DEATH IS JUST A PAUSE.

𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩​ is just a  𝐏𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄.​ 

[gravemaker]

hey, y’all! i think i’m going to transfer cad over to my multimuse and retire this blog, since i don’t have enough of a muse for him anymore to justify having a whole blog for him. i’ll be dropping all my ongoing threads when i make the move, but if we have a thread going that you’d like to continue, let me know!

[gravemaker]

hey, y’all! i think i’m going to transfer cad over to my multimuse and retire this blog, since i don’t have enough of a muse for him anymore to justify having a whole blog for him. i’ll be dropping all my ongoing threads when i make the move, but if we have a thread going that you’d like to continue, let me know!

[gravemaker]

meta: on caduceus’s spirituality, identity & self-care. or, caduceus’s body as an offering.

inspired by this meta post. spoilers up to c2e75 below the cut!

let’s start at the beginning: the clay family heritage of embodying gifts.

the champion clay, and by extension the whole clay family lineage, was “gifted” (implying ownership) from the raven queen to the wildmother, who in turn gifted the blooming grove to the archeart—which not only served as a power play on her part, but it also further established the clays and the blooming grove as the Property Of Melora. caduceus says as much in 75, when he describes the clay family as both gifts and gift-givers:

“My family came originally from disciples of one god and we were given to another, and then that goddess has put us in the service of yet another.” “The Raven Queen was our original patron, the Clays, and when we asked questions about what she would want from us, she sent us to the Wildmother, and we became her-- well, we became her charges, and when we asked the Wildmother what she would have of us, we became the makers of fine gifts. Graves are gifts.”

there’s a distinct sense of ownership in how the wildmother sees caduceus, namely the time in 61 she calls him “[her] Clay”: not only does she very intentionally use the possessive “my,” but she even refers to Caduceus by his family name over his given name, effectively divorcing him from his individuality in the one (1) moment she has addressed Caduceus directly this whole campaign.  

what does this have to do with caduceus’s identity, his self-perception? well, everything.

all caduceus knows is to give of himself: he readily gave up his independence to stay home and watch over the blooming grove, essentially devoting his whole mind, body, and spirit to serving melora and tending to her cursed sanctuary for the better part of a decade. embodying gift-giving is an integral aspect of caduceus’s family history and by extension his own identity, because the two are deeply intertwined:

“One of the prime-- prime tenants of what we do is we're about gift giving, and we are the Wildmother's expression of joy and bounty.” →

( note that every time caduceus mentions his family he uses the collective “we” — something he refused to do when referring to the mighty nein for some time, probably in an effort to distance himself from them. )

i’m reminded of how the among the first things we’re told about caduceus when taliesin first introduces him in 28 is that he is, aside from tall, “not necessarily healthily thin." 

so why is it that the cleric who’s always trying to whip the rest of the party into shape is so bad at taking care of himself? the answer is simple: caduceus doesn’t know how to put himself first because servitude is in his very nature. it’s in his blood. or so he thinks, anyway.

in a conversation with @feyspires​ on his astonishingly low capacity for self-care, i wrote that caduceus’s body isn’t a temple, it’s an offering. it’s deeply self-sacrificial, but when we look at it from that perspective we can see how his lack of self-care is inextricably linked to his identity, emblematic of his current inability to see himself as anything more than an instrument of the wildmother; but what caduceus fails to realize is that even altars need to be cared for.

[deathinherited]

ALL WE CAN DO IS DREAM, OR DIE, DREAM THAT WE DO NOT DIE AND AT TIMES, FOR A MOMENT,  WAKE.

independent multi ft. muses from the adventure zone, critical role, dimension 20, and original dungeons & dragons characters.    mourned by avery.   promo by saga.

[c-kiddo]

caduceus with th mighty nein: i am a nice young man. i am very polite like my mother taught me. i like fungi and meditating. i will make everyone breakfast :3

caduceus with his family: i am going to set my brother on fire and upturn a wheelbarrow :3

[eyeshield21-archive]

in all seriousness, PLEASE start making your themes accessible for everyone. not everyone can read 6px font. not everyone can clearly see your 200px posts or your light pink text over a white background. it might look “cute” “pretty” or “minimalist” but all you’re doing is just limiting the people who can see your blog and would want to see it again. stop making your themes inaccessible.

[gravemaker]

notes on caduceus & chronic pain under the cut ! 

in a conversation with yasha in ep 46, caduceus mentions an old injury in his knee, given to him by his sister:

ASHLEY: Yeah? How did you know it was going to rain? I mean, other than the obvious, gray skies. 

