Came for Gandrew stayed for Garrett. My box is always open. This is a side blog, so if I ever respond and itâs not this name itâs probably my main. G/A are the sweetest friends :â)
Oh okay, Andrew is now dressing like Garrett AND they share a bed. I mean I always figured because it didnât make sense for one to do a couch and one to have a king size bed but the confirmation was hilarious
I wanted to share some writing I had done earlier this summer with you all! If you like it let me know if I should continue? Itâs meant to be a story focusing around the beginning of their time in Washington and into the podcast. Iâve left it at a really weird stop but thatâs all I had so far.
Title: Undetermined
Pairing: Garrett Watts/Andrew Siwicki
Tags: Mention of prescription medicine, mention of Jeffree/Shane/Ryland, unfinished
Evening is dimly creeping through the half-opened windowpane casting a glow across the built-in table connected to the cramped inner wall of Andrew's microscopic kitchenette. His studio apartment in LA sat cramped in-between Hollywood and Calabasas, a mediocre waypoint for his work for the last few years. He clicks the viewfinder and focuses on the bright oranges and yellows that dance teasingly across the glittering tabletop; catching flicks of sliver and reflecting them back to the lens. A mug of dark roast with just an edge of too much cream is left forgotten in the corner of the frame. It feels cinematic and lonely all at once. The cafe style booth he sits in causes his back to ache, the rest of the kitchen a sterile and unforgiving white, but he misses capturing the day to day beauty the world had to offer. He imagines the reel being played back with a layered sound of twinkling windchimes, quiet laughter and a piano reverb with cuts of the morning sunrise on a hike and steam off the top of a ceramic mug. A familiar face with flecks of blonde in the beard, strong jawed and a roguish smile weaving in and out of the frame, turning back to laugh at something the cameraman said.
â-with a mandate like this.â Garrett is brushing his teeth through Facetime. Andrew catches the corner of his bamboo toothbrush flashing in and out of the lens. He must have laid his Iphone flat on the countertop because when Andrew really looks he can see the bottom of the mirror and a bunch of bright light.
âI know. It sucks. Couldnât get honey the other day, man. Fucking honey. Itâs not like the bees are going anywhere.â He laughs but it doesnât feel funny. The minimal supply he had was dwindling thin. He was beginning to ration his meals and he wasnât sure how much toilet paper was left under the bathroom sink. It was all very apocalyptic without any of the zombies or scientists swooping in with immediate remedies.
âAh dude.â Garrett spits and thereâs a tapping sound like heâs hitting his toothbrush on the edge of the porcelain sink before he fully pops into frame. He looks relaxed, sandy hair flopped to one side and beard properly scruffy though theyâd only been locked down about a week and a half now. âI know. I canât handle it anymore. I miss people.â Andrew hums at that. He doesnât really. He misses the occasional gathering, sure, but he hadnât quite placed his anxiety surrounding the idea of seeing others since theyâd released the Jeffree series. "What was it that bothered you most about taking part in this?" His therapist had asked him. "I missed the fun," heâd answered. "What was the fun?" Sheâd pressed deeper. "Garrett," Andrew had been quick to reply. "And like. Everyone else too." He'd added when she hadn't said anything. "I miss it not feeling work." She had let him talk about that instead.
"Some people." He tacks on to Garrett who hums easily. He doesnât think he misses many of the people heâd spent most of 2019 with, his life a mixed cocktail of Ambien, Adderall and Lexapro without any feelings of relaxation manifesting. His psychiatrist had discouraged upping his doses anymore and by early January she began urging him to begin seeking new opportunities to âwork on his environmentâ. He hadnât quite figured out the avenue to take to do just that.
"Well, some people." Garrett agrees and he's already back out on his couch. "I don't know how many more times I can watch Winter Soldier before I freak out." Garrett sighs. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing. Same as you and every other person." He turns his camera off. He needs the break from the screen.
"I miss you." Garrett is easy like that. He isn't ashamed to tell people how he feels in every moment. It was something to be admired and yet Andrew just felt envy at it. When Garrett had begun to slip away from him, melting like honeydew sweet and sour into a depth of a place where Andrew couldn't quite find him, he'd only managed to grab him back out by Garrett's honesty. Doesn't know if they'd be having this conversation if Garrett hadn't used that honesty like an anchor and letting Andrew catch him last minute with it.
