— it breeds eternal misery.

@gcldensage

172 posts

eve is silently kicking herself, wishing she could have swallowed things down and let herself enjoy their night without getting in her own head. their relationship isn't perfect, and there's still so much to figure out -- but addressing what's going on in her head rather than pushing it down is what the rational part of her knows she has to do. the only reason everything fell apart was her trying to put up a facade and pretend the ache in her chest doesn't exist; she owes it to him, to herself, to be honest even when it hurts. she gives him a sad smile as he tries to reassure her, hand reaching out to hold his as he moves. it's grounding, reminding her that they're here together -- even if nothing between them is simple anymore, the fact that they're having this conversation at all is a step in the right direction.

she's not looking for eli to absolve her of her guilt, or tell her she has nothing to worry about. eve knows she is the one that unraveled their life -- it's something she's going to spend the rest of hers trying to make up for, prove that she's worth it. even if she doesn't always believe it herself. holding it in is what got us here in the first place, eve. his words, though they're spoken gently, feel like a punch to the gut. he's right; eve knows they need to have this conversation, even if it makes her squirm. "you're right," she nods, wiping at her cheeks with her free hand. stray tears had spilled over, despite her best efforts. "i don't want to just -- i don't want to just bottle everything up and slap on a smile," eve begins, trying to find the words as she speaks. her chin trembles, nearly betraying her. "somehow actually talking about it feels so much scarier." a sad laugh passes her lips, though the admission does help ease the ache.

i love you. that hasn't changed. she turns to better face him, free hand reaching out to cup his cheek. "i love you, elijah." her tone is soft, quiet as if she wants to make sure he's the only one who can hear her despite them being alone. "nothing is ever going to change that for me, either." eve repeats the words, hoping it's a reassurance to him. a beat, her thumb moving slowly against his cheek. "i know this is my fault. i'm the one who -- i messed things up. i know i can't change that, only work to fix this and make it right." a sad nod, and deep breath after. "i want a future with you, i want everything with you. talking about this stuff isn't -- it's not easy. but i'm never going to let anything come between us again," she lets out a sad laugh. "not even me, and my bullshit. promise." her hand moves, finding the hair at the nape of his neck. her fingers push into curls, the ghost of a smile at her lips. "no holding anything in, no doing it alone. just you and me."

the conversation is raw, unfiltered, uncomfortable. it’s suffocating in itself, the confrontation that’s beginning to fill the space between them. information begins to bombard his mind, a slight pang of fear in his chest at the potential harsh reality — maybe he was asking for too much. he wants to reach over, wants to wipe away her tears like he had so many times in the past; holding her face between his hands and giving her the soft realization that he was there and ready to take on some oft he burden, but he doesn’t. elijah provides her with the time to shift into the unknown, to feel the heaviness of the conversation and the necessary means that needed to be addressed. “ i don’t want you to hold it in. ” his voice is soft, understanding. the warmth of her hand against his cheek is a jolt, allows himself to become grounded in the moment instead of attaching himself to the racing thoughts that were bouncing around his head. there’s a soft smile on his lips, body instinctively leaning closer to her; a normalcy he craved. “ hey, we both messed it up. ” he reaches up, moving a couple strands of hair out of her face before letting his free hand drop again. “ you ran away, you called it off. ” a beat, letting the reality settle for them both. “ but i didn’t pay enough attention. i was so focused on schooling and trying to please my parents that i didn’t prioritize you. i should’ve seen something going on, even if you were trying to hide it. ” it was a guilt he had never admitted to until this moment, acknowledgement that he wasn’t a mind reader — but he had secretly knew something was off weeks before she ran. her words ring in his ears, a chill running up his spine at the softness of her fingers in his curls. he shifts his body, allowing himself to situate right next to her and pull her closer, arm wrapping around her waist to flush her against him. “ we’ll figure it out, okay? there’s no rush. ” deja-vu of the words, the exact sentence being stated after she had accepted his proposal and they sat together to discuss how to tell their parents — the exact words that he felt then and still feel now; never in a rush, not with eve. “ you and me. ” he closes the space, pressing a soft kiss against her lips as if to seal the commitment between them. it’s only seconds later that he pulls away, nose bumping against hers. “ now how about we lighten up the mood? ” a smirk slowly beginning to form on his lips as he dips his head, lips pressing against her jawline. “ i could make you a s’more, ” a small pause, another kiss. “ or i could open up one of those ciders, ” another kiss.

