gretavanmaas

sarahjmaas and gvf fan 26 | 18+ only

[gretavanmaas]

Hi! Welcome to my Masterlist!

All work will be 18+. Minors, please exit now!

*Indicates Smut

Josh

In Every Life (One Shot)*

Jake

Angel Straight From Hell (Series)*

Part 1

Blurbs

Fall Jake

[kafurscoffin]

Hello everybody.

Please share resources and don’t keep silent about Palestine. Dedicate your day for them today. Do not ignore them, do not let their voices go unheard.

Here are some resources you can share around:

daily click

esims for Gaza

call for a ceasefire

donate feminine hygiene kits

learn about Palestine

Education, sources, donations

Shut it down for Palestine

Please do not ignore this post, share as much information and resources as you can for Palestine.

[stardustshelb]

"Orange Juice" Part One

TW: Language. Your name (female) + Danny. 3,157 words.

The song "Orange Juice" by Noah Kahan inspired me to write this story; each part of the story is inspired by a different part of the song. I don't know how long this story will be, so I hope you enjoy this WIP. Also, I'm in my sad girl era so you all must suffer with me.

“Feels like I've been ready for you to come home for so long.

That I didn't think to ask you where you'd gone.

Why'd you go?” - NK

I should have known when my dad texted me to check my email that there’d be something interesting waiting for me in my inbox. The organizers of my high school reunion had no idea how to get in touch with me, so they went through him. Part of me wished he would have just deleted the email and never said anything. How has it already been 10 years since I graduated? I swear it was only yesterday that Sam and I were daydreaming about record deals and tours while sitting in class. My parents were never too hard on me about school because I still made time for both my studies and my band. But I think they always knew that I was never going to need to know chemistry or calculus because I was going to have a career in music. Though, none of us would have ever dreamed I’d be where I am today.

Josh and Jake skipped out on their high school reunion a couple years ago, and Sam was planning to do the same for ours. It would probably cause more trouble than it’s worth if we showed up. Truth be told, I wasn’t dying to go but I was curious to know if you’d be there. We haven’t spoken since I left Frankenmuth. Hell, we stopped talking while I was still there. I’ve heard stories about you from my mom. “The girl who got away is in rehab again,” she’d say casually over the phone. Something about the way she’d say again angered me, but I knew she meant well. 

Judging by the date on the invitation, I still had a few months to decide whether I was going to attend or not. Maybe I could find out if you were planning on going while I’m home later this week for Christmas. I wondered if you’d even be around town or if you’d even want to see me. Our friendship didn’t end on the best of terms and that still bothered me nearly a decade later. I wonder if you’ve ever forgiven me for that night. It took a while for me to forgive myself.

…

“Let me help,” Dad said as he grabbed my guitar case out of the back of the SUV I rented for the week. I tried to pack light for the quick trip but between my suitcase, guitar, and the presents I bought for my family, I ended up checking more luggage than I expected. I could smell Mom’s cooking from the driveway, and I had to swallow the lump of nostalgia that formed in my throat. I rolled my suitcases up the walkway and before Dad could even turn the knob, Josie ran through the front door and practically tackled me. 

“Easy, easy,” I said as I tried to keep from falling backward on top of my luggage.

“I’m so happy you’re home!” she squealed as she let go of our hug. She grabbed the larger suitcase from my hand and followed our dad inside. Christmas music was lightly playing throughout the house which told me that Mom was in charge of the stereo. I was home for Christmas but I didn’t quite feel like I was home. I almost felt like a stranger walking through the house I was raised in. Maybe I was tired from traveling, maybe I just wasn’t in the Christmas spirit this year, or maybe thoughts of you crept in as soon as the plane’s wheels touched down in Michigan.

“Daniel, did you hear me?” my mom’s voice broke into my thoughts.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked.

“Do you want to put your things away and then come to the kitchen to help me finish dinner?” she repeated.

“Sure, yes, be right there,” I said as I dragged my belongings to my childhood bedroom. When I walked through the door, I was glad to see nothing had been moved. Mom and Dad were always sentimental; therefore, I come by it naturally. I glanced around the room and tried to balance the surreal feeling of being back home. It was just as I left it the last time I visited. Unmade bed and all. “It’s not going to make itself,” I could hear my dad say like he did my entire life. I never understood the point in making a bed if I was just going to sleep in it every night anyways. I moved closer to the disheveled comforter and lifted the mattress. I pushed my hand between the mattress and the box springs searching for my secret stash of notes you had written me many lifetimes ago. Worn and faded folded notes brushed against my fingertips and I gently pulled them out. 

“Daniel?” I heard my mom call from the kitchen. Suddenly, I opened the top drawer to my nightstand and threw the notes inside. I would have to read them at another time. I got up and made my way into the kitchen where Mom was mixing something on the stove.

“Hey, Mom,” I said as I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

“Hello, hun,” she said as she placed her hand against the side of my face. The unfamiliar feeling I had earlier was slowly going away. “I wanted to talk to you,” she said, turning away from me and back to her cooking. 

“What about?” I said as I began slicing the carrots she laid out on the cutting board.

“I saw y/n the other day. And… we spoke,” she said, still keeping her back to me. I remained focused on my task of cutting the carrots.

“About?” I asked.

“You mostly,” she said. I winced.

“What about me?” I asked.

“She looks great,” my mom answered, obviously avoiding my question.

“What about me?” I repeated.

“Your music, your success, you coming home for Christmas,” she said as her tone changed.

“Did she seem interested in any of that information?” I asked.

“I think so, but then again, she could have been playing nice,” Mom said as she came over to take the knife that I was just holding. I realized I had stopped cutting the carrots since I was fixated on this conversation. You were back in town and you knew I was here too. 

“I can do it,” I said as I held the knife firmly. Mom patted my shoulder and walked back to the stove.

“I think she’s staying sober this time,” my mom added.

“I hope so,” I said quietly. 

…

“Not one nick on your finger, you just asked me to hold you.

But it made you a stranger and filled you with anger.” - NK

I’ve spent two days at home, yet I still feel like an outsider. I don’t think anyone has noticed because I am able to wear a figurative mask well. That ability comes in handy for shows and interviews when I’m feeling sick or tired. I offered to help my mom finish her grocery shopping for Christmas dinner, so I put on my baseball hat backwards and grabbed my keys. She texted me a list of things she still needed which I was grateful for. She even included pictures of the items as if I were an idiot, but in her defense, I haven’t shopped for my own groceries in years. Our staff knows what I like and it just appears in our green rooms. Maybe this trip home will humble me a bit. 

I decided to drive a little further outside of Frankenmuth to go to a less crowded grocery store. I don’t normally draw much attention when I’m alone in public, but I didn’t want to take the risk. I wasn’t feeling like myself and I didn’t want to project negative feelings on my fans. I pulled into the parking spot furthest away from the entrance and reviewed the list on my phone as I walked through the automatic doors. I grabbed a basket and made my way toward the spices/seasonings aisle. I scanned the shelves looking for Mom’s specific brand of garlic powder. When I spotted it, I threw one container in my basket and turned to make my way down the rest of the aisle. As I began to walk, I noticed an employee abruptly turned the opposite direction and left. Strange. I continued my quest of finding my mom’s requirements with my basket getting heavier by the minute. 

When I had finally acquired everything she needed, I made my way to the front of the store to check out. With it being only two days until Christmas, the store was crowded despite it being in such a small town. There looked to be only two cashiers working, so I stood in line behind what I thought would be the quickest one. Of course, I chose wrong. I tried to hide my impatience by scrolling on my phone when I heard your name.

“Y/n, come to register three, please. Y/n, come to register three,” was announced over the intercom. 

Suddenly, the employee who eluded me earlier now made her appearance. It was you. Avoiding my gaze (and probably open mouth), you snuck behind an empty cash register. I hesitated on whether to go to your line or not. It was obvious you tried to avoid me at all costs, but I felt a pull to see you. Talk to you. Listen to your voice. Against my better judgment, I made my way to join your line. As I got closer to needing to check out, I could see your cheeks getting more red. I held my breath in anticipation until it was my turn.

“Did you find everything ok?” you asked without looking up from the groceries you were scanning out of my basket.

“I did, yes,” I muttered. You stopped scanning and stared down at the bag of brown sugar in your hands for a brief moment until you carried on with your task. I watched you continue to take my groceries and scan them without ever looking to meet my eyes. You were flustered; I could tell. I tried not to stare but I was almost in disbelief that you were right in front of me. Even though it has been a decade, you haven’t aged. Your face has changed but you still look like you always did to me.

“Your total is $98.44. Will you be using cash or credit today?” you asked again without looking at me. You were trying so hard to focus on the screen in front of you.

“Uh, cash,” I said as I reached for my wallet in my jean pocket. Suddenly, I couldn’t find it. I reached into the other pocket and still couldn’t find it. I began to panic. Did I lose my damn wallet in this store? Was it stolen? Then I realized, I never grabbed it off the nightstand when I grabbed my keys before I left. 

“Shit,” I said as I hung my head. “I don’t have my wallet. Do you know if your system takes ApplePay? I have my card on my phone,” I explained.

“No, we don’t. Our technology isn’t updated, but don’t worry about it,” you said as you bent down to get into your purse beneath the register.

“No, I can’t have you pay for this. I’ll just come back with my wallet if you can set it to the side,” I pleaded.

I watched you grab the card reader and stick your own credit card in the chip reader. I was bewildered.

“Y/n,” I spoke so quietly I wasn’t sure if you heard me.

“Merry Christmas,” you said as you handed me the receipt. And for the first time, you met my eyes. They had a sadness to them that I couldn’t quite place. A sadness that matched mine. 

“What time do you get off? I am going to come back to pay you back,” I said.

“Have a great day, sir,” you answered, avoiding my question. I watched you direct your attention to the customer behind me. “Ahem,” he said as a sign for me to move.

I grabbed my bags of groceries and made my way to the rental SUV. I needed to get home quickly to grab my wallet and make it back to pay you. But I knew I didn’t need to go over the speed limit since I was now illegally driving without my license. I fought the urge to speed but remained as level-headed as I could be. 

 …

After putting the refrigerated bags of groceries away, I quickly ran up stairs to grab my wallet. I checked to make sure I had enough cash to pay you back and then some. I shoved it in my back pocket and raced down the hallway.

“Whoa, where are you going in such a hurry?” Josie asked as I tried to avoid running into her.

“I have to go back to the store. I forgot something,” I said in practically one breath.

“Why do I feel like you’re lying to me?” she asked as her brows furrowed.

“I’m not. I just need to get back there,” I explained.

“I can come with you,” she offered.

“Sure, yeah, that’s fine,” I said. I didn’t really want company but maybe you’d be more apt to talk to me if my sister was there. You two always got along so well. Sometimes I wondered if you were more her best friend rather than mine.

“So what did you forget?” Josie asked as she climbed into the passenger seat.

“My wallet,” I said.

“So how did you make it home with all of the groceries?” she asked.

“The cashier paid for my stuff, so now I’m on my way to pay her back,” I said. I left out the detail that you were the cashier. 

“Well that was awfully nice of her,” Josie said with a suspicious tone in her voice.

I pulled into the parking lot and nearly forgot to turn off the ignition before jumping out of the car. I ran through the automatic doors and made my way to your line. As if you could sense I was watching you, you kept your gaze locked on your task again. 

“Thanks for waiting on me,” I heard Josie sarcastically say as she came up beside me. 

“Sorry,” I said. 

“Wait,” she said. I looked down to see her staring at you. “Oh, ok, now I get it.”

“I’m just paying her back,” I said.

“I’m going to go look at… that display over there,” Josie said as she turned on her heel.

“Josie…” I said.

“I won’t be far,” she said as she began to walk away. When it came my turn, you kept your eyes locked on the screen in front of you. I stood there waiting for you to acknowledge me for what felt like eternity.

“Aren’t you going to ask me if I found everything ok?” I asked.

“Don’t mock me,” you said with a sense of anger in your voice.

“I wasn’t!” I exclaimed. Suddenly I felt my cheeks getting warm. “I would never.” You continued not to look at me, but I could see what I thought may have been tears forming in your eyes. My heart swelled.

“I came to pay you back,” I said as I held out two $100 bills. You glanced at the money in my hand.

“That’s significantly more than what your total was,” you said.

“I know. Just consider the rest a thank-you gift,” I said.

“I’m not a damn charity case,” you said with a bite in your voice.

“Y/n, I don’t think that. I just wanted to–” I began.

