Went to sleep last night upset that our little corner of the world is being invaded by people using robots to write stories.
Woke up still pissed off, but moreso insanely satisfied with the fact that my words do, and will forever come from my mind, and my mind only.
Literally nothing can take that skill away from me, or from my peers who put time, effort, and true grit imagination into these worlds we create.
"It's not that serious, it's just fan fiction!"
Literally, yes. You're exactly right. In the grand scheme of things, this is a blip on the radar. But I want you to think about your favorite slice of fanfiction that you've ever read. The one you always return back to, the one that lives in the backrooms of your mind when your brain drifts off. The one that caught you up so intensely that you were frothing at the mouth to continue reading it...waiting for those chapter updates, chomping at the bit for another post.
Would you be the same without it?
Maybe. Maybe not.
We write these stories because it's a passion for us. We don't write them for numbers and likes and reblogs. Who truly gives a fuck about all that? Though recognition is what fuels us to keep going, it's not necessary. We're going to keep writing because we want to, whether you read it, or not. Does a painter stop expressing because no one buys his prints? Does a musician stop writing because one person said his lyrics weren't great? No... they keep going. Fuck the haters. Because that creativity is literally burned into their souls. And stopping would be an insult to the art, itself.
The widespread use of AI has been a slap in the face to the creative world as a whole, we all know that. But we can't stop it. All we can do is learn to recognize it, and stray away. Who wants to read a smut scene written by a technological collective of literally all smut already written by human writers across the internet? It's fucking fake. A puzzle put together by an algorithm using 1's and 0's. That just seems so goddamn far from what the human mind should want to ingest, right? And if you do choose to ingest it, you're doing nothing more than losing complete touch with what is tangible.
Soon, we won't be the ones training AI. And that's fact, because it's already obvious that AI is training us.
I bet you've read a whole handful of stories that were written by AI, and you didn't even notice it, did you? That's because you're being trained... to be oblivious to it... by a machine.
Way to go.
You're literally being outsmarted by something that doesn't exist. Nice huh?!
Robots can't explain essence or nuance. Robots can't detail the dirty rawness of the human experience. Robots can't define captivation, or true desire felt between two people. They don't know how heartbreak feels. Robots can't create natural, real-life dialogue that flows and is believable to the reader. They can't add twists. They can't create memories. All these things that make good writing good.
Robots CAN, though, trick the reader into absorbing a story with little to no depth, directive, character arc, or character development. Short one-offs that act as a hit of dopamine to the mind... A quickie to get you off and then you can go about your day... sure. Robots can do that. No sweat. Good for them.
"Writers" who use AI are slapping every last one of us in the face. And I hope that when they lay their heads down at night, they feel some type of remorse for straight up lying to people for attention. So fucking inauthentic. Counterfeit stories are nothing but backboneless copies of the shit that we have already dreamt up and brought to life. So, you guys are welcome!
If you feel like you've fallen victim to one or more of these "stories", you probably have. And that's okay. Because those of us who treat this hobby as an art form will still be here, dreaming up worlds and chronicling tales for you to get swept up in.
So thank you to everyone who has ever given our stories even an ounce of true love. We love you right back. With actual oxytocin.
We promise to keep it authentic. We promise to stay as real as it comes. We'll put in the blood, sweat, and literal tears to keep it a buck for you. And we swear on everything that is holy that we will continue to fight the good fight. God forbid we ever witness a world without a raw and true recount of the human experience.
Anyways.
In this electric tomb, man has made an omnipresent force.
Hello to my lovely readers, I know many of you have been waiting for an update to Dawn of Love. And Iâm so incredibly sorry for not having the next update out like I wanted too. But over the last year I have just been focusing on work, taking care of a little humanđ (who is going to be one soonđ) and enjoying life. Iâve been going to my google doc and slowly writing whenever I find the spark to, itâs just when you have a mini you running around you tend to stop everything you are doing to spend time with said being. I have a whole outline for this story as well as a potential sequel to it. I have it all drawn out to how I want this story to be. Itâs just putting into words and posting it that gets me behind. For those that have been patiently waiting I appreciate you so so much. And for those that might have lost hope, Iâm so sorry and really do have a plan to post in the future soon. Just please bear with me as I have a busy life and writing is a hobby for me. I know you guys canât wait to see Josh and Sunnyâs story unravel more. Just a little more patience my friendsđ
After seeing some discourse that someone anonymously posted an ask to jakeyt. I have something Iâd like to say.
The writers in this fandom donât owe you anything. We all live our own lives, we have jobs, families, friends and other interests that take over our time. Remember that we write for fun! And that its all free as well! So if your so called âFavorite writerâ hasnât posted in a while and youâre angry about it, you should reflect back on yourself. Things come up, life happens, mental health, writers block, creative inspiration might not be as strong at the moment. All of us writers want to make sure weâre in the right head space before putting work out. We dedicate whatever free time we have to put stuff out for those that read our work. And we love all of our readers, but once you start to anonymously shame writers for taking âtoo longâ to update a story or not being as âactiveâ it makes us feel like crap because you are putting us and our work down. I can assure you that a lot of writers on hiatus want to be pumping out chapters and one shots. But you never truly know what is going on in their lives outside of the tumblr universe. We canât always be glued to our phones, computers, etc. ENJOY LIFE, as Greta Van Fleet stated in Age of Machine âunplug from the sourceâ. Please be patient with your favorite writers as we are trying to live our lives and balance out our free time to put our work out for you.
@jakeyt My love, Iâm so sorry that person submitted that. Take all the time you need! The ones who appreciate you the most understand. You are absolutely killing it.
A/N: Itâs been a long time, guys. This update has been collecting dust for a while. Itâs a bit of a transition chapter, so itâs a little shorter than the others. I hoping it gives me the nudge I need to continue this series I love so much.
I miss everyone so much. I hope this meets your expectations. As always, all your love, feedback and support is appreciated â€ïž
Warnings: cursing, angst, drug use (marijuana), cigarette smoking, sexually explicit content 18+ MINORS DNI! ( unprotected penetrative sex, digital penetration)
Masterpost
You canât sleep.
For the first time since youâve known them, sleep wonât grant you this one wish. Youâve had to fight it off before, but now youâre begging for its mercy. No matter how hard youâve tried, your brain canât shut itself off. You guess that youâve been laying here for hours, staring at your stupid reflection on the ceiling thinking about what he said to you, dissecting each word over and over.Â
You find yourself giving away your heart to a man who could tear it into as many pieces as he wants. Was it all a fight for a future together or was it only stalling the inevitable?Â
The fear is crippling.
Youâve considered the option of leaving, but you canât bring yourself to do it. Home would be far worse than this â just stuck with the same thoughts alone.
With enough weed in his system to take down a horse, Jake sleeps peacefully beside you. Something that should have you giggling with excitement, but now youâve never felt farther away from him. You yearn to touch him, settling for passing brushes of your fingertips across his collections of tattoos. It almost angers you to see him look so beautiful.Â
His soft, rhythmic snores taunt you. You feel like an intruder in this bed. The velvet throws and silken sheets are sandpaper against your bare skin. You want to hate him. He didnât âlet you fuck Joshâ. He didnât let you do anything. The possessiveness made him a stranger. What once excited you about him now feels sour on your tongue. Itâs a taste you canât swallow back, and it makes you nauseous.Â
Maybe Jake is bad for you.Â
Is it that, or is it that he was trying to make you believe that to protect himself?Â
Heâs that unforgiving sea. The tide that whisks you away, sweeping you so quickly off your feet that you forget what the sandy bottom feels like beneath your toes. Youâre scared of it, caught in the undercurrent, but for those few precious seconds, itâs blissful. You finally submit to it, only for him to throw you into the shore with the crashing waves.Â
Anxiety chews at you, like termites burrowing through the walls of your mind. Your chest tightens, and that sinking feeling hangs in your gut, You canât stay in this bed for a second longer.
Just like his bedroom, the house is quiet and calm, but not entirely dark. A type of serenity that makes you uneasy given what transpired here hours ago. You notice something different â an orange glow flickering from the living room. It dances across the furnitureâs shadows on the hardwood floor, and as you step closer, you realize that this light source is coming from outside. The stainless steel fire pit, something youâve glanced at only in passing, has been turned on tonight.
Its flames illuminate the back deck, bringing your eyes to Josh. Heâs stretched across one of the patio lounge chairs, his face lit from his phone screen. You hide for a moment in the darkness of the living room, watching him take a long drag of a cigarette and flick the end into a glass ashtray sitting on the deckâs floor.Â
He seems unlike himself, sitting all alone mindlessly scrolling. Every time youâve seen him, heâs been in his element and constantly surrounded by people. It would eat you alive to go back to Jakeâs room knowing that Josh is out there now. Â
You tiptoe across the living room and pull the sliding glass door open, yanking his attention away from his phone. With how things were left from earlier today, thereâs still undeniable tension between you. You mouth hi to which he gives you a weak smile, but the usual glimmer in his eyes is missing.Â
Heâs changed out of his jeans from earlier into a pair of heather-gray sweatpants â ones that are fitted with elastic cinching at his ankles. A small detail that tells you heâs been home for a while, and that heâs walked past Jakeâs room on the way to his bedroom to change.Â
âWhatâre you doing out here?â Even his voice is tired, void of its natural vibrancy and light.Â
âI could ask you the same,â you answer flatly, pushing the glass door closed until it latches into place.
He tosses his phone down onto the deck floor beneath his chair and readjusts to sit up, letting out a heavy sigh, âCouldnât sleep and thought some fresh air might help.â
You waddle toward him with your blanket wrapped around you, like a lone penguin fighting its way through Antarctica despite the fact itâs still summer. âMight be a little fresher if it wasnât in the form of a cigarette.â
He fights back the real smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and taps the cigarette on the tray before taking another satisfying drag, blowing his response into the night air, âWhat can I say, old habits die hard.â
You sit on your chair beside him. âI think I mightâve heard that one before.â
He huffs a pained laugh, offering the nearly empty pack of Marlboros to you. âYeah, well, I feel like today called for one⊠or twenty.âÂ
You chuckle, plucking one of the remaining two out of the package in agreement. Awkwardness hangs in the chilled air for a moment. You rip the bandaid off, cutting straight to the point. âHave the two of you âŠtalked?â
Without saying a word, as if the action was purely habitual, he takes the cigarette from your grasp and swaps it with the one in his mouth, lighting the end of it with the burning cherry of his before offering it back to you. âNope. And weâre probably not going to for a while,â he trails off as stares up at the night sky for a few beats of time before turning his head to look at you. âForgiveness from Jake looks a bit different for me.â
Itâs meant as a quippy joke, but the sadness in his voice is palpable, and youâre suddenly reminded of the damage youâre causing between these two brothers. Youâve been so swept up in your feelings and the sex that youâve forgotten the strain this places on their relationship. You feel selfish and guilt rattles you like a bird in a cage too small. âIâm so sorry for all of this.â
He smiles, picking up the mask heâs dropped. For a moment you wonder how often itâs up for you. âYouâve got nothing to apologize for, baby.â
âJoshâŠâ you start to protest, but itâs interrupted by a cold shiver. Youâre only wearing a thin cami and a pair of pajama shorts that barely qualify for being able to cover your ass.
It distracts him enough, but not to stare at your body. He gives you a worried look instead, one that tips the front of his brows together, making you wrap the blanket tighter around yourself. You shift your weight to the other asscheek, wincing from the slight tenderness between your legs and the bruises on your ass that will be sure to form by morning.Â
He breaks his concerned gaze to put out his finished cigarette, crushing the butt into the glass ashtray. It makes you realize youâve left yours burning away between your fingers and you take a shaky drag of your own. In your defense, your mind is in a million places at once right now, but his voice is what pulls you back, âHow sore are you?â
The question confuses you at first, left wondering what he meant by it until it suddenly hits you. You stay silent, unsure of how to answer him. You look off into the pitch-black backyard and scoff a clipped laugh.
He smirks at your response, stretching against the back of the chair and tucking his hands beneath his curls. He then shakes his head, as if to rid himself of an intrusive thought and lets out a groan of a sigh, âYaâknow, Iâve unfortunately been on the other side of the wall a few times too many when Jake has hadâŠmakeup sex.â
His tone seems light-hearted enough, verging on more of a joke than a passive-aggressive dig toward the both of you. Half of you feels a bit embarrassed about being called out, while the other half is angry that this is a recurring thing for Jake. The thoughts bubble up like reflux, and you almost teeter over the edge and fall down the rabbit hole of overthinking about everything that has happened. The emotions of it all have been at the cusp of your consciousness, and youâre trying so hard to fight them off. You don't blame Josh for the observation. He knew how upset Jake was, and itâs no surprise that all three of you have been conditioned to communicate your feelings through sex.Â
Joshâs words break through once again, but now heâs a little more on edge than before. âAre you sure youâre okay?â
You answer, doing your best to give him a reassuring smile, âYeah, Iâm okay.â Itâs weak, and he doesnât buy it. You stare at the firepit, watching the flames dance in the stainless steel basin with the scent of gas hitting your nose. Itâs no nostalgic campfire out in the woods, but itâs doing the trick to keep you warm in a pinch. After taking a deep breath, you finally confess, âI donât know what to do.â
âDoes anyone?â He answers cryptically, staring up at the night sky. Thankfully thereâs less light pollution here than your apartment downtown, so youâre able to make out the stars. Â
âJosh, Iâm serious,â you huff, but your scold is empty.Â
His eyes drift from the sky and find their way back to you. âI donât think you have to worry about that tonight.âÂ
You take the moment to look at him closely, and thatâs when you catch the reflective sheen of Saniderm behind his right ear. âDidâŠdid you get a new tattoo?â
A mischievous smile creeps across his face like heâs been waiting patiently for you to point it out. âMaybe.â
Heâs playing coy, but you want to get a better look. You stand up abruptly from your chair, and with your blanket wrapped tightly around you and your cigarette in hand, you step over him to straddle his lap.
