Who fell first vs who fell harder
Inspired by @itzariafiles, check out her awesome work!
đ Ft. Jake, Tonowari and Aoânung
đ Warnings: Mention of death, some characters may be oc, proofread hopefully
đ Authorâs note: Can you tell I got carried away during jakeâs part, I reached my flow while writing that tbh. My first time writing for Tonowari so please be kind! And as always English isnât my first language so be there might be some mistakes somewhere
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The first time he saw you, you were standing next to his brother. That wide smile plastered on your face made his heart skip a beat. But it wasnât anything serious.
At least thatâs what he told himself.
After all, Tom was the scientist. Tom was the one living that dream life with people like you, while Jake was stuck bouncing between bases and eventually joining the Marines.
Their lives drifted apart the way brothers sometimes do when the world pulls them in different directions.
So just as quickly as you appeared in his life you were gone.
It wasnât like he thought about you all the time.
Sometimes your laugh echoed faintly in the background when Tom called. Sometimes your name slipped into conversations when his brother talked about the team.
Your name stayed in his mind longer than it should have. It was tattooed in his brain like no other.
However he never tried anything with you, never crossed that line.
Tom had made it very clear growing up âstay away from my friends.â
And if he was honest with himself, there was another reason too.
A small part of him always assumed you and Tom were something more.
You worked together, laughed together, chased the same dream together.
Even if an ache in his chest formed at the thought he kept his distance and settled for the scraps of you he got through secondhand stories and occasional phone calls.
That was until everything changed.
The call came years later.
The words didnât feel real.
Jake barely processed anything that came after it. The corporate offer, the explanation, the strange program he was supposed to replace his brother in. Some avatar thing. He didnât even bother remembering the name.
All he knew was that it meant getting on a ship and leaving Earth behind for good.
Maybe that was the point.
For the first time in a while he let a flicker of hope resurface.
Thatâs where he met some of Tomâs old friends.
There was a guy named Norm, or Normie, something like that, rambling on about genetics and neural links while they rolled through the facility.
He didnât really hear a word of what that poor guy was saying, because in that moment his eyes caught the silhouette of a familiar figure. Too familiar.
His hands moved instinctively on the wheels of his chair as he pushed himself forward, faster, heart picking up speed.
He truly hoped to not be hallucinating.
And as you turned Jake cursed quietly under his breath.
He knew it. No doubt about it.
And somehow you were even more beautiful than he remembered.
Across the room, you froze as soon as your eyes met his.
For a split second your heart leapt into your throat.
Because the man rolling toward you looked exactly like Tom.
Your breath caught painfully in your chest, eyes sweeping with tears before reality settled in.
Your eyes burned as the memory of your friend rushed back. The one who had promised you for years that you would stand on Pandora together. The one you only learned had died through strangers.
Your fingers tightened around the pen in your hand as you forced yourself to breathe.
Because you knew this was not Tom, but his twin who you have met in passing once or twice. The face may have been the same but you were able to recognize the difference.
Just then you noticed Norm approaching behind the man.
You stepped forward, wrapping him in a tight hug.
He laughed softly, hugging you back as you both exchanged greetings before pulling away.
As he turned toward Jake, he grinned.
âFascinating how identical twins can be.â
Your eyes slowly lifted to the said twin.
Jake was already staring.
That crooked grin spreading across his face, like he couldnât quite believe you were real.
âLong time no seeâ he said, voice low, different from what you remembered. But then again it was all so fast and it happened years ago.
You hesitated for a moment before stepping closer, extending your hand.
When his hand closed around yours, Jake felt the same thing he had years ago.
That strange little jolt in his chest.
The one he had ignored back then.
Only this time he had a feeling he wasnât going to be able to ignore it.
At first you tried to avoid him the best you could, not wanting to see even a glimpse of him. You knew it was wrong but you could not help but be reminded of Tom every time you saw his face, even if it all shattered right after he opened his mouth.
But the odds were not on your favor, because in every corner you turned, in every room you entered he was there. You started to think he was doing it on purpose.
You didnât even see Grace as often as you saw him. It also didnât help that for the rest of the day you were assigned to help him adjust his body to this new âdouble lifeâ, after Grace declared you to be his teacher, against your better judgement may you add.