You interrupted, “If I take the money, will you leave?” 

“If that’s what you want, then yes. I will leave,” I said solemnly. Suddenly, you reached out and quickly grabbed the money from my hand. I felt my heart break as I noticed you were fighting back tears.

“Thank you,” you said quietly.

“I know I’m the last person you want to see, but–” I started.

“You are,” you interrupted.

“But if you could find the time, I’d really like the chance to visit with you,” I finished.

“You told me you would leave if I took the money,” you said looking past me and at the line forming behind me. 

“Good bye, y/n,” I said sullenly before turning to walk away. And all of the guilt and pain that I thought I left behind when I abandoned this town suddenly came rushing back.

 …

I sat on the edge of my childhood bed and stared at my feet on the floor for what felt like eternity. I had the urge to read our notes that I hid in my nightstand, but seeing you today might be all that I can take. You are still angry with me, and I figured you always will be. I don’t know why I expected that anger to go away after 10 years. Maybe it’s because it did for me. I felt the need to talk to you even more now than I did before. I opened the drawer to my nightstand and started to sift through our notes. There were dozens of faded, folded notes. I gently unwrapped the one where you drew a middle finger on the front of. I smiled as I read through the lines of teenage angst. Oh how our problems back then seemed to be so much more important. I remember you were mad at me because I let Sam ride shotgun in my car even though you claimed it before school that morning. I told you to take it up with Sam, but clearly you thought I should have been on your side. You didn’t talk to me until lunch that day when you handed me this note and told me you hoped I choked on my breadstick. Then you laughed hysterically when I immediately grabbed the breadstick off my plate and choked myself with it. Doing something stupid like that was all it took to make you smile and forgive me. I made sure Sam stayed in the backseat the rest of the school year.

I opened another note and scanned it until I found my holy grail: Your phone number. This was one of the first notes you ever wrote me. I wondered if you still had the same number all of these years later. I know mine has changed several times, but my circumstances were different. I decided to take a leap and dialed the ten digits written in a glittery blue gel pen. I held my breath as I heard it ring.

"Hello?" I heard your voice answer.

[gretavanmaas]

Jake Blurb

don’t imagine summer turning into fall with jake. it’s his favorite season. when the leaves start to change and he gets to wear his favorite flannels comfortably. when day turns into night more quickly and he can take his evening walks with the moon guiding his path.

one of the things he loves most about fall is it’s the time of year when you chase after his warmth. like your life depends on it. when you’re out together your fingers are always intertwined or his arm around you pulling you in tight or when you’re curled up on the couch you always tuck yourself away in his side. or his personal favorite, when you slept he always finds you subconsciously seeking him out. your cold feet finding his legs or your arms reaching out to find him so he could pull you in and he always did.

fall was his. the crunchy leaves, the scary movies, the late night bonfires with his acoustic, the strolls through a pumpkin patch or apple orchard, the warm apple cider, handing out candy to trick or treaters. it all was his. fall was his favorite, so it was yours too.

[gretavanmaas]

Angel Straight From Hell (Part I)

|Pairings: Jake Kiszka x fReader

|4.2k Words

| 18+ only! Minors do not interact!!!

| Warnings: 18+, smut, drinking, language, angst, praise kink, fingering, masturbation, and probably spelling and grammar errors lol. Let me know if I missed anything!

You were part of a trio and not in a third wheel-y kind of way in a good way. In a way that two best friends is better than one. Danny and Sammy had always been your best friends. Well at least since you were old enough to pick your friends. You guys had grown up together, the three of you had been a package deal for as long as you could remember. You three were basically inseparable. Hell, they even convinced you to move out to Nashville a year after they did. Danny’s family loved you but the Kiszkas had all but taken you in. You’d spent countless nights crashing on their couch, holidays with them, and gone on many family vacations with them. 

And here you were rushing to pack for yet another vacation with the Kiszka boys and Danny. This time sneaking away to the Smoky Mountains for a week. You were getting off the grid and reconnecting with each other and nature. You were running around your apartment grabbing your final items off of your checklist. “Phone charger, underwear, sweatshirt…” you mutter to yourself mentally going over everything you had packed in your head. “Shit toothbrush!” you say rushing back to your bathroom. You do one final visual sweep of your bedroom and rush out of the door. You were running late but not by too much. And the boys were used to your tardiness at this point anyways. Besides, at least one of them was usually running behind as well and nine times out of ten it was Josh. 

You and Josh had gotten close over the years and he had also become one of your best friends but for some reason Jake had never liked you. And you didn’t mind because you didn’t care much for him either. He had always been an arrogant smug little shit. You don’t know why you didn’t get along just that it had always been this way. Your disdain for each other had gotten worse in your adulthood. The two of you constantly bickering and shooting each other dirty looks and as you pulled into Josh’s driveway it appeared this trip wasn’t starting any differently.

“God bless, have you ever thought about being on time once in your life?” Jake rolled his eyes and yanked your suitcase from your hand tossing it in the back of Josh’s Jeep. “Good morning to you too asshole,” you said sharply. 

Before either of you have the chance to say anything else you feel yourself being pulled into a hug and immediately know the embrace. “JOSHYYY!” you say pulling him in tighter. “Good morning mama! I’m so glad you’re coming with us. Gonna be such a great time” he says with a toothy grin. “Me too, I think it’s gonna be so good to get away for a little bit. Thanks for always letting me crash” you smiled back. “Never crashing my dear, you’re always invited,” Josh replied, squeezing your hand. “Speak for yourself,” Jake scoffed, walking up toward the passenger door. “Are we ready to hit the road now that we’re all finally here?” Jake said, staring daggers at you. 

“Hey you,” Sammy says, pulling you into a hug. “Morning, Sammy!” you say squeezing him. “My turn!” Danny shouts before wrapping you in a bear hug and spinning you around. “Hi Daniel,” you giggle. “You ready to be stuck between the two of us for four hours?” Danny teases. “As I’ll ever be,” you sigh back sarcastically.

The three of you pile into the back of the Jeep as Josh and Jake take their respective spots up front. “We ready to roll?” Josh asks. Everyone nods their heads and you all begin your trip. You start to settle in and relax. You had meant it when you said it’d be good to get away for a while. Work had been beyond stressful recently and you hadn’t gotten to spend much time with your best friends recently. This getaway to the Smokies with them was exactly what you needed even if that meant spending a week with Jake as well. The drive up there was a normal roadtrip with your favorite people, retelling stories of road trips past, playing the license plate game, and screaming your favorite songs way too loudly.

You all pulled off in a small town before you reached your cabin and went to the local grocery store to stock up for the week. Jake took the cart and started down the aisles. You knew he’d be cooking most of the meals and as much as you hated to compliment him, he was an incredible chef. He had a way with food in the same way he did with music, always piecing just the right things together to make a masterpiece. You wander the aisles picking up junk food, you turn a corner and get smacked in the hip with a cart. “Fuck!” you exclaim looking up to see Jake with an annoyed look on his face. He moves to go around you and you grab the cart stopping him forcing him to look up at you. “Really Jacob, not even an I’m sorry?” you say. “Whatever, maybe just watch where you’re going,” he says, dropping his eyes back down to his shopping list. “Unbelievable, truly unbelievable,” you spit, pushing away from his cart and walking toward the checkout. 

You meet up with Sammy as you approach the cashier dumping your purchases on the conveyor. “Your brother really is a piece of work ya know? I just don’t understand how you and Josh turned out so kind and funny and sweet and he turned out so… so… Jake,” you let out a frustrated sigh. Sam lets out a light laugh “I’ll never understand what it is about the two of you that clashes so royally but there’s just something.” “There certainly is,” you reply.

You all finish up in the store and all load back into Josh’s Jeep to drive the last 30 minutes to your secluded cabin. This wasn’t your first time going up to the Smokies since relocating to Tennessee but you were still so in awe of the beauty and serenity of the area every time you came. You watched as the last bar of cell signal dropped off your phone and breathed a sigh of relief knowing that work wouldn’t be able to get a hold of you anymore and the only thing you would be using your phone for this week was to take pictures. 

After what felt like a never ending winding gravel driveway you pull up to the cabin. You all unload your luggage and after putting yours just inside the door you go out to the Jeep and start grabbing the groceries and bringing them in. As you’re stocking the fridge you hear the guys fighting over who gets which bedroom and resolving yourself that you will get whichever one is leftover. You see Danny emerge from one wing of the house and watch as he grabs your luggage and heads over to the other wing. He comes back to the kitchen sitting down at the island bar. “Put your stuff on your bed for you,” he says with a soft smile. “Thank Danny, I appreciate it,” you say, putting the last of the groceries away. 

You check the time on your phone and see it’s a little before 4:00pm. Perfect you think to yourself. “Hey, I am going to settle in and unpack and probably shower and relax before dinner if that’s cool,” you say walking past Danny. “Mmm, sounds good,” he says looking up from the game he was playing on his phone.

You walk back to the wing you saw Danny put your stuff in and notice what appears to be two bedroom doors with a shared bathroom in the middle. One of the bedroom doors is shut so you poke your head in the open one to see your luggage sitting on the bed. You unzip your suitcase to start unpacking. It seemed silly but it was something you did on every vacation since you were young. You liked to feel settled. So you did just that, you pulled out your airpods and started your favorite playlist zoning out as you put your things neatly away into your home for the next week. 

You’re suddenly startled by a loud “Hey!” as you see someone waving their arms in the doorway. You look up annoyed to see Jake standing in your doorway and pull out an airpod. “Yes?” you question. “I just wanted to let you know I’m about to take a quick shower,” he says. “And?” you respond wondering why that would concern you. “And I don’t want you to try to get into the bathroom while I’m in there, the locks to the bedrooms look shoddy,” he says bluntly walking out. And that’s when it clicks the boys had put you in the room next to Jake, sharing a bathroom with him. 

You drop the clothes in your hand and storm into the living room where Sammy and Danny are sitting. “What. The. Fuck?” you whisper shout. “What?” Sam looks up at you with a shit eating grin. “You know exactly what, why the hell am I stuck in a wing of the house sharing a bathroom with him? This was supposed to be a relaxing week where I have fun with you two and Josh and stay as far away from Jake as possible while sharing a house with him,” you say quickly. Danny looks up with an apologetic smile, “Josh wanted the room with the balcony and Sam and I took the room that had two beds in it so that no one else had to share. That just left the other two for you and Jake. I’m sorry.” You feel your frustration start to ease when you hear the explanation that it wasn’t really intentional. “Fuck, well okay it’s not ideal but it’s fine. I’m gonna have a good trip. I'm here with my best friends in a beautiful place. Also it’s not like our paths are gonna cross that much anyways. We’re just sharing the bathroom, it's fine,” you say, trying to reassure yourself. 

You head back to your bedroom and finish unpacking the rest of your stuff. You start gathering your stuff to take a shower and realize you haven’t heard Jake leave the bathroom yet despite him being in there for quite some time. You go out to the hall door since he had mentioned the locks to the bedrooms being less than adequate and bang on the door, “Jake! You almost done in there?” You wait for a minute or so with no response. You knock loudly on the door again, “Jake!” You’re met with silence, you raise your hand to knock a third time when the door swings open. Steam fills the hallway, and out walks Jake. “God patience really isn’t your strong suit is it?” he says. His hair is damp and clinging to his face and neck, he’s fully nude aside from a towel slung low around his hips. Your eyes may have lingered a little longer than they should have. “So no patience and a staring problem huh princess?” he quips. You feel heat rushing to your face. “No, just wanting to take a shower and you were taking an eternity,” you respond, rolling your eyes and quickly pushing past him and into the bathroom. You shut the door behind you and lean your back against the door. What the fuck was that? Princess? Princess. He called you princess. And you kind of fucking liked it?

You took your time in the shower hoping to scrub off whatever feelings that interaction with Jake had stirred up. But the longer you spent trying to erase it from your mind the stronger the feelings it had brought up felt. Fuck, I just need to get laid. That’s what it is, it’s just been a while and any male attention feels good. Just need to take care of myself and then I’ll stop thinking about it. Just need to get off. That’s all. You try to rationalize with yourself in the shower. 

Your hand wanders down as you find your clit and begin to pleasure yourself. The entire time fighting thoughts of Jake that have started to pop up. Everytime you try to fight the thoughts of him, the sight of him just moments ago reappears like it's burned into the backs of your eyelids. You feel yourself nearing your end and give in allowing yourself to think about him. The way his brow furrows when he looks at you annoyed, the way he looked with his hair plastered to his neck, the way the water droplets clung to his skin just above his towel, the way he said princess. And with that the band in your stomach snapped and you were overwhelmed by your release. As you came down you silently cursed yourself for thinking of him as you finished. You wrapped up your shower and threw on some comfy clothes before heading out of the bathroom.

