Sam

[funnystories]

funny story

i went to this girl’s party the week after she beat the shit out of my friend. while everyone was getting trashed, i went around putting tuna inside all the curtain rods and so like weeks went by and they couldn’t figure out why the house smelled like festering death. they caught me through this video where these guys at the party were singing beyonce while i was in the background with a can of tuna

[jakeworldwide-blog]

[gifsthatmakesyoulaugh]

[afraiddave-deactivated20220727]

This saw senses when it hits flesh.

I just thought that was the world’s most powerful hotdog

[best-of-memes]

[intj-confessions]

Neat.

[toservethequeen-deactivated2015]

neat. neat?!?! youre looking at day and night AT THE SAME TIME, don you realize thats been completely impossible until like the past ten years. To be looking at this is straight up INSANE.

neat.

you fuckin kidding me

[intj-confessions]

Neat.

[margaretzhang]

[sexbloodrainbows]

[2fuckingbad-deactivated20190318]

i wonder how long it lasted

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via nashole)

[orghasms-deactivated20140410]

[snorlaxatives]

waking up and realizing you still have more time to sleep

[loosesealbluths]

[spacedlexi]

if anyone would like to learn a couple tricks for carving pumpkins:

- dont cut out the top to scoop out the seeds, cut out the bottom instead. this way the pumpkin doesnt cave in on itself and lasts longer - sprinkle some cinnamon inside at the top after carving. this way when you put the candle in it smells like pumpkin pie

[topsiders-tanlines]

this is the quality content I wanna see on my dash

[suspend]

Don’t chase people. If they want to leave, let them leave. Don’t open the door for them. Don’t even look at them. Indifference is always the best.

-my life quote (via suspend)

[korrnsnot]

The actor bela lugosi who famously played Dracula asked to be dressed in his vampire attire for his open casket funeral.

[lubricates]

Whenever i get back from the store

[norahfields]

“what are your plans for the future?”

[santina-santina]

[lynnsgunn]

dont ever tell me fifth harmony cant sing

[whatsliferotfl]

LMFAOOO