IT TAKES JASON A MOMENT TO DIGEST THE WORDS BEING SAID TO HIM, a big moment,IT’S EASY TO SEE the clockwork in jason’s brain working. HE FEELS SO MUCH IN SO LITTLE TIME, it’s difficult, god suddenly the air is too heavy to breath, he’s shocked….definitely shocked, never in a million years would he guess that RICHIE LIKED HIM THAT WAY. WANTED. THAT.for how long? how different would things be? why didn’t he know about this?
HIS MOUTH PARTS, he’s trying to think of something to say…there’s so much to actually say,THANK YOU? I LIKE YOU TOO? it’s almost unbelievable to him at first, HE’S SUDDENLY EMBARRASED and the guilt is worse, he didn’t mean to drag him along, not like this, it’s just that part in him that wouldn’t ever believe richie could or would feel that way for him. HE MEETS HIS GAZE, and he knows this isn’t just a thing he said to mess with him, he knows. BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. ( yes, he might HAVE, as in currently occuring, a thing for richie, BUT WHO WAS HE to run the risk of ruining their friendship over something so fucking selfish?, because that’s what it was, it never crossed his mind that richie would feel something like this )
HE FROWNS “…do…uh, do you still want to ?– would you still want to be that…for me? ”should he be asking that? no. no, he shouldn’t. he might not like the answer to that…but he’s hopeful, he’s been hurt, he doesn’t know how much hurt he can take…and to possibly carry the guilt of fucking over that one thing that WOULD’VE BEEN GREAT, it would break him. IT HAS HIM IN THE EDGE OF TEARS, not for the fear of rejection, but what in the end that rejection would represent. he’s utterly convinced ( was utterly manipulated into thinking) that he wouldn’t ever be able to get up from his falling out with dan, that he wouldn’t be liked, cared for. IN THE END, HE FEELS UNLOVEABLE and he’s scared for that to turn out to be true.
lips dry and paler than usual, licked over in a rush to get the words out ― to get some words out, at least. what’s the point of being the group’s designated trashmouth if not even the trash wants to leave past the mouth? richie’s never been good at this, confirmed by literally everyone who ever tried having a serious conversation with him. THIS ONE, THOUGH ― THIS HE CLEARLY CARES ABOUT. it’s shown in the way that he’s sticking with it, going with the confession flow, not backing out, not turning it into a joke. even if the ugly fear of being rejected, of ruining their friendship itches him to do so.
it’s hard to read from the passing expressions on jason’s face. not usually, just now. just now, because his own mind is swimming and on fire at the same time. richie’s gaze gets a bit hazy; he tries to keep it focused on jason, but it wants to shy away; brows furrow, teeth gnaw on the lower lip, already a little split from the constant stressed chewing. hands are restless, first placed on top of the knees that stick out of the ripped jeans, then patting pockets of the jacket in a search for cigarettes. NO. richie scolds himself mentally. NOT NOW, COME ON. BE A BIG BOY ABOUT IT.
a soft huff of a laugh shakes his shoulders, barely turns his lips into a smile and it’s filled with the slightest bit of frustration ― because, how can jason even be asking that? ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? richie hates himself for being so obvious sometimes, for being so jealous, so mean, so sharp about it, gosh, he wishes he could be softer, he wishes he could be ROMANTIC. but he’s richie, so he just scoots a little bit closer, sheepish, a crooked barely there smile on his face; he’s going to throw this love punch even if he’s unsure if and where it might land. “YEAH. YEAH I WOULD. WILD, I KNOW. I JUST ― I DUNNO, I JUST FEEL A LOT. IT’S A WHOLE FUCKING LOT OF FEELINGS, J.”
theartofmadeline
titsay
2087
tangentwithtanner