You smell dinner cooking and toss your stuff in your room before heading toward the common area. You greet Danny, Sam, and Josh who are in the living room all sitting on the couch watching some movie they had started while you had been showering. You turn towards the kitchen and see Jake in his element at the stovetop. He’s got his hair tied in a low bun at the base of his neck as he focuses on the ingredients in front of him. 

Against your better judgment, you make your way into the kitchen and lean across the island, “You need help with anything?” you ask. Jake tears his focus away from the stove turning around to meet your gaze and for a split second you swear you see his scowl soften before quickly returning. “Help?” he scoffed, “You’d just get in the way.” You turn around not responding and silently scolding yourself for even trying, you knew better. 

You plop down on the couch next to Sam and curl into his side and shift your focus to the tv, realizing they’re watching The Shining. You should have known this would be the first thing they would pick since Halloween was right around the corner. You zone out for the next 45 minutes until you hear Jake call from the kitchen that dinner was ready. The five of you enjoy a meal around the dining room table and thankfully the tension between you and Jake is kept at a minimum. As dinner wraps up you start collecting everyone's plates and taking them to the kitchen. 

“Daniel and I are going to go start a fire in the pit out back!” Sammy says excitedly. “Please just don’t catch the cabin on fire, I’m gonna clean up the kitchen real quick and then I’ll come out to join y’all,” you giggle starting the sink. “Can I raincheck and do my kitchen duty tomorrow? I haven’t gotten my yoga in and was hoping to do a bit on the balcony before we spent the evening around the fire,” Josh asks you. “Of course Joshy, go find your zen,” you say mimicking a tree pose. “Thanks, Y/N,” Josh chuckles and gives you a quick peck on the cheek before running back to his room.

It was now Jake who stood awkwardly at the kitchen island as you began washing the dishes. “Mind if I help?” he says, making his way around the counter. “I don’t know, you’d probably just get in the way,” you reply, flatly. He lets out a small chuckle, “Yeah okay, I deserved that one.” He starts to clean up his mess from cooking and the two of you clean the kitchen in silence for the next 15 minutes. 

After finishing up you head out to the fire pit where Sammy and Danny have a nice bonfire going. Jake follows you out taking an open seat next to Sammy, and you sit down on a chair between Danny and Sam. Danny reaches over and hands you a white claw. “Well, any big plans for this week gentlemen?” you say cracking open your drink. “I am super excited to go hiking, I hear this area has some super great trails,” Danny replies. Your eyes shift to Sam. “Yeah same,” he replies “but I also brought some art supplies and I’m excited to paint. I haven’t gotten to do that for quite awhile.” “That sounds really nice,” you reply. There’s a beat of silence and your gaze finds Jake. He clears his throat, “Hoping to get some song writing done, have had some riffs bouncing around in my head recently and hoping I’ll be able to fine tune them while we’re here.” You nod. “Hopefully you’ll find the inspiration you’re looking for,” you say softly. Jake's eyes haven’t broken yours yet. “Bajabule, bitches!” Both you and Jake break away from each other’s stares to find his twin walking down to the fire with a solo cup raised in the air. “Welcome to the party, brother,” Sam says, raising his Topo Chico towards Josh. 

The five of you spent the next couple hours joking around the fire and drinking. It felt so good to let loose with your best friends. It reminded you of many nights when you three were in high school and making stupid decisions and you felt your heart swell with gratitude that no matter where life had taken you all, you had still remained this close. “Remember that night in high school that we went to that party at Kara’s family land and they had that huge bonfire? And we were all shitfaced and Michael Jackson came on the speaker?” you say starting to giggle. Sam starts dying laughing, “I absolutely do, keep going, Y/N,” he says between laughs. You continue “And Danny, you cleared the crowd because you wanted to show everyone how good you were at moon walking?” “And I am, for the record, very good at moonwalking,” Danny interjects. “Yeah yeah but then you started and you ate shit in front of everyone?” you and Sam bust into a fit of laughter. “Whatever, we all know if it wasn’t for that stupid branch on the ground I would have looked cool as hell,” Danny says, defending himself. “Daniel, we both know there was no branch involved, just a lot of alcohol and the need to impress Kara,” Sammy responds. 

“Was that the night we all got fucked up because we got confused and all thought someone else was DDing?” Danny asks. “Oh my god, it was. Shit that was a crazy night. Jake, I think you were the one that ended up coming to get us that night, weren’t you?” Sammy questions. Jake looks up from the fire, “Yeah you were all so gone by the time I got there. I got you and Danny loaded up in my car then had to go find Y/N. I had to get her away from that creep Jason that graduated with you guys and literally carry her to the car. He had her cornered and kept trying to convince me that he was going to get her home.” He says. Everyone got quiet. You raise your eyes up and see him looking straight at you. You swallowed hard, “Fuck, I literally have no recollection of that. I guess as the night went on I blacked out. Thanks for not leaving me, Jake,” you reply quietly. Jake just nods. 

While you and Jake had been having that interaction, Sam and Danny had started telling another story that brought your attention back to the present. After a while longer, you started to yawn and felt your eyelids getting heavy. You rose to your feet, “Well boys, it’s been a lovely evening but if I don’t head to bed now I think I’ll end up falling asleep out here. I’ll see y’all in the morning,” you said, stretching your arms above your head. “Goodnight, Y/N,” they all respond.

You take yourself to your room and grab your toiletry bag slipping into the bathroom to brush your teeth and hair. You then change into an oversized tshirt and slip into bed. Tonight was one of those that your head hit the pillow and it felt like you were asleep seconds later. You wake up what could have been seconds or hours later, you really aren’t sure, with an insatiable thirst. You groggily slip out of bed and make your way to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water. As you are heading back to your room you hear someone else stirring and as you round the corner heading down the hall to your bedroom your body slams into someone. 

“Fuck!” Jake says, his voice heavy with sleep. “Oh shit, I’m sorry,” you whisper into the darkness. You move to go around him and as you walk by you feel a hand reach out grabbing your wrist. Before you know what is happening, Jake has you pinned against the hallway wall behind you. He leans in dangerously close to you, his lips ghosting just above yours. “Tell me to stop and I will,” he says. You couldn’t fully process what was happening but you felt your core aching. You lean in encouraging him to continue. He pulls back slightly “Words, princess.” “Don’t stop,” you say, your voice barely audible. 

He finally closes the distance between the two of you. Your mouth’s working furiously against each other, your hands tangling themselves into his hair and his gripping your hips. Jake swipes his tongue across your bottom lip and you quickly grant him the access he had been silently asking for. He still tasted like the bourbon he had been nursing all evening. 

You felt his hips unconsciously rut against you and feel his hands starting to explore your body. You feel one of his hands sliding under the hem of your shirt. “Hmmm?” he hums into your mouth questioning if he’s okay to continue. You nod never letting your mouth leave his. Jake’s hand makes its way under your shirt and up your body. He reaches up cupping your breast and gently kneads it and then ghosts his fingers around your nipple causing you to arch your back slightly. “So reactive to me,” he says, pulling away slightly to look at you. The only thing illuminating him is the glow of the moon pouring in from a skylight above the two of you. But even in the low light you can see his sinister grin and he pinches your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger eliciting a sharp inhale from you as your eyes roll back.

He maintains eye contact as he drops his hand down between your bodies and runs his finger slowly under the band of your underwear. You buck your hips into his hand silently asking him to keep going. He clicks his tongue, “Here we go again with the impatience.” “Please Jake,” you shamelessly beg. “God you sound pretty when you beg for me princess,” he practically moans out. 

He grants you mercy dipping his hand into your underwear and swiping his middle and ring finger through your slick. “Shit, so wet and all for me?” he questions. “Mhmmm, all for you,” you echo. He dips the two fingers into you drawing a moan from you. Jake’s free hand flies up to your mouth where he shoves his middle and ring finger harshly into your mouth. “Gotta stay quiet for me, we can’t let anyone hear us okay?” he says. You nod wrapping your mouth tightly around his fingers and circle them with your tongue. You see him struggling to maintain his composure. “An angel straight from hell,” he chuckles to himself. 

Before you have a chance to respond he starts to pump his fingers in and out of your heat at a punishing pace. Jake’s fingers curl up to hit your sweet spot on every pump and his thumb finds its way to your bundle of nerves working quick circles. Your eyes roll back and you moan around his fingers in your mouth. “Mmm you look so pretty when you are coming undone,” he whispers lowly into your ear. “You gonna be a good girl and cum for me? Soak my hand?” The pressure starting to build is almost unbearable. You try to ask him not to stop but it comes out garbled with his fingers still in your mouth. “So close aren’t you, be a good little princess and let go for me would you?” Jake growls, “There you go, cum pretty for me.” 

And just as you feel your release starting to come you are jolted awake. You sit straight up and find yourself still tucked away in your bed and drenched in sweat and absolutely aching for Jake’s touch. What the fuck.

[joshym]

No Hands: Part 2

Pairings: Josh Kiszka x f!Reader

Summary: You had your turn, now it's his.

Word Count: 3k+

Read part one.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY mentions of poor body image, light bondage, use of mouth gag, fingering, oral (f!rec), unprotected p in v sex, a little degradation, some slight edging, overstimulation, slight choking, squirting, lots of dirty talk, some fluff, Joshs white satin scarf (please let me know if I missed anything, lol)

a/n: the first part of this little story had me in chokehold (pun intended) & I knew I had to continue it.

so, with that said,

ENJOY.

“Put this on. You have five minutes. I’ll be right back.”

He dug down deep in your closet to find it. The thing that makes him lose all sensibility, that brings out the feral animal in him that fucks you until you’re near tears.

The dress. 

The one that gets you in trouble. The good kind.

He’s home on a quick break from tour, and every night has been full of passion and desire for one another. 

He leaves again tomorrow morning, so you know he’s got something quite special planned for you on this last night together at home.

You quickly put it on as soon as he leaves the room, looking at yourself in the mirror. Your body has always made you a little insecure, but the way this dress fits you…it’s no wonder Josh can’t keep composure. The most beautiful parts of your body are accentuated, and you especially love the fact that the hem barely hits your upper thighs. 

Josh has never been shy of expressing his undying love for you, for your body. He practically worships you, kissing the ground on which you walk after each step you take. He makes you feel like a divine being among mortals. The attention he gives to your body, and the extra attention he gives to the things you don’t love about it…how you could ever doubt your beauty is beyond his way of thinking.

You sit on the edge of the bed as you await your lover, thinking about the way he looked today against the sun. 

He’d spent all day outside putting together your new backyard furniture and as you brought him drinks, you couldn’t help but admire him. How his honey skin was glowing in the rays, how the peach fuzz on his chest sparkled as sweat droplets glistened and caught the light, and how each goosebump beautifully decorated his skin when he poured water on his head to cool off. 

God, he’s beautiful. Fucking immaculate. And he’s yours. 

You hear his feet padding up the stairs. Your heart begins racing as you know you’re in for it due to his special choice of wardrobe for you.

As he makes his way through the door frame, you stand up to put yourself on display for him in his favorite dress of yours.

He stands there for a moment, drinking you in. 

His hands hold a beautiful white, silken scarf. 

Your heart skips a beat as you’re flooded with a memory. 

“Maybe next time, you’re the one that can’t use your hands. Maybe we tie them behind your back. How does that sound, hm?”

“Fuck, sweetheart. A sight for sore eyes, you are. Spin around for me, baby. Let me get a good look at you.”

You slowly turn your body, lifting your dress slightly so your ass cheeks just barely peek out the bottom.

“That’s my good girl. Always love to give me a little show, yeah? Perfect. Fucking perfect.” he says as he walks up to you.

He cups your face with one hand while the other drags the scarf along your thighs. 

“Look what I have for you. A pretty scarf for my pretty girl who is such a slut for me and my hands.”

He takes your bottom lip between his teeth, biting almost hard enough to draw blood as he swallows your every moan.

“Remember your little game?” 

“Yes, Joshy..” you say, your voice soft with lust and need.

“Remember what I promised you?”

“Yes, baby.”

“And what was my promise?”

He grabs your jaw, turning your face up to meet his.

“That you’re going to tie my hands behind my back, so I can’t use them.”

“That’s right, my darling.” 