âOof,â he grunts dramatically when you drop your ass onto him and shimmy yourself closer to his crotch. âNo, no. Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. Please, I insist.â
Feigning shock from his play of sarcasm, you gasp, giving it right back, âOh, Iâm sorry, is this seat taken?â
âI think youâve staked your claim a long time ago, baby,â he coos, sneaking your half-burned cigarette from your fingers resting on his shoulder. Heâs so smooth that you donât even notice he did it until he brings it to his mouth.Â
You take the opportunity, grasping his chin gently to inspect the newest addition to his collection. You hold his strong jaw, turning his face to the left to reveal the side viewpoint of a butterfly tucked behind his ear. The distortion of the little square bandage makes it hard to see the fine details, but youâre able to make out two letters in its wing.Â
Your initials.Â
You flip through all the possibilities of what those two letters inked permanently into his skin could mean. âDone holding me hostage?â He mumbles, blowing out the nicotine-laced smoke while peering out of the corner of his eye.Â
You release your hold and lean back on his thighs. Your mouth drops in shock. âAre thoseâŠ?
He chuckles, blowing his laughter through his nose. âMmhmm.â
âI thought getting someoneâs name tattooed on you was bad juju or something. Like the cardinal rule.âÂ
He shrugs, putting out your cigarette as well â playing all of this off far more casually than you. âI could probably think of twenty things off the top of my head worse than a girlâs name.â His hands skim over the tops of your thighs to find your waist beneath the blanket, but when your expression doesnât change, he emphasizes, âI wanted to, baby. You have my work on your body. I wanted you on mine.â
âThatâs different,â you argue, even though youâre becoming distracted by his thumbs playing on your hips. âYouâre a tattoo artist. Thatâs your job. Iâm just some girl youâre hooking up with.â
The last sentence throws him off. He recoils, pulling his brows together in confusion as he looks at you. The reaction makes you question why you even blurted it out in the first place. âIs that what you really think? Youâre just some girl Iâm sleeping with?â
âYeah. I mean no⊠I dunno.â You stumble over yourself and quickly try to shift back. âIt just seems like a big commitment to have my initials on your body, right?âÂ
Youâre not sure why youâre having such a hard time looking at him, but it could be that you feel like this is something you donât deserve from him. âWhy? Youâre special to me. I would have your name across my forehead if you asked me to,â he explains, but your judgmental stare makes him reconsider. âOkay, maybe not my forehead, but yaâ know what I mean.â
âIâll try not to see that as a red flag.âÂ
He smiles up at you â the one that makes your heart melt in a cartoonish puddle of goo. It makes you feel good. A little too good. Itâs the distraction youâre desperate for and the reassurance that makes you believe that everything is just fine when itâs not. Itâs the type of smile that brings Kaiâs words to the forefront of your mind.
You love him, donât you?
Youâre becoming attached.Â
 âIf the other ones havenât scared you off by now I think we might be okay,â he jokes, gently kneading your hips as you laugh, dragging the dull edge of his nails in small circles down your thigh. You realize how much youâve needed this affection from him like itâs a deep breath during a panic attack. He hums in thought before asking, âWanna smoke a bowl with me?â
He stretches to pick up the already-packed glass bowl from under his chair. You snort when you see it in his hands, âIf I take a hit from that Iâll be a goner.â
He smirks, patting the fluffy green flower down with his thumb. âHmmâŠwhat if I shotgun you a couple then?â
âWell⊠since youâre twisting my arm about it.â
âAtta girl.â He laughs, raises it to his mouth, and flicks the lighter, bringing the flame to the fresh bowl, scorching a corner of the green to black ash. You watch as he pulls in the smoke and holds it in his lungs before tipping his chin, gesturing you to lean in. He slips his fingers into your hair, guiding you close with his hand wrapped around the nape of your neck until youâre an inch away from his lips. For a second, your noses brush against each other, and you feel the cool metal of his golden hoop. Youâre undeniably tense, holding in every emotion within your muscles like a tightly wound banjo string. He smiles, whispering, âRelax for me, baby. Itâs just you and me.âÂ
He waits patiently for you to take a steadying breath. When you finally open your lips for him, he slowly exhales that rich smoke into the depths of your mouth. You breathe him in, chasing every bit of intimacy you can from him.
You cough a laugh, shaking your head in disbelief. âI canât believe you got a tattoo for me.â
He giggles and starts rocking his hips to a beat, suddenly breaking out into the song, Butterfly, âCome, my lady. Come, come lady. Youâre my butterfly, sugar, baby.â
You brace yourself on his shoulders as he bounces you around, giggling along with him, âHow high are you?â
âI dunno. Smoked a bowl before you came out here.âÂ
âYouâre a fucking idiot.â
âBut Iâm your idiot,â he declares, sparking the lighter again to the glass bowl. This time, you take the lead, cradling his face to inhale the hit spilling out from his lips. You hover, feeling the warmth of his breath even when the smoke has completely dissipated into the air.Â
You press your lips to him, and at first, they donât move. They stay frozen as if he has some lingering hesitation. Heâs holding back when he whispers your name as a weak warning. Youâre the one to initiate by stroking your thumb across his cheek, whining, âI need you.â
An unrestrained whimper echoes in his throat, and you feel the twitch of his cock beneath you. As soon as he parts his lips for more, you flick your tongue across the top lip. He responds with a groan, chasing it with his own. Youâre eager, sucking on the bottom one as you grind yourself across his lap.Â
âFuck, baby. You drive me crazy,â he sighs dreamily, allowing you access to slip your tongue deeper into his mouth. You find the golden bar pierced through his tongue instantly, and it teases you as it glides over yours with every pass. Itâs another reminder of how kissing him and Jake is so different. While he lets you take the lead, his hands busy themselves. His fingers slip under your pajama shorts with little resistance, roaming over the soft curve of your ass. He smiles, interrupting the kiss, âNo panties?â
âCouldnât find any,â you mumble, capturing his lips for another kiss.Â
His fingertips continue to slide lower down your ass, skimming faintly across your essentially-bare pussy. The feeling of your shorts clinging to you has already sent your senses into overdrive, and youâre so sensitive to the touch, that you shudder, making him hum in satisfaction.Â
He grasps your waist for balance, and finally sets the glass bowl down on the deck, freeing his other hand. Without bothering to remove your shorts, he dives under the fabric. Youâre breathless with anticipation, practically vibrating before heâs even able to touch you.Â
The second he feels your wetness on his fingertips, he moans, âOh, baby.â Despite his very obvious erection pressing into the back of your thigh, he stays mindful of how tender you are, circling your clit with the slightest pressure. You tremble in need, aching with a desperate desire to have him.Â
Itâs making you feel like a teenager again when you used to sneak around with your boyfriend â fueled by the adrenaline, the lust, and the raw emotion. He teases your entrance, coating his fingers in your slick before dipping one inside you. âJust aching to be taken care of, hmm?âÂ
âJosh,â you whine, balling the fabric of his t-shirt in your fists pressed against his chest. Youâre definitely sore, but the way heâs slowly pushing his finger inside of you wipes that concern clean from your mind. Itâs a blooming heat of pleasure, radiating throughout your core. He gradually works up the speed, adding another finger once you adjust to him.Â
You do your best to keep your blanket wrapped around you, keeping the warmth of your body trapped within it. His hand leaves its spot on your hip to tug the front of your cami down, causing your breasts to spill over the now-stretched neckline. The cool, summer air hits your exposed nipples, making them harden in seconds. It also sends a chill throughout your body that raises a sea of goosebumps across the surface of your skin. Youâre unbothered by it, distracted by how heâs tracing down your sternum, following the delicate linework of his tattoo.Â
He cups one of your tits in the palm of his hand, giving it a firm squeeze, purring, âYouâre so fucking perfect. You deserve to be worshiped.â
Heâs telling you what you want to hear, and youâre eating up every praise like youâre on the brink of starvation. You comb your fingers into his curls and pull them by the root. It tips his attention to your face, revealing the stars sparkling in his glazed eyes. âThen worship me,â you say back to him, but the words sound more like a plea rather than a command. Â
He buries his face between your breasts and curls his fingers that are deep inside you, sweeping them across your G-spot while you rock your hips back and forth. You hear how wet you are â lewd, graphic sounds of his soaked fingers fucking you.Â
His heart rate is up. You can tell by the desperate throbbing of his cock and his panting breath clinging to you with every heavy exhale, draping your chest with lust. He nips at the supple skin, soothing the slight sting with a shower of kisses. Heâs treasuring you like a prize, making you feel wanted and desired.Â
âI want you,â you whine impatiently, feeling down his chest toward the band of his sweatpants.
He distracts you with a lick across your nipple, rolling it into the heat of his mouth. His moans spill around it as he spoils you with languid rolls of his tongue. You ride his hand, creating the momentum yourself with his grasp on your hip keeping you steady. âCum for me first, baby. Youâre doing so good.âÂ
He drags the tip of his nose across your chest to give his attention to your neglected breast. He traces his swollen lips around your nipple in a teasing circle before blessing it with a flattened tongue. While he might be feral about your tits, he knows that what heâs doing heightens the pleasure between your legs. Like heâs learned a dirty magic trick, your clit is the one believing itâs feeling his mouth.Â
You almost hate how good he makes you feel. Thereâs no self-control when it comes to him. Youâve been broken down tonight, and you need him to build you together again, piece by piece â to take away the anxiety by reassuring you that everything between you and him is exactly the same. How could you ever go back to your life without this? It consumes you and you canât control your moans.Â
That feeling tightens the knot residing in your core, and every pass of his fingers and roll of his tongue frays the cords. It snaps completely, and silent unrelenting euphoria ravages you. You donât make a single sound as he takes you through your orgasm, the seconds feeling like hours until you finally gasp a breath and shake violently in his hold.
âPlease fuck me, Josh,â you cry, clutching onto him like the moment might all vanish.Â
âOkay. Okay, baby.â He simultaneously lifts you slightly and pulls his cock from the pant leg of his sweats. He rushes, desperately dragging it through your slick folds in the search for the opening of your cunt.
You sink onto him once he nudges himself inside you, causing him to bottom out instantly.Â
The following moan is ripped from you and thrown into the quiet night. If his neighbors are out at this hour, thereâs no doubt they would hear you. Impatient and desperate, you rock your hips.Â
The second thrust.Â
âFuck,â he groans into the hollow of your clavicle, stalling inside the warmth of your walls wrapping around him. His wet fingers that were just inside you trail across the small of your back and press into the soft skin of your hip.Â
Just like his fingers, youâre drenching his cock every time he slides in and out of you. Both of you know that thereâs still some of Jake inside you from earlier, but you donât speak of it. You donât care about the dirty talk right now. Youâre not even worried about how you look. Itâs just the two of you. Right here. Right now. The way he feels is the only thing that matters.Â
He says your name.
âLook at me,â he murmurs. You canât deny him, and you never have, even if youâre lost in the clouds. You eventually find your way back to his eyes âlust-blown and hazy. âHe doesnât deserve you.â
The distraction he was giving you is temporary. Itâs stolen from you in an instant because thereâs a sadness in his voice, and the words come out thick and heavy. You canât imagine the pain he feels telling you that his twin brother isnât good enough for you. âJosh.â
He cradles your face so you stay with him, and you see insecurity flash in his eyes. âHell, I probably donât deserve you either.â
He probably said it to soften the blow, but it just hurts more. You already feel like youâre losing Jake. You canât lose him too. Tears pool on the brim of your lashes, and once you blink, they spill down your flushed cheeks.Â
âHey,â He breathes, and catches one, wiping it away with a sweep of his thumb. âPlease donât cry, baby.âÂ
You donât want to think about this. You donât want to think at all. What you need him for is to soothe the heartache, guilt, and selfishness youâre wallowing in. You need him to tend to your wounds, lick them clean, and let you forget that what you have might be falling apart.
You start to ride him again, and the motion of your hips drowns your thoughts. He noses into your neck, the brush of his lips sending tingles down your spine. Thereâs no decency in the way you kiss him again. You lick into his open, waiting mouth, your tongue greedy for his.Â
He gasps at your eagerness, curling his tongue across yours, almost as desperate to lose himself in you. The taste of weed and cigarettes clings to his breath, but you donât care. Youâre holding onto anything that makes him, him. If itâs not that, itâs his curls wrapping around your fingers, or the warmth and scent of his soft skin.Â
You suck on his tongue and rock yourself against his lap, driving the tip of his cock against your cervix. He groans at the feeling, retreating his tongue only to take over. Things switch, making him the dominant one in your mouth, and he holds your hip to keep you steady above him.Â
You probably couldâve gotten off again doing most of the work, but as soon as he pushes into you, the worry of exerting yourself is wiped from you. Heâs holding you to his chest, lifting you just enough off his thighs to control his thrusts. He fucks into you, setting a sinfully slow pace, and all you have to do is focus on the silken glide of his cock.
âDoes it feel good?â he rasps against your ear. You nod, but your whines break from the movement between your legs, and you try to moan his name, pulling at his hair and grasping at his shirt. He grunts, squeezing your hip, âI want more of that. Can I hear you?âÂ
You free the sounds youâve been holding back. He can feel how close you are from how youâre fluttering around him, and he keeps the rhythm heâs set. He searches for your lips, bumping into your nose to find them. âYou think you can give me one more?âÂ
You ground yourself to him through a broken kiss, pressing your forehead to his while he guides you into your next orgasm. The other times he talked you through it, but tonight heâs quiet.
