-feel free to adjust to better fit your muse’s speech!
“I, um… might have… had something to, uh… do with that…”
“Oh, no. I know that look. I know what that look means. Absolutely not.”
“Can you stop being weird about it for five seconds?”
“Why is the plural of moose still moose? Why not meese?”
“I almost caught myself on fire…”
“There’s nothing to worry about, but I’d stay out of the kitchen for a while.”
“Big deal - I bet I could do that with [my hands/one hand tied behind my back/blindfolded/in x amount of time/backwards].”
“I might’ve befriended a mafia boss…”
“You know what I want right now? [Sender’s favorite food].”
“Touch that and I will hit you with a spoon.”
“Do I actually want to know or will I be better off not knowing? Because I feel like I’ll be better off not knowing.”
“Do you think snails have feelings?”
“Why is Christmas such a big deal? Is it because of capitalism?”
“Have you ever had a wish come true by throwing a coin into a fountain?”
“Hey. What’s going on with you and [name]?”
“You know… I think I should… go.”
“Nope, sorry, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
“Wait. Did I say left? Heh, I meant to say right.”
“Yeah, of course I speak another language! …It just might not come in handy unless we go to a Star Trek convention…”
“Look, I know I said I could handle a lot of things, but that is not one of them.”
“Well, we have six minutes until we need to leave! …Never mind, make that four minutes. Actually, we should just leave now.”
“I’ve never felt this way before…”
“I bet I could fight a swarm of bees.”
“Have you ever gotten a stuffed animal from a claw machine?”
“Sure, I can do a magic trick. I’ll make that whole tub of ice-cream disappear in ten minutes.”
“Why is it the cake that’s a lie? Why isn’t it the pie?”
“What would you do if you had a million dollars right now?”
“No, no. When I said kids, I meant kids as in goat babies. Not human babies.”
“The only thing straight about me are my grades from [middle school].”
“Yeah, I’ve been to [place]. Once. It was… the worst.”
“Don’t be ridiculous - of course you need me. Who else is going to annoy you?”
“Look, I know you probably don’t want to see me right now, but… I had nowhere else to go.”
“What are you going off about?”
“Of course you’re my hero! How could you not be?”
“Would you rather have a pet shark or a pet whale?”
“Oh, wow… You… you look absolutely stunning…”
“Hypothetically speaking… what if I got a [puppy/kitten]?”
“Come on, talk to me. What’s going on? Was it something I did?”
“I’ll pay you ten bucks to fight me.”
“Congratulations! You played both of us.”
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