"I can come over." Andrew offers. He hates being confined in these walls anyways. It was hollow and dark. The email from Shane still sat open on his Mac across the room on his bed. Thinking of extending the break, can't really decide. Want to get quarantined together? I have a few video ideas we could maybe mess around with or just film some day to day footage until creativity strikes us it reads. His skin itches for the company but the image of their guest room makes him uneasy. Doesn't know if he could withstand being there with very little to fill his hands with, editing complete and no real ideas on the table for the time being.
"I can come to you." Garrett offers like he was inconveniencing Andrew who had offered anyways.
"If you touch your car right now I am going to freak out Garrett Watts." Andrew admonishes. "The second they open up the garages and mechanics again I'm making you take that thing there, burn it and we get a new one." He's opening a duffle now and throwing in his travel toiletries and a few pairs of underwear.
"Oh come on Andrew it's not so bad." Garrett laughs as if Andrew wasn't still reeling from the aftermath phone call of Garrett nearly wrecking on the 101 barreling top speeds until he reached a secluded patch of grass to slow his Pirus down onto. By the time Andrew heard the story Garrett was okay; Michael had gone to pick him up and Garrett was sending pictures of little Star Wars figurines that Michael kept mounted on his dashboard. His heart didnât calm until he had managed to get his hands on Garrett in person though, sneaking out for an afternoon to grab some coffee with Garrett before heading back to Shaneâs to finish editing. His shins still feel heavy with the weight of Garrettâs calf as heâd pressed their knees together until the table while theyâd talked â the weight reminding him of how alive and okay Garrett really was.
"Oh yeah a car that dies out randomly is really great." Andrew throws in a box of protein bars and a Gatorade into his bag. He hesitates before grabbing a stitched bear made from gray yarn, green buttons for eyes luring him in. "I'll be over soon." He doesn't know how well the conversation will hold up over Facetime as he's moving.
"Okay cool Andrew." Garrett's eyes are soft. "See you soon. My dad is actually calling."
"Tell him I said hi. See you soon." He so easily could tack on endearment, babe at the tip of his tongue burning hot. Garrett's ending the call before Andrew even has the chance.
**
The half opened can of frosting is across from, the only lights on are the ones twinkling from some intricate set up Garrett had on a shelf. Garrettâs on the third loop of the home screen on Prime, humming thoughtfully whenever he pauses on a summary to read but then continuing to scroll before picking one. Heâs slumped down low, long legs kicked out on the coffee table while Andrew is curled up in a ball against his side. Once, Caleb had pointed out that if people didnât know them theyâd get the impression that they were dating. Garrett and Andrew had awkwardly laughed at that comment, tinged with humiliation at how their relationship was being interpreted. They tried to be better then, not letting themselves fall so in sync when other people were around.
Andrew loved it like this though, when it was just him and Garrett, so he could press his cheek into Garrettâs bicep and not have to question why it felt so right. In his left hand his phone illuminated with another message from Shane. Opening it he read a message about how much they all missed him and wanted him there during this time. Apparently Ryland was looking for someone to help film a video he had planned. He quickly shut the screen off and pulled back from Garrett some, his stomach in a sudden tangle of knots.
âGood?â Garrett asked him looking down. His crew neck was for Spokane and looked a little like the Taco Bell logo from when they were younger. Heâd paired it with a pair of sweat shorts for the night as they were both supposed to be going to bed soon. Andrew picked at his own Adidas track pants, imagining a loose thread to busy his hands.
âYou ever just. Feel like you gotta get out?â He tilts his head to the side and watches Garrett pause what heâs doing with his Playstation controller and set it carefully on his coffee table.
âIn what way?â He asks thoughtfully, turning so his chest was open to Andrew. Their knees bumped and Andrew felt like a little boy when he wished he could crawl and hide in the empty space of Garrettâs lap.
âLike okay. Say you just really loved what you used to do. You basically achieved your dream job. You have all these amazing people, you like your boss, things are going really great and youâre making a lot of money.â
âYou buy yourself a really good vacuum.â Garrett plays along teasingly causing them both to laugh.
âYou get yourself those stackable containers for your meal prepped lunches.â Andrew plays back. âBut thenâŠâ He runs his tongue inside his teeth then outside methodically. He searches his brain to try to figure out what to say to Garrett to
âThen?â He drums his fingers on Andrewâs knees to get him back to the present.
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