Ghetto Hikes

I'm 28. I have a full time job leading urban kids (of all races) on nature hikes. I simply write down shit they say. [email protected]

[ghettohikes]

"We out in nature dawg, ain't no need to use dictionary words like 'beverage.’ "

[ghettohikes]

“E.J. back there havin’ a starin’ contest with da sun, slowin' down the whole pack… homeboy shoulda gone to Space Camp.”

[ghettohikes]

“Mr. Cody, I ain't no snitch or nuffin' but Denny back there shovin’ colored rocks in his pockets. Homie lootin’ the forest!”

[ghettohikes]

"Is rabbits eatable? Or you just s'posed to cuddle the fuck outta them?"

[ghettohikes]

“Yo Mr. Cody, how many these mushrooms I gotta eat fo’ I Super Mario da fuck outta dis place?”

[ghettohikes]

“I thought Lamar done snuck his puppy Jason on da trip, turns out that crazy ass just makin’ shadow puppets.”

[ghettohikes]

"If Jackie T. get stung by a snake, who gunna suck out da poisons? That bitch smell like garbage water."

[ghettohikes]

"HEY! Mr. Cody say no more Jelly Bellys if you usin' swear words. Holy shit! Yolanda got a pina colada bean!"

[ghettohikes]

"Hey Dustin! Getcha ass ova here! We buildin' bird feeders! Peanut butter pinecone craft time motherfucka!"

[ghettohikes]

Mervin goes hunting for Snipes

Mervin was a curious, extroverted camper. Always keeping up with the front of the pack, mainly just to ask questions.

“What you mean they’ze Snipes?”  Mervin inquired.

Obviously, the old folklore of “Hunting Snipes” had never been imparted on these children.

“Yea Mervin, there are these wild animals out here called Snipes.” I said, looking down to see Mervin, keeping pace, snacking on a pack of Nutter Butters. “They actually eat Nutter Butter’s too”

Mervin’s face was all the response I needed. Totally oblivious to my sarcasm, he had bought the story. Mervin slowed his pace to relay the story to his fellow hikers.

We had hiked another mile and then settled to camp for the night. Through dinner and the evening fire, I heard nothing about my Snipe story from Mervin or any other camper.

I only awoke to this:

[ghettohikes]

"We thought Thurman ova there havin' a seizure, turns out he just excited about nature."

[ghettohikes]

"Mr. Cody, hook me up wit a glue stick… I'mma cut and paste this fuckin' orange leaf into my memories book."

[ghettohikes]

"Them sheeps is funny lookin… Homie wearin' a snuggie full time."

[ghettohikes]

"I'mma sneak one dem tadpoles in De'Shawn's ingredients bag, or whateva you call it… trail mixers."

[ghettohikes]

"Rocks, sticks, rivers... Needa come out here with my fuckin' art supplies, paint alllllll this beautiful shit."

[ghettohikes]

"Quinton's fat ass waaaay back there. Homie can't keep his pants up. Tryna borrow a belt, I'm like nobody here wear size Equator!"

[ghettohikes]

"Mr. Cody, this cool but next time I get my cousin D'wayne to deliver us Papa Johns. D'wayne turn these woods into a pizza party forest."