Trigger warning - Pet Loss - Pet Funeral - Death Doula - Beautiful Cremation - below this line
Loki was 18 years old. As old as a grown human child but very old for a feline. There were all the signs. I waited all week as she suffered. I even made sure I asked the doctor to check her first. To be sure it was time.
I've never had a pet live to old age. It's part of being low income and part of having debt and part of spending 1000s to prolonged her suffering. It was very hard to choose the day.
But that's my job. I'm her mother. I'm the caregiver. She's my child.
We went on a firefly walk and listened to the cicadas and frogs. I made sure she was kissed, and groomed, and had a skipjack tuna lunch before. I gave her the softest blanket. I put fresh catnip flowers in her carrier.
Thing is - I was prepped to sit shiva. Like 5-10 minutes as she fell asleep. It's different now. One shot. She was gone in five seconds. I had my hands on her as it happened. He listened. She was gone.
And we wrapped her in the softest blanket. I put her bundle in the cage.
(There was another couple in the lobby crying over a cat crate and I didn't want them to see the coffin box.)
The beautiful Victorian hat box is filled with Sandalwood, Sage, and Dragons Blood. It has a wrap of altar cloth from all our houses before her sister died. The base is scared earth.
Numb I sat down at home and thought - I needed time to do a bonfire this weekend. I waited till the plan came together in my mind.
Spirit and Science.
Katie cat and I went then picked a flower from every flower in the garden and leaves. Pea flowers. Sunflowers. Marigolds. Elderflower. Zinna. Moonflower leaf, Hollyhock, Clover, and Fleabane. Maple leaf. Catnip. Mint.
(Cocoa caught a tree frog at this point in the catio then immediately took her prey in the house through the cat door!)
Lokie's body was out for the others to visit . I lit incense. I unwrapped her. I sang. I called the campfire sisters.
I set her carefully inside. I covered her in flowers like Maquenda's burial. I wrapped her in the altar cloth. I covered it with black tissue paper and then more scared earth. Then more incense. Then lid and black cord. Then sealed it.
Then into a box of pure oak charcoal. Then sealed that. And labeled it. Because we can't burn until the fire dept clears the area again.
I'm storing it in a very hot place. The sacred earth is betonite clay. If you know what that is you know what it does. It won't be long. I have instructions for cremation safely.
Oh my heart. Oh La Muerta. Spare me over for another day.
In the kitchen Fluffy and Cocoa are playing with the spotted Tree Frog on the floor. It's playing dead. This is all good fun. I picked it up.
Thankfully froggy is unscathed. Returned it to the planter. Apologized to the Frog gods. Praised Cattins for their hunterly skills.
It is finished now. I had to wait till Halloween to finish this but it is done. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.