His moans are hushed little whispers against your lips. Heâs learned enough to know the sounds you make when it consumes you, and when it does, he follows. His movements cease, and then you feel the heavy pulse of his cock.Â
You donât dare move, wanting to keep all of him for as long as you can knowing heâll soften and his release will eventually leak from you. He hugs you tight, maybe as reassurance, or perhaps the reason is that he simply doesnât want to let you go either.Â
His arms loosen and he pushes you back to kiss you. Itâs bittersweet. You feel it even before the words leave his lips. Heâs quiet when he speaks, his voice lacking the playfulness he had before, âAs much as I want you in my bed, I think you should be with him tonight. He needs you.âÂ
Your heart sinks. Youâre confused that heâs backtracking on what he said moments ago. Even if heâs right, it still feels like rejection. âJoshâŠâ
He shushes you with a gentle finger to your mouth, and he smiles, hoping that it comforts you. âItâs okay. Iâll be here in the morning, yeah?â
Youâre not sure how youâre supposed to go back to Jakeâs room, but you donât argue. You touch the tip of his nose, earning a laugh from him.Â
âYou will?âÂ
He knows you donât want to leave, and you try to believe he doesnât want you to either. You can see thereâs more he isnât saying, the way the thoughts play behind his eyes, but you know you wonât get them out of him. His smile becomes thin and small, and he answers, âOf course.âÂ
The last kiss you give him is chaste and quick. Almost platonic to the others. âGoodnight.âÂ
âNight, baby.âÂ
You stay strong lifting yourself from him and gathering your blanket. Your actions hold tension, and he can see that youâre upset. Before you disconnect from him completely, he grabs your wrist, but he hesitates on the words. âIâŠIâm sorry.âÂ
The smile on your face is strained, but you donât want him to see how sad you truly are. âItâs okay. I understand.âÂ
You leave him there on the patio, right where you found him. Your time with him is like that instant relief of cold water after you burn yourself. Itâs a false security because once itâs gone, the pain throbs harder than it did before. Â
You donât bother being quiet walking into Jakeâs room. Thereâs no point slipping back under the covers like you never left in the first place. He could be mad all he wants. It wouldnât change the way you feel right now. You crawl into yourself, so exhausted by your self-pity that you donât even notice that he isnât snoring.Â
You shouldnât do it, but you turn your head to look up at the ceiling.Â
Heâs on his back and his eyes are open, looking right at your reflection in the mirror. Youâre not sure how long heâs been awake, or if he knows about your little adventure to the patio. It doesnât matter.Â
You rip your eyes away from his and burrow your face into the pillow. Thereâs a million things you could say, to deflect and make him feel as bad as you do, but nothing forms on your tongue. Silence becomes deafening and the tension you felt leaving Josh outside fails in comparison to this. You almost want him to be mad to justify your anger, and you brace yourself for the things heâs about to say.
But he doesnât say a wordâŠand somehow thatâs worse.
The floodgates blow open without warning, and your chest shakes as you cry, your breathing rattling with unfiltered emotion. He rolls over onto his side, and for a moment, you think heâs turning away from you until he touches you. You flinch from him, but he doesnât move his hand from your back.Â
The tears you can wipe away and hide from him, but he hears your sniffle. He hooks your shoulder and pulls you into his chest. You thought you would fight him again, push him away, and call him the first name that came to mind. But you donât.Â
Jake just holds you tight in his arms and lets you sob into his worn t-shirt âthe tears staining the fabric serve as a reminder of how much he hurt you.
the way iâm already ready to make my blog fall/spooky theme. iâm a very big fall/halloween person. so ifykykđ i love my theme now. but donât be surprised if i get a head start on a fall/spooky themeđ€
Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, Smut(Unprotected Shower sex, Overstimulation[very briefly], Oral[m rec]), Minor Arguing/Fighting, Alcohol Consumption, Mentions of Death(loss of a parent/parents). If i missed anything, please let me know!
If there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact, they didnât do it right.
âHmmâŠstopâŠâ You giggled sleepily at the feeling of Jakeâs fingers sliding beneath your shirt to poke at your ribs. âJake, Iâm sleeping.â
âDoesnât sound like youâre sleeping, peachâŠâ His head was on your chest, his legs tangled with your own, âHey.â
You lifted your head and opened your eyes to find him looking up at you. âHey.â Giving him a soft smile, you reached to push the hair from his face.
âGood morning, beautiful.â Jake grasped your side and rolled over to pull you on top of him, wrapping his arms around you tightly. âLetâs do something today.â He was studying your face as though he were memorizing every detail. Picking his head up, he pressed his lips to yours for a brief moment. âAnything you want, peach⊠I just wanna spend all day with you.â
After stealing another kiss from him, you sat up to straddle his waist. âWait- Youâre supposed to open today⊠What time is it?â When you leaned over to grab your phone from the nightstand, he squeezed his arms around you and flipped you, pinning you down with his body. âJake!â You squealed, wrapping your legs around his waist, âYouâre gonna be lateâŠâ You warned, but the way your hands held onto his back made it clear that you didnât want him to move.
He was kissing along your jaw, smirking at the way your breath caught in your throat. âI called Charlie last night⊠Heâs covering my shift.â He left no room for you to question as he continued spoiling your skin with warm kisses. âSo what do you wanna do?â
âHmmâŠprobably shower firstâŠâ
âShower?â His teeth grazed your collarbone and he chuckled at the gasp that escaped you. âOkay, we can shower⊠Then what?â He took it upon himself to grasp the hem of your shirt, rising from your body enough to pull the shirt over your head.
You lifted from the mattress as he did so, flopping back down with a giggle. âUmm⊠Then coffee and breakfast?â
âDone and done.â Jake resumed his position on top of you. âWhatâs after breakfast, peach?â He latched his mouth onto your breast, sucking at the supple skin.
âThen maybe we c- shitâŠâ Your back arched as he dragged his tongue over your nipple, forcing the skin to pebble. Your mind was swirling at the feeling of his mouth and his hands on you, though you couldnât help but acknowledge the elephant in the room. âThen⊠Maybe we talk about last night?â
He froze for a moment before laying his forehead on your chest, releasing a defeated sigh as he replied quietly, âThereâs nothing left to talk about, Y/N.â Silence hung between the two of you until he finally lifted his face. It was evident from the look he was giving you that he didnât want to have another conversation regarding his ex.
Cupping his cheeks, you gave him a sympathetic smile. âI donât just mean that.â You began to slide out from beneath, pulling yourself into a sitting position, and he followed suit. You rubbed your hands over your face as he raised an eyebrow at you in question. âJake, do you trust me?â When he began to roll his eyes, you pulled the blanket up to cover your bare chest. âDonât do that, just-...â You had to laugh a little as he eyed you with annoyance. âDespite the way that you flirt with Olivia and constantly favor her over me, I still trust you.â Slowly, you moved towards him, letting the blanket fall away as you climbed into his lap, âBaby⊠I just need to know that you believe me when I say that Iâm yours. I donât want Josh- I donât want anybody that isnât you.â Pressing a soft kiss to his lips, you felt his body relax.
âI know- I believe you.â His hands begin to roam your body again, skimming your thighs and the length of your spine. âIâm gonna be better, peach, I swear⊠Iâm gonna try.â He held your gaze, his brown eyes soft and vulnerable, and you began to melt into him. âPlease tell me thatâs enoughâŠâ
You nodded your head, twisting your fingers through his soft hair, âIt is⊠Itâs more than enough.â Your gentle reassurance brought a small smile to his face and he moved in for another kiss but you jumped up from the bed before he could connect his lips to yours. âWhat?â You asked when he held his hands out in confusion.
âWe were in the middle of something⊠Come back here.â He was almost whining, though heâd deny that if you called him out on it. Jake crawled to the edge of the bed and reached for your hand, trying to pull you back into the sea of sheets to get lost with him.
Grasping his face in your free hand, you squished his cheeks, forcing his lips to pucker. You couldnât help but giggle at his annoyed expression as you pecked him one last time before turning away from him, âShower first, remember?...... Then coffee and breakfast.â Pulling your robe from the back of your bedroom door, you shrugged it on and tied it to cover yourself before slipping out of your room and going to the bathroom. After turning the water on, you took the chance to brush your teeth while it warmed up. As you removed the robe, ready to step into the steaming hot shower, the door opened.
Jake greeted your look of question with a grin as he stripped out of his boxers without an ounce of bashfulness. âWhat? I need a shower too⊠Thought we could conserve water.â He shrugged his shoulders and pulled the curtain back, watching the way you hungrily eyed him. âWe donât have all day, peach. Weâre getting dangerously close to missing breakfastâŠâ
Chewing on your lip, you finally slid the old, tattered boxers down your legs and moved by him to step in the tub, âI suppose that is the most important meal of the day.â Once you were beneath the stream, he stepped in behind you and closed the curtain. âHey!â Just as you tilted your head back to wet your hair, Jake had yanked you out of the way and took your place.
âCan I have the shampoo, peach?â He reached blindly as the water cascaded down and around his face.
Your gaze traveled over his body, âMhmmâŠâ Squeezing a bit of the product into your own hand, you stepped closer and rubbed your palms together to create a lather. Once you were close enough that he could feel the heat coming off of your body, he peeked one eye open just in time to see you reaching up to scrub the suds into his scalp. His hands fell to your waist and he pulled you against him as a groan vibrated from his chest and rattled against your own. âYou have really great hair, yâknowâŠâ
Jake leaned his head into your touch, his smile growing mischievous, âI know, baby⊠But you-â He paused, his hands sliding down your back and over your ass, â-have a really great assâŠâ
An involuntary moan escaped your mouth as he squeezed the flesh and leaned forward to kiss you. âAht! We gotta rinse, Jake⊠Then condition.â Tugging on his hair, you forced his head back under the shower and worked the soap out of his strands. He remained patient through the process and allowed you to apply the conditioner and rinse it before moving out of the way so you could wash your own hair.
As you finished raking the conditioner through your locks, he pressed himself against your back and brought his hands around to cup your breasts, âYou know how tortuous it is, peach⊠To watch the way your body moves while you do the most mundane of tasksâŠâ His voice was a husky whisper in your ear.
âIs that why your dick is poking my asscheek right now?â You looked over your shoulder at him and reached back to grasp his hardening length, smirking at the sharp intake of breath he took.
He bucked into your hand as his mouth latched onto your neck, kissing and sucking, his tongue dragging across your wet skin, âI swear to god, if I donât get to fuck you before we leave this apartment⊠I might die, peach.â
âI think youâre being dramatic.â You tightened your grip on him and began to stroke his cock, the remnants of conditioner making your hand slip over him with no resistance. âIâll give you five minutes to make me cumâŠâ
He pulled his mouth away from you with a scoff, âFive minutes? Why only five?â
âBecause I have to rinse the conditioner out of my hair in five minutesâŠâ You began to slow your hand to a stop, âIf you donât think you can do it then just say that, Jake.â
He released a growl and grabbed your wrist to pull your hand off of him. Within seconds, he had both of your hands and your chest pressed against the shower wall, âKeep your hands here and your smart mouth shut.â Jake grasped your hips then, pulling them back slightly while you remained still, and before you knew it, he was buried completely inside of you. âFuuuuck⊠I donât think Iâll ever get used to the feeling of you.â He drew himself out of you and straight back in, setting a surprisingly slow pace. Goosebumps scattered across your skin at the feeling of his hot breath on your neck and despite the relaxed, lazy strokes he was giving, you still fought to keep your moans locked in. He was watching your face, the way you bit your lips together and squeezed your eyes shut, âHow many minutes do I have left, baby? About three, would you say?â There was a hint of amusement in his words like he was mocking you.
âYes⊠Three.â You replied through gritted teeth, annoyed that your orgasm was already beginning to build.
His right hand slithered from your hip to find your clit as he began to flick and tease the bud beneath his fingers, âI can feel it, peach⊠Youâre already close, arenât you?â A short laugh escaped him as the whimpers youâd been holding started to cascade from your lips, âWhatâs the matter, hmm? You didnât think I could do it?â If there was one thing about Jake, itâs that he would never pass up the opportunity to gloat.
It was all winding too fast for you to stop it and it was mostly thanks to his skilled fingers, rolling over your clit at an eye rolling speed. âJ-Jake⊠Please⊠Iâm gonna- I- shitâŠâ Your body was moving on its own, rocking back to meet his thrusts, and your legs started to wobble. âOh god⊠OhâŠgod!â You cried out, your climax washing over you in such a hot rush that it made the water feel icy. Jake held you up as he slid his length out of you and a shiver swept over your skin.
âI think I still have a minute to spare.â He was always so arrogant, cocky. You stepped out of his hold and sank to your knees, wasting no time in sucking him into your mouth. âThere you go, baby- fuck⊠Do you know how pretty you look with my cock in your mouth? So fucking prettyâŠâ The water was raining down over your head, streaming down your face, and he carefully combed his fingers through your hair to move it out of your face. You swirled your tongue around the tip holding eye contact with him. âCâmon, peach. Donât you fucking tease.â
You let him fall from your mouth, your hand picking up the slack, and gazed up at him through your lashes, âIâm not teasing, baby⊠Iâm savoring.â You gave him one long kitten lick, accompanied by a satisfied hum.
His head rolled back as he let out a needy groan, then he suddenly had a fistful of your hair as his head snapped back up and his jaw clenched tight. âYou can savor all you want later, but the water is starting to get cold and my patience is wearing thin. Open.â His demanding and dominant voice alone couldâve brought you to a second orgasm if you werenât so focused on giving him what he deserved. Taking your hand off of him, you opened your mouth wide and stuck your tongue out. Jake loosened his grip on your hair as he used his free hand to guide his cock to your mouth. You kept your eyes locked on his and closed your lips around him as he pushed further. âUse your tongue, baby.â He sounded desperate, his nails scratching at you scalp as he fucked into your mouth.