#eli + eve : 05 #silverskies.

tess tilts her head to look up at eli, lips curving into a faint smile. she can see that he is working to stay level, his voice measured with a stiffness that gives him away and she nods, doesn't call it out. "you're right," she says. "the facts are important and they'll want those, of course, but the reassurance will keep them grounded. keep it simple, use layman's terms where you can. they just need to know that we care as much as they do and that their kid's outcome important to us." her tone softens, though her gaze doesn't waver. "try to anchor that reassurance in something concrete when you can. a detail about her progress, how often you're going to be there. something to keep it real. you've got good instincts for that."

eli prided himself on his ability to work under pressure — to handle the harsh realities of the job and continue forward, at least until the ferry accident. the day haunted his dreams, still slithering in as a reminder of what he had seen and what he managed to lose. but now, he focuses on tess’ voice, a grounding tone that felt supportive and authoritative at the same time. “ okay. layman’s terms and sticking to facts when necessary. ” there’s a slight nod of his head, almost as if it was to provide an exaggeration to his understanding of the task at hand. “ thanks. ” there’s a slight smile, pride beginning to take hold of the spaces that were previously darkened with dread and anxiety. “ i’ll make my first round now, give an update about the infection and let them know that we are monitoring closely and will hopefully be able to schedule the surgery soon. are you coming with? ”

#eli + tess : 01 #pinkauras.

beneathoaktrees

"I'm mocking you-- a little bit," he says with a devilish smirk. Rome finds it entertaining and endearing that Franny cares so much and feels so much. She's up, she's down, she's defending people, she's watching out for them. It brings a smile blooming to the surface. "Considering there's a nurse shortage everywhere, you'd think that Sullivan would think that he should leave you guys alone," he shrugs. It doesn't mean that the Board will see it that way-- underperforming or overperforming or not. Listening to her as he sips his coffee, he nods. "Tell me how you really feel," he offers, teasingly. "Unfortunately, I'm a general surgeon, so it's part of my job description to literally cut into people. But I appreciate the enthusiasm for my study. Sullivan has a point-- sometimes. Even if he's a dick."

“ that’s hurtful, truly breaking my heart right now. if you listen closely, you can hear the distant shatter of the pieces in my hollow chest! ” her tone continues dramatics with each word, eyes widened to emphasize this before her lips turn upwards into it’s usual bright smile. it had been difficult, breaking open the shell that rome had managed to cascade around himself so tightly, but after a couple sessions of tapping to find the vulnerable spot, she managed to sneak her way inside. “ you think sullivan is smart enough to give a crap about a nursing shortage? we’re overworked as it is and it’s not as though he’s rushing to accommodate or get more on staff. ” although there was more to it than that, franny was aware. the minimum rate of pay was causing many individuals to avoid getting a nursing degree, not to mention the universal awareness of mental health and burn-out. “ i shouldn’t have cursed but it is — bullshit, ” she whispers it that time, looking up at him with doe-like eyes and a small nod of her head. “ i know he has a point sometimes, but i still think you focusing on your research isn’t a bad thing and he should be allowing you time and energy to focus on it without the stress of having to take on surgeries too. ”

#franny + rome : 04 #beneathoaktrees.

beneathoaktrees

Spencer rolls his eyes at Eli. He's never really loved working with interns, but working with one that's trying to compete with him (at least in his twisted mind) is another thing entirely. "Wow, great job," he says sarcastically, as if poking fun at the 'teaching-minded' Sullivan plan. "In case you haven't noticed by the lack of a great rack and raccoon-like personality, I'm not Taren," he shrugs. Of course, he hopes that comment won't get back to Taren. He's not looking for her head to get too big over Spencer saying she has a nice rack. Shrugging, he offers a hum. "I mean, you know you're an intern and you should probably be here learning something, right?"