His hand moves from your jaw to the pulse point of your neck, squeezing it deliciously before he lifts you up and puts you on the bed.

He stands there looking at you all laid out for him, marveling at you while he bites his bottom lip. His eyes are heavy, so full of desire for you that your heart swells as you feel like the most beautiful creature in his presence. 

You spread your legs just a little, but enough to reveal that you opted out of anything underneath the dress. 

“No panties, huh?” he says through the grin adorning his luscious lips. “My dirty, sluty girl.”

“I’m not sluty.” 

“Yes, yes you are, darling. A slut for me.”

You can’t even deny him, and your cheeks flush at his words.

You are a slut for him. His slut. You’d do anything he’d ask you, and he knows it.

He puts the silk scarf around his neck before slowly crawling up your body. He attaches his plush lips your chest, licking up to your collar bone that he grazes with his teeth. 

“You’ll let me know if it’s too much, okay?” he says softly against your ear.

You’re too caught up in the way he feels to be able to respond, so you simply nod your head to let him know you understand.

He removes the scarf from around his neck, dragging it across your lips, down your chest, descending further to embrace every curve of your body. The soft satin like honey gliding across your warm skin as it melts into you with its gentle touch.

He dips it slowly between your legs, pulling on it ever so slightly as it skates across your drenched core.

Your body weakens with each pull of the scarf, becoming encompassed with red hot desire as the fabric lightly tugs on your throbbing clit.

He sits up on his knees between your legs.

"Hands."

You obey, putting your arms in front of you, fingers intertwined together.

He kisses each wrist as he begins tying the scarf around them. Dark eyes full of lust and need locked with yours.

One knot, two knots...

He pulls on it, ensuring it’s tight enough.

“Feel okay, darling?” 

“It’s perfect.” 

Your voice is noticeably shaky. This is new territory for you, but the thought of being inhibited this way, giving him all the control while you haven’t the use of your hands…it’s elating.

He places sweet kisses down your arms, moving to your hips as he plays with the floral fabric hugging you.

“Fuck…I will never get enough of this little ensemble on you…” 

He begins bunching the fabric up your hips, knuckles white from the grip he has.

“...and I’ll never get tired of fucking you in it.”

His head dips down as you feel his breath against your wetness, causing you to buck your hips into his face to chase any sort of contact. 

He places his hand on your hip to hold you still.

“Patience, my dear. I’ll give you what you want.”

You reach your tied hands down to grip his hair, when he suddenly lifts away from you.

“Well, this simply won’t do.”

He unties your wrists.

“These need to be behind you. Don’t want them getting in the way, now do we?”

You lift up, moving your arms behind and allowing him to secure them before you lay back down.

With your hands now behind you, being held down by your own weight on your back, you truly are helpless against his will.

He returns to his position between your legs, kissing your thighs as you squirm under him. 

Out of instinct, you attempt to move your arms, realizing you can’t.

He feels you tense up. “Hm, seem to have found yourself in a little predicament, darling?”

Something about losing the ability to use your hands, how it nearly leaves you fully to his whim. He can do whatever he wants to you, and you’re going to fucking let him.

He looks up at you with hungry eyes. He wants it as bad as you do, but he’s loving taunting you, feeling your body trembling beneath him, making you desperate for him.

He giggles at your state, lips just out of reach from where you crave them the most.

“You want it? Want me to taste you?”

“Please, Josh…I want it so bad.”

“Hm, I’m not convinced. Need you to be a little more detailed.” he says as he licks along your inner thigh.

He wants you to beg. And you’ll do whatever it takes. Your need for him grows by the second.

“Please taste me, baby. I’m so fucking ready for you…please, I need you so bad. Need to feel your tongue on me. Need you to suck me, eat me, anything baby please, I can’t handle it.”

“Ah, there she is. That sweet voice begging for me to do such filthy things.”

He nudges your clit with his nose before fucking into you with his tongue, lapping inside of you, keeping his nose pressed against your clit as it follows the movements of his tongue.

His strong hands have a tight hold on your hips to keep you still. He feels you continue to tense under him, knowing how badly you want to move. He groans into you and the vibrations of his voice add another layer of intensity and hurl you closer and closer to your sweet release.

“Josh, Josh oh my god…fuck it feels so fucking good I’m-I’m so close Josh FUCK…”

He smiles against your swollen pussy as his tongue is buried inside of you.

Your stomach is tightening, your skin on fire and drenched with sweat. You’re suddenly very much aware of the fact that you can’t use your hands and it’s near torture to not be able to pull his hair and force his face even harder into you. 

His lips close around your clit, sucking it into his mouth, forcing the knot in your belly to break instantly. You scream incoherencies, your body almost entirely numb. 

“There you go, darling, there you go.”

He works you through it perfectly, bringing you back to earth with gentle kisses to your throbbing clit.

He lifts his head up. His lips swollen and pink, glistening wet from you.

“Goddamn, y/n…” he moves to kiss you, sticking his tongue deep in your mouth to give you a taste of yourself. “...you are fucking delectable, aren’t you? I could stay between those pretty legs all fucking day, make you cum just like that over and over again.”

You whimper in his mouth as he swallows every sound you make.

“Josh, please…I want to touch you…”

“Awh, my sweet girl can’t play her own game, can she?”

You want to run your hands all over him. His skin that’s sticky with perspiration, his muscles that tense under your fingers, you need to feel him. 

The corner of his mouth curls up in his tantalizing smile that sends a pool of wetness flooding to your core. “I got this pretty scarf just for you, darling. It’d be such a shame to not use it somewhere.”

You bite your lip hard in anticipation of whatever his sinister mind is brewing. 

“Should we shove it in your gorgeous mouth?”

Fuck. The thought alone has you tightly clamping your thighs together in need of any sort of friction.

“Oh. You liked that, didn’t you?” 

He gently lifts you up, brushing your messy hair down with his fingers before carefully untying your binds.

“Joshy…” 

“Yes, darling?”

Your freed hands instantly latch onto his body. Feeling all over his toned frame, pulling him closer to lick up his stomach to his gorgeous pecs, kissing his hardened nipple. He throws his head back as a beautiful moan sounds from his throat. 

“I want you to gag me with it, Josh.” You flick his nipple with your tongue before sitting up on your knees, looking him in his lust laden eyes. “I want you to fuck me with it shoved down my throat.” 

He grips your hips hard, pulling your body against his. “You dirty, sluty little girl. Your wish is my command, my queen.”

He kisses you deeply, then brings the scarf up to your mouth. “Open, my darling.”

You open your mouth, tongue laid out flat as he slowly shoves the silk all the way inside. You feel the material slide closer and closer to the back of your throat, triggering your gag reflex as he fits the rest of it inside. 

“That feel okay, my love?” 

Having lost yet another ability, this time the one to speak, you simply nod.

“You’re so filthy, my pretty girl.” He shoves his hand between your legs, fingers dipping inside of you and bringing them to your swollen clit. “Your sweet cunt all soaked from having a gag in your mouth, yeah? God, I fucking love you.” 

He turns you around, keeping you up on your knees as you face away from him. His hands reach around, pulling your dress up to your lower belly, fingers gripping your hips as he pulls your ass against him.

“Ready for my cock, darling?” 

You nod and whine around the balled up scarf. He pulls his shorts down, his hard dick nudging your lower back. You can feel the precum against you and you’re wishing you could wrap your lips around his head to gather it up.

He wraps his hand around your throat as his dick teases your desperate pussy. You want, no, you need him inside. You need to feel the burning stretch of him so badly. You grind your dripping cunt against him, trying anything to force him inside. 

You hear him ‘tsk’ in your ear. “I love your needy little cunt.” 

He toys with you a bit longer before finally shoving himself all the way inside in one hard thrust. 

You’re nearly screaming against the satin filling your mouth. The sting of his cock is a welcome pain as you finally feel full of him.

He starts slow, pumping himself at an excruciating pace to hear the lewd, wet sounds of his cock sliding in and out of you. “Listen to that, baby. Your sweet, wet cunt singing for my cock. The most beautiful sound.”

He sends a rather harsh thrust into you that nearly causes you to double over. 

He fucks into you harder, his hand still firm on your throat as his fingers of the other dig in to your hip. 

You want to scream his name. You want to tell him how fucking good he feels. But all you can do is whimper, scream and sob. And that you do.

He changes his pace as he swivels his hips, his cock pressed up against your sweet spot.

“You’re close, darling. This sweet pussy is getting so tight around me. You’re gonna make a mess, aren’t you?”

He knows you can’t talk, and he knows how bad you want to. Muffled moans are all you can muster as you're once again on the verge of release. 

“Come on, darling. Need to feel you cum pretty for me. All over my cock, sweet baby.”

He moves his hand from your throat, tracing down your body until the pads of his fingers find your clit. He flicks the hardened nub with his index finger, sending you crashing head first into your peak. 

Your body spasms. Your every extremity tingling. His name is the only word coming to the forefront of your mind, and you want to scream it from the top of your lungs.

He continues to relentlessly fuck you, chasing his own release. 

He reaches up to pull the scarf from your mouth. “Talk to me baby, let me hear that beautiful voice.”

“FUCK Josh! Josh oh my FUCK!” is all you can manage as you’re nearing overstimulation, but unable to care as your body is close to driving over the edge yet again.

“You’re gonna cum again, aren’t you? Sweet cunts been so spoiled today, hasn’t she?”

His voice is strained and breathy, telling you he’s nearing his end as his thrusts become sloppy. 

“Give it to me, baby. Fuck I need it so bad, y/n.”

The dam within you breaks, dousing his cock, your thighs, the bed sheets beneath you. 

He grabs hold of the strap of your dress, ripping it as he pounds himself into you.

“Holy fuck, y/n!” 

He thrusts into you a few more times before shooting his warm cum inside you, coating you deliciously.

You’re both breathless, exhausted in your fucked out states.

He pulls out of you slowly. You feel your wet release mixed with his instantly dripping down your thighs.

He gently lays you down on your back as he kisses you back to life.

“Oh my god, y/n.” he says with his lips against your chest. “You are so fucking magnificent. I can’t…I can’t believe how fucking glorious you are, my sweet baby.” 

You’re too worn to speak, so you simply smile and run your fingers through his sweaty hair. 

He lifts up to take hold of the scarf, bringing it down to clean the mess you both have made off of you. You wince a little at the contact, and he continues with a careful hand. 

He sets it next to you on the bed before laying down and pulling you on top of him as he continuously kisses your head, holding the torn strap of your dress in his hand.

You snicker in his chest, to which he hums in question.

“I think you may have actually broken me this time. Well, the dress, at least.”

He laughs while investigating the frayed fabric between his fingers.

“I don’t need this ratty, old thing. You’re fucking perfect. My beautiful, wonderful girl.”

The warmth of his arms pulls you into a deep sleep and he soon follows in suit.

You awake the next morning to him shuffling around the house. The band has their next performance tomorrow night and he has a flight to catch this morning. To no surprise, he’s running late.

“Can I help you with anything, Josh?” you say with sleep still laced on your voice. 

He finishes getting dressed, quickly making his way over to you to kiss you goodbye. You’re excited because you’ll be able to come to this show, but you’ll have to take a later flight as you have to get a few things sorted out at work first.

“No, I think I’ve got everything.” 

He packs the last few items in his suitcase, and just before he shuts it, he grabs the bunched up scarf sitting next to you on the bed and shoves it inside his luggage. 

“And just what do you think you’re doing with that?”

“This is coming with me. Who knows, I may even wear it on stage. Use it for good luck.” he says with a wink.

taglist:

@jakeyt

@objectsinspvce

@stayinginthesun

@surfgreensam

@gvf-ficreads

@sinarainbows

@stardustcordzz

Masterlist

[ageofbajabule]

Fic Recommendations

I’ve been working on this for a while, and will add to it the more fics I read and will recommend.

All of the work is 18+ NO MINORS: Some of these will contain smut, some might not. So read at your own discretion.

Josh

One Shots

Something About You - @abeautylives

Feather Light - @tripthelightfandomtastic

I Know You Are, But What Am I? - @indigostardustchords

Drift - @gretavangroupie

In Every Life - @joshkiszkasears

Divinity - @gretavanlace

Valtava - @gretavanlace

Long Time Coming - @builtbybrokenbells

Series

Varansai - @lightmylove-gvf

Bloom - @gretavangroupie

Endless Summer - @anthemofgvf

Deception - @obetrolncocktails

The Professor - @gretavanbear

Strawberry - @stardustshelb

Jake

One Shots

Voyeur - @gretavangroupie

Give Me Shelter - @gretavanfleetposts

Give Me All You Got - @alwaysonthemend

Use Somebody - @sunshinevanfleet

Series

Cream & Sugar - @sacredthefran

Hands to Yourself - @sinsofstardust

Vigilance - @gretavangroupie @gretavanmoon

Covet - @jakeyt

Danny

One Shots

Thrills In The Night - @sparrowofthedawnsworld

Rebel Yell - @tripthelightfandomtastic

Series

Four Weddings and a Funeral - @hearts-hunger

Sam

One Shots

Andante, Andante - @gretasmokerising

Not So Strangers - @gvfgal

Series

Pink Lemonade - @garbagevanfleet

Twins

One Shots

Crossfire - @daisyful-gvf

Just For Me - @jake-kiszkas-smirk

Series

Shake My Faith - @capturethechaos

Skin Deep - @streamingcolors-gvf

Stardust Chords - @indigostardustchords

Sugar - @gretavanlace

Poppins - @gretavanlace

Simultaneous - @lightmylove-gvf

Janny

One Shots

Guilty Pleasures - @builtbybrokenbells

Series

Ignition - @obetrolncocktails

Jonny

One Shots

Let’s Share - @joshym

Forbidden Twins

Series

Cruel Summer - @sacredstarcatcher

Gold Dust Woman - @builtbybrokenbells

[gretavanmaas]

truly an honor to be on this list with such amazing writers!!!🥰🫶🏻😭 thank you so much!🫶🏻

[wildbluesorbit]

SELF DESTRUCTION VIA GIFS😵‍💫

[lightmylove-gvf-deactivated2023]

Hey Ari, im sending u my therapy bill.

[gretavanmaas]

this is so bad for me

[stardustshelb]

"If It Kills Me" - Jake One Shot

TW: Language. Your name (female) + Jake. 6,339 words.

The song "If It Kills Me" by Jason Mraz inspired me to write this story; each part of the story is inspired by a different part of the song.

Part One

"It would be such a beautiful moment to see the look on your face,

To know that I know that you know now.

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking.

You know nothing." - JM

You’re sending me one-worded texts. You’re probably busy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself because why else would you be responding like you’re mad at me? I haven’t done anything to make you angry. If you knew I was spiraling and overthinking like this, you’d probably throw in an emoji, a gif, something to ease my mind. I decided to stop dwelling on the “ok” and “lol” replies and put my phone away. I’m clearly distracted and the last thing I need is Danny getting angry if I throw the tempo off again. 

“Let’s run through that one more time,” Josh said into the microphone. I normally am the serious one who takes control of our practices, but I wasn’t feeling it today. We were going on four hours of rehearsal for our upcoming tour. I was exhausted because I stayed up too late, but that’s the sacrifice you make when the love of your life lives in a different time zone. I listened to Danny count us in, “One, two, three, four,” and began playing my guitar. I tried to focus on the music but thoughts of you kept creeping in. 

When rehearsal finally ended, I checked my phone hoping to see your name on my screen. Nope. You left me on read. Thousands of notifications plague my screen but the one notification I was looking for was nonexistent. I started replaying the last parts of our conversation last night; if you were mad at me for something I said, I truly couldn’t remember. I put my phone in my back pocket and finished packing my stuff up for the day. We had to be back bright and early tomorrow, so thankfully I didn’t have to pack up all of my pedals and amps.

“What are you doing tonight?” Sam asked as he held out a ruby grapefruit White Claw to me. 

“It’s barely 2:00 in the afternoon, man,” I said as I waved his offer away. “Uh, I’m probably going to take it easy tonight and stay in.”

“That’s what you did last night,” Sam said as he shifted his weight to his other foot. He was clearly bummed that I wasn’t up for hanging out.

“Yeah, well, I’m trying to savor my nights at home before I spend them all on the road,” I said with a shrug. I loved touring and playing music more than anything, but I also loved sleeping in my own bed. I just wished you were here to share it with me.

“If you change your mind, call me,” he said as he placed the unopened White Claw down near my boot. He walked away before I could respond. I stared at the can and then grabbed it before walking out to the parking lot. 

When I got home, I took a quick shower and laid on the couch scrolling through the pictures in my camera roll. Our social media team has made several remarks lately that my Instagram was too “dry” and our fans were begging for more content from me. I never really pay much attention to the demands of keeping up an online presence on social media. I scrolled back to March of this year and smiled as I looked at the pictures from our quick trip to the beach. It was the last time we were able to spend time together as just the two of us. We spent four days secluded from the outside world in a condo in Santa Barbara. It was the highlight of my year. I found a picture you took of me when I was staring out into the sunset. My jeans were rolled up to my shins to keep from getting wet as the waves rolled in. I remember the water was so cold I thought my toes were going to turn black. You don’t smoke anymore, but you took a hit (or two) on the joint hanging out of my mouth. I didn’t know you took the picture of me at the time, but I’m thankful you did. If only you knew that at that moment I was cursing the sun for leaving and robbing us of another day together. 

The night passed by quickly. I still hadn’t heard from you and I was trying not to worry. It wasn’t like we were always in constant contact with our busy work schedules, but you should have texted me by now. I was fighting my eyelids to stay awake. I knew you had been working night shifts at the hospital recently, but I knew you were off. Our three-hour time difference really made things difficult for my sleep schedule. While it was almost 2 a.m. for me, I knew you would be awake and scrolling through your plethora of social media apps before getting ready for bed. 

I had an idea that normally worked when I needed a desperate way to grab your attention. I opened my Instagram app for the first time in weeks and hit the plus sign to make a post. I scrolled back to the picture you took of me on the beach and typed the caption, “The fleeting daylight gave me liberation though I longed for staying a captive on the sand.” I hit send and waited for the trap I set to work. I knew you had my Instagram notifications turned on.

I chuckled as I read the comments from fans who always posted the most unhinged shit. Even though my motive was to get a response from you, I still enjoyed reading the interesting comments. And as if I knew you better than you knew yourself, I suddenly was on the receiving end of your FaceTime call. 

“Hey,” I said as I propped the phone up on the pillow next to me. I fought the urge to display a smug smile.

“You have a typo in your Instagram caption,” you said. You had a toothbrush hanging out the side of your mouth and your hair was wrapped up in a towel. 

“Do I?” I asked, playing dumb. Any time I needed a response from you, posting a typo on social media worked 9 times out of 10. Josh just thinks I’m an idiot at this point.

“It doesn’t even make sense,” you said as you leaned down to spit off camera. 

“Fine, I’ll fix it,” I said as I reopened the app to make an edit to the caption. 

“You could have at least given me photographer credits,” you said. I fixed the typo and opened your FaceTime back so I could see your beautiful face full screen. You weren’t paying me any attention as you were doing your nighttime skincare routine. I didn’t care because I was still able to admire you. 

“You and I both know the insanity that would ensue if I tagged you in anything,” I said with a sigh. 

“That’s true,” you said.

“I miss the beach,” I said but fought to replace beach with the word you. Though, you would have seen it all over my face if you were looking at me. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t talk much today,” you said.

“I was beginning to think you were mad at me,” I admitted. 

“Why would I be mad at you?” you asked as you suddenly stopped rubbing moisturizer into your skin. You stopped looking at yourself in the mirror and stared at your phone–stared at me. I tried to remember what I was saying.

“I–uh–well, you know, you didn’t respond for hours, and uh, when you did, it was um–” I knew I was tripping over my words. I felt my face getting warm because I was flustered.

“I’m not mad at you, Jake. At least not at the moment,” you said with a wink. 

“You know I get into my head sometimes,” I said as I smoothed my hair back.

“Better than anyone. Ok, well, I wanted to pop on real quick to tell you good night,” you said. I could tell you were about to wrap up the call. I hated saying goodbye but I needed to sleep too. 

“Good night, y/n” I said as I watched you finish drying your hair.

“Good night, Jake,” you said before hanging up.

“I love you,” remained silently on my lips. 

Part Two

"Well you and I,

Why, we go carrying on for hours on end.

We get along much better,

Than you and your boyfriend." - JM

“You look like shit,” Josh said. Once again, another sleepless night robbed me of any rest and relaxation before another full morning of rehearsal. Thoughts of you mixed with anticipation for the new tour had my mind racing.

“Yeah, well, we’re twins,” I said as I stirred my coffee. “So, I guess you look like shit too.” I was fighting the urge to add a little whiskey to it if this was how practice was going to go. 

“This is the last practice of the week, so let’s not fuck around and waste any time today,” he added.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I questioned. I didn’t like what he was implying.

“It means get your head out of your ass and finish your coffee so we can get started,” he said. I could sense Josh was angry about something, but there was no telling with him. The smallest inconvenience could set him off. I bit my tongue and let him have his moment of misdirected anger. I finished my cup of coffee and started to plug in my guitar.

“Yesterday we stopped after ‘Frozen Light’ so let’s move on through the rest of the set list,” I said.

“Well, then you’re plugging in the wrong guitar,” Josh said. Confused, I glanced at the taped setlist on my side of the stage and realized our B stage performance was next. 

“Oh, yeah,” I said.

“You would know that if you paid any attention yesterday,” Josh said under his breath.

“What the fuck is your problem this morning?” I asked.

“Guys,” Sam said as he stepped in to diffuse the situation. That’s what the three of us did. Whoever was the one outside of the conflict always stepped in to help calm the other two down. But truth be told, it was normally Sam who worked as the middle man. “I’m not acting as the rope for your game of tug-of-war today.” My heart strings pulled a little for my younger brother as I threw my cup of coffee in the trash.

Rehearsal went by a lot quicker today than it did yesterday. I’m sure it was because anger fueled me not to waste a single moment of time so I didn’t have to be here any longer than I had to be. I was looking forward to a couple days off. I wondered if I could make a quick trip to California to see you this weekend. 

“Hey,” I heard Josh’s voice from behind me. I continued to pack up my stuff instead of turning around to face him.

“I’m sorry, Jake,” he said. I stopped messing with my cords and sighed before turning around.

“It’s ok,” I said when I met his eyes.

“I’m stressed about the tour and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you,” he said. Any ounce of anger I had instantly evaporated. I could tell he needed a hug so I pulled him in. Normally he was the one to initiate physical contact, but I knew what he needed.

“Are you sticking around here for the weekend?” I asked as I let go of our embrace.

“I’m not sure. What about you?” Josh responded.

“I may explore the west coast for a couple days,” I said, rubbing my chin.

“Jake…” Josh’s voice sounded like a warning.

“What?” I asked. He sighed and shook his head, clearly not saying what he wanted to say.

“Tell y/n I said hi,” he said.

“I never said I was going to see her,” I said.

“You didn’t have to,” he added.

“It’s not a good weekend,” you said. Your words immediately broke my heart and I struggled to hold the phone in my hand. I called to see if I could come stay and visit because I hadn’t seen you in nearly three months.

“I thought you said you were off most of this week,” I said, trying to mask the sadness in my voice.

“I am,” you said.

“So why can’t I come? I miss the beach. I miss you,” the words escaped my mouth before I realized it.

“I have plans this weekend,” you said. I could tell you didn’t want to volunteer any more information and that I was going to have to ask to get any details.

“One day on the beach with me is all I ask,” I practically begged.

“Nathan and I are going out of town,” you said. There it was. The reason you were being so short and vague. You knew how I felt about him; I just wish you knew how I felt about you.

“He’s still around?” I asked.

“Jake, I’m not having this conversation again,” you said. I could hear the frustration in your voice.

“Where are you guys going?” I asked. I really didn’t want to know any details because I didn’t want to think about Nathan any more than I had to. I was struggling to play nice.

“He’s taking me to his parents’ house in Malibu,” you said. I felt my chest tighten.

“You’re meeting his parents?” I asked.

“Yes, Jake. Is that ok with you?” you asked sarcastically. 

“You know you don’t need my permission for anything. I can’t say the same for Nathan,” I added. I tasted the bitterness of my insult. You didn’t immediately respond so I knew my words made an impact. I then heard you speaking but I couldn’t tell what you were saying. The sound was muffled as if your hand was covering the phone.

“Hello?” I asked. I continued listening to the muffled conversation and realized he was currently there with you. I couldn’t make out what you two were saying but I was growing more and more frustrated by the second. “Y/n?” I asked again, hoping for a response, but I continued to sit on the metaphorical back burner.

“Sorry about that,” you said. “Hey, I’ve got to finish packing but I will call you tomorrow.”

“Sure, of course. I will talk to you tomorrow,” I said as you ended the call.

I made myself a drink and debated calling one of the guys to come over and hangout. It was only 8:00 p.m. but I felt the exhaustion from the last two days taking its toll on me. Well, the tequila in my drink probably didn’t help. I figured I should take advantage of some extra hours of sleep. I polished off my glass and slowly shuffled to my bedroom. I put my phone on the charger and collapsed into my bed. For once, I didn’t have to lie awake as I slowly sunk into the pillow.

Part Three

"How long, can I go on like this,

Wishing to kiss you

Before I rightly explode?

Well this double life I lead isn't healthy for me.

In fact, it makes me nervous.

If I get caught, I could be risking it all." - JM

I didn’t realize that I slept for over 14 hours when I rolled over to check the time on my phone. Both my body and my mind really needed to rest. I scrolled through the notifications on my screen with tired eyes until I spotted two missed calls from you. As if you were a shot of espresso, I was immediately awake. You didn’t leave me a voicemail but you had called me at what would be 1 a.m. your time. I sat up straight and nervously called you back.

“Hello?” you answered on the first ring. Your voice sounded strange.

“Hey, I’m sorry I missed your calls last night. What’s going on?” I asked.

“If you’re still wanting to come to California, I’m free,” you said.

“I’ll be on the next flight,” I said as I hurried to get out of bed. 

“Thanks, Jake,” you said. I could tell you were on the verge of tears, so I decided not to press for any details yet. We could talk it out once I got there.

I landed in Santa Barbara just after 7 p.m. and headed through the small California airport. It was surprisingly easy finding a last-minute flight, but it wasn’t easy getting through the airport. Even today, I am still taken aback by the attention I receive from fans. I texted you to find out where to meet you and made my way down the escalator. I was only staying for two nights so I threw everything I needed into my backpack. I can travel light. I waited outside and kept my head down until I saw your car rolling up. To my surprise, Nathan was in the passenger seat. I felt sick. You immediately jumped out of the car and ran straight to me. I wanted to pick you up and spin you around, but I knew that would not make a great first impression with your boyfriend.

“I’m so happy to see you!” you squealed as I lingered in your welcoming embrace. Everything I had planned to say to you was no longer relevant now that he was here. 

“I’m happy to be here,” I said as you finally let go. I could feel Nathan staring at us but I kept my eyes locked on your beautiful face. Your naturally long eyelashes fluttered and I swore I stopped breathing.

“Are you hungry?” you asked.

“Famished, actually,” I said, realizing all I’ve eaten today were the free snacks the airline gives you. 

“Good because I made lasagna,” you said as you stood on your tiptoes.

“Did you follow your famous recipe?” I asked.

“From a box?” you asked with a laugh.

“Shh, we pretend, remember?” I asked. Before you could respond, we both jumped at the sound of your car horn. Nathan’s impatience seemed to get the best of him. I grinded my teeth before taking a deep breath. So much for first impressions.

“Come on,” you said as you rolled your eyes and laughed. I relaxed my fingers, which I didn’t realize were balled up into a fist, before following you to your car. I slid into the backseat and channeled my inner Josh so I could act like I was excited about meeting Nathan.

“Hey, man. I’m Jake,” I said, sticking my arm out to shake his hand. He turned around and looked at me like I was covered in dirt. 

“Hello, Jake,” he said, finally grabbing my hand unenthusiastically. “I’m Dr. Turner.” Give me a break. You got into the car and smiled when you saw us shaking hands.

“Oh good, I didn’t have to do the introductions,” you said with a wink.

I learned your weekend trip to Malibu was canceled when Nathan–or Dr. Turner–found out he needed to be on call at the hospital last minute. I could tell you were disappointed, but I’m not sure if that was the reason you sounded like you were crying on the phone this morning. I made a mental note to ask you about it when we had some privacy. I knew Nathan was staying for dinner but I was praying to whatever God who was listening that he wouldn’t be staying the night as well. I needed alone time with you. 

When we got back to your place, I made my way to your guest room to put my backpack up. I checked in with the guys to let them know I had made it safely to your place. I guess news of me being in California was all over Twitter and Instagram because our social media manager sent me screenshots of some pictures I took with fans in the airport. I knew we’d have to lay low now that I was here to keep your identity hidden. The last thing you or I needed were pictures of us circulating online with rumors. I started to make my way out of the bedroom when I stopped in the doorway. I could hear you and Nathan having what sounded like an argument, and I didn’t want to interrupt. I leaned in closer to the hallway to eavesdrop.

“He can’t get a hotel room?” Nathan asked.

“I’m not making my best friend stay in a hotel,” you said as you closed the oven door.

“He can afford it,” he said with a scoff.

“I don’t concern myself with other people’s finances, Nathan. You know that. People could say the same thing about me dating a doctor,” you said. I rolled my eyes.

“I just don’t like the idea of another guy staying the night with you,” he said.

“He’s not staying with me. He’s sleeping in another room. Plus I’ve known Jake almost my entire life. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve slept under the same roof,” you said.

“I would feel more comfortable if I were here too,” he said. I felt my blood start to boil. 

“Please trust me, Nathan. I’ve never given you a reason not to,” you said. I couldn’t handle listening any longer so I made my way out of the hallway and walked into the kitchen. When you saw me, you pulled away from Nathan. I’m not sure if you noticed–but both he and I did. I’m sure that unconscious movement only fueled his insecurities even more. 

Dinner went better than one would expect. It appears everyone–including myself–is a great actor. One would have never guessed Nathan didn’t want me there with the way he was asking me questions about my life with the band. If I didn’t know half of what I already knew about him, I’d think he was a pretty good guy. You beamed watching the two of us converse. I gazed at your full lips across the table as they broke into a smile. I wanted nothing more than to kiss them. 

“Nothing like a home-cooked meal,” you said with a laugh. I gave you a soft smile.

“Stouffer’s is a specialty with this one,” Nathan said, pulling you into a side hug. “I’m hoping she’ll learn her way around a kitchen eventually.”

“I will take anything that’s not fast food at this point,” I said. I stared at the glass mason jar of strawberry lemonade you so kindly made AKA mixed Crystal Light with water. I knew you had a busy schedule at the hospital and worked so hard as a nurse. And I knew you had to fend a lot for yourself growing up. I was just proud that you made a life for yourself and lived unapologetically. I didn’t care that you never took an interest in cooking. You never tried to be anyone but yourself and I loved that about you.

“Well, it would be nice to have something that wasn’t full of preservatives every once in a while,” Nathan said with a laugh. I looked up to meet his eyes and if looks could kill, he’d be a goner. You sensed my sudden change in mood and laughed at his joke–a laugh that you and I both knew was fake and forced.

“I’m a great cook, actually. What about you Nathan?” I said.

“A man’s place doesn’t belong in the kitchen. Plus, I’m too busy with surgeries and–” he was saying.

“The 1900s called. They want their sexist views back,” I joked. You let out a wild laugh, one that was so not fake. I watched Nathan squirm in his seat before forcing a smile. Before he could respond, the ringing of his work phone distracted us.

“Great,” he muttered before excusing himself from the table. When he was out of the room, you and I locked eyes and you started that wild laugh again.

“Jacob Thomas Kiszka, you are horrible,” you said. I loved when you used my full name.

“What kind of backwards ideology is that?” I asked. I wasn’t joking anymore.

“He was raised differently,” you said, smoothing the napkin in your lap. 

“Does he call his mom Mother? Be honest,” I said, biting my lip to keep from laughing.

“Jake…” you said.

“Holy shit, he does!” I exclaimed. We both were laughing hysterically when Nathan came back into the room.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“Jake just told me a funny story,” you said nervously.

“I like to laugh,” Nathan said as he joined us at the table.

“Do you have to leave, darling?” you asked. I could taste the bile in my throat after hearing you call him that.

“Yeah, here in a second. I want to hear this hilarious story first,” he said as he met my stare.

“It’s really an inside joke. You wouldn’t–” you started.

“I’m waiting,” Nathan said, not breaking my eye contact. Just then, I fantasized about stabbing him in the neck with the fork in my hand. 

“I was telling y/n the story about how Josh–that’s my brother–sometimes acts in his diva persona,” I was trying to come up with something on the fly. I’m sure anyone with a brain would know I was lying, but I kept going. “And when he’s this super bitch–his words–he makes life hell for us all.”

“And that’s…funny?” Nathan asked.

“If you knew him, yes,” I said. 

“Right. Well, I’ve been called in for surgery. Another with cirrhosis of the liver. They’re a dime a dozen nowadays,” Nathan said. It was hard to believe he was talking about another human life. I wouldn’t want someone who didn’t see value in another person’s soul operating on me. He wouldn’t give a shit if I lived or died. I’d be just another body on the operating table to him. “That’s why I’ve encouraged y/n to stop drinking. Nasty stuff. Jake, you should consider it too.”

“Thanks for the medical advice, doc,” I said.

“I’m serious. Alcohol is poison. But then again, so are all of the preservatives we consume in our instant lemonades and frozen lasagnas, so what the hell do I know?” he laughed. Nobody laughed along with him this time.

“I’ll walk you out,” you said as you pushed yourself away from the table. I wasn’t sure if you were needing a break from yet another one of his passive aggressive insults, or if you were trying to get him away from me before I did something that would put me behind bars for the rest of my life.

Part Four

"If I should be so bold,

I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand.

I'd tell you from the start how I longed to be your man.

But I never said a word,

I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again." - JM

We spent the rest of the evening sitting on your couch and catching up. We talked every day but having this time with you in person felt completely different. You wanted to know everything about our new tour and I could feel the excitement radiating off of you. 

“Will you be there opening night?” I asked.

“You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you said. “I have a confession.”

“Oh?” I asked as I moved closer to you. 

“I have a bottle of tequila stashed in the cabinet above the refrigerator,” you whispered.

“You know how I feel about alcohol, and don’t even get me started on preservatives,” I said sarcastically. You threw a pillow at me before jumping up to grab it. I watched you climb on top of your kitchen counter to be able to reach your hidden contraband. You jumped down off the counter and ran back to join me on the couch with the forbidden bottle of tequila tucked under your arm.

“If you can guess my favorite song off the new album, I will take a shot. If you get it wrong, you have to take a shot,” you said, holding the bottle out to me. 

“So I have a 90% chance of taking a shot,” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“The odds are definitely in my favor,” you said with a laugh. I studied your face for a moment. I wanted to tell you how you were the inspiration for my most favorite song that I’ve ever written. Josh heard it once and knew it belonged on the album. I wanted to explain how my time on the beach with you earlier this year inspired the story behind the song. Every word, every line to the song “Waited All Your Life” was written about you. You were the song. But how could I ever admit that?

“Runway Blues?” I guessed. I knew it wouldn’t be it. And for a moment, I swear a look of disappointment flashed across your face for a brief moment.

“Nope! Take a shot!” you said as you proudly held the bottle to me.

“What was the right answer?” I asked as I unscrewed the lid. I put the bottle to my lips and wondered when it touched yours last. 

“‘Waited All Your Life’ is my favorite,” you said with a soft smile. I felt my chest tighten at your admission and took a shot of tequila straight from the bottle. 

“Mine too,” I said so quietly I wondered if you even heard me. “Hey, can we go to the beach tomorrow? Just the two of us?” 

“Yeah, that sounds perfect,” you said as you grabbed the bottle from me. You took a shot and I envied the bottle that got to kiss your lips. 

After talking and laughing for several hours on the couch, you got a text from Nathan that the surgery went well and he was headed home for the night. 

“Home as in…?” I asked.

“Home as in his own home. We don’t live together, Jake,” you said as you looked up at me under your lashes.

“I know, I know,” I said as I sighed with relief. You screwed the lid back on the bottle of tequila before climbing back up to stash it away for another time. When you came back into the living room, you stood at the end of the couch and yawned. Unfortunately, I knew what was coming.

“I think we should call it a night,” you said. I didn’t want this night to end. Carpe noctem.

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired,” I lied.

“Don’t set an alarm. Sleep in and we’ll go to the beach whenever we feel like it tomorrow,” you said. I didn’t want to sleep at all. I didn’t want to waste a single moment when I’m here with you.

“Ok, sounds like a plan,” I said as I stood up. I walked closer to you and I watched you suck in a breath.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” you said quietly.

“Me too,” I said as I wrapped my arms around you.

“Good night, Jake,” you said.

“Good night, y/n,” I whispered.

After my shower, I laid on the bed in the guest bedroom and stared at the ceiling fan for what felt like an eternity. Thoughts of you, thoughts of us, thoughts of Nathan, the beach, tequila, and your song clouded my mind. I wanted to get out of bed and knock on your bedroom door. I wanted to admit every thought and feeling I’ve hidden from you for years. I wanted to admit how I’ve kept this secret from you for so long and it kills me nearly every day. I wanted to cry and scream and then cry some more. I wanted to hold you. But I just laid there and stared at the ceiling fan as the blades moved in a perfect rotation. Maybe tomorrow I’d admit these things to you. Maybe when we’re on the beach I’d finally find courage amongst the waves. I closed my eyes and let the hope for tomorrow guide my dreams for tonight.

Part Five

"And all I really want to do is to feel you.

It's a feeling inside that keeps building.

I will find a way to you if it kills me.

If it kills me.

It might kill me." - JM

I helped unload your adirondack chairs from the back of your car when we found a spot on the beach that was secluded from both the locals and the tourists. There was a walk-up bar not too far from us, but still far enough away that we felt like we were the only two people on the beach. I kept my sunglasses on as I faced the ocean, admiring the sunlight reflecting off the water. I watched you apply your sunscreen and waited for you to ask me to help you apply it to your back and neck. 

“Do you mind helping?” you asked, turning away from me and moving your hair to the side. I grabbed the bottle and started to rub the lotion on your back. I took my time because I wanted to feel every inch of your soft skin. 

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked as I continued rubbing the sunscreen on your shoulders. I finally felt enough courage to ask about the phone call since I couldn’t see your eyes.

“Always,” you said.

“When I talked to you on the phone yesterday morning… You sounded like you were crying,” I quietly admitted. I waited for you to say something but the silence lingered in the air. 

“I was,” you said.

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t really want to talk about it, Jake,” you said as you dropped your head. I stared at the back of your neck waiting for the right words to come to me.

“You know you can talk to me about anything,” I said.

“I know,” you said. I put my hands on your shoulders and pulled for you to turn to face me. When you met my eyes, I could see they were hiding something.

“Y/n, what’s bothering you?” I asked. You sighed as you put your sunglasses on, attempting to camouflage your emotions.

“Nathan and I got into an argument that night and I called you in the heat of the moment. But we worked it out by the time you called me back the next morning. I was still upset and just needed to see my best friend,” you said as you reached out to squeeze my hand. “I miss you so much.”

“Loving a music man ain’t always what it’s supposed to be,” I sang a line from one of your favorite Journey songs as I let your hand stay in mine. I knew what I had to do to make you smile.

“Oh, girl, you stand by me,” you sang playfully. You loved when I sang, especially when it was a song off of your comfort playlist.

“I’m forever yours,” I sang back to you, meaning every word I said.

“Faithfully,” you sang as you let go of my hand. I wanted the lyrics to be true for you like they were for me. You laid your head back on your chair and basked in the sunlight. 

“Y/n?” I asked.

“Mhm?” you replied, still sunbathing.

“I–” I began, but stopped speaking when your phone started ringing.

“Sorry, this is work,” you said as you fished your phone out of your tote bag. I watched your face turn to disappointment behind the sunglasses. “Hello?” you said as you answered. You got up and walked away to take the phone call. I turned my attention away from you and looked out toward the waves. I knew our time together was ending quicker than I wanted it to. I was supposed to fly back home first thing tomorrow morning, and we were supposed to spend the entire day together on the beach, but my gut told me those plans were about to change. Being a musician, I was no stranger to abrupt changes and I quickly learned how to adapt to the unexpected. Nothing in my life ever goes according to plan anymore. I glanced your direction and watched you pace back and forth, still talking to whoever it was on the phone. I turned back toward the water and savored what I knew would be my final moments here on the beach. Another chance I would never take washed away on the shore line. I wiped the tear that escaped my eye as you walked back toward your empty chair. You didn’t have to say it; I knew.

“I am so sorry, Jake,” you began.

“Do we need to go?” I asked.

“Yes,” you said with a sigh. Without another word, I stood up and helped grab the chairs to make our way back to your car.

“Please feel free to stay in my house until I get back. I only have to go in for a few hours to help locate and fix some medical charts that got mishandled. I don’t have to work a full shift tonight,” you said. 

“Sure, of course,” I lied. I’d be searching for the next flight out of California the second you walked out the door. I knew you would be upset that I planned to leave without a proper goodbye, but I left what I needed to say out on the beach. The waves carried my broken heart back to the ocean. My unspoken words would forever remain buried in the sand.

Eventually, I would find my way back there when you were ready to hear them.

It wasn’t our time, yet. And it kills me that maybe it never will be.

The End

[gretavanmaas]

OUCH OMFG????

[stardustshelb]

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18+. TW: Language & Sexual Content. Your name (female) + Danny. 9,544 words. Part One “Mr. Henry, I requested tomorrow off months ago,” yo

"If It Kills Me" - Jake One Shot

TW: Language. Your name (female) + Jake. 6,339 words. The song "If It Kills Me" by Jason Mraz inspired me to write this story; each part of

[gretavanmaas]

In Every Life | JMK

| Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Female Reader

| 4.7k Words

| 18+ only! Minors do not interact

| Warnings: 18+, smut, drinking, language, fluff, angst, praise kink, oral sex (m + f), penetrative sex. Let me know if I missed anything!

“You’re sure it’s not too much?” you ask fussing with the bottom of the dress he had picked out for you.

“It’s perfect,” he says, turning you to face him, “I knew this little number would look stunning. It’s my favorite color on you.”

You smile weakly and take a deep breath in to calm your nerves. This was your first time going to a semi public event together. You’d been dating for a couple years but Josh—much like his twin—had wanted to keep your relationship for just the two of you. Of course your close family and friends knew and you went out together but you two knew there was a very real possibility this would be the first time you would be romantically linked in the public eye. Covid had made it easy for your relationship to be just that, yours. Of course there had been rumors here and there of Josh’s secret girlfriend. Mainly just grainy photos of you walking back to the tour bus with him or posts about seeing Josh with some girl at a restaurant, but nothing that had ever gained any traction. Up until now, you had maintained your anonymity and you liked it that way. You loved your little bubble. It felt safe. But you knew tonight there would be lots of people and cameras there and that the perfect serene secret of your relationship was about to be out in the open. No longer just yours and Josh’s. To say you were terrified was an understatement.

You knew how much he loved you but you were so scared this would somehow change things. Sensing your anxiety, Josh slides his hands down your bare arms, stopping at your hands and interlacing his fingers through yours. He looks at you breathing in a deep breath and urges you to do the same. You take a deep breath in mirroring his and breathe out together. You find your nerves starting to melt. You take another together and he wraps his arms around you squeezing you slightly. The perfect amount of pressure to make you feel safe.

He pulls away, “So… what you’re not gonna tell me how good I look?” he chuckles with a twirl trying to lighten the mood. “You look incredible, babe. I think this is one of your best looks yet.” you reply, straightening his jacket. And you meant it. The chocolate brown suit he’d designed pairs perfectly with his cream turtleneck and he looks absolutely delectable but you’ll save those comments for later.

“Okay pretty lady, you ready to do this thing?” he asks with a toothy grin. “As I’ll ever be,” you let out a nervous chuckle. He kisses your forehead and leads you downstairs where your car is waiting.

~

You arrive at the wedding fifteen minutes before it starts. Just long enough to meet up with the other guys and their dates. Jita greets you first with a hug and compliments your dress. She reaches down and gives your hand a soft squeeze. A silent acknowledgment that she knows how you’re feeling. You greet everyone else with hugs and head inside the venue to find a seat. You all take your seats and your leg immediately starts bouncing, a nervous tic that happens subconsciously. Josh reaches over and grabs your hand rubbing small circles with his thumb. He’s always so attentive and knows just how to ground you right when you’re starting to spiral. You smile softly and there’s a change in music signaling the wedding was beginning.

The ceremony was beautiful. The couple's vows were sweet and sincere. And your face got red hot when the newlyweds were heading down the aisle and Josh leaned over to tell you how beautiful you would look in a wedding gown. The officiant announced that the couple wanted all of you to enjoy a cocktail hour before the reception started. Your group got up and joined the crowd of people headed to the cocktail hour. On your way you chatted with Jita and Hannah about how lovely the wedding had been and talked about how pretty the bride's dress was. Once you’d arrived at the cocktail hour you all claimed a pub table to stand around.

“Your usual?” Josh asked. You smiled and nodded “Yes please!” The guys wandered off to the bar and found their way back to the table faster than you’d expected with drinks in hand. “Here you go pretty girl,” Josh hands you your drink with a smile and a wink. You love the way he makes you blush with the simplest words and gestures. You sip your drink as conversation flows and before you realize it you’ve reached the bottom of your glass. Josh’s cup has also run empty. You notice and ask him if he wants to make another trip to the bar. He nods and reaches an arm around your waist and kisses your bare shoulder before he starts leading you towards the bar.

Once you’ve entered into a crowd of people and you two are out of the group's sight, Josh leans over and whispers in your ear. “What do you say we step out and get a little bit of fresh air?” You’re not sure whether it’s the tone he uses or the way his lips are grazing the shell of your ear but the question has sent a jolt of energy through your body. “Mmmm” you nod.

He uses his grip around your waist to guide you towards the door. You enter into a long hallway that’s surprisingly empty considering the party that’s raging on just on the other side of the wall. You walk down the hallway a bit before Josh removes his arm and turns his body to face you. “You know how good you look tonight? So perfect for me,” he says, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. That familiar warmth comes rushing back to your cheeks. You look down embarrassed by how quickly his words are unraveling you. “Look at me sweet girl,” he uses a finger to lightly pull your chin up as he steps closer to you, “Want you to look at me, know that I mean it.” You nod. “And I do mean it,” he continues “I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off you. A whole spectacle going on but I couldn’t focus on anything but you.”

You gasp when your back hits the wall behind you. You hadn’t noticed that you’d been slowly shuffling backwards as he’d been moving to close the space between the two of you. You’d run out of space to move and Josh had you trapped now. One of his hands making its way to the small of your back and the other reaching up, capturing your chin between his first two fingers as he pulled you into a kiss. It was gentle the same way all his kisses started out. And then slowly you felt his tongue sliding across your lips asking for permission. You parted your lips granting him access and then your tongues met, beginning to do their familiar dance. The kiss quickly became hungry and full of wanting. You notice an aching starting to grow between your legs as Josh pulls you closer into himself. One of his legs sliding between yours. You let out a quiet moan when his leg grazes your heat.

Josh pulls away and lets out a soft chuckle. You whine at the loss of his lips against yours. “My sweet girl is so needy isn’t she. Moaning right here for me in public. Bet you’d let me have you right here if I wanted, wouldn’t you? I promise I’ll take good care of you when we get home.”

Wrapping your hands around the lapel of his blazer you pull him back into a kiss. “Need you right now” you breathe against his mouth.

He lets out a groan. “Oh mama, don’t tempt me.”

Before you know what your body is doing you’ve grabbed his hand and you’re leading him down the hallway toward the bathroom you saw when you had entered the venue. You put your ear against the door of the men’s restroom. “What are you doing?” Josh asks. “Shhh.” You whisper.

After listening for a second and hearing nothing on the other side of the door. You grab Josh’s hand and pull him into the bathroom. Walking down the long bathroom you lead him into the last stall and silently thank your lucky stars the stalls have floor to ceiling walls and are more spacious than a typical bathroom stall. You lock the stall behind you and spin Josh until his back is against the stall door. You reach down for the button of his trousers and look up at him silently asking if this was okay. He sees your hesitation and nods, licking his lips at the sight of you so desperate for him. You look down and finally notice the large imprint his cock is making against his pants. You make quick work unbuttoning his pants and freeing him from his boxers before dropping to your knees. Looking up at him through your lashes before licking a stripe from the base of his cock up to his tip. His breath hitches. “Gonna have to make this quick mama, don’t want them to come looking for us.” In response you take him until he hits the back of your throat. He lets out an airy moan. You begin working his length at just the right pace using your hands to work the portions that won’t fit in your mouth. Slow at first but then picking up the pace just how you know he likes it. You know his body so well by now that you’ve got him close without even realizing it.