You obliged, waving your tongue along the underside of his cock, putting pressure on the large vein that decorated it. When an unexpected whimper tumbled from his mouth, you pulled yourself off of him, âJakeâŠbaby, can you let me have control for a minute?â You gave him the best doe eyes you could manage.
He eyed you silently for a moment, but when you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his shaft while maintaining eye contact, he relinquished and gave you a single nod, releasing your hair. âDonât play games, Y/N. If you- oh fuckâŠâ You didnât give him time to finish his threat as you took him back into your mouth, bobbing your head and stroking him simultaneously. The grunts leaving his throat told you that he was enjoying it but you took it step further, removing your hand completely to grasp the back of his thighs and swallow him all the way down. âJesus christ, peach. I-...â He trailed off as your throat pulsed and squeezed around his tip. The hot water had officially gone cold and you could feel Jake shiver beneath your fingertips. He was muttering under his breath, nothing of coherence, and you knew he was there, he just needed a final push. As you resumed bobbing your head again, you began to massage his balls and that was more than enough. Jake desperately grasped at the back of your head as he came. An abundance of curses and praises rained over you with the water as he emptied himself onto your tongue. âPeachâŠâ It was a warning to tell you that he was finished but you continued to blow him, hollowing your cheeks while you innocently gazed up at him. He was trying to pull you off of him by your hair, his brows pinched tightly, âY/NâŠâ He was beginning to tremble, his knees getting weaker and threatening to buckle but you wouldnât let up. He was starting to whimper and whine, an unfamiliar vulnerability creeping over him, âP-please⊠I canât- you gotta st-... I canât take it, peach.â His pleas were wearing on you and you were about to stop when he was overcome by a second climax.
You eased him through it as gently as you could, rubbing your palm up and down his thigh in a soothing manner. Jake was panting, holding onto the shower wall to keep himself upright, when you spun around to shut the water off and stand up. âAre you okay, baby?â Stepping towards him cautiously, you wrapped your arms around his midsection and placed a soft kiss to the center of his chest.
He looked down at you through heavy lidded eyes and for a second you thought he was going to be mad at you. âIâve never felt anything like that. What the fuck did you do to me?â He was still a bit breathless as he wrapped his arms around you, and kissed your temple.
You giggled softly, looking up at him, âWould you trust me enough to let me do it again?â Yanking the curtain open, you broke away from Jake to step out and grab your towel, âOverstimulation can lead to a more heightened sense of euphoria because it borders the line between pain and pleasureâŠâ You shrugged as you tossed a towel at him and watched him pat his skin dry before securing it around his waist all while trying to hide his smirk. âYou liked it, didnât you?â
He cut his eyes to you, seeing your own grin, âNo⊠Kiss your little power trip goodbye, peach.â He walked by you and pulled the bathroom door open to usher you out. âI do appreciate that lesson in overstimulation, thoughâŠâ As you passed through the doorway, he reeled his hand back and left a sharp smack to your ass, causing you to yelp, âItâll come in handy later.â
Summer had breezed by in a flash and aside from the solid tan you got, the only thing that changed between the start of the season and the end, was how much your feelings for Jake had grown. Maybe it was falling asleep and waking up tangled together⊠Or maybe the countless dates; some spent curled up on his couch with a glass of wine and a new takeout menu while the two of you tried to agree on a new documentary to watch. Other times, youâd find yourselves at some hole-in-the-wall bar that nobodyâs ever heard of, but leave it to Jake to sniff out a place with live music. Thinking back on your first day of work at Highway Tunes, you never wouldâve expected to still be here, let alone sitting in the passenger seat of Jakeâs car as he held your hand over the shifter, driving you to work.
âIâll be back to get you at closing, yeah?â He pulled into his usual spot in the back lot and shifted the car into park, finally releasing your hand.
You grabbed your bag from the floor and dug through it to make sure you had everything you could possibly need for your shift, âNoâŠâ Turning to look at your boyfriend, you smiled and leaned over the console to kiss his cheek before grasping the door handle.
âWhat do you mean ânoâ? What-.â
Gently placing your hand on his thigh, you waited for him to stop talking. âYou and Josh promised Sam that youâd go on that hike with him tomorrow so he could get pictures for his portfolio. Heâs going to have you both up before sunrise and I donât want any part of that if Iâm working the double tomorrow.â You watched as he started to pout, biting back your giggles. âYouâll live, Jake. Itâs one night without me⊠Besides, Iâve barely seen Bell at all the past few weeks and weâre gonna have a movie night.â
He grasped your hand before you could pull it away from him, âWhat if I donât live, Y/N?â He was leaning in closer to you as he spoke, âWhat if I bury my face in your pillow and suffocate?... Or what if a bug crawls into my mouth and I choke and youâre not there to save me? Do you really want that on your conscience, peach?â
The tip of his nose poked yours and you rolled your eyes at him, âYouâre ridiculous⊠And youâre not gonna change my mind. Iâll see you tomorrow.â You left him with a soft, lingering peck and pushed the car door open to step out. In true Jake fashion, he waited until you were through the back door of the store before he drove off.
âHey! Y/N, Iâm glad youâre here. I want- shitâŠhang onâŠâ Josh was struggling to untangle himself from a mess of christmas lights and cords when you came out of the back hallway.
He gave up and remained seated on the floor, trying to unknot the mess around him as you approached, âJosh⊠Honey, what are you doing?â You dropped your bag and kneeled beside him to examine the varying array of wires, âChristmas is like, four months away.â Out of habit, you immediately began to help him, pulling the string lights apart.Â
Josh watched you quietly, a smile ghosting over his lips at the way your brows scrunched in concentration. âYouâre always diving in to save me, sweetheartâŠâ He whispered it so softly, it was like he didnât want you to hear it. âWe uhh⊠We do this end of summer event every year.â
âAn event?â You lifted your head to look at him just as you pulled a knot free.
âYeah⊠So we set up a big tent in the back parking lot and have a few local bands play some music. We charge fifty bucks for front door entry and that gives the customers access to the live music out back and we always have a ton of food and drinks. But itâs also an automatic entry into a giveaway we do.â He managed to get one of the light bundles free and wrapped it neatly to set aside.
You raised an eyebrow at him, âFifty bucks? People pay that?â You couldnât hide your shock at the cover price.
Josh chuckled as he yanked at the wires, âIt seems steep, I know⊠See, all the money goes to a good cause and the community loves to offer support.â He twisted his body, reaching into a box behind him to grab a piece of paper and pass it to you. âThis is last yearâs flyer⊠We open around 1pm, people pay the cover and they can browse as usual if they want or they can just head straight out back for the music and food.â He was hyper-focused on a specific knot and you couldnât take your eyes off his hands, his fingers. The way the veins protruded and flexed beneath his skin as he pulled more lights away from the tangles. âBut the money is-... My eyes are up here, babeâŠâ He had a giant, teasing grin when you cast your eyes to his face and you were sure your face was bright red, but he just laughed it off and continued, âAll the money we collect from the entry fee goes to a non-profit organization. We try to donate to a different one every year but itâs almost always one that gives young kids the opportunity to learn about music or instruments, yâknow?â
You finally managed to pull a strand of lights and an extension cord free at the same time, âIs this another tradition that your parents started?â After neatly wrapping the wires, you set them aside and put your attention back on the curly haired boy.
âNo, actually. Jakey and I tried to convince them to do it a few times but they thought- well, with the money that would have to be put into everything to make it all happen, they didnât think it was worth the risk.â A look of pride arose on his face with a soft smile, âWe both saved a lot of our own money from working here and when mom and dad finally passed it down to us⊠It wasnât even a conversation that needed to be had, we knew that we wanted to do it so we made it happen.â He dropped the knots he was working on and started to stand up, âCâmere.â He took your hand and helped you up from the floor before leading you to the office. You let your hand remain clasped with his until he released it to pull something from the shelf behind the desk. âThis is from our first year.â It was a small photo album. Josh laid it on the desk and ushered you into the chair.
Taking a seat, you looked down at the leather cover and ran your fingers down the edge before flipping it open. âOh my god⊠Is this you and Jake?â The very first picture in the album was the twins, standing outside of the store. They both looked so young, baby-faced, and a lot different than how you knew them. The sight of Josh without his facial hair made it so much more obvious that he and Jake were completely identical. âYour hair, Josh⊠You look-.â You paused, clamping your mouth shut.
âSexy? I know⊠All the ladies and the gents wanted me.â He was half joking but still gave you a smug smirk.
âI was gonna say you looked like a douchebag but I suppose if you felt sexyâŠâ You chuckled at the scoff he let out and glanced up at him, âOh, you know Iâm joking. You were very sexy, boss. The faded sides suit you, but I like your fluffy curls now better⊠for the record.â Dropping your eyes back to the album, you flipped the page to find more photos from that same day. Sam was in a few of them along with another boy that youâd never seen before. âBell would get a kick out of these. Sam was just a baby, oh god. You were all so young.â You studied Jake in all of the pictures. There was something different about him that you couldnât quite place your finger on so you moved your attention to the mystery boy. A handsome, tall, dark haired boy. âWhoâs this? You guys never mentioned a fourth brother.â
Josh sat on the edge of the desk and crossed his arms over his chest, âThatâs Daniel- Danny.â He was smiling down at the photos as he continued, âHeâs Sammyâs best friend. We all grew up together. So yeah, I guess he is our brother. Iâm surprised you havenât met him yet, heâs been back from college all summer.â As though he was growing impatient, he reached down to turn the next page himself, âThose were from when Jake and I were fresh out of high school. Mom got excited with the camera and spent the whole day taking pictures.âÂ
Silence fell upon the two of you as you flipped further in the album. You stopped at a picture of Jake, holding his middle finger up to flip the camera off, or maybe whoever was behind it. âDid Sam take these? Theyâre so good.â Youâd gotten better at noticing his work with a camera. Between the way Bellamy gushed over his talent and the few times heâd been in the store or at Jakeâs, showing off his photos, youâd grown to appreciate how talented he truly was.
âYeah, actually. He kept insisting that weâd want to look back at the year our lives changed.â He put air quotes around the last part, âBut we knew that he was only documenting to keep an eye on us for mom and dad⊠I guess Iâm glad he did.â Josh slid off of the desk and crouched down beside you with excitement, placing a hand on your knee to keep himself balanced, âHe made a photo album for Jake and I and a matching one for our parents- OH! Okay, these are from our first charity event!â
âOh wow⊠This is so cool.â Youâd never seen the store so full. There were dozens of people in the pictures, laughing, shopping, mingling. As you continued to flip, there were photos of a makeshift stage in the back parking lot, a band playing while people watched and cheered. Jake stood at a small, portable grill, flipping burgers with a genuine smile on his face. There was a girl standing close to him, watching him, her smile not quite as big as his but still present. As you continued turning the pages, her face was becoming more frequent in the photos, always close to Jake. You started to feel a sick, sinking feeling in your stomach as you scanned over her light brown hair and blue eyes. âJoshâŠâ He looked up at you as you turned the page, his smile fading at your expression. âWho is this girl in all the p-...â Your voice faded off as your question was answered by the next page of pictures; Jake holding her hand, embracing her, kissing her.
âShit⊠Umm, I should-.â Josh attempted to close the book but you flattened your palm against it to keep it open. âY/N, I-... itâs nobody, just-.â
âItâs her. Itâs Ivy, isnât it?â You watched as he pulled the book away from you, waiting for a confirmation.
He released a sigh and closed it, standing up to place it back in its place on the shelf, âI forgot she was even in any of the pictures, thatâs not why I was showing you them.â When he turned to face you again, he had a look on his face that you were beginning to grow accustomed to. âY/N, lookâŠjust-.â
You cut him off, knowing exactly what he was about to say, âI wonât bring it up to him. Itâll stay between usâŠpromise.â Standing up from the chair, you placed a hand on Joshâs arm to ease his stress. He held your gaze for a moment, his brown eyes nearly hypnotizing, and reached up to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. âUm- I shouldâŠdo my job.â You pulled away from him and pointed towards the doorway before his fingers could make contact and made a swift exit.
The shift stayed fairly busy and so did you, for the most part. You took care of the customers while Josh finished detangling the lights and cords and by 7:00, it had pretty much died off. The store was empty for the first time in hours and you finally had the chance to take a break. You finished putting away the stack of cassette tapes in your hand and went to grab your bottle of water from beneath the front counter. As you passed the office door, you stopped to do a double take, âJake?â You pushed the door open further to see your boyfriend leaning over the desk, looking at the computer screen with his twin. âWhen did you-â
âPeach, come over here and give us your opinion.â He interrupted you, holding his hand out. Josh flicked his eyes to you briefly before setting them back on the screen. Jakeâs impatience got the better of him, as it usually did, and he was coming across the small room to grab your hand and pull you to the opposite side of the desk. He planted you in front of him, a gentle grasp on your hip, as he pointed at the computer. âWhich one do you like better?â
You looked back and forth between what you assumed were designs for this yearâs flyers. There were two different options and you knew right away that each of the designs belonged to one of the twins. âNo. Nuh uh. Iâm not gonna be the deciding vote in this. Count me out.â You tried to break away but your boyfriend moved his hand from your hip and wrapped his arm around you, holding you against him.
Josh turned to you then, âY/N, weâve been arguing over this for days now. We need a tie breaker so we can get them printed.â
âAsk someone else to be the tie breaker!â You whined, trying to wiggle out of Jakeâs hold.
The curly haired twin released a long, exhausted breath, âCome on, sweetheart⊠Youâre the only one whoâs opinion isnât biased.â
âYeah⊠Come on, sweetheart.â Jake mocked his brother with a smirk before resting his chin on your shoulder.