Nonetheless you still kept your distance, only polite smiles and essential words, nothing more nothing less. And it wasnât like your relationship was a close one when you first met him. You barely knew the guy outside of Tomâs usual complains. But you did build a somehow immage of him after you picked it apart from your best friendâs stories.
And you knew one thing for sure, he wasnât a serious guy.
But you could have picked that from your average interactions.
How he always had that smug grin plastered on his face that always irritated you, how he always had a smooth one liner that you couldnât lie made you blush a little. And how the guy seemed to be just perfect at what you had been practicing and studying for years.
However the most affected by that part was Norm, after all you didnât go out as much ever since your avatar had been damaged. Nothing bad but you didnât want to risk damaging a million dollar fortune any further, so you opted for staying at the lab and finishing your researches. Something Grace has been on your ass for lately, talking about how you didnât respect deadlines as if you were still in school.
However Jake suprised you one day.
You were both finished with your History lessons about the Navi people, he had decided to stay there as you packed your things. Saying that he wanted to walk you back to your dorm before going.
You rolled your eyes but accepted, after all, even if you were embarrassed to admit it, walking through those halls in the dark alone scared you a little.
A keychain has fallen on the floor from your pencil case. Before you could kneel to pick it up Jake did it for you.
âThank youâ you gave him a little smile, extending your hand to take it back but Jake looked at it attentively for a few minutes, brows furrowed as he turned it around.
âIt was Tommyâsâ you spoke breaking the silence, swallowing back the dreadful feeling that came over you every time you used the past tense. âHe gave it to me before I parted, he thought it would cheer me up for when I came here first.â
Jake could only keep his gaze on the keychain in his hands, before he opened it revealing two picture.
As you squinted your eyes you managed to make up the pictures.
It was you, Tom and Jake.
The first one was of you and Tom, you still remembered the day you took it. It was after you both graduated. That day was special to you because nobody had come to see you, but he was there, supporting you through it.
The second was a picture of the twins, both ten year younger considering how their faces still held that youthful look.
âI..never knew it could openâ you said.
Jake swallowed as his grip on the keychain tightened. You couldnât read what was written next to the pictures but from the way Jake was reacting you knew it was something that must have hit close to home.
âI didnât know he still had that pictureâ Jake finally spoke, voice dripping with something akin to sorrow.
A feeling you could understand clearly.
âHe loved you very muchâ you started and he looked at you with glossy eyes, shaking his head, not sure whenever to believe it or not.
âHe always talked about you⊠mostly to complain about you stealing his foodâ a small smile made its way into your lips as Jake let out a breathless chuckle.
âIt was my fault..â he cleared his throat closing the keychain to give it back to you.
You frowned, looking at him.
The words didnât sit right with you. Your grip tightened around the keychain as you took it back from him.
âNoâ you said, a bit too quickly.
Jake let out a quiet huff, shaking his head.
âYou donât know that.â
Something about the way he said it, closed off, final, irritated you.
âI knew himâ you snapped before you could stop yourself. âBetter than anyone.â
âYou knew one side of him,â Jake shot back.
Silence fell between you. Heavy. Sharp.
You swallowed, chest tightening.
âHow do you know? Youâre not him.â
âI know. And you keep looking at me like you wish I was.â
His words struck you deep.
Because it was the truth not only a few months ago.
But now you felt it too. The difference.
The fact that you both loved the same person⊠in completely different ways.
The way he carried himself in such a charming manner. The typical heartthrob that you used to hate in school, was the same one you could not stop thinking about.
âBut you donât know what Tom was really like. You didnât grow up with him.â He spoke again.
âAnd you werenât there for the rest of his lifeâ you whispered, the words coming out before you could stop them.
And as soon as it left your mouth you regretted it. You wanted to swallow back the words, to force them back down. Because the look he gave you was so vulnerably hurt it made your heart ache.
For a second, you thought heâd argue again. You wished he would. But he didnât. He just looked away.
âYeahâ he muttered. âGuess I wasnât.â
That hurt more than if he had yelled.
Jake rubbed the back of his neck, clearly done with the conversation.
âIâll walk you backâ he said, voice flat again.
You didnât answer. But you didnât refuse either. Your hands reached for your bag without a word before you both made your way to your dorm room. The walk there was filled with a heavy silence, that weighted on your shoulders making it harder to look him in the eyes.