it wasn’t rocket science to figure out which residents and attendings like interns and which ones thought they were the bottom of the barre, spencer was one of the ones that clearly wasn’t a fan, especially ones named elijah. “ thanks, i’ll wait patiently for my gold star rating, ” tone matches spencer’s as his hues focus on the tablet within his grasp. “ i’m well aware that you aren’t taren, ” he actually liked taren, even cooper, but when it came to spencer, eli attempted to avoid him like the plague that lurked the hallways. “ but i’m sure that taren would love knowing that you think she has a great rack. ” it’s muttered, but loud enough for spencer to hear if he were listening close enough. finally, eli pulls his gaze from the tablet and looks towards the other surgeon. “ since you’re so worried about my education, i’ll have you know that i was researching a specific technique for a case that came in last night. ”

#eli + spencer : 01 #beneathoaktrees.

for a split second, sienna almost freezes. her brain stutters over the weight of zoya's words — you're running this — the room spinning with motion, urgency. and then she catches herself, inhales once, sharp and quick, and nods. "yes, doctor singh," she answers, moving to the head of the gurney, muscle memory kicking in. brown eyes study the monitor, making notes of the vitals flashing there and forces her voice to stay steady even as her heart thumps in her chest. "we need to get a ct," she says, her voice louder than she thought it would be to be heard over the bustle of the trauma bay. "we need to rule out any intracranial bleeding, subdural or epidural hematoma." her eyes flicker from the patient to a nurse, her tone gaining momentum the longer she speaks. her confidence builds, trying to echo the steady presence of zoya behind her. "let's get a c-collar replaced and keep him flat until we know more. we'll get a full neuro consult and start an iv line, fluids at a slow rate until pressure stabilizes. that's where i would start." her gaze flickers over to zoya, as if checking to see how she's doing. "and we need to have the helmet brought in. i want to see the point of impact. it's crucial."

zoya barely speaks, moving behind sienna and watching over her shoulder as she beings the examination. she nods along slightly to the thought processes that sienna is voicing aloud, listening to the various aspects that need to be seen and what they will rule out, making sure to note within her mind what may be missing or what was the right choice. ultimately, zoya has no choice but to bite her tongue, knowing that a ct to rule out bleeding in the brain would be the action plan that she would make for herself. there’s a pause in the room once sienna is finished talking, zoya looking around to the various doctors and nurses that are in the room. “ well? what is everyone waiting for? you heard her, get the damn ct. ” her voice is stern, leaving no space for someone to argue against them. gloved hands move to replace siennas, doing her own neuro exam to double-check everything that sienna had done, although doing it with ease and without throwing doubt into the space between them. “ good. the c-collar is necessary, last thing we need is for him to wake up, move his neck and potentially add to the injuries he already has. ” finishing her own assessment, she rips her gloves off her hands and looks towards the others in the room once again: “ i want that ct within the hour, if anything changes and i’m not notified, i will be putting sullivan on your asses. ” she walks towards the door, confident that sienna would be behind her before she begins to talk once again. “ alright, let’s go find that fucking helmet. ”

#zoya + sienna : 01 #pinkauras.

eyes roll, hand waving away her comment with clear annoyance. the last thing he wants is to be in this situation; having to deal with coop and sullivan and their bullshit -- it helps once they're on the elevator, feeling as though he doesn't have to hold his tongue. as much, at least. cyrus had a lack of respect when it came to authority, but he'd been at this career long enough to know when to bite his tongue. it didn't happen often; only with someone like the chief, who could send him packing without a second thought. (that has never stopped him mouthing off, though) arms cross as they stand in the elevator, giving zoya an annoyed look. "none of these dipshits would cut it in trauma." he adds with a huff. "doubt any of 'em would last anywhere that's not fuckin' dermatology."

if it were anyone else, zoya wouldn’t smacked the hand that was waving around, but she could understand the annoyance that cyrus was experiencing. hues watch as the metal doors begin to close, and the mechanics of the elevator beginning to kick in. unlike the other individual in the elevator, zoya could appreciate authority, although was one that liked to challenge it, especially if said authority was not allowing her to do things that she believed were correct or necessary. “ have you even attempted to teach any of them in trauma? ” head tilts to look over at him, brow slightly raised. “ do you even like one of them? ” perhaps that’s where she vastly differed from others in the group: zoya had taken a liking to one of the interns, favouring her over everyone else and only relying her teaching methods to one person.