TALIESIN: Well, the skies were turning; the wind was coming in; and I honestly have to mention my knee hurts a little bit on the left side, usually about an hour beforehand. It was a thing my sister did. It was 25 seasons ago, give or take. She's a piece of work. She's great. A piece of work.

25 seasons is just over 6 years, which means this happened some time after caduceus’s parents left, but still a few years before he would be left on his own in the blooming grove. “ sister ”  implies it could’ve been either calliope or clarabelle, but based on caduceus’s mentions of / interactions with clarabelle — which are all fond, albeit brief — i don’t think she would’ve been the one to hurt him. calliope is the more obvious culprit as the older of his sisters, both because of their dynamic as well as her being ( presumably ) stronger than caduceus ( which, granted, isn’t very hard to do, considering his 10 STR... )

my guess? calliope pushed caduceus and he hit his knee on a rock, hard enough to at least fracture the bone. not intentionally, of course, and not out of character for calliope, just an unfortunate accident — one that would end up having some unfortunately long-term consequences.

ASHLEY: It just hurts when it gets cold type of a thing? 

TALIESIN: Yeah, usually half a day before it rains.

this kind of chronic pain can ( though doesn’t exclusively ) occur with old injuries from bone fractures to breaks, where basically the air pressure from before/during inclement weather can mess with already-fragile nerves in the body. 

this is the first and only mention of caduceus’s knee pain, which isn’t surprising considering how bad caduceus is at taking care of himself. in fact, i wouldn’t be surprised if this is the first time he’s even mentioned it out loud. caduceus talks about himself so rarely, and who knows if he ever got the chance to tell calliope before she left? ( or if he even would, for that matter. )

on the days where the pain gets really bad, bad enough for caduceus to have to actually tend to it, he may smoke some pipeweed or hemp to make the pain go away — otherwise, he just kind of deals with it.

[gravemaker]

one day...... i will develop a verse where cad is a fae prince

[pocket-dragon]

Might be time to expand the friend group

[gravemaker]

i may tease you somewhat about how similar you and Caduceus can be sometimes, but you're so much more, too — curious, warm, creative, and a good listener. you bring such a welcome openness to the dash!

Send the MUN of this blog what vibe they give off.

🥺🥺🥺🥺 this is SO SWEET aaaah thank you !!

[musingmeme-blog]

beep beep how’s my portrayal ?

[gravemaker]

i cant believe all it took for me to get my muse back was some fanart, a 1k word one-shot, and some weed

[gravemaker]

AVERY you are so lovely, and the dash is such a brighter place with you and your ~*~good vibes~*~ on it!

Send the MUN of this blog what vibe they give off.

AAAAAHHH that is so sweet of you to say cat, tysm !!! :’ ))))

[c-kiddo]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

A fic about the (admittedly tin-foil-hat) theory that there was once a fifth Clay sibling that something happened to. i just have thoughts about it, about how the Clays deal with loss.. I’m not sure how readable this fic is, but i hope at least a few people enjoy it <3

i finally got round to finishing this. i know i mentioned it a while back..

__

“Do you remember Caroline?” Caduceus asks one afternoon. He sits in the moss with his brother and sister, knees damp, fishing creatures and treasure from a peaty pool.

Colton stands, says nothing, and storms off.

Calliope watches him go and huffs. She turns back to Caduceus. “She’s with Melora now.”

[acupoffreshlybrewedmemes]

Send the MUN of this blog what vibe they give off.

[gravemaker]

hey gang im alive, ive just been busy focusing my attention elsewhere !! i dont have much muse for cad atm, but y’all can find me over on my fantasy multi at @deathinherited. mutuals who wanna stay in touch and chat/plot in the meantime are welcome to add me on disco at #hamlet is trans 3981, just message me saying who u are!!

[gravemaker]

16 + 18

do they consider to ‘always have been’, or do they see the phases in their life before coming out as ‘back when i was [cis/straight/allo]’?

on the rare occasion that he actually bothers to reflect on his gender identity ( or lack thereof ) , caduceus considers it an ‘ always has been ’ situation : gender roles were not high on the list of the clay family’s priorities in raising their children, and his family took his apparent lack of romantic or sexual desire in stride. 

how does their family feel about the matter? friends? coworkers?—and does their thoughts matter to your muse?

literally no one gives a shit bc i refuse to accept that transphobia is the social norm in fantasy, and that’s that on that!