I Had A Dream I Saw A Rainbow

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That feeling when you want to be anybody but yourself.

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Have you ever been so pissed when you’re texting someone that you want to throw your fucking phone away?

Yeah.

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I love that the first thing I do during my designated alone time is pay bills and download PowerPoints from my classes this summer that I didn’t get before. I’ve officially become An Adult.

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I'm thinking of doing the bullet journal thing because it seems like fun. BUT, problem is that over-planning sometimes stresses me out more than no planning, so I don't know. Maybe I'll buy a cheaper notebook in case it doesn't work out.

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And now, of course, my brain is expecting something horrible to happen in the near future.

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My therapy session yesterday was the first session I’ve ever had where I didn’t have anything to complain about. I did talk about some things that bother me, but then every time I did, I was like, “But I totally coped with it this way, and then I was fine.” So by the end, my therapist was like, “Um...I have nothing to suggest. Literally nothing. Good job!”

It was so fucking weird. I’ve never had a session where I just celebrated how well everything is going. I almost felt bad that I didn’t have an unresolved problem. Lol

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I’m now in a relationship with that guy I was talking about.

Like wtf, what is my life.

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Sooooo, I’ve been talking to this guy I met on Craigslist for like a week and a half. I’m still not sure what all of my feelings are about all of this since he’s not the kind of guy I usually go for, and those sort of thoughts pop up sometimes. But inexplicably, I like him a lot so far.

He is a huge dork, possibly a bigger dork than me (which I didn’t believe possible). I guess I relate because I feel like a bumbling idiot 90% of the time. And every time we have talked on Skye or on the phone, we end up talking for two or three hours. That’s pretty cool. 

Just hope it doesn’t become one of those situations where we run out of stuff to talk about quickly.

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MMMMMMMMMMBOP

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Never trust dudes on the internet. Seriously.

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Voguing and/or drag queens have an almost supernatural ability to cheer me up.

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I just received a paycheck for the first time in almost 3 months. 

MAKING AN INCOME AGAIN IS AMAZING.

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Okay, I love fall as much as the next person, but y’all need to calm down. I’ve been seeing these “sweaters, pumpkin spice lattes, halloween” posts since the middle of June, I swear.

EDIT: Also, pumpkin spice lattes are teeeeeerrible.

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I had this good conversation with my therapist the other day about the concept of “wholeness.” Basically, you don’t try to be happy all the time, and accept your whole range of emotions, even the painful and negative ones. I’ve heard people say stuff like “be in touch with your emotions” or “accept the good and the bad,” but I guess it never hit home until we talked about it in terms of wholeness.

Accepting negative emotions is hard. So goddamn hard. I didn’t realize how hard I was working (and am still working) to keep the negative stuff at bay until recently. I’ve gone so far since a year and a half ago, and yet missing pieces that I didn’t even know were gone keep popping up. It’s fucking crazy.

At least it keeps life less boring.

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How did I get so bitter?

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Ughhhh how am I still jetlagged?? It's been a full week already since I got back from Greece.

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Writing from Greece! We went to a beach today. It was fucking awesome - the water was so clear I could see the bottom.