#zoya + cyrus : 01 #silverskies.

snorting, cole shook his head. “not really standing up for, but i’m sure you’ll be surprised to know you’re not the first person to come to me with this topic of conversation,” he said with a knowing look. “so i’ve started to perfect the talking points.” and if he had been workshopping a why you all should like coop so my best friend doesn’t ditch me powerpoint in his brain because of how many people came to him with the same conversation topic, well that was his business and no one else’s. “and cyrus is a big boy, if he needs to be assured that i have enough love in my heart for two friends, he can come to me.” he did make a mental note to find cyrus later anyways.

“so we’re stuck with him forever,” cole hums. “got it.” a nuisance he was going to have to live with, which is fine. he’s gotten better at just ignoring sullivan’s existence and doing what he wanted. he was good at that. “maybe we could force a coup. take him down from the inside…” his voice trailed off as he got lost in thought. not about the coup, no that was mostly a joke. “god i hope they haven’t been left in a room alone together yet,” if taren felt like she had to play defense, cole was a little worried about coop.

a sly smirk continues to stay put on her features as she takes a slow sip of coffee, allowing herself to semi-listen to the words that are being communicated. “ ah, so you’re a boyfriend and a broken record. love that for you — hope you’ve managed to narrow it down to the best points instead of going off book. ” mug is slowly set down behind her on the counter, taking a moment to ground herself into the present instead of beginning to think of how she was going to be teaching whatever intern that was on her rotation today; a small prayer that it wouldn’t be the damn agosto kid. “ cyrus is not a big boy, he’s a dramatic child. he’s the live-version of veruca salt. ” a beat of pause. “ think you two gotta kiss and make up before he actually burns this place to the ground. ” head nods along with cole’s hum, irritation evident. “ i don’t think he’s ever going to find it within himself to admit he can’t do this anymore. ” arms slowly cross over her stomach, head tilting from side to side to release some of the tension that had been pooling there over the past few days. “ that’s a wonderful dream, i hope that works out for you. ” sarcasm drips with each word, brow raising. “ i’m sure they have, he’s cardio, cole. he’s stuck with her. ”

#zoya + cole : 01 #ncbodyssoldier.

beneathoaktrees

Ryan feels a smile lingering on his lips because he may not end this kid's career yet. While he's a surgeon, he wasn't looking to make this cut. Maybe that was the difference between a good surgeon and a great surgeon, knowing that fine line. "He's intubated and elevated, and I'll be ordering some anti-inflammatories now that I know I'm not going to have to get in there yet," he nods, staring at the scan in relief. While he'd been worried about no longer having a Head of Neuro, he realized after about a week that he and Zoya could handle most things. They weren't always the first choice for neuro, with Seattle an hour away, but it seemed like Zoya and Ryan had it-- despite not being the most established attendings in the hospital. Not that Sullivan wouldn't remind them of their inexperience, Ryan was sure. "Well, that takes a lot off my mind today. Maybe I'll even get out of here at a decent hour and hand him off to a resident or an intern who isn't afraid to call. Who do we have tonight?" he wonders.

eyes shift from looking towards ryan and begin to look elsewhere, allowing ryan to have the small space to be thankful for the results that had come in. “ there, you know what actions need to be taken. stop panicking about the unknown, larson. you’re a good surgeon. ” it’s a rarity for someone to get a compliment from zoya, however it became easier when it was directed towards someone’s ability to work rather than their personal life or physical aspects. if asked, zoya would praise her co-worker on his abilities and how quick he was on his feet, always thinking ahead. although she would know deep down that there’s a tinge of doubt sometimes that lingers beneath the surface — an insecurity that she knew too well, only better at hiding it than most individuals around her. “ depends, you rather a resident or an intern? ” she asks while taking hold of her own ipad, slight smirk on her face as she waits for his answer. “ also are you going to leave the hospital or be one of those people that go to the duck so you’re close by and can ‘check-in’ when you begin to panic again? ”

#zoya + ryan : 02 #beneathoaktrees.

