HIM: Ahhh...That's sweet...but in a world that's gonna burn up. That's the QUADRUPAL C I'm talk'in 'bout. CLEGHORN'S CATASTROPHIC CLIMATE CUCKHOLD. We've been cheatin' on this here climate...We've been assfucking it with no lube. We've been throat fucking it, dicking it, raping it in the crotch with fancy equipment, dumping in its face with pleasure. Now...climate has found out...and it's not going to bother taking us to court. It's going to rape us in the mouth and lungs and guts. We're all going down drowning in a bucket of our feces soaked bloody cum. But...nice video Steve. It's cute. I liked it.
Me: Ya, but, no guilt man, it's not like it's our fault. We're just playing out the logic of our system. Cute cat's and interspecies love shows are evidence of a higher power. The climate won't totally crap out until 2100 and by then the scientists and engineers will have invented all kinds of neat things that will make the moon feel like club med. It's a big responsibility being at the top of the food chain no doubt but even people make mistakes. You can't expect all Watsons to become Holmeses overnight. I think we need more Sasha Baron Cohens not less. Think of the genius of entertainment and what it does for all of us and don't fall into the scam that I fell for about edutainment and all. At any rate, I guess that even with my Westworld lower body transplant, my new printed internal organs and all the finely honed skills that my personal trainer brings to my life; all evidence indicates that my brain will crap out at one hundred and twenty years old or so. I mean, no one lives forever. And I ain't uploading my shit into a computer. No way! What I'm really trying to say is that I don't go for heaven because I don't want my companionship for more than another fifty or sixty years or so, and I don't think I'm that central to the musings of the Universe. I can try to imagine what life will be like on Earth after people but without people to call it Earth or live on Earth will there be anything anyway? I mean what does a crocodile think anyway? Do crocodiles contemplate ontology? Like that Drake equation; once we're gone maybe we weren't actually here? No, but your right, I guess there will be a uniform layer of tech waste buried deep underground for the alien worm archeologists to find and ponder. I guess that's something. Our species has been here for two hundred and twenty thousand years or so and fossil fuel burning only started in the mid-nineteenth century and I can say with pretty much certainty that I wouldn't have had an iMac without those fossil fuels. Carbon-based life forms made all this possible. I can jump like a cat now with my Westworld lower body implant. I bet Benjamin Franklin couldn't do that, even with all his enlightenment; his electric kite, and his African American girlfriends. He didn't crack the carbon atom. Loser! That's something, right? It's been a good ride and it's going to continue to be a good ride. I know people live in the moment. They aren't worried about future generations. That wouldn't be economical. I'm just pissed off because I wasn't born a psychopath and haven't quite learned how to be a sociopath yet. I'm employing a cognitive behavioural psychologist now to help me get over my bleeding heart bull shit narrative and embrace greed. I know that what I really want to do is make videos of myself unboxing luxury goods. I also need to get rich so I can have a few anecdotes about my philanthropic adventures and experiences. If you aren't rich you can't do anything to help anybody, anyway. You know, when you are a budding Buddhist/Stoic who does mindfulness meditation every morning for five minutes you don't really get emotional about things like the climate changing. If you look back far enough in history with your science toolkit and stuff you can see that the climate changes all the time, it's just that our human timeline is kind of short compared with the geological timeline. But man, didn't we invent a lot of cool toys in the last one hundred and seventy-five years since we hacked that there carbon atom? We may be a bit spoiled by our wonderful civilisation, and I know, I, like you, feel bad that we weren't part of the greatest generation and didn't participate in killing Japs or Nazis, we never made moonshine and killed to protect our turf; we never dropped napalm on a village or nothing but that doesn't mean that we can't embrace climate change and make it our Hiroshima our Mount Vesuvius. We can also be great buddy - you just have to learn how to embrace that tragicalness of our own times. See damn song? I mean, see what I'm saying? Wait, I just reread your note (well written, by the way) and I see that you do indeed see damn song. I am not alone. You make me happy dude, thanks for that. It's 35C and 90% humidity in the shade here so I'm going to go out and sweat under a tree and drink a big old O-bin of that there Japanese sake, just like in the olden days in Kamakura. Now that I have my organ printer I'm not afraid of heart attacks anymore. I'm just afraid I won't be able to embrace my greed before climate change brings down Amazon.com or my brain craps out. But that's ok, it's ok to be a bit afraid. I'm going to dream about unboxing a Bentley when I'm getting shit faced. That will make me feel even better than I did after reading your note for the third time. Take good care Buddy. Have a great day or night or whatever. P.S. Thanks for getting the Cleghorn's Catastrophic Climate Cuckold, I'm glad someone's listening. It's kind of flattering and my ego has been a bit tender lately since a friend of mine who works for Goldman Saches outed me and my Westworld lower body implant during the Lantau Beer Dash last Sunday. I was telling everyone that I've been spending time at the gym every morning after my five minutes of meditation with my personal trainer and my CBT therapist.
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