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genesis: chapter 33 (ao3 link)

I haven't told anyone, just like we promised, have you?

#happy 100k to my bby <333333 #time to write the next chapter wooooooo #let's get crazy!#title credit: old friend by mitski!!!!#edited by the sleepiest girl ever hopefully it's alright wooo

diary entry number 182828811 about genesis but even though obviously mc does not have a name name, the use of names in genesis is so important to me and ultimately makes it a bitch to write (in terms of tense and whether or not someone knows their real name at that moment of time). but for mc her entire life has been manufactured by the men surrounding her and she has very little self identity, so when her fate gets sealed to tenko he knows her true birth name, altered name (last name switched to match his) and fake name. touya is provided her fake name initially but then ultimately gives her the Eve name and eventually learns her full real name. and then keigo actually starts off with the altered name and is forced to adopt the fake name for a small moment before he’s able to return to the altered one and then finally her real one. natsuo only knows the altered one. and yes this is so confusing but sort of my point in this is that there are moments where tenko will be like he (natsuo) doesn’t even know your real name (but you’ve always known his) and the whole fact that the entirety of your relationship with keigo you only know him by a fake name and it’s like. Touya is Dabi for the LONGEST time until a critical moment where he gives you just his first name but not the full one and it’s a CRITICAL MISTAKE. okay spiraling on main but. the order in which it happens is so sad to me. like we are all liars lying to each other trying to figure each other out ugh

#cannot write this coherently it’s just like #genuinely so depressing to me they’re all hiding #nobody can be themselves and it’s a mess

I love getting real wedges of cheese but sometimes I just want that fake ass Kraft parm that is somehow shelf stable before opening oh my god

#it’s so bad and dry….. but good #Like NDJSJSKSKSKSKAK

I found the twin peaks series (s1-s2) to actually be scarier than the fwwm movie. Probably says a lot about me but nothing is scarier to me than open ended plot or insinuation without full answers regarding serious themes so I was making this terrifically horrible thing of it and of course it IS but the movie is so forward about it that it made me feel like…. Well yes of course this makes sense and that makes sense. It is kind a film to me that feels like going through someone’s diary and being like oh that’s why this happened xyz. Truly horrific in its own sense but I felt more just sad and that everything had a name to it. Anyway Laura just as Albert says is just like any other high school girls and that is the truth

#moving into season 3 now we’re on a full Lynch diet #Anyway absolutely beautiful movie I loved every scene #Movie made me trust Lynch 100% like #Some horror/drama directors make me genuinely terrified in a bad way #In a we’re going to make the victim the villain and make you feel sick #Like how people interpret obsession and the movie barbarian #I have real life beef with Creggar lmao #anyway this made me feel terrified and sick as well but she is HUMAN and real to me #It didn’t feel like a man writing just to play with women in a disgusting way it felt like #Laura was real and is real and let’s talk about that beyond the soap opera curtain #Anyway I did not find it scary at all I could watch that on loop every day DNDIAJJWKWW #Aleks was right that is my bread and butter like #I loved it so much I love when things are done properly and we can tell the director CARES

finished all of twin peaks (s1 & s2) time to start the movie I fear

#pray for me I feel so scared already #have lost all motivation with writing too just bc it’s like #idk I feel a little what is the point of it all rn so #time to spiral perhaps and then maybe I’ll post the next chapter despite it all #also had a very—too important at work—sort of week so I’m drained

just feel asleep on the couch while watching a twin peaks episodes it’s so over

#I am trying to finish it so bad #I am exhausted tho I was in a 6 hour meeting where #My screen was shared and we were actively working the entire time JDKDNSKSKS #and now I’m dead I hate being hash tag important

yeahhhh after the reveal the show kind of dies doesn’t it

#at least I’m not scared anymorw #The anxiety I felt waiting for something to happen….#anyway Lucy best character perhaps #Cooper too but Lucy consistently is great

favorite moment in flavor of love history it makes me cry laughing every time like

#scream #like he’s literally 😭😭😭😭#the scenes where flav is looking at the wall of all those girls #big Rick just nodding at everything bye #no but fr when he rolled out like this I died #clearly he’s a sticker like I use this shit often

Omfg I’ve missed your writing so much! The Moment was my comfort fic. I cannot tell you how many times I reread it. I was in a terrible relationship at the time (for 12 years lmao) and I remember relating to reader so heavily. I wanted someone to love me and appreciate me the way Eren did the reader. The Moment was my favorite series, but all of your works are phenomenal. I’m so happy that I came across you again! Last I knew you had been finishing up your degree! I hope things are going well :)

That’s so sweet I am so sorry for it being gone :’). I wrote that fic for the exact same reason, I was just getting out of my first long term relationship and realizing live time how absolutely toxic and manipulative it was and really wanted that the moment Eren figure in my life. It was so fun to write for that reason it was majorly my healing project. Thank you for being so kind I really appreciate it because sometimes I just look back on those things and feel like I was being silly and over dramatic. I am doing well I am little miss academic but I still love writing so I’m trying to fit it in as best I can. It is actually so much more interesting to write in the mindset I have now I am just pouring everything into my silly little project now with a much more mature brain lol. Hope you are doing well too and thank you so much for these asks. Mwah!

#so sweet :’)#I actually did try to find it today and couldn’t however…..#I found a lot of my other fics and was reading through them half cringing half like yeah that’s 100% my writing lol #I would love to sort of redo a lot of them and really the moment to me sort of #Lost momentum once they started dating officially I am sooooo bad at happy things #The little freak in me is like okay they’re happy now what shut the docs #but in my brain the way that story ended was just them living happily ever after and really just having fun!

Pause. Is this The Mari™? Mari as in the author of my all time favorite fic series, The Moment? That Mari?

hello and yes!!!! I almost completely forgot about that fic I genuinely deleted all of the writing off my hard drive because I am impulsive <333 I did not even know people remembered its name this makes me feel sentimental hi :’)

#I am almost certain I have maybe some form of a copy of it????#I don’t know where though #This is so sweet though hi T_T #the moment eren you are gone but not forgotten

babybel cheese is a perfect cheese idc

#I love all cheeses but sometimes #sometimes the perfect thing is just a babybel

this show has me craving a cup of coffee, donuts, and pie like nothing in this world omg

#know what I am doing for breakfast tomorrow #so funny bc I talked myself out of donuts this morning #sugar makes me so nauseous but …#I must now I must

men will really tell you to keep the house clean and spotless and then said house isn’t even finished like ???

#how did she even end up with this bum I need the backstory #that house is 10% finished like what is she even supposed to clean…. dry wall isn’t even there yet #Shelly girl I am rooting for you though

officially started the pilot for twin peaks…. all of the cars are so cool

#old bronco alert I hate the new broncos so bad they piss me OFF #also yes knowing the full plot does kind of ruin this experience bc I heard the man name drop and was like oh brother #but this is still interesting to me #Knew it was like soap opera esc and bad acting on purpose but wow

starting twin peaks pray 4 me

#just hit the buy boxset button scream

you know how sometimes cars look like they're just going to start talking to you like

#pls tell me I'm not alone with this #supra a80 can't keep a secret for its life #look at that grille it giggles and shit smh

the biggest crime I've ever committed was that one fic where I gave eren a family dog and named them "freedom" and I was so serious too

#I think about this ALL of the time HAHAHHHAAHAH #no bc what compelled me to do that #this is why I should have never written for aot I cannot be normal ab it #like girl wtf T_T

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a drink that's watered down