beneathoaktrees

Violet is wary of speaking out loud about what happened. She's not exactly proud of telling her boss to get the Hell out. She's also not sure what came over her, but when it came to patient advocacy, Violet shines. It just usually doesn't mean that Violet is going to explode on her boss's boss. "Is the training thing bad?" she asks. Now that word had spread that some of the attendings had to be coached by the new Cardio attending, she wonders if that's where she's heading. Or worse-- she's going to get sent to therapy for anger management. God, what would her mother say? "Did you tell him to 'get the Hell out' of your OR while he was 'observing'?" she asks with a subtle laugh. Once the mortification wore off, maybe she'd be proud of herself. "Because I did," Violet adds in a smaller voice. "He kept trying to tell me how to do my job. He's not even trained in Peds."

zoya withholds a chuckle, allowing the space for violet to express her feelings and anxieties that are lacking itself onto the situation. “ it’s stupid. feel worse for coop, actually, ” she says with a slight upwards twitch of a smile before resting herself down in a seat across from the peds surgeon. “ today or in the past? ” the question is asked in a teasing tone although there’s honesty behind it. “ i tell sullivan to shove it up his ass at least twice a week, either in passing or when he’s attempting to observe one of my techniques. ” she mused with a shrug, taking a small sip of her coffee before setting the mug down on a table that’s next to her. “ he’s not trained in neuro either but is acting as though he’s the head since the neuro department doesn’t have one. ” a beat. “ so i get it. the frustration. ” head tilts, hues watching how violet works through the process herself; the soft voice, the subtle laughter, the way her hands are wrapped around the mug as if it’s an anchor. “ you’re gonna be fine. ”

#zoya + violet : 01 #beneathoaktrees.

"thanks." sam presses his tumb against the power button and holds it until the screen goes black, flickers, and comes alive again with the hospital's logo. "these things have to be older than i am," he rolls his eyes. "i think my sad, underfunded public high school had newer machines than this." he shoves his stack of intake charts over to the other computer at the station.

"this is the first chance i've had to actually sit down and get all these intakes into the system. hope your morning has been better than mine."

“ no problem, ” she settles herself back comfortably in her seat, head tilted to the side as she watches sam begin to his work. “ obviously, you think sullivan is gonna dedicate his money to ordering new computers? unlikely, bud. he fully believes the tablets make up for the horrible computers. ” “ not sure if i’d consider it a good morning. this is the first time i’ve managed to sit down. ” there’s a crinkle of packaging as she opens up the small bag of sour patch kids. “ if it helps, this is also my second set of scrubs but i’ll save you from those horrific details. ” never a dull day, that’s for sure. “ you want any help? could probably get through that stack faster if we did it together. ”

#franny + sam : 01 #goblinkingg.

eve makes a face, laughing at her friend's pout. "all i'm doing is telling the truth." she teases, listening as franny recounts her day. she's surprised they haven't gotten into the subject of their siblings -- considering franny has never missed a chance to gossip while snacking on some candy. however, eve doesn't push the topic; sophie is a bit of a sore subject still, the two having not spoken since the gala. at least, nothing more than short conversations regarding patients. "that's nice of you to help her out," eve points out with a shrug, eating another grape. she leans forward on the table, resting her elbows on the surface. brows arch as franny speaks, giving her friend a look. "okay, i'm going to say this with love, franny --" eve starts, "that's way easier said that done -- especially when you're union, and they can't just up and fire you. you can afford to slow down, i can't."

“ yeah well you could’ve lied for me, i thought that’s what friends do. feed into each others delusions, ” a slight huff of air before she’s biting into another piece of apple, thankful for the sweetness that fills her mouth.. it’s ironic: francesca thriving at the idea of gossip and knowing little things about everyone, but not knowing the basis of her brothers own love life. of course she heard rumors, but nothing regarding the actual relationship between her brother and eve’s sister — just the realization that there was tension between the two parties and how said tension could be cut with a knife. bringing up sophie to gabe was never received well, although franny could argue that the topic of anything romantic was shut down immediately by her brother. “ okay, i know it’s easier said than done but you’re more likely to make a mistake out of stress or overexhaustion and that’s going to be worse than taking even two hours to shut your eyes and get some rest. ” another crunch of a bite. “ you know i’m right. ”

#franny + eve : 02 #silverskies.