That night, you couldnât stop thinking about him.
You felt him linger outside your door, as if he was trying to come up with something else to say, only to change his mind at the last second. His shadow disappeared soon after.
His name echoed in your mind.
The way his voice sounded when he whispered those words. âIt was my fault.â
The way he held the keychain like it was something fragile, his hands trembling ever so slightly.
The way he didnât fight back in the end.
And thatâs when it hit you.
You wanted to see him again.
You hated that you had been the cause of that look on his face.
You wanted to see him smile, really smile.
To see him try and charm you again. To watch him come back in his avatar body with some random flower he found while training with Neytiri, that wide grin on his face as he handed it to you like it meant something.
You wanted to hear his terrible jokes. The ones that made you roll your eyes⊠but still lingered in your mind longer than they should.
All this time, you had kept your distance.
A ghost of the past lingering in every interaction.
But now you wanted nothing more than to let yourself be free with him.
You could barely remember the time when you couldnât even force a smile.
Because ever since he arrived, you had been doing the opposite, trying to hide your laughter so you wouldnât boost his ego.
And thatâs when the truth settled in. It was unavoidable.
You had fallen for Jake Sully.
And there was no way out.
Tonowari te Tsika'u Arvak'itan
At first yours was nothing more than an arranged alliance between clans. A union decided long before either of you had a say.
You were to be his mate, the future TsahĂŹk beside the future Oloâeyktan because that was what it was decided. And you did not protest, you never did.
You knew your duty, you knew love was not something promised in bonds like these, so you accepted it with quiet grace.
And truthfully you had been fortunate.
Tonowari was not unkind. He was not cold.
He spoke little, yes, but when he did, his voice softened when it reached you. He never forced conversation, never demanded closeness, never expected more than you were willing to give.
Perhaps that was your mistake.
Because somewhere between those lines you fell. Slowly, silently and irrevocably.
Because just as you had no choice in this bond neither did he.
And it would be selfish to assume he could ever feel the same.
So you kept your distance.
Just as he had given you space you had to give him his.
At night, you laid as far from him as possible, careful not to let even your fingers brush against his.
During meals, your gaze stayed fixed on your plate, even when you could feel his on you.
When he spoke, you answered politely and briefly, just the necessary, never more.
Even though you longed for it.
To just sit closer, to lace your fingers with his, to rest your head against his chest and listen to the steady rhythm of his heart as sleep took you both.
What you did not know was that Tonowari was breaking in silence, aching to feel you close by the day.
The distance, the way you turned slightly away when you laid beside him.
At first, he thought he had done something wrong, said something he should not have.
But no matter how many times he went over every word, every interaction he found nothing.
So he came to a different conclusion.
And Tonowari was not a man who would force himself where he was not wanted.
So he respected it, he respected your choice and if it was to avoid him then he shall let it be.
But it did not stop the ache.
He missed you. Immensely.
Missed something he had never truly had.
You were right there, only inches away.
And yet it felt as though an ocean stretched between you. It felt as if the distance was unbridgeable.
He had missed you like the sky missed the warmth of the sun every night.
His body ached to close that distance, to just scoop you up and pull you into his arms. To feel your warmth against him, place his chin atop your head as you both drifted off to sleep. Instead he was left with the quiet sight of your back every single night.
He missed seeing your face, your smile, he missed hearing the soft sound of your laughter and the way you scrunched your nose so adorably whenever something did not please you.
Things he had no right to miss.
And yet he did, more with each passing day.
One night he almost broke.
You had shifted in your sleep, just slightly but it was enough to have your arm brush against his. It was nothing more than a fleeting touch, but it sent a spark through him.
He froze, breath stilling.
You kept inching closer in your sleep, your warmth pressing faintly against his side.
And for a moment he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like if that distance did not exist. If you turned toward him willingly, if you chose him.
His hand hovered just above your arm. So close.
But he stopped, closed his eyes and pulled away because you deserved a choice.
And that was how, without a doubt, he had fallen harder.
Aoânung te Tsika'u Tonowari'itan
You drove him insane. Absolutely mad.
Maybe it was the way you acted so superior. Head high every time you passed by him.
Mouth filled with nothing but sharp words meant to cut him.
He didnât know what made you so stuck up, who filled your heads with such thoughts, but one thing for sure was that the feeling of hatred was mutual.
