Today it marks five years since I created this blog. Very bright eyed, with all the hope in the world seeping in sweet rivulets from my naive little heart.
This wonderful blog would be a success! Yes, I knew this. I would succeed to achieve every artistic, conceptual, and humor aim which I had set my sights on. Of course. Well sometimes in life it will turn out that we do not always know what we think we know.
All I want is to create something of value. I wanted it to last for a long time, and continue making many people happy. Even after I lie down and rejoined the stars. I sought to abandon the ego, faceless and mysterious I to tend to something that would make people happy! I did not seek fame or recognition, only to lie down at night to sleep in my bed with humble knowledge I had led someone to smile today.
I am very lonely person. But I thought it would be my connection to the world. For me to bring the world happiness, that it so needs! There is very much tragedy today. And I have been trying so hard to make it happen! Yes, I have been trying so very hard, every day, to make this endeavour work. And I’m not capable of it, I see this now. I really do see this now. :(
I know the wise thing to do is that I accept my limits and I move on. To a better suited calling for me. Yes there is very much opportunity! There is much in this life to do, if we look around. To open our eyes for it. But I am racked with grief! :( This is all I have ever wanted really. I do not know if I ever can move on from it!
If you could understand, how I am in so much fucking pain! Oh God, the attachment and desire of this goal is made with titanium alloys. I am a helpless slave! I beg to God to set me free! Tearing my throat into shreds at screaming out to God to please set me free! I only want to move on from this dark waste of my time. Oh please let me find peace. Please!
Well, I do not know what is to happen now. I have spent five years on it. I cannot spend any more. So this is now the ending of gatorade-funny. Like a sad tiny stillborn baby its life unlived. I do not know even if anyone reads this. There is no reason for anyone to give attention here.
Well. If anyone now reads this I hope you will be happy even if I could not help in it. I hope at anything you do you will be more successful than I am here. Please, try to create joy through what you do! If there now is anything in this life I can find then I will too. Goodbye.