taren barely gets a second to skim the chart she's been handed before franny's barreling into her with her words, her brows lifting as the nurse rattles off her list like she's afraid she'll forget something important mid-sentence. and okay, maybe taren gets it — maybe she's not the easiest surgeon to work with, or the kindest, but god, is she really that much of a bitch to induce this level of anxiety? it takes a beat for her to catch up — prednisone, oxygen, upright, pissed-off patient all run through her brain at high speed before she props an elbow on the counter, the other hand flipping the page on the idiot's chart. "oh-kay. why do you sound like you’re gonna shit your pants over it?" she asks, and it's dry but not unkind. taren's too tired for a proper bedside manner right now, and besides, the patient in question is a frequent flier who's been ignoring discharge instructions since day one. taren sighs, scanning the vitals logged in the last hour. "guy's a moron, but he'll be fine. put in the CT for me — lungs, contrast — and if it isn't clear, we'll do an echo. could be a little pulmonary edema or just his COPD flaring up from that smoke break he thought was worth dying for." she closes the chart with a quiet snap, eyes moving back to franny, who still looks like she's expecting to be yelled at — but taren just tilts her head. "and take a breath, spencer, jesus. you're about to be the one in respiratory distress." it comes out deadpan, but there's a thread of reassurance buried in it — her version of a pat on the shoulder, the kind that says you did fine, now relax.

franny’s mouth opens before closing right after, not a squeak allowed to pass through. it isn’t until taren is beginning to look through the logs she’s just made on the chart that she is able to exhale the breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding, feeling more at ease without taren’s stare. working with taren had always been enjoyable, always something that franny looked forward to when she had to cover a cardio rotation and could be in the operating room and watching the cardiothoracic surgeon work; she was methodical while also experimental, her hands had their own mind as they worked on a heart and she never allowed someone close enough to make her second guess her surgical plan. she was endearing while also terrifying, someone that franny loved to work under and watch but never someone that she would openly discuss things with. her head begins to nod along to the words that taren’s spewing, hands reaching out to take hold of the electronic chart and begin putting in the orders. “ okay, got it. do you have anyone on your service today or should i just — page you myself once the results are in? ” if she had an adam’s apple, one would see it bobbing with the gulp she had taken after asking, slowly looking up at the surgeon with wide eyes. “ sorry — you’re just, ” she takes another pause, trying to find the proper words that would be honest but also complimentary to the individual across from her. “ you’re very intimidating, dr. beak. ”

#franny + taren : 01 #mindsbeat.

beneathoaktrees

Rome smirks at Franny's attempt at explaining herself. Most of the time, he prefers something to be iced, if he had to choose-- only because of the fact that he can enjoy it later, if he remembers to put it in the fridge. Of course, there are plenty of times he comes back to his coffee with a giant puddle of water surrounding his cup and a watered-down form of milk and coffee to enjoy. "So you're getting this cup of hot tea to drink later? Or soon-- if you want to burn your mouth," he teases, grabbing his drink and hers to hand over. He eyes a nearby table and bench and leads the way to a quick seat. "I'm not sure the whole 'push' that Sullivan was trying to give went in a positive direction. At least, not for many. And there are a few people just flat out pissed about the changes... which isn't exactly the best way to go about it either." Rome had calmed his nerves since he made some improvements. He could take feedback on his performance, but it was another thing if he took it and did nothing-- which he suspected some might do. "I've been trying to book more OR time, myself, so Sullivan doesn't think I deserve to be on-staff as a surgeon. Play the game or get run over, or whatever they say."

eyes narrow momentarily, assessing the situation before her as hands move out of her pockets and arms cross over her midsection. “ are you mocking me, roman? ” she asks, brow slowly raising, although it doesn’t take long for the seriousness to begin to crack, evidence of the nurse attempting to withhold a smile visible through the slight twitches in the corners of her lips. “ both, by the way. it’s freezing on the second floor so i want something warm but also know that it’s been absolutely bonkers lately and i’m not going to be able to finish this before someone’s call button is being pressed or someone is screaming for extra help. ” hands wrap around the cup with ease, a soft hum vibrating her throat at the immediate comfort the warmth brings her. “ i would be pissed, too. i mean i’m sure i will be. starting with the surgical staff was a bold move, but the anger and fear is just trinkling down the ladder. nurses are working overtime and i can see burn-out happening in the near future, and the idea of losing a patient now is has the additional fear of possibly getting fired over it. ” she settles down next to him with ease, lips puckering slightly to blow some air towards the opening of her cup, watching as the steam moves upwards in the air, almost mesmerized for a moment. “ heard that once or twice, but i also think it’s — ” a pause, lips pressing together as she lets out a soft sigh. “ no, frig it. it’s bullshit! it’s absolute bullshit. you have an amazing research study going on and that should count for something, not just how many people you can cut into. ”

#franny + rome : 04 #beneathoaktrees.