âHow do you know Iâm not biased?â You leaned forward, placing your palms flat on the desk to really examine both designs. They were both great and you could easily tell which belonged to who. Jakeâs was set on a black background with a gold border and gold lettering. Elegant but not flashy. Joshâs was the opposite; bold and vibrant letters with a fun font. A border made up of vinyl records. âI like this one a lot.â You pointed to Jakeâs first and he was ready to celebrate his triumph but you werenât finished, âBut⊠I think that this one is the better option.â
Your boyfriend dropped his hands from your body, âOf course you doâŠâ
âJake, donât start. You wanted my opinion, I gave it⊠Donât act like a child.â
âHow is his better? It looks like a 1st grader made it.â He took a few steps back and leaned against the wall, âWhy donât you be honest and tell me why you really like my brotherâs design better?â
Josh rolled his eyes, shaking his head a bit as he attempted to soothe the tension his twin was creating, âJake, itâs not a big-â
âNo, Josh.â You cut him off as you whipped around to address the long haired boy, âI never said that I liked his better, first of all. Letâs get that straight.â You were pointing your finger at him like a mother scolding her child as he stared at you, âSecond of all, you wanted my opinion. My un-fucking-biased opinion. And thatâs what you got. Both designs are great but Joshâs is more eye-catching and theyâre going to be a hell of a lot cheaper to print⊠If youâre not worried about the money, then fuck it. Print both. I donât give a shit. I need out of this goddamn room.â You wasted no time in leaving the office, only stopping to grab your phone from beneath the counter then walking to the back to step outside.
You propped the back door open and took a deep breath of the cool summer air, trying to force the tension out of your body. It had been lingering beneath your skin since youâd seen the photo album and you didnât know why. Maybe it was how deep in love Jake looked in the pictures with her⊠Maybe that youâd never seen him look at you like that. You shook the thoughts away as best as you could, remembering that he still has a wall up around his heart and heâs really come a long way since you first met him.
âPeach.â He laughed as you jumped at his unexpected presence. âBaby, Iâm sorryâŠâ
You took a few steps away from him, âItâs fine, you just startled me.â You were staring at your phone screen, reading a text from Bellamy, when he closed the distance between you and plucked the phone from your hands.
He slid the device into his pocket, ignoring your grabbing hands and protests, âNo. Iâm sorry for acting like a dickhead.â He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you towards him as gently as he could, âI- Youâre right. Joshâs is a better option and weâre gonna go with it⊠I got a little insecure when you chose him over me.â
His admission made you melt into him as you brought your arms up to wrap around the back of his neck, âI didnât choose him over you, babe. But I understand where youâre coming from and why it may have seemed like that.â You were lost in his sweet, brown eyes as his lips began to curl, âJake, I l-.â Realizing what was about to come out of your mouth, you bit down on your lip to stop it. Itâs not that you didnât want to say it, but you didnât want to spook him, so you skated around those three words with something that felt safer. âYouâre mine, okay? And Iâm yours. Nothing else matters.â
Jake left a soft kiss on your forehead and everything was still for a moment until he pulled back to look at you, âYou sure you donât wanna come back home with me tonight?ââ He made it so hard to say no when he gave you those eyes.
âOf course I want toâŠâ You skimmed your hands down his torso with a sweet smile, âBut Bellamy texted and wants to go out for a drink when I get off.â Wiggling your fingers into his pocket, you retrieved your phone to text your friend back.
âYou said a movie night.â The way his tone changed told you that he didnât like the idea of you going out. âI thought you wanted to sleep because youâre working a double tomorrowâŠBut youâre going out to a bar?â
Rolling your eyes, you sent a text to Bell to confirm and tucked your phone away, âI told her one drink and then home. She wonât push, Jake. Trust me.âÂ
âThen can I go for a drink with you?â
âJacobâŠâ You rubbed your temples, closing your eyes for a moment, âOne night will not kill you. Itâs just Bell and I. One drink, then home for the rest of the night.â Digging your hand back into his pocket, you pulled his keys out and dangled them in front of his face. âBabe, go home. You can catch up on that show that I hate and stretch out on the couch or in bed without me clinging to youâŠâ You knew none of it mattered. Heâd take every night with you over anything else and heâs made that obvious. âIâll call you when I get home. Iâm gonna go clean up for closing. Go.â Grabbing his hand, you dropped the keys into his palm and closed his fingers around them. You pressed your lips to his cheek before moving by him to go back inside but he caught your wrist, pulling you back.
He didnât say anything, just stared at you with those pretty, espresso colored eyes. You couldâve gazed into them forever if he didnât finally speak. âIâm gonna sleep like shit tonight, you know that?â he kissed your temple and released you, walking to his car.
Letting the backdoor fall shut, you went back to the front to begin your closing duties and found Josh sweeping the floor. âHey, I was gonna do that, hun.â You went for the rag and spray bottle to clean off the front counter and display cases.
âI already wiped everything down, sweetheart.â He gave you a small smile as he brushed the pile of dirt into a dustpan. âIn fact, everything is pretty much done. I doubt weâll get much traffic through here the rest of the night, Iâm probably just gonna lock up.â He placed the broom back in its spot behind the counter and glanced at the clock as he smoothed out his mustache, âYou can clock out for the night and head home if you want.â
Following his eyes to the clock, you saw that it was about 7:45pm. âOh. Umm. Yeah, okay. Let me call Bellamy.â You unlocked your phone to find your friendâs contact. You held it to your ear, thankful that youâd be able to go for a drink and get home even earlier than youâd anticipated. âBell? Hello?â You struggled to hear her over the noise in the background on her end.
Whatâs up, babe?
âBellamy, I can barely hear you. Where are you?â
What? Hang on, let me just-... Okay, is that better?
The noise faded out to almost silence, making it easier to hear her clearly. âYeah. So, you can come get me now.â When she didnât respond, you repeated yourself, âBell, you can just come pick me up now. Josh is gonna close early.â
Umm⊠Can you get a ride to the bar? I donât have the car, Sam drove.
âAre you fucking kidding me, Bellamy?â It was impossible to mask your annoyance. âI thought it was just going to be us? Like you have my car, how do you expect me to get there?â
We were already out getting dinner so we just came to Louieâs after we ate⊠Just have Jake bring you, babe.
You could feel Joshâs gaze as you released an aggravated sigh, âJake isnât-. You know what. It doesnât matter. Iâm just gonna get an uber home.â Choosing to ignore her protests, you hung up the phone and dropped it on the countertop. âTypical fucking Bellamy.â Burying your face into your palms, you let out a loud groan.
Josh was standing on the opposite side of the counter now, âThat sounded a bit stressful⊠You okay?â
âYeah. No? I donât knowâŠâ You looked up at him and his expression made you realize how harsh your tone was. Taking a long breath, you forced yourself to relax, âSheâs just up Samâs ass, as usual. I gotta get an uber and then I will be out of your hair, boss.â You gave him a half smile and reached for your phone again.
âNo. Hey.â He waited for you to look at him again, âDonât waste money on that shit⊠Iâll give you a ride home. I just need to finish up a few things here, if you donât mind waiting on me?â
You contemplated for a moment but when you finally agreed, he turned around and disappeared through the office door. When he didnât reemerge, you followed after him. âIs there anything I can help you with at all? I donât wanna be completely useless.âÂ
He was crouched behind the desk, gathering something that you couldnât see, âYou? Useless?â He scoffed as he stood up straight, his lip was tucked between his teeth but he wouldnât look at you. His eyes wandered around the small room as though he were trying to find something, âYâknow⊠Youâre kind of the most useful person we have here.â He walked around the desk, still searching, as he continued, âIn factâŠâ His eyes finally landed on what heâd been looking for, âI could use you right now. Come here.â He waved you towards him and pointed up to the top of the tall bookshelf. âIf I lift you, could you reach that?â
You followed the path of his finger to a liquor bottle, carefully hidden behind a few knickknacks. âYeah⊠I think so. I should be able to.â Turning back to Josh with a bit of apprehension, you looked him up and down, âAre you sure you can lift me?â
âAre you insinuating that I canât?â There was a mischievous glint in his eyes and though you knew it was probably a bad idea, you still decided to challenge him.
Crossing your arms over your chest, you raised an eyebrow, âMaybe⊠I mean, I am the one who does all the heavy lifting when we get the orders in on fridays.â You pursed your lips with a shrug and watched his gaze narrow.
He moved quicker than you anticipated, crouching low and wrapping his arms around your thighs. You screeched as he lifted you with ease and slung you over his shoulder. âNow make yourself useful and get that tequila!â
You were both laughing wildly as you used his shoulders to steady yourself and reached for the bottle. Once your fingers were secured around the neck, he began to carefully lower you. Out of habit, your legs parted to wrap around his waist, an act you were accustomed to doing with your boyfriend. As if heâd done it a million times, Joshâs hands shifted fast, one slipping around your back to hold you against him and the other gripping your thigh just below your ass. As your laughter died down, you became hyper aware of the position you were in, âWell⊠I got the bottleâŠâ You held it in front of his face and awkwardly peeled your arm from around his neck.
He swallowed hard before placing you back on your feet and clearing his throat, âThereâs no âIâ in team, Y/N.â He snatched it from your grip and stuck his tongue out at you, effectively replacing the awkward tension with his playfulness. Turning away from you, he grabbed two styrofoam cups from the stack on top of the mini fridge and placed them on the desk to fill each one. âIf you tell me you need a chaser, I donât think Iâll ever be able to look at you the same, sweetheart.â He offered you one of the cups, barely a shot's worth of liquid in it.
You took it and tossed it back without hesitation, if only to prove a point, and immediately coughed as it burned its way down your esophagus. âI fucking hate tequila.â The taste lingered in your mouth and you wouldâve given anything for a lime slice or two to chase the bitterness with.
Josh gulped his own shot down with a shocking amount of ease and held the bottle out to refill your cup, âShall we have another?â
Staring at the liquor, you slowly nodded your head, âJust one more and then Iâm done.â You were supposed to go out for a drink anyway so a couple shots couldnât hurt.
âHell yeah!â He filled your cup again, a little more than the first time, and then his own. âBottoms up- err⊠Cheers? I donât know.â He clashed his cup against yours and took his shot, shaking his body out with a grimace. âFuck- that one hurt.â
You couldnât help but giggle at him, âWhatâs the matter, Josh? You need a chaser?â
âShut up and take your shot.â He tried to force a scowl as he splashed the remaining droplets from his cup at you. When you finally stopped laughing and emptied the cup, he took it from you and tossed it in the trash can. âAlright, darlinâ... I gotta finalize payroll and finish up some paperwork. It shouldnât take me too long, so just hangout, make yourself at home.â
Giving him a nod, you turned to exit the room as he took a seat at the desk. Wondering what you could do to pass the time while you waited, you gravitated towards the record player the boys kept beside the counter that played through the speakers in the storeroom. It was rare that you got the chance to choose which albums got played. Jake was particular on what he liked to play while he was working but now you had the turntable to yourself. You flipped through the small collection of vinyls they had and pulled out Abbey Road. Removing it from the sleeve carefully, you laid it on the turntable and placed the needle exactly where you wanted it. Something faded in through the speakers and you cranked the volume a bit before you began swaying through the room. The tequila was making its way into your bloodstream and creating a warm feeling that you just wanted to chase. Singing along softly, you slipped back into the office without a word to your boss and seized the bottle from the desktop. He was humming quietly, a smile plastered on his face as he watched you spin and twirl your way back out of the room.
After side one concluded, you flipped the album and let it play through as you went to dig through the used bins beneath the tables. You were sitting on the floor, sifting through a third crate between sips of liquor, when the music cut off with a slight record scratch. Just as you were about to get up to see what happened, a new song filtered through the room and you felt your heart constrict at the first chord. She Talks to Angels by The Black Crowes was a song that your dad used to play all the time when you were young. Heâd pick you up and dance you around the living room while he sang and as you grew older, heâd play it in the car for both of you to sing together. Listening to it now, you couldnât even remember the last time youâd heard the song and it made your sadness that much more prominent as the first few tears began to fall.Â
Josh came into view, his smile falling in an instant when he found you on the floor, slumped against the cabinets and wiping at your cheeks. âWhat happened? Y/N, whatâs wrong?â His concern was evident as he knelt beside you and placed a comforting hand on your knee.
âIâm sorry. I-...â You tried to compose yourself as you looked down at the bottle by your feet. You wanted to throw it across the room, a sense of anger coursing through you at the mere sight of it. âTake this. Please, Josh⊠Please j-just get it away from me.âÂ
He took the tequila as you pushed it towards him and placed it behind his body to get it out of your view. âY/N, youâre scaring me, whatâs wrong?âÂ
You took a few deep, calming breaths and wiped the remaining drops from your face with a sniffle. âSorry⊠That song. Umm- I havenât heard that in forever. I guess it kind of opened up some wounds.â An awkward laugh escaped you as you sat up straight, âGod, thatâs embarrassing. Sorry.â
âStop apologizing.â His voice was the softest youâd ever heard it. He reached up to catch a single, stray tear with his thumb, brushing it away from your chin, âYou wanna talk about it?â
You never talked about your parents to anybody but Bellamy and even that was rare. Jake didnât know anything about your life back in Pennsylvania and he never pushed you to talk about it. But now, looking into Joshâs eyes, you felt an overwhelming urge to divulge everything to him and you couldnât explain why. âMy dad used to play that song all the time when I was little, it was like, our song⊠He was my best friend, Josh. The coolest guy youâd ever know, I swear.â Josh stayed quiet as he settled in beside you, listening respectfully. You went on, sharing small details of your childhood, good and bad memories. When you started to get into the harder details of your teenage years, he took hold of your hand in a comforting and encouraging grasp. âEverytime we thought mom was getting better and slowing down on the drinking, weâd find her hidden bottles⊠She started getting belligerent when she would drink and it got scary. I hated her- hated being around her. I begged my dad to leave but he wasnât that kind of man, he always had to take care of everyone.â Your voice began to break as you talked about the last time you saw him, âShe was sober, I swear to god she was fucking sober when I came home for fall break. Maybe she just got too good at masking it? I donât know⊠But her mask started to slip and she got sloppy fast.â You felt yourself sinking further into Joshâs side for comfort that you didnât realize you needed, but he welcomed it, wrapping an arm around you. âThe knock didnât come until almost midnight and I knew before I even answered the door⊠The impact took them both instantly.â It was a lie, but your mother had been dead to you for a while so it made it easier to pretend you lost her with your dad.
