Hey Porter.

always lost.

[gameraboy]

[dankmemes]

Savoie, France

[cold-earth-connection]

[girlfromthe-north]

“i think we still exist somewhere in the universe behind the sun where all of earth’s abandoned soulmates go to rest i think i can see us when i look up at the sky and squint directly into the rays of light, your brown eyes burning into mine i think we are together in the time that trails behind the present, dancing in circles until the last stars fizzle out i think that our promises seeped into the soil, like february rain, our souls sown together, tucked in beneath the world i think what we had is somewhere just out of reach, pulsing in the dim spaces between heat lightning and although, in this lifetime, we became nothing but shadows, monsters that linger on bedroom walls we are there, we are alive, and we are still in love.”

— m.k. | see you there (via tsktsks)

[upknorth]

[old-hopes-and-boots]

[thatkindofwoman]

I do the leaving. 

I pack up my feelings into a small space in my chest, and I move towards the exit. I remember how it felt, the last time. I remember every “last time” I’ve had with people I care about.

I remember the sound of my feet against the floor. I remember the click of the apartment door, and the slight slam of the car door. I remember watching your back as you went through security, before crisply leaving the airport.  But, I leave. I leave first, and I leave.

I leave and I cry in my car in the 20 minute maximum parking lot. I leave and I cry in the passenger seat of my car as my friend Shawn drives us away. I leave and I sob, messy, and unforgiving. I laugh, and yell. I leave broken voicemails on my friend’s phone where I’m convincing myself more than her that I made the right choice. 

I leave, and I look back countless times… but not until a year, or three, or even 5 years later when I sit down and stare at the blinking cursor and think about what I want to write about. I look back after a horrible date, I look back after I stumble across a poem, or song starts over the speakers. 

I do the leaving, and then the leaving does me in. 

[mardlua]

[water-aesthetics]

[convexly]

[grayskymorning]

Mio Monasch

[jasonincalifornia]

Joshua Tree Sunset and Moon rise.

Society6

[girlfromthe-north]

Was supposed to be back here next month but there’s another cancelled booking 💀

[liquidlightandrunningtrees]

“and we drink our coffee and pretend not to look at each other.”

— Charles Bukowski, Luck

[convexly]

[birdasaurus]

Miren Alos

[girlfromthe-north]

oh god they call and i see them and hear them laugh and i miss home like never before. momma has a new home and dad’s is emptier than before but they still call to me; the mountains bend a little to the east as if to ask me to follow them home. I’ll be home for Christmas is what I thought, but it’s been 9 years since I’ve left, and 3000 miles to the west during a pandemic on lockdown might as well be a universe away. If only in my dreams.

But home is also here. Solidarity around a fire truck, beers at the studio, arms welcoming me to my little sanctuary. Promises of lion king binges in a basement I’ve adopted and lights on a tree here when I’m awake enough to put one up and my best friend’s arms around me as he promises a better year ahead. Days of silence and a moment of pause before he says I didn’t know you sang and him saying she only sings now when she’s a little bit drunk and high on the familiarity of those who accept her for the person she hid for so long. unplowed roads and folks who come along with a thermos when I’ve got nothing left. I’ve got no family but I’ve got so much love and maybe that’s all I’ve been looking for all along. They ask if I’ll settle down again but fuck why settle when I have people who light a fire in me and make me want to come alive?

[outofreception]

West on highway 14