— who: eli & miller (@gcldensage) — prompt: this is preposterous. i demand an explanation.

“i gotta be so real with you man,” miller said, already reaching for his third cup of coffee of the day. “it is far too early and i am not caffeinated enough for you to be pulling words like preposterous out at me.” he had been up at the crack of dawn. a panicked call from the bachelorette party staying at the airbnb because of a bathroom flood wasn’t the way he wanted to start the day, but here he was, about to clock into his twenty four hour shift with images of clogged toilet pipes haunting his thoughts. “i also have no clue what i did,” he walked into the hospital twenty minutes ago, and hadn’t seen eli at all at that point. so, with an eyebrow arched at the other man, he waved a hand at the other intern. “so tell me what exactly is preposterous, dude. is it that we’re here after barely leaving last shift, because i agree.”

truthfully, the words slipped out before he could even stop them, a small sense of judgement behind his tone as he looks towards miller. it was easy to get under the other interns skin, solely because their bond manifested two seconds after introductions were made, a sense of brotherhood that eli had never fully accepted prior to miller. it hadn’t always been easy to find friends in the medical field, not with a last name like agosto and the reality heavy in the air that most people only used him for access to his parents and grandfather — to request to be introduced and blow up the friendship before eli could properly bond. miller was different, kind and funny, someone that eli felt he could actively share his worries and wins with and not feel as though there were expectations or a competition beneath the surface. “ dude, look at your feet. ” he states, finger pointing at the mix-matched shoes and socks. “ i mean if anyones gonna make a new fashion statement, i would definitely put money on you, but that’s a choice, hughie. ” a chuckle vibrates in his throat as he gets up from the chair, grasping onto his white coat.

#eli + miller : 01 #ncbodyssoldier.

at first margot just watches elijah, noting the careful way he carries himself, the slight tension in his shoulders that says he’s used to carrying everyone else’s expectations because of his family name. the kid’s got something to prove that he’s masking with a calm exterior, and margot knows that song and dance far too well. she’s spent years perfecting her charm and charisma, the quiet way of getting what she wants. it makes her like him just a little bit, despite his background. “good,” she says finally. “i like interns who respond well to pressure. keeps things interesting.” she tilts her head slightly, letting her gaze drift over him before they fall into step down the hall. margot keeps her tone easy, conversational, like this is just another day, just another favor she’s granting someone lucky enough to walk in her orbit. “don’t screw it up,” she says as they turn into the OR, and maybe it’s a warning, maybe it’s a promise that good things will come if he doesn’t — maybe it’s both. margot falls easily into her pre-op routine — she scrubs methodically, adjusts her gloves and mask with practiced motions, almost robotic in the rhythm. “okay, this is a complex soft-tissue injury — lacerations across the dorsal hand, partial tendon disruptions, some compromised vessels. first thing, we’ll assess tissue viability and plan coverage, then restore circulation before moving on to tendons and nerves. any questions?”

“ no pressure or anything, ” he states with a teasing tone, lips turning upwards into a small smile as he attempts to use the calmness in her tone to loosen the tension that’s in his body. eli prides himself in his abilities, knowing that working under pressure is something that he is capable of and could argue that he does his best work when trying to navigate various things at once — a reason that trauma surgery had always been something that his father had wanted for him, immediately seeing the strengths within his son. “ hope i meet the expectations that you’re already making in your mind, ” a peek towards the surgeon that he’s walking beside, a lazy smirk on his lips to show that there was no ill-will behind his tone. “ you can deny that you’re making them, but once someone hears the agosto name, it’s hard to not to. i get it, i’m used to it, ” there’s a shrug as he takes in a deep breath, allowing a moment to prepare. “ — come to understand that it’s only a benefit to me. especially when it becomes a goal to meet and surpass the expectations. ” his movements are easy, eyes looking towards the window that’s before them to see the surgical team beginning to set up the or, watching it as if it were a stage and he was the audience; hands move in a routine to begin scrubbing, bubbles popping against his flesh and the warmth of the water keeping him grounded. “ the compromised vessels — is that a future worry since we’re going to focus on the tissue prior? do you have any possibilities to make sure that the tendons and vessels will achieve proper function and blood flow once finished? ”

