Crónicas de una vida jodia.

Raspate pal carajo.

[gluttony18]

Why when I want to leave

You want me to stay?

[gluttony18]

It’s the nonstop feeling of having your heart broken.

Finding out that not every thing that your heart wished for isn’t real.

It hurts so much, to the point of wanting to rip your heart out.

Maybe if you told me once in a while that things are okay…

But I feel that I make things worse.

[gluttony18]

I have noticed.

the absence.

Gone.

It's gone.

[gluttony18]

Sad

I have no words to describe it

It hurts.

I want it to stop hurting, but I'm not sure how.

The hill is high, the water is blue.

I can't see the bottom, it's too dark.

It's like an abyss, calling out for me.

Maybe that way, the hurt will go away.

I dream of floating, maybe it will feel like flying.

Maybe this is the closest I can get to it, maybe, maybe.

Maybe this way I will know. Maybe, maybe.

[gluttony18]

It doesn't exist anymore, the silence.

The constant reminder that it does not matter what happens.

The little details that I see everyday.

I'm slowly getting number as the days go by.

[gluttony18]

Te has intentado matar? Si tú respuesta es si, por qué no lo has logrado?

Varias veces, pero no lo logro pq pienso en mis gatos :)

[gluttony18]

Cuando fue la última vez que te sentiste feliz?

No recuerdo, la verdad.

[gluttony18]

Has hablado con un psicólogo?

No. De hecho, cuando era nena, roge que por favor me llevaran a uno por que sabia que necesitaba ayuda. Solo me forzaron a una iglesia y mi concepto a los psicologos no ha sido la misma. Algun dia, tho.

[gluttony18]

You have a home, a husband that loves you, parents that care for you and even pets. Why are you still so unhappy when you pretty much have everything?

I don't have everything. I don't have the mental stability that I need. I don't have the mindset to keeps going. Having everything doesn't guarantee happiness.

[gluttony18]

Y no paran.

Los pensamientos suicidas, los pensamientos intrusivos. Lo mas que amo siendo destruido. La impotencia que me da, no poder detener la agonia que me causa mi mente. En fin, mi castigo por existir. :)

[gluttony18]

[gluttony18]

Te odio tanto, jodió cabrón.

[gluttony18]

I’m in that weird state where everything I think goes to the void.

Like there’s nothing there. I don’t understand why I feel off with everything going inside my head. I really hope this is more of a gloomy Sunday kind of effect. I haven’t eaten anything today and I don’t feel like eating at all.

I have been debating on leaving the only thing that makes me happy and not come back. I feel sick. I don’t want to be social, I don’t want to do shit. I just want to hide under a rock and never come out. I have a feeling that I am slowly feeling like a burden, too comfortable in whatever safe space I get offered.

My chest hurts more as time goes by, and I’m not sure how to do this anymore.

[gluttony18]

I’m honestly exhausted.

[gluttony18]

I’m not sure what is wrong with me but for some reason I just want to write nonsense. I feel so off, I fee weird, I fee like something is wrong with me because my emotions are kind of numb. I’m feeling exhausted with myself and all I want to do is hide and forever disappear.

I have been thinking that everything I have been doing is a completely waste of time. I probably get a job that I hate to pay my addiction which i can’t let go for reasons that it makes me feel somewhat alive, but at the same time it tires me. All I want to do is disappear.

I miss my husband.

We can be in the same room the whole day and sometimes it feels like he’s not there. Is nothing wrong, we are okay. Maybe is just me, maybe is my brain being horrible to me.

Maybe I’m sick.

I miss the days where I feel happy.

[gluttony18]

Escúchame, oh tú, que dicen que eres tan bueno.

Quítame este dolor.

[gluttony18]

La desconexión que tengo hacia la realidad se ha tornado tan obvia que me lo recuerdan.

Otra vez, la sensación de remplazo.

Otra vez, la sensación de pena.

Otra vez, el dolor por mis propios caprichos.

Algo que yo misma provoque, algo que yo misma cause, algo que yo misma hice, algo que yo misma forcé.

Yo solo soy una vasija vacía.

[gluttony18]

Otra vez

Aquí estoy

Mirando el reflejo

De lo que era.

De lo que no volveré a ser.

De quien deje de ser.

Solo por complacer a los demás.