Down the Rabbit Hole. @georgieeverson-blog - Tumblr Blog

Life kicks you around sometimes. It scares you and beats you up, but there’s a day when you realize you’re not just a survivor, you’re a warrior. You’re tougher than anything it throws your way. You are.

One Tree Hill (via deeplifequotes)

xpeyton-sawyerx

teddywestside

“You think I was gonna let a piece of shit take Brooke Davis from me? Chase me out of MY home? A girl I made? A character I cherished? Fuck. That. I deserved to keep her.” -Sophia Bush

georgieeverson-blog

My psychologist once asked me if i ever thougt about killing myself. My answer? No i have never thought about killing myself, but I have thought about how lovely it may be to not exsist. I didnt say it to be dramatic im not writing it to be poetic, I’m not even sure why i think about it so much or why i think wirting it down may help me? maybe writing it will help me understand why i feel this way? or maybe to find out if anyone else feels the same way? My life isnt bad, nothing trumatic has happened to me thus far but god forbid if i hear “be happy, other people have it worse “ When i say or I write I dont like my life, i dont like who I am; I feel guilty and ashamed because I know Other people have it worse than me and I know im the only one in my life that can make any change but i feel so hopelessy lost in transition and incapable to make any decisions. Instead I linger on how splendid it might be to not have to. To not have to wake up, brush my hair that wont grow to not have to count the imperfections in the mirror that i should love because they make me “unique and interesting” but never “beautiful and sexy” (yes im a walking cliche) I think it would be quite nice to not have to think about what i’m going to be doing for a career and not have to think of a compelling lie when people ask ,because “i dont know” is not acceptable anymore.How good it would be to not have to go to a job I hate to pay for bills and food and all the inbetween things that i never asked for but have to do to survive in this world. I like to think about what it would feel like to not be constantly missing someone, ive had that dull ache in my heart since the tender age of 8. its apart of me now and who i am but sometimes i think ,i wish i wasnt here to have people to miss. i would never want to make my family feel that way about me but i do dream to not exisit, to not have to pretend and fake and lie and think of excuses. it would be swell to just be nothing, i know this all seems terribly mundane but i dont know how to explain not wanting to do anything and feeling like theres no point in doing anything, not because of what i look like or because of my job and the friends i keep simply because i think it would be nicer to not have to stress and worry and think about life and why im here and what im doing and what im going to be and why i feel like nothing matters .so no i dont think about killing myself and my heart is sore for the people that have and do think about it and all the people that have lost someone to suicide and im sorry if i seem selfish or ungreatful. im not i am just numb and constantly searching for ways and things and people to make me stop thinking that nothing would be better than anything. i dont know if that makes sense? at the end of the day i know i have to be the one to do it, to see the beauty in things and to appreciate the small things but then i think itd be nice to not have to feel like i should care about the little things. I DONT KNOW!?!? im sorry if i offended anyone in this post its not my intentions and if anyone does think about harming themself im always here to chat and just listen.

my late night thoughts have turned into rambles and i apologize.

georgieeverson-blog

Still feel this way-2018

itscaroleftinthedark

My psychologist once asked me if i ever thougt about killing myself. My answer? No i have never thought about killing myself, but I have thought about how lovely it may be to not exsist. I didnt say it to be dramatic im not writing it to be poetic, I’m not even sure why i think about it so much or why i think wirting it down may help me? maybe writing it will help me understand why i feel this way? or maybe to find out if anyone else feels the same way? My life isnt bad, nothing trumatic has happened to me thus far but god forbid if i hear “be happy, other people have it worse “ When i say or I write I dont like my life, i dont like who I am; I feel guilty and ashamed because I know Other people have it worse than me and I know im the only one in my life that can make any change but i feel so hopelessy lost in transition and incapable to make any decisions. Instead I linger on how splendid it might be to not have to. To not have to wake up, brush my hair that wont grow to not have to count the imperfections in the mirror that i should love because they make me “unique and interesting” but never “beautiful and sexy” (yes im a walking cliche) I think it would be quite nice to not have to think about what i’m going to be doing for a career and not have to think of a compelling lie when people ask ,because “i dont know” is not acceptable anymore.How good it would be to not have to go to a job I hate to pay for bills and food and all the inbetween things that i never asked for but have to do to survive in this world. I like to think about what it would feel like to not be constantly missing someone, ive had that dull ache in my heart since the tender age of 8. its apart of me now and who i am but sometimes i think ,i wish i wasnt here to have people to miss. i would never want to make my family feel that way about me but i do dream to not exisit, to not have to pretend and fake and lie and think of excuses. it would be swell to just be nothing, i know this all seems terribly mundane but i dont know how to explain not wanting to do anything and feeling like theres no point in doing anything, not because of what i look like or because of my job and the friends i keep simply because i think it would be nicer to not have to stress and worry and think about life and why im here and what im doing and what im going to be and why i feel like nothing matters .so no i dont think about killing myself and my heart is sore for the people that have and do think about it and all the people that have lost someone to suicide and im sorry if i seem selfish or ungreatful. im not i am just numb and constantly searching for ways and things and people to make me stop thinking that nothing would be better than anything. i dont know if that makes sense? at the end of the day i know i have to be the one to do it, to see the beauty in things and to appreciate the small things but then i think itd be nice to not have to feel like i should care about the little things. I DONT KNOW!?!? im sorry if i offended anyone in this post its not my intentions and if anyone does think about harming themself im always here to chat and just listen.

my late night thoughts have turned into rambles and i apologize.