It was as if you were targeting him specifically.
And perhaps he shouldnât really blame you, he did have a rough past with your siblings. The whole reason that Loâak had almost died was because of him, so at times he had to admit it was somehow âfairâ.
Even if some of your stares were like lighting bolts stabbing his back, he kept quiet.
Well if quiet meant glaring at your turned back and mumbling incoherent complaints underneath his breath, then he was doing pretty good.
And Aoânung was content enough with just hating you honestly, he found it his favorite hobby.
But the whole image of you had shattered the day he had caught you crying. It wasnât really the sobs and tears that surprised him, after all this was a funeral, some tears were expected.
But what he did not except was seeing you sobbing.
You, who always had a snarky remark ready.
Like that one time he was teaching Loâak how to ride an Ilu but the boy kept looking at him with a confused stare, not understanding any of the instructions. And even the most patient person would have snapped in his opinion. But then you strutted with your head above the clouds, already done with your lessons as you showed slowly the technique to your brother, who miraculously had succeeded this time with your help.
You then turned to him and before your mouth could open Aoânung had prepared himself for the worse. âThe one you should be teaching foremost is yourself, strong warrior.â You said it mockingly, eyeing him with a challenging glint in your gaze.
But this time your eyes were glistening with the tears that streamed down your face. You could not even look at the now cold body of your baby brother.
No one seemed to pay attention though. Everyone too focused in their own grief to really pay you mind. But he noticed.
Aoânung felt a pull toward you, almost as if on slow motion he lifted his hand, placing it around your shoulders as he bought you closer.
And to his suprise you had not fought back, just sank into his warm embrace. A comforting silence settled between the two of you, although neither one of you spoke something had changed.
You no longer mocked him nor did you send him one of your sharp glares. Instead they were replaced by a soft nod whenever the two of you passed one another.
And he no longer rolled his eyes at you or mumbled complains, instead he started noticing things.
The way your shoulders slumped whenever you thought nobody was watching.
How your tail swayed uncontrollably behind you whenever you were annoyed
How you no longer walked with your chin tilted quite as high as before.
How your biting comments had dulled into tired sighs
And Eywa help him, Aoânung hated seeing it.
He hated the emptiness in your eyes.
Because suddenly your cruel words from before did not feel cruel anymore.
Now they felt defensive. Like an armor you were so desperate to keep intact but that kept slipping from time to time.
At first he tried ignoring whatever strange feeling had settled inside his chest.
You were still insufferable. Still stubborn.
Still capable of making his eye twitch with one sentence alone.
Yet now, he found himself waiting for your remarks, listening for your footsteps, looking for you in crowds without meaning to.
It was irritating. Humiliating, even.
Especially when he caught himself staring.
And then there was the touching. Not intentional, never intentional.
But somehow it kept happening.
Your fingers brushing when passing something.
Your shoulder bumping into his during hunts.
The warmth of your knee pressing against his during clan gatherings.
Every single time, Aoânung became painfully aware of you.
Meanwhile you acted completely unaffected.
The breaking point came weeks later when you were arguing again. Of course you were.
âYou call that teaching?â you scoffed as he barked another order at one of the younger children struggling with staying still on their Ilu.
Aoânung clicked his tongue, not wasting a second to answer. âAnd yet they listen to me.â
âThey look terrified.â
You rolled your eyes dramatically before stepping past him toward the child. Your scent engulfed him and, for one dangerous second, Aoânung thought about reaching for your hand.
And then it happened, that softness.
The same softness he had seen at the funeral.
You crouched beside the child patiently, explaining slower, calmer.
The kid succeeded almost instantly.
Aoânung stared, expression unreadable as his eyes stayed settled on your figure.
You looked back over your shoulder triumphantly.
âSee? Not everyone responds well to being yelled at.â
âAre you saying I yell too much?â
âYes.â You shot back, too quick, too honest.
It should have annoyed him.
Instead he laughed, actually laughed. His cheeks hurting from the smile that slipped past his lips.
The look on your face nearly killed him, because for the first time since he met you you smiled at him.
Not mockingly. Not sharply. But.. genuinely.
And Aoânung realized right then and there that he was completely doomed.
Because somewhere between your insults he had fallen first.
And far, far harder than he would ever admit aloud. To anyone nor himself.
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