other host to get back some freedom so maybe it's doable...”

[gabrillechoes]

[gabrillechoes]

[gabrillechoes]

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