âGod, Y/N⊠Iâm so sorry- Iâm so fucking sorry.â He held you tight, hugging you to his chest as you started to cry again. âI canât even begin to imagine-...â
You looked up at him, your eyes shiny and bloodshot, âDonât- please donât say anything to Jake⊠I donât- Iâm not ready to tell him yet.â You were gripping his shirt as you pleaded.
Josh nodded softly, âI wonât, promise. Itâs not my place, sweetheart.â You hadnât noticed that the record ended a good while ago, but everything remained silent. Joshâs fingertips lightly grazed up and down your arm and the sound of his light breaths put you at ease, lulling you to sleep. You werenât sure of how long youâd been out when you heard him speaking quietly through your sleepy haze. He mustâve been on the phone but you couldnât focus enough to know if it was real or if you were just dreaming. â...Were you sleeping?...Iâm still at the store with Y/N. I think you should come get her, manâŠNo- donât be a dick about this, Jake⊠Her and Bellamy got into a fight, I just- I donât think she should be alone tonightâŠYeah⊠Okay⊠Bye.â
The silence pulled you back into a drowse until a hand was gently shaking you awake, âPeach⊠wake up, baby.â Your eyelids fluttered for a moment before Jake came into focus. He was looking at Josh, who was standing a foot or so away, staring down at you with the bottle of tequila in his hand. Jake turned back to you, smoothing your hair out of your face, âLetâs get you out of here.â You allowed him to help you up from the floor and lead you through the store towards the back door, only stopping to grab your phone and bag. Josh didnât say a word as he watched you both go and you were kind of thankful for that. Your boyfriend tucked you into the passenger seat of his car and made sure you were buckled in before he got into the driverâs seat and pulled out of the parking lot. Resting your head against the window, you allowed your eyes to fall shut again. âCâmon, peach. Weâre home.â
Picking your head up, you looked around to see you were in the garage at his complex. He eased you out of the car and you held onto him as he led you into the building and to his apartment. Slipping out of your shoes, you broke away from him to go straight to his room and stripped out of your work clothes.
Jake entered the room a minute later to find you in one of his t-shirts, climbing into his bed. He offered you a bottle of water and you knew he was examining your puffy, red eyes. âYou wanna talk?â
Chewing on your lip, you shook your head and moved over to make room for him. He put the water on the bedside table and turned the lamp off to crawl in alongside you, instantly wrapping you in his arms and pulling you against him. You returned his embrace, feeling your body melt into him as every ounce of emotional strain began to evaporate the second he kissed the top of your head. You froze, clinging to him, as you felt more tears pricking your eyes, âJakeâŠâ It was the first word youâd spoken to him since heâd picked you up from the store.
His body went rigid at the sound of your cracked voice, âWhat, baby? Whatâs wrong?â He held his breath, waiting for you to respond, as his anxiety grew.
I'll continue to update this list as I read more! Thank you to all the writers for all the wonderful fics and I can't wait to read even moreee! If you ever want me to read anything you've posted, just tag me or send me a message! đ«¶đ»
Updated as of 07/23/2024
Josh
Deception - @obetrolncocktails
Little Fantasy - @jake-kiszkas-smirk
No Hands - @joshym
Shut/Der - @profitofthedune
Marathon - @themoreyou-love
Fallin' All In You - @losfacedevil
Touch Again - @ageofbajabule
Jake
Fifth & Cuff - @vanfleeter
Hands to Yourself - @sinsofstardust
Can You Feel My Love - @lightsofthe-living-gvf
Quirofilia - @sparrowofthedawnsworld
Covet - @jakeyt
Capital Vices - @builtbybrokenbells
Le Morte d'Arthur - @joshym
Rain Or Shine - @wrldabomination
Drunken Laughter & Dreams In Gold - @edgingthedarkness
Breña - @gretavanlace
Control Freak - @earthlysorrows
Carpe Noctem - @alwaysonthemend
Little Bird - @hearts-hunger
Use Your Words - @fleet-of-fiction
CD&FE - @writingcold
Sam
Locked Out - @sparrowofthedawnsworld
Sweet Talker - @sparrowofthedawnsworld
After Party - @ageofnations
Help You Remember - @ascendingtostardust
All My Love - @losfacedevil
Pink Lemonade - @garbagevanfleet
Lay Me Down - @samkiszkasfacialhair
Daniel
Just Like Honey - @dogwood-blossom
For The Fans - @gracev0609 & @lipstickitty
Illicit Affairs - @aflame4goinghome
Forbidden Twin
The Secret Of The Jones Virgins - @fleet-of-fiction
+ After befriending your coworker Josh at your new workplace, the both of you realize you need each other in more ways than one. Things might get a little cloudy as an ongoing judge of actions takes place, leaving the both of you wrapped up in a back and forth neither of you saw coming.
Warnings: Drinking, Cursing, Mention of Breakups and Heartbreak, Allusion to Homophobia (dude being an a**hole), Sadness. Smut: Kissing, Touching, Dirty Talk, Praise, Heavy Flirting, Oral F!receiving, Fingering
Read Part 1 here
â...Sure, why not? If you want to, of course. Might be fun to have a little situation weâre both comfortable with⊠no strings attached type thingâŠâ
Itâd been a week since your heated hookup with Josh on your couch, and though initially you thought things were going to be awkward back at work once the two of you were on the same shift again, surprisingly they were the opposite. Day to day activities had gone back to normal, the both of you working your tails off slinging pizzas and beers at Angeloâs.
Since that night, though, youâd found yourself in a constant state of unsettle, your mind and body going through the waves of being attracted to him while also wanting to slap him on the back of the head like a real friend would. His boyish charm continued to shine through his albeit tough-guy exterior, and the smiles he normally would fight to stave off began to show themselves a little more often in your presence.Â
The more you worked with Josh, and the more that you began to feel completely comfortable in your work position, the more you began to notice the subtle feeling of his hand on your lower back as heâd reach above you to grab the pizza box on the top shelf, or how heâd tell the line guys to fuck off when theyâd take back of house banter too far. Youâd also noticed how he would hold your gaze as you finished up a story to your coworkers, his perfect white teeth nearly glittering in the low light reflections of the restaurant. It wasnât hard to miss how his chest would visibly rise and fall with bated breaths until he broke eye contact, shaking his head as though he was physically clearing away his intrusive thoughts.Â
You know youâd agreed upon this⊠arrangement with Josh, and though you hadnât outwardly discussed the details since that night at your house, you knew that the time was drawing near as your pull to him began to come back full force. That same exact notion of wanting to be the holder of all his attention, to be the one that took up space in his mind whether he wanted it to or not, began to consume you once again. You didnât know where it had come from, and you didnât know how to make it go away. You were almost embarrassed of yourself to even think it, as strangely possessive as it was to want to be someoneâs muse this wholeheartedly.Â
You caught yourself staring at the way his arm muscles stretched under the tight black fabric of his t-shirt, his hands quickly and expertly spinning roll upon roll of silverware.Â
âYa know if youâre going to stare like that, you could at least make it a little less obvious, sweetheart,â he said under his breath as he smirked at you from across the bar.
You blinked away your dry eyes, focusing again on your own pile of flattened napkins in front of you as you cleared your throat. âI wasnât staring,â you choked out.
âOh really?â he perked up, sliding his eyes to your fellow coworkers at the other end of the bar finishing up their own side-work for the night. âThen what would you call someone elseâs eyes taking in your every movement while you do nothing but mind your own business?â he stuck his tongue against his cheek as he slammed a roll into the basket.
âShut up, Josh. I was just watching your um. Your techniqueâŠâ you lied, taking note of your messy and loose rolls of forks and knives haphazardly piling up in your own basket.Â
âGod, you do suck at rolling, donât you? I never noticed,â he bites back a laugh as he shakes his head, and you suddenly feel extra embarrassed at your lack of one of the most basic skills of serving. âHere, let me show you how I do it.â
âNo, Iâm fine, Iâve got it. I justâ theyâre just ugly. But theyâll do the job,â you argue as he comes around to your side of the bar, wiping his hands off on the white towel hanging off the back of his belt.Â
âNo no no, if bosslady sees this shit job, she might actually fire you on the spot. Actually surprised she hasnât seen this, yet,â he says as he brings himself to stand behind your bar stool, his arms encasing your shoulders as he grabs your wrists, positioning your hands on either corner of the napkins.Â
âJosh, I swear to god, youâre making me feel like an idiot.â And he was, no doubt. Thinking he can come over here and school you in front of everyone, making you out to look like a fool at your own profession. But you had to admit, you needed a lesson. And you couldnât ignore the feeling of the warmth of his body pressed against your back, his hands subtly running against the backs of your fingertips as he took them in his own, leaning down to show you how to tuck the utensils down into a pocket before forcing the sides in.Â
âSee? Like thisâŠâ his breath was on the shell of your ear, warm and familiar as scenes from a week ago on your couch began to make their uprising again, your body stiffening at his simple touch. âGotta use some force, little elbow grease to get them where you want. Then⊠tuck the edges, and rollâŠâ
You huffed an aggravated breath as you accepted the fact that his hands had just helped you to roll the tightest, most perfect roll of silverware. âShow off,â you murmured.
âHey, Iâm just trying to help,â he laughed as he pulled away, his hands squeezing at your arms as he detached himself and stepped away. The loss of the feeling of him was more disorienting than youâd thought it would be; feeling him so close again had taken all the breath from your lungs, and you hadnât even noticed that you didnât even take a breath the entire time he was behind you.Â
âWill you two just get a room already?!â one of your coworkers, Jackson, suddenly yelped from the end of the bar, sending the rest of the group around him into a fit of point-and-laughs. âGod, just do us all a favor and break the tension and get it over with, why donât you?â You could feel your face turning a bright shade of red as you shied away, listening to the laughs and howls of your coworkers who had now become your friends. You had riled up enough gumption to retaliate with something, right before you realized Josh would undoubtedly be the one to take up for you, anyway.Â
âWhat makes you think we havenât, Jack?â Josh asked as he rounded the bar back to his own station across from you. âThink you fuckinâ know it all?â
Jackson was walking toward you, laughing as he placed a heavy arm across the back of your shoulders. âNah, I donât know shit. Just thought Iâd be the one to break the ice if the two of you havenât yet, huh?â he bellowed as he forcefully shook your shoulders side to side. You knew he was joking and speaking all in good fun, but it still didnât stop you from thinking about decking him in the face if he said another word. âMight be a nice little thing for you to try out, huh Josh? Little bit out of your normal practiceâŠâ
âThatâs not any of your business, Jackson,â you said as you tried to shove his arm off our shoulders.
Your eyes glanced up to Josh from under your awkward stance, finding him clenching his jaw closed as he rolled his eyes. âLeave the girl alone, Jackson,â he warned.
âOr what? You gonna call your boyfriend to come and kick my ass?â Jackson spouted to Josh, making the group beside you cease all their laughter, while sending a shot of rage straight through your stomach. âI donât think so, pretty boy.â The room fell silent as everyone gawked at Jackson in disbelief of his words. His arm suddenly felt ten pounds heavier on your shoulders, and you felt a burning fury rising up in your throat at his completely rude and unwarranted display.
Josh, though, kept his cool, returning all his attention to the task in his hands.Â
âNo, but I will tell everyone at the end of that bar that youâve been pocketing tips as you bus their tables,â he said under his breath, leaving Jackson unable to speak.Â
âThe fuck are you talking about?â Jackson refuted, his arm still heavy across your shoulders, making you more and more uncomfortable by the second.Â
Joshâs eyes confidently skidded across the bar to everyone else before landing back on Jackson, his hands never ceasing rolling his silverware. âYou heard me. Iâm not stupid, Jack. Matter of fact, why donât you tell them right now, all by yourself? Go aheadâŠâ Josh raised his voice a little at the end of his sentence, pointing his chin to the group.Â
âTell us what, what are you saying down there?â one of them asked, all of their interest suddenly piqued.Â
Jacksonâs head snapped back to look Josh in the eyes, which he returned with an overly-confident expression that said try me. Jacksonâs arm slowly slid off the back of your shoulders as he sulked away, mumbling some really nasty words under his breath that you chose to keep to yourself.Â
Maybe it wasnât all in good fun.
A full-body chill ran through you as you finally felt his touch leave your body, an overwhelming feeling of disgust overtaking you as you finally made eyes with Josh again once Jackson was far away. âWhat in the fuck was that?! Is he fucking crazy?â you asked, the rage still heavily present.Â
Josh shook his head as he rolled his last utensils, sliding his basket to the side as he pulled your pile of napkins to sit in front of him. âYeah, no, heâs a fucking asshole. He puts on this funny-guy persona, but underneath it, heâs fucking piece of work,â Josh explained. He was keeping his cool, but you could tell that his words hurt him a little.Â
âJosh, that is not okay, itâs not alright for him to speak to you like that, especially in the workplââ
âJust drop it, Y/N, okay? I appreciate your concern, but Iâm used to it. From all angles. It just rolls off, now,â Josh said with the smallest hint of sorrow in his voice. âHe tries to show off what he thinks is male dominance but all he does is make himself look like a fool. Plus he forgets that I have wayyy more seniority than him.â
âYeah well, thatâs all true but you donât deserve to be spoken to that way. Iâm going to say something to him,â you began to stand up, feeling the sudden overwhelming need to stand up for Josh.