#eli + margot : 01 #mindsbeat.

tess nods slowly, listening as he speaks. there's a clinical precision in eli's tone that she recognizes, remembering how she used to sound after difficult cases, when she was young and still learning to move forward, when she thought she had to strip all the feelings away from the medicine. "right, we started her on both last night." she nods after a beat. "she's stable for now, holding around ninety-five on two litres and her wbc's are trending down since the steroids have kicked in but i want you to keep an eye on her. every twenty to thirty minutes, like you said." there's a hint of warmth behind her words, a quiet reassurance that she trusts him with this. "her parents know what's going on and they're anxious, but on board with the plan. keep them reassured, they're going to be asking a lot of questions. if there's anything you can't answer just defer to me." she doesn't bother adding that if everything goes well, she'll be expecting him to scrub in with her. "now, how many days has it been since you've left the hospital?" she asks, a brow quirked.

head nods along with her words as he listens intensely to the updates, making sure that he stores them specifically in his mind. “ okay, checks every twenty to thirty minutes. oxygen continued consistently and steroids on stand-by if more are needed. ” still slightly robotic, having to take a moment to take a deep breath to try and reign himself back in, a moment of strict pause to remind himself that he wasn’t back in the disaster zone. “ i’ll make sure i do as much research on this case as possible to be able to answer the parents concerns, ” a pause. “ i’ll come to you for more in-depth answers, but tell me if i’m wrong with this approach — but just providing a sense of security over our dedication to this case, allowing the parents to know that we will make their child a priority and providing verbal comfort would be the best course of action, right? ” he turns his body towards tess, fully dedicating himself to this educational moment. “ i could be wrong, and i’m okay accepting that if you think providing surgical answers is best, i just find that sometimes with parents, just giving them the reality that we’re going to take care of their kid can go further. ” the question lingers between them, throat vibrates with a slight chuckle. “ valid question, but i went home last night and wasn’t on-call. my shift started two hours ago. ”

#eli + tess : 01 #pinkauras.

it takes everything in cyrus not to immediately roll his eyes, trying to channel his inner cole in that moment. "obvious it's fully numbed," he answers in a sarcastic tone, opting not to swear in front of a patient, even if the patient in question isn't paying attention. that's an improvement for him. maybe coop's bullshit classes were paying off. "too tight. you're cuttin' off blood flow." cyrus answers simply, not looking up from where he drapes the wound. "follow what i'm doin'," he adds, not bothering to explain as he goes -- in his opinion, the kid should already know this. it's the basics he should be able to do in his sleep. "if it's too tight the shit is gonna tear and open up again." cyrus explains, glancing at eli to confirm he's actually watching -- and hadn't been distracted by that blonde intern walking by or something. "you gotta approximate, not strangulate."

tongue is bitten the longer cyrus speaks, hands behind his back to clench into fists before relaxing, out of the sight of his superior. a sharp comeback on the brink, but refusing to show disobedience in front of a patient, remembering various things that were said at the patient satisfaction seminar earlier in the year. “ okay. ” simply agreeing, knowing better than to argue with the trauma surgeon. eli had attempted in the past to break through the icy exterior that cyrus was prone to having, and quickly coming to the conclusion that he was never going to be respected until he proved himself — part of the intern thankful that cyrus wasn’t providing him special treatment due to his last name and family association; a challenge to overcome. eyes stay focused on the task, moving a step closer to make sure that he’s watching the proper technique with a sharp nod of his head. “ approximate, not strangulate. okay, i can do that. ” he states, grabbing hold of a near-by chair to sit himself down beside the surgeon.

#eli + cyrus : 02 #silverskies.

— it breeds eternal misery. @gcldensage - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag