Event: On an Amtrak to Vegas
Location: Detroit to Chicago. Then Chicago to New Mexico.
I will tell you one thing…. leaving was genuinely one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I specifically remember leaving my little sister in the Detroit Amtrak station, both of us crying…. probably realizing that although the distance wouldn’t change our love for each other, it would definitely mean that we would be living life outside of one another. As if we were cutting that safety net that always made us feel like we “belonged” somewhere.
For Julius, I more so think he fought that feeling with his son. Realizing he was going to miss out on a lot of firsts. He did, and still does to this day, fight the feeling of being a “deadbeat dad”. I do think it was more important for him to remember that remaining alive, to be able to tell him otherwise, was even more significant than that.
I mean Julius had toured a decent percentage of the world while in the air force. This was going to be mind altering for me…. more so than for him. But I think he knew that if we were ever going to establish something genuine, and liberating, that it couldn’t happen where we were… in the conditions we were in. I think after seeing his cousin murdered in that gas station… after all the guns that had been held to his face just within the year prior… his goal was not to die in Detroit, as his dad did… As most of our loved ones did.
Leaving hurt… but not as much as it would have hurt us if we stayed.
April, 26 2014
@juliusmartell @blackpornmatters @thegaiamonroeshow @goddessgaia-kingjulius