âStop, Y/N, stopâŠâ Josh grabbed your arm, pulling you back down to the stool. âIâve already taken care of it.â His eyes were telling you to calm down, but his hand on your arm said things were everything but calm.Â
âWhat do you mean?â you asked, fighting him off while also trying to flip through your categories of comebacks you could throw down Jacksonâs throat.
Josh gripped your arm even tighter as he forced you back down into your seat, leaning over the bar as he brought his face close to yours. His face was hot as it came into your proximity, his hand still gripping hard on the muscle of your arm. âI slipped an anonymous note onto bossladyâs desk telling her I saw him sliding cash tips. Sheâs probably back there watching the security footage as we speakâŠâ he whispered lowly, his eyes bouncing from your lips and back.
You plopped back down into your seat as he released your arm, sending a quick look back down to the group as they now looked just as uncomfortable as you. Josh resumed his work, acting as though nothing had happened as the redness left his cheeks. âDid he take any of mine?â you asked, suddenly curious.
Josh nodded. âIâve been suspecting him for weeks, but I just tonight watched him do it. Now you know why I donât let anybody else bus my tablesâŠâ he whispered, shooting his eyebrows up.Â
âWasnât he up for the assistant manager position?â you asked.
âYeah, he was. Heâs been here for a long time. But hopefully she is back there taking this seriously, who knows how much money heâs actually stolen,â Josh went on, running his tongue over his lips. You crossed your arms across your chest, feeling exhausted from the adrenaline rush of wanting to slam that guyâs head against the bar for calling Josh such horrid names and making fun of him like that. You could tell you were still seething.Â
âLet his karma take itâs course, Y/N. Donât get yourself too worked up over it, or Iâll be forced to help you relax,â he said with a buttery-soft grit to his voice, almost as if Jacksonâs actions hadnât bothered him in the least bit. You admired his way of staying calm in situations where the normal person would panic and act out⊠it undoubtedly was the reason he has been at Angeloâs the longest, and why he always has the largest section in the restaurant. Heâs level-headed, and probably always has been.Â
But the insinuation in his words didnât go unnoticed. Suddenly your adrenaline rush to protect was overtaken by another kind of rush, one that Josh had brought on to you more and more over the past few weeks. âAnd how would you do that?â you asked, purposefully lacing your voice with the same sweet venom he had just used. The unabashed flirting had finally come to a head, where neither of you could hold it back any longer.
He shrugged one shoulder up. âI dunno, Iâd figure something out,â he said with a wink that you almost missed. âMaybe I could let you be the judge this time, hm?â he suggested, circling back to the nearly perfect ten he gave you on your performance just a short week ago. Your chest surged with nerves at his insinuation, the blush rushing to your cheeks as he confidently slid the now full basket of perfectly rolled silverware right in between you. You sat back in your seat as you tried to push down the swirling in your stomach.Â
âMaybe so. We going to the bar tonight?â you asked with more boldness in your voice than your actual body was feeling. Your entire body was actually already buzzing with anticipation to feel him near you again, and you were eager to get a move on with the night ahead.
Josh shook his wrist as he glanced down at his watch. He rolled his lips into his mouth as his deep brown eyes shot back to yours. âYou off tomorrow?â
âI am,â you responded.
He licked his teeth, taking in a sharp breath. âMe too.â
Just then the swinging double doors to the kitchen swung open with force, and your manager, Heather, burst through them with madness dripping from her aura. âJackson, can I see you in my office, please? Now.â
Oh fuck.
Jackson shoved the broom that was in his hands into the corner, shooting daggers at Josh as he made his way toward her, the group again falling silent as they disappeared into the back.Â
âShit, karma hitting a little sooner than we thought, huh?â you said, holding back a vengeful laugh.
Josh chuckled as he untied the ties of his waist apron, pulling the straps from around him as he huffed a breath. âGuess so. Letâs get the fuck out of here?â
â----
You followed closely behind him and the rest of the group as everyone made their way down the street to the bar, watching as he lightly conversed with a few of your coworkers as they questioned him about what the hell just happened back there, and what Jackson could have been talking about. You couldn't really hear the conversation, but you knew that he was likely handling it with ease, just as he handles every other situation heâs faced with with ease and grace.Â
Youâd watched him talk to many-an unsatisfied customer as they yelled in his face about an incorrect order or a mishap, diffusing situations with the charm he had naturally built into him. You knew he probably kicked the most tips out of anyone that worked at Angeloâs, and for good reason. He was a pro.
You watched as Joshâs left hand slipped behind his back as he spoke to them, wiggling his fingers as he searched for your hand to hold his. You followed through, gripping the ends of his fingertips with your own, just to let him know you were there. He squeezed them tightly as he continued to talk, and the sweet gesture let you know that you were on his mind even though he hadnât been able to speak a word to you since you clocked out.
You and Josh took your normal seats at the bar while everyone else retreated back to their designated booth, the night settling in even though it had only just begun. That inherent craving you had for Josh was always amplified with alcohol, and you knew that it would only be a few strong drinks before you wouldnât be able to stop yourself from letting your mind wander with the same thoughts that were probably already surging through his.Â
Roy approached you at the bar, laying out two white bar napkins in front of you. âEveninâ guys. Itâs been a while, where ya been?â You and Josh both exchanged a confused glance, realizing that it had indeed been a while since youâd been here.Â
âUhh, just been a few long nights at Angeloâs, most of the time weâre all too tired to function after we leave, you know how it can be,â Josh said as he removed his old flannel and draped it across the back of his bar stool.
âUnderstandable,â Roy nodded. âOk so, Josh, last time you were drinking the hard stuff. Want a beer tonight?â
Josh snickered. âYeah, please. Whatever lager you have on draft is fine.â
âBe right up,â Roy offered as he knocked his knuckles on the bar.Â
You leaned in to Josh, catching a whiff of the cologne he must have thrown on as you both stuffed your aprons in your lockers. âHas it really been a whole week since we were here?â
He nodded slowly as he knitted his fingers together and leaned on the bar. âYeah, I guess so⊠since the night I uh, stayed over.â
âHuh,â you mumbled as Roy set your drinks in front of you. âWhy did we go so long without coming back?â A week was actually a good chunk of time to be gone from this place.Â
Josh hissed through his teeth as he plucked a toothpick from the tiny blue glass container on the bar, sticking it between his lips as he gazed at the TV above you. âGuess we just um⊠knew where the night might go if we did this again so soon. Wanted to wait it out, give it a few days.â
His admission made you feel all kinds of emotions at onceâ excitement, confusion, regret⊠Give it a few days? What does that even mean? The both of you downed your first round as if your lives depended on the alcohol within the glasses, both of you sure of the fact that you will need liquid courage for whatever escapades the rest of the night will hold. Or wonât holdâŠ
You signaled to Roy for another round as Josh avoided your gaze, and you suddenly felt a little uneasy at what heâd said.
You slipped your hair behind your ear, feeling conflicted. âYou donât⊠You know we donât have to do that again, Josh, I know we agreed to it, butââ
âNo, Y/N, I want to,â he stopped you mid-sentence, bolting his head to the side to look into your eyes. âBelieve me, I want to keep to that agreement.â
You sat back a little. âOkay, then⊠why did you want to wait it out? Are you sure you want the arrangement to be with me?â
His eyes ripped across you again before looking back at the TV, the toothpick still rolling between his thumb and fingers as he gnawed on the end of it. âOf course I want it to be with you⊠didnât you want to drag it out a little? More fun when you can make it last, right?â
Again, his words stole all the breath from your lungs, almost making you choke on your refilled fizzy drink. âUm, yeah⊠I guess, I guess youâre rightâŠâ you choke out, unable to hide the fluster that had already overtaken you simply from him saying the words âmake it lastâ.
Suddenly heâs laughing at you, gripping your opposite leg in his hand as he turns your body in the stool to face him. Your knees land between his legs as he holds you there, setting his toothpick down on his napkin as he takes a long drink of his new beer. He sets it back down as his eyes land on yours, his hand still gripping the thickness of your thigh.Â
âWhatâs with you, baby?â he asks quietly, leaning in as he cocks his head sideways. âLast time we were here you were knocking me over with your wit and confidence. Now itâs like youâre a baby bird who hasnât found its wings yet⊠whatâs got you all wound up?â
You, Josh. Youâve got me wound up tighter than a banjo string.
Your knees are jutted up into his groin and his face is only inches from yours, the smell of the hoppy beer on his breath mixing with the cigarette smoke from your coworkers on the walk over. Heâs right⊠heâs managed to reduce you into a shell of a woman in the matter of a week, and you have to remember that you are only just friends.
You clear your throat as he forces you to find your true self again. âI dunno, I wouldnât account it to you teasing me all fucking week, though.â
âTeasing you?!â he all but shouts, causing you to slap a hand across his mouth to silence him. He playfully bites at your hand to make you pull it away. âIs that what you think I was doing?â
âIâm no stranger to passing glances and subtle touches, Joshua. You may not have been teasing me, but you sure as hell acted like you missed the feeling of your hands on me,â you said with a little bit of sass in your tone. âBrushing your hand against me every chance you got, lingering stares⊠you arenât slick.âÂ
Josh could hardly help the grin that was growing on his face, his expression now plastered with a look so playfully sinister that you wondered how it was only a week ago that you were tempting him to come over to your house simply by offering to share a blunt.Â
He pushed his tongue up into the corner of his mouth, amused at your boldness. âThere you are. And the funny thing is, I wasnât trying to be slick, Y/N. I was doing that with all intents and purposes of flirting with you. Outright.â
You lean your body in closer to his, challenging him as you sipped from your skinny straw. âAnd friends can do that? They can flirt with each other openly?â
âYou had your mouth on my cock seven days ago, sugar. I think that constitutes my right to flirt with you,â he replies with an emblazoned growl in his voice, making you feel like youâre melting into putty.Â
âDid you think it would make me want to invite you over again?â
âI fucking hoped it would, just wanted to put a little time between visits, ya know. Make you miss me,â he says, gripping his hand onto your thigh a little harder now.
âMake me miss you?! Donât flatter yourself, Josh. I see enough of you at work,â you say with a wave of your hand. His hand sneaks higher on your thigh, and you find yourself thanking yourself for choosing to wear your slitted slinky black skirt to work today. The slit is exposing most of your thigh, of which Josh has wasted no time in reveling in. His hand is warm on your skin as the alcohol suddenly hits your system, immediately swirling your brainwaves with nothing more than thoughts of his hands traveling all over you, gripping at wherever he could get. All his attention locked in on you. The memories of your face between his legs again.
You smile at him as he leans in, shaking his head at you once again. âYou canât tell me you havenât thought about last weekend every single waking moment since it happened, Y/NâŠâ he growled into your ear. Your entire body shuddered at the feeling of his breath traveling over one of your most sensitive spots, making a slew of chill bumps arise on your skin against your own will.Â
The music in the joint suddenly got ten times louder as he pulled away, that damned sly smile still plastered across his face. You took a second to really look at him, the way his lips curved, the curls that balanced and framed his face, the way his eyes twinkled no matter how much darkness filled the room. Heâd become a man you respected. Not only personally, but professionally, as well, and the respect was slowly but surely morphing into an emotion with a lot more weight to it. You were beginning to truly admire him.Â
âI have,â you whispered, covering his hand on your thigh with your own, forcing him to squeeze you even harder. Your heart rate had picked up so much speed, you were sure that he could hear it pounding over the sound of the music, but you didnât care. His fingertips were burning into your skin, surely leaving behind marks that would be singed into your skin for weeks from the mere heat of them. Your actions were becoming blurs, desire overtaking your entire being as you craved the man sitting in front of you. A craving that would indeed be your downfall if you didnât keep your head on straight.
Suddenly, Joshâs phone was buzzing on the bartop, two or three text messages coming through at the same time and catching his attention. The both of you looked at the screen as he picked it up, announcing it was messages from Heather.
His eyes scanned across the messages as you waited for him to finish reading, his face falling into one of such disappointment that it shocked you.Â
âWhatâs wrong, is she okay?â
He nodded as he locked his phone and put it face down back on the bar. âYeah, sheâs fine. She fired Jack.â
âOh my god!â you exclaimed. âSeriously?! Good! That asshole got what was coming for him! What else did she say?â
Josh shook his head as he sipped his beer again, âAh, nothing.â
âNot nothing,â you said, lifting his phone from the bar to unlock it and read for yourself. âI know that look you just had.â
âStop, Y/N, I swear,â Josh said as he tried to wrestle the phone from you. âDonâtââ
âHow bad can it be?â you pressed, managing to pull the phone from his grasp and unlock the screen as you began to read aloud.Â
âHey Josh, sorry to bother you this late. Iâm sure you noticed when I pulled Jackson from sidework tonight that I wasnât in the best mood,â you read. âIt came to my attention that he had been sneaking cash tips for some time now, and I was able to catch him on video this evening doing just that. Iâm sending this message to all of you to apologize on Angeloâs behalf and to let you all know that Jackson and I had a conversation about it and he will no longer be working with us. I apologize for not learning of this sooner, and for the fact that I cannot repay or reimburse any of the money that was taken from you or any of the other employees. I told Jackson that if he had any heart that he should find a way to make this right with each and every one of you, so I am in hopes that he does,â you went on reading quickly, taking a breath before continuing.
âOn that note, Iâm sure you know that Jackson was next in line to be promoted to assistant manager. Since that is no longer the case, I want to offer the position to you, seeing as how you have been here the longest and always show nothing but the best work you can. Youâre my most trusted employee, and know this business inside and out. I know this has been offered to you many times in the past, but I thought I would extend it again. Think about it, and let me know your decision at your Sunday shift. Thanks again, Heather.â Your eyes nearly burst from your head as you realize that Josh was just offered the job that Jackson would no longer be taking.