Reaching his hands down he weaves his fingers delicately through your hair applying light pressure to the back of your head and then finding his rhythm, he starts bucking his hips into your face fucking your mouth. You feel tears starting to sting the corners of your eyes. “My girl is doing so good for me,” he says looking down at you. “Look so pretty choking on me.” Never missing a beat, he moves one of his hands from the back of your head reaching down to wipe a tear that had escaped. He moans a string of expletives and you can tell he’s approaching his climax from his leg muscles starting to tense, and his cock twitching in your mouth. You flatten your tongue and move ever so slightly sending him over the edge. You feel his familiar warmth rushing down the back of your throat sucking all of it down, not wasting a single drop. You let him finish and then slowly let his cock fall out of your mouth with a pop.

He slips himself back into his boxers and pants and begins to button his trousers. “Wow… that was…” he trails off. “Hot,” you say standing up finishing his sentence with a smirk. “Yeah,” Josh lets out a breathy laugh. “Wanna taste you later, mama,” he says, pulling you in for a quick kiss. “Will you let me do that? Be a sweet girl and let me have you? Let me take my time with you?” The way he speaks to you is intoxicating. “Yes please” you say, nodding your head quickly.

With another quick kiss on your cheek, Josh exits the stall and then the bathroom making sure the coast is clear for you two to sneak back out. He motions to you that you’re good and you stop in front of the mirror to quickly smooth down your hair and reapply your lip gloss. You exit the restroom and you straighten Josh’s jacket and give each other a one over to make sure there’s no evidence of what just occurred. After you’re both satisfied, you start back towards the party, Josh’s arm wraps around you starting at your shoulder his hand gently slides down until it reaches the small of your back where it had been there all night.

After making a quick stop at the bar to grab the drinks you were supposed to be getting the entire time you make your way back to your table. “Wow, the bar must have been super busy when you guys went up there. Super weird I didn’t see you when I was going to get ours.” Sam says with a teasing tone raising his glass in your direction. You feel yourself starting to blush. Josh clears his throat to explain himself when a loud voice booms over the speakers “The couple would love for you to come celebrate with them at the reception. Please make your way to the ballroom.” Saved by the bell, you think.

Once again the group joins in as a herd of people migrates to the ballroom. You all get your table number and find your way to the table. You sit down and chat enjoying each others company. You find yourself immersed in a side conversation with Jita for most of the night. You were so grateful for how well you got along with Jake’s partner. Meeting Jake and Jita had been the most nerve wracking part of you and Josh’s relationship. You knew how much it meant to Josh that you get along well with them. He had always seen Jake as quite literally an extension of himself and Jita, well she had become family at that point. You were thankful for how easily conversation flowed between the two of you and that you connected so easily.

The night carried on and at one point you look up to see Josh has gotten a glow stick and is dancing around with it. His dance moves somehow resemble that of both a child and an elderly person simultaneously. You let out a snort laugh watching him dance. He is pure sunshine in human form and you love to see him being goofy and having fun. The duality of your partner is something you will never be able to adequately express your appreciation for. His ability to be both the lightest goofiest person you know and somehow still be the most alluring sexy person is such a mystery but he somehow does it with ease.

He pulls you out of the dance floor and you erupt into giggles as he takes your arms and swings them with his, trying to will your body into mimicking his moves. You stay out on the dance floor for a bit. Long enough for the lights to lower and the music to slow down. Josh pulls you into slow dance. You feel hesitant, for some reason having him hold you like that on the dance floor felt vulnerable. All night you’d been off to the side when showing affection. Now you were in the center of the room and while there were several other couples on the dance floor as well, you felt exposed somehow. Sensing your hesitation, Josh pulls you in tighter. He leans in close “Let them look,” he says in a hushed tone.

You let yourself relax into his embrace and enjoy this moment. Throughout the duration of your dance Josh is whispering sweet nothings to you. At one point he was whispering what he had planned for you later in the evening and you felt a blush creeping across your face and the aching between your legs grow stronger. He had this way of making everything melt away. The sounds of people clapping for the band as the song ends rips you back to reality. Josh takes your hand and guides you back to your table. As you guys take your seats back at the table Josh places his hand dangerously high on your thigh. You feel yourself tense up under his touch. You need him, you’ve needed him all night. Sensing this, Josh squeezes your thigh and rises from the table. It was late enough in the evening that it felt like an appropriate time to head out. You and Josh make your rounds saying goodbye to all your friends and stopping to congratulate the couple one last time.

The ride home is torturous. Josh’s hand draws lazy patterns on your upper thigh. At one point he slides his hand up under the hem of your dress and starts to inch his way up your thigh. You clench around nothing and shift in your seat searching for any kind of relief you can get. He moves his hand back down your thigh and you whine. “Patience, sweet girl. You know I’ll take care of you when we get home.” Josh laughs softly.

You finally pull into the driveway and you’re practically falling over yourself trying to get inside as fast as possible. You get through the door after fumbling with your keys to unlock it. Josh rushes in after you and closes the door behind the two of you.

His hands immediately find your hips, he spins you around until your back hits the door and the breath is momentarily knocked out of your chest. He presses his body into yours and grabs your left leg hitching it over his hip. He then takes his hand under your chin to lift your head to the side exposing your neck. Josh trails wet sloppy kisses down your neck. Fighting for any sense of control you reach down and palm at his dick through his pants. He sucks in hard through his teeth and grabs both your wrists pinning them against the door behind you, reminding you who is actually running the show. He continues hungrily kissing down your neck leaving love marks as he goes. One of Josh’s favorite things was marking you up and leaving you reminders of whose you were.

Josh trails his mouth back up to meet yours and releases your arms to fall back to your side. He lifts your leg bringing it back down to the ground. He then uses both of his arms to wrap around your waist and start guiding you both back towards the bedroom. The two of you fumble your way down the hallway just a mess of tangled limbs never letting your mouths separate.

Once you reach the bedroom he pats to feel the bed behind him and spins you around to lay you on your back. “My turn to take care of you now,” he says softly. He takes off his jacket and tosses it on the chair next to your bed. Josh then drops to his knees in front of you and makes quick work taking off your shoes and starts kissing up your legs. He’s going agonizingly slow and keeping true to his word, he was definitely taking his time.

He starts to bunch your dress up loosely around your hips and ghosts his face right above your center. You buck your hips slightly looking for any form of friction. He chuckles softly to himself, “Needy tonight are we?” You groan back to him, “Mhmmm please Josh, need you so bad.”

He rewards your begging by hooking two fingers into your underwear and pulling them off. He slips a single digit into your heat and lets out a small moan. “So wet for me already mama. Need to taste you, can I taste you?” You nod your head quickly. “Need to hear you. Want to hear you ask for it,” he purrs. “Please Josh, please I need it, need your mouth, please please please,” you quickly slur out. You don’t even care how absolutely desperate and fucked out you sound, you needed him and you knew he was getting off hearing you beg.

“That’s my girl,” he looks up at you, “look so pretty like this for me. Want to make you feel good, can I make my pretty girl feel good?” he smirks. He’s having too much fun toying with you. “Please Josh.” you plead. Finally, he sinks down, connecting with your center. His tongue licking a long stripe from your entrance to your clit where he starts to lick lazy circles.

“Need more,” you manage to choke out. He slips another finger in and sucks your clit into his mouth. Moving his digits in and out of you in a perfect rhythm, he starts doing a ‘come here’ motion with his fingers and you’re quickly approaching your climax. You feel yourself clenching around his fingers and hear him let out a whimper. Your sweet boy loves to make you feel good. At the rate he’s working you, you know it won’t be long before you’re coming undone. You know it, he knows it, and he starts to pick up his pace lapping against you like a starving man.

He comes up for breath momentarily, “C’mon, mama let go for me. Need you to cum on my face, will you cum for me sweet girl. Need to taste you.” He drops his face back down and you weave your hands through his messy curls and begin to buck your hips into his face. He flattens his tongue and lets you ride his face. His words were all the encouragement you needed and before you know it you’re cumming hard around his fingers. He coaches you through your release, “That’s it, so perfect when you let go. My good girl.”

Josh slips his fingers out of you and brings them to his mouth savoring your release. He peppers your inner thighs with kisses as you come down. Your body starts to settle and you suddenly feel the loss of his touch. You feel empty and have an insatiable desire to have him in you again.

“Josh,” you breathe out. “Mhm, yes my love,” he says lazily looking up at you from between your legs, God is he beautiful like that. “Need you to fill me up. Feels so empty, can you fuck me?” you ask as innocently as possible, you know what talking to him like that does. “I spent so long babying your sweet cunt, now it needs me to fill it up?” his eyes start to darken. Fuck, he’s absolutely filthy. You nod your head quickly.

He gets up from the ground, takes off his shirt, undoes his belt, and steps out of his pants. He pulls his boxers down and lets his hardened cock spring free. He pumps it a few times before walking over to the bed and grabbing your legs to pull you to him. Josh lines himself up and starts to tease your entrance. “Please no more teasing,” you whine out a little more desperately than you’d intended. Josh, feeling merciful, pushes into you quickly bottoming out, and you suck in a breath through your teeth.

He stalls out there for a moment letting you adjust to his size. “Perfect for me, just perfect. Like you were made for me,” he says. He looks down to where your bodies are connected and starts to pump in and out of you. You join his gaze and watch him fucking into you. He’s right, seeing the two of you connect, it’s like your bodies were made for each other.

“Feel so good, can feel you so deep.” you moan out. He places a hand on your lower stomach and both your eyes meet there. “Feel me here?” he says, thrusting into you hard. The sound that tears through you is nothing short of pornographic. He started fucking you at an unrelenting pace. You couldn’t get words out so you just nodded furiously but what you wanted to say was you felt him everywhere. You always did but especially when you connected with him in this way, even when he was being absolutely filthy his radiance reached to every part of your entire being. Your golden boy. And you somehow get lost thinking about how fortunate you are to live in his glow.

A gentle touch to your cheek brings you back to reality. “You alright in there, love. Looked like you spaced on me for a second,” he stares down at you with a slight look of concern. “I’m good, I’m good. Promise. Love you so much. You take such good care of me.” you reply. He slows his pace and his eyes are filled with nothing but admiration. “Love you more than anything, you’re everything. Said I would take my time with you tonight, want to take my time with you.” he says remembering his words from earlier in the night. “Can I do that? Love my sweet girl just right, slow and gentle like she deserves?” His voice is thick as honey and just as sweet, but somehow still dripping with sex. “Mmmhmmmm,” you encourage. You’re convinced he could propose anything and you’d always blindly agree.

Josh lowers his face down to meet yours and kisses you deeply before kissing a trail down your neck all the while pumping in and out of you. He makes his way down to your collarbone where he leaves a few love bites. “Mine” he muttered into your neck. “Yours,” you moan out.

He then makes his way down to your nipples, popping one into his mouth and gently biting it before quickly soothing it with his tongue. He finally makes his way back upright and pushes your knees to your chest changing the angle and somehow hitting you deeper than before. You let out a hiss of pleasure. The two of you stay this way for a while, his pace slow, steady, and deep. Just the two of you, eyes locked on each other, and the room filled with the breathy moans each of you is letting out accompanied by Josh’s gentle praise to you. And with each “good girl,” “so good for me,” “just like that,” and “you take me so well,” you inch closer to your end.

Eventually Josh reaches his thumb down to your mouth, swiping your bottom lip. You open your mouth and he slides his thumb in letting you suck on it gently. He pulls it back out and slides it down to your clit where he rubs tight slow circles. A moan escapes you. “M getting close baby,” you say breathily, “will you cum with me? Want you to fill me up.” His eyes roll back in his head. “Don’t think I could dream about lasting much longer when you’re talking to me like that mama.”

You feel your walls tightening around him and feel his hips slightly faltering signaling that you are both nearing your release. He looks down at you, “Need you to cum for me again? Can you do that for me? Cum pretty all over my cock?” And with one final swipe of his finger you’re sent plummeting over that edge, your second orgasm hitting you hard. He pushes into you bottoming out and you feel his release filling you. “Fuckkkkk, thank you sweet girl. So good for me.” he rushes out as his forehead drops down to meet yours.

You both stay there for a moment and let your breathing slow as you both come down. Josh finally pulls out of you and goes into the en-suite bathroom where he starts drawing a bath. You lazily make your way into the bathroom to meet him. You slide into the tub and he slips in behind you. The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a bit and he runs his hands gently up and down your arms. “You know I meant it,” he speaks gently, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Hmmm?” you question. “I meant what I said earlier. That you’d look beautiful in a wedding dress. Hope I get to wait for you at the end of the aisle some day.” he says. “You really mean that?” you choke out. You knew he loved you and you both had talked about spending the rest of this life together but never like this. “Mhmmmm, you’re it for me. You know that. Mine in every life.”