âJosh! Babe! Why do you look so sad?! You just got offered a promotion!â you wailed, waving his phone around in the air.Â
He stretched his jaw as he ripped the phone from your hand and shoved it in his pocket. âBecause, Y/N, I donât want to be a manager. I want to serve my own tables, make my money, and go home.â
âBut Josh, youâre so incredibly good at your job! Heather is right, you always give 100%, I swear sometimes I think that you could run that place better than our management couldâŠâ you relayed honestly.Â
He shook his head. âNah, theyâve offered it to me time and time again, and I always give them the same response. Iâm happy where I am, Y/N. I swear.â
âBut I bet you youâd make more money, and you wouldnât have to work as many shifts, and you wouldnât have to be on your feet as much and youâd have the opportunity to engage more with customers and actually have time to talk with the regularsââ
âI told you, I donât want that. Iâm content,â he argued, seemingly wanting to end the conversation. âCan we just drop it?â
The disappointment you felt put a hole through your chest. If anyone deserved this promotion, itâs him. And he knows it. âWill you just think about it?â you asked, placing both hands on his shoulders as you gazed into his eyes and pouted out your lower lip. âFor me?â
You felt his entire body relax, his shoulders slump and the corner of his mouth tilt into a tiny smile. His eyes locked in on yours once more, making your stomach begin to turn over on itself again. âFor you?â
âYeah, for me,â you nodded. âYou deserve to give something like this some thought, Josh.â
He laughed through his nose. âFuck, alright, alright. I guess. I donât like how you just did that, thoughâŠâ
âWhat?â you played innocent. âAre you mad that Iâve got you wrapped around my little finger?â You hold your pinky up in his face as you sip down the rest of your drink, really feeling its effects, now. He pulled your hand into his, forcing your whole body into his chest.Â
âNo, that Iâm beginning to have a harder and harder time telling you no,â he said.Â
You laughed as he poked a finger into your side. You were absolutely reeling at the fact that all of his attention was yours again, finally. It gave you a high you could hardly contain. You set your drink down and leaned into him, both of your hands rested high on his thighs as your knees still dug into his groin. âOh, is that right? Then how about we have one more drink. Then we go back to your house⊠so you can let me be the judge ofââ
Josh cut you off with his lips crashing into yours, hot and heavy enough to stop your breathing altogether again. After a second, you inhaled him, the feeling of his tongue running along your bottom lip sending a surge of excitement straight to your core. You kissed him back, but only for a short-lived second as the fuzziness in your brain reminded you that youâre in a very public place. You let your tongue brush against his quickly, tasting the sweetness of him for the shortest second before ripping yourself away.Â
Youâre both breathless as you catch each otherâs eyes again, red-faced and tensioned as you fight to put your lips on him again.Â
âOne more drink?â he asked.
âOne more drink.â
â--
Thankful that Joshâs house was only a few blocks down the road, you pulled into his driveway behind him, throwing your car in park as you yanked down your sunshield mirror and assessed the looks of yourself. âNot too shabby,â you whispered as you wiped the fallen mascara from under your eyes and ran some fresh chapstick across your lips. You flipped the visor closed just as Josh was opening your car door for you.Â
âWelcome to my humble abode, my lady,â he announced with an accent, holding his hand out for you to grab to step out of the car. You pulled the keys from the ignition and grabbed your purse before taking his hand, strong and sturdy as it pulled you from your seat. As your eyes adjusted in the darkness, you saw that Joshâs house was small, but quaint, a tiny front porch lined with white Christmas lights and covered with hanging plants. He had neighbors, but they werenât too close at all, and a rather high wooden fence line surrounded the whole property.Â
You followed him up to the front where he pulled open the swinging screen door onto the porch, revealing a bunch of old mismatched furniture covered in colorful patio cushions that looked surprisingly comfortable. There was a small radio playing a staticy old country station, and an old blue cooler making a rusty buzzing noise. You watched as he sauntered over to it, lifting up the heavy silver lid. âWant a beer or a seltzer or something?â
âUm, sure. Seltzer, please,â you responded, still taking in the overly-adorable front porch and taking notes as to how you could make yours look the same. He tossed you the can and you cracked it open, watching as he kicked his shoes off onto a rug by the front door. You followed suit and removed your own, not wanting to be rude as he unlocked the door and stepped inside.
The air conditioning hit you in the face in the same way that hotel room A/C does when youâre on vacation, cold and bitter but welcoming all the same. Itâs an older home, but youâd never be able to tell it with the way he had it decorated. Salt lamps and old art covered the white plaster walls, white tile underneath all his oriental rugs. A giant couch sat in the middle of the room that connects to the kitchen, filled with cookbooks and open shelves on the walls that were littered with colorful plates and cups.
âDo you have any roommates?â you asked, wanting to fill the awkward silence that had come out of nowhere.
âNo,â he sang as he walked you into the living room. âMy brother and I bought this place a few years ago, he lived with me for a year then he got a girlfriend and left me here all by myself, so.â
âAw, Josh⊠Iâm sorry,â you giggled.
He laughed too as he flipped on a lamp. âItâs okay. It was kinda the plan in the first place.â
You take note of the multitude of blankets strewn across the couch and the cabinet full of vinyl near the sliding glass door⊠the framed photographs of people and places alike that line the walls, and the lack of any television in his living room.Â
âNo TV?â you asked.Â
âNah, Iâd never watch it anyway. Rather read or listen to music,â he said, his voice almost sounding a little nervous. âYou wanna see the rest?â
You nod as you swallow a drink of your seltzer, following him down a short hallway. âDown there is the bathroom and spare bedroom⊠in here is just a room that catches all my junk⊠laundry roomâŠâ you smiled to yourself as you began to notice that he probably hasnât had any visitors in a long while, and the last person that came was probably his now ex.Â
âWhatâs upstairs?â you asked as you followed behind him, walking through a wooden bead curtain.Â
âMy room. The best room in the house,â he said.
âOh? And what makes it that?â
He takes your hand in his, warm and soft as he pursed his lips together. âCome on, letâs get out of our work clothes.â It suddenly strikes you that you both still reek of pizza, are probably covered in sauce and spilled beer, sweaty and gross from your fairly busy Friday shift.Â
âShit, Josh, I didnât bring anything to change in to, I didnât know Iâd beââ
âShh, baby. Friends share clothes, right?â he asked as you both ascend the old squeaky stairs, turning the corner at the top to the A-frame finished attic section of the home. You followed him in the darkness through more hanging plants and across plush rugs before you smelled a sweet earthy smell overtake your senses. Your hand was still in his, leading the way as he opened his door to his bedroom.Â
The walls were a deep plum color, lined with gold accents and more photographs and art, dim low-light lamps and a giant beanbag in the corner. It smelled heavily of incense, and you couldnât quite put your finger on just what scent it was.
âWowâŠâ you whispered out, laughing a little as you did so.Â
âWhat?â he asks.Â
You walk further into the room, taking a seat on his full-sized mattress thatâs covered in a plush olive velvet comforter and tons of giant pillows.Â
âNothing, I⊠this is just not what I thought your house would be like,â you say, still in wonder that you kept seeing new, precious things every single place you look.
Josh joined you on the bed, bouncing it a little as he sipped from his own can. âYeah, I like to think my room is like my escape from the real world, ya know? Come here to unwind, mostly. Oh, I forgotâŠâ he got up and began searching through the drawers of his armoire, pulling out an old t-shirt and pair of shorts for you. âIâll turn around.â
You laughed as you set your can on his nightstand, quickly getting undressed and changing into the clothing he gave you, while he stripped and did the same. âNo peeking,â you said as he pretended to turn around, both of you knowing that you most likely would be seeing more of each other as the night went on. You took a second to breathe in the scent of his laundry, clean and floral as you pulled the holey white t-shirt over your head.
After youâd both changed, Josh took the opportunity and closed in on you again, gently taking your waist in his hands. âLike seeing you in my clothes⊠you look goodâŠâ he mumbled as he let his nose drift down your jawline.
You felt that same familiar chill run down your spine, already imagining him taking off the shirt that you had just put on. His hands gripped into your love handles, pulling you closer as his mouth drifted from your jaw to your neck, lightly sucking on the soft skin and pulling it between his lips.Â
âThis okay?â he mumbled as your hands finally drifted up underneath his shirt, your nails lightly scratching at the skin.Â
âMmhmm⊠very muchâŠâ you breathed, rounding your hands behind him to scratch along his back.
He made his way to meet your lips again, catching you off guard in the kiss that got cut short at the bar. His hands were fierce and his lips were fiery, his fingertips pulling at your skin as you kissed him back, letting your tongue push through his lips to show him how much you want him, too. The both of you worked to keep things cautious, knowing that you were pushing the borders of becoming too intimate for an agreement that is based solely on friendship and pleasure.Â
You broke away, mirroring his earlier actions as you tiptoed just a little to take his earlobe into your mouth, biting at the skin just below it as you blew whispers into his ear. Your hands were wrapped around his neck and you could feel his chest heaving, his hips pressing themselves into you as you finally felt his length pressing up against your core.Â
You let out a tiny pitiful moan, one that probably wouldnât have been heard if the room wasnât so quiet. He took you up in a tight embrace and held you there, your face caught in the nape of his neck as you both took a second to calm down, and breathe each other in.Â
âYou feel really fucking good, Y/NâŠâ he said with a vulnerable tone.Â
âSo do you, Josh,â you agreed, your voice muffled by his shoulder.Â
âNo, like, you just⊠I donât know how to explain it. You just⊠fit right here,â he squeezed you harder in his arms, letting you know that this is exactly where he liked you most. You squeezed him back to let him know that you were in complete agreement, but also felt the need to separate again, not wanting to let things drift too far into waters that you hadnât even talked about exploring.Â
So you pulled away, leaving your hands balanced on his stomach as you gave him a genuine smile.Â
âYou wanna see the best part of the house?â he asked, smirking as he ran a recentering hand through his hair.Â
âAre we not in it right now?â you motioned up to the vaulted ceilings and hanging lights above you, twinkling away and casting warm shadows all over the room.Â
âNot really,â he said, turning and walking over to a set of tall doors, pulling on the gold handles to open them. You walked up behind him, seeing that the door led directly onto a flat, concave area on the roof. He flicked on a switch, letting another set of string lights illuminate the small space, showing a slew of more cushions and comfortable furniture nearly filling the floor of the whole thing. A tall spider plant took up most of the corner while the floor was littered with plush outdoor rugs, much the same vibe as was throughout the rest of the house.Â
âHoly shit, Josh⊠this is, this is gorgeous,â you said, walking outside and up to the edge of the roof, able to peek down into his fenced-in backyard. A giant Oak tree extended its branches all the way above the roof, providing the perfect makeshift covering for the outdoor spot. The crescent moon was hung low in the sky, providing just enough light to make the scene all the more romantic.Â
âThis is the best part of the houseâŠâ he said, boasting a little as he removed the glass topper of a citronella candle, pulling a lighter out of nowhere and lighting the wick before replacing the tall glass cover.Â
âI think I might agree with that,â you say, taking a seat on one of the oversized cushions. âCome back over here,â you beckoned him, suddenly needing to feel his hands on you again. He did just that, placing himself next to you as he took you up in his arms again, peppering your face with pecks. You could tell something was just a little bit off, as it felt as though he was holding himself back.Â
âYou alright, baby?â you asked, hoping that you calling him the pet name wasnât overstepping too much.Â
He nodded into your neck. âIâm good. Just trying to find my mojo again,â he laughed.
âBelieve me baby, you still have it,â you said with utmost certainty.
He pulled away a little, meeting your line of vision. âReally?â
You nodded, âOhhh yeah. You do, no doubt about it.â
He laughed again as he trailed a finger along the inside of your thigh. âWell thank you. Itâs just been, ya know.â He huffed a heavy breath. âItâs been kinda rough. And finding you, and befriending you, it was a really welcome treat,â he said, adding a few more fingers as he drifted them along your leg. You felt another set of chills overtake your body, wanting more from him.Â
âIâll happily be your distraction, Josh,â you said, hinting toward being the person he used to fully get over his ex. âThatâs not something Iâm above.âÂ
The thought of being that person to him was extremely intriguing, even though it sounded a bit different upon hearing yourself say it out loud.Â
âNo, no, youâre not a distraction. Youâre far from it. Youâre⊠really youâre more ofâŠâ he struggled to find the words as his fingers drifted higher and higher to where you really wanted them to be. âYouâre like a beautiful addition that I didnât expect. And that might sound stupid, but⊠I really do appreciate your friendship, Y/N,â he admitted, biting his lower lip in.Â
It didnât take much for your hand to find him again, tracing your finger along the column of his neck as you both reclined on the cushions.Â
âNot stupid, Josh. Youâre the same for me. Finding you has been⊠an adventure, to say the least,â you smiled as you felt his curls fall onto your face, his head lying on your shoulder. And you were absolutely not lying; the day that Josh came into your life changed it for the better, giving you a whole new journey to embark on that youâd never once touched in your life, a new person to feel completely whole and trusting with, building a companionship from the ground up all while intertwining the needs you both had for the benefit of not only yourselves, but for each other. Itâs been an experience of selflessness that you never even knew you needed, and if you had to guess, he didnât know he needed it, either.
You enjoyed the presence of each other for a few more silent minutes, letting yourselves explore the potential of all that each of you held, but having enough self-control to not act on it, yet.Â
âSo, our dealâŠâ he finally spoke up just as you heard the late summer frogs begin to chirp from the yard below.Â
âYesâŠâ you urged him, letting your fingers pull at the hem of his shorts.Â
âI want you to be the judge tonight⊠if you want to,â he said with his voice low, almost as if he didnât want anyone else to hear it.Â
For whatever reason, his insinuation from earlier didnât click with you at the bar. You hadnât put two and two together that he wanted to return the same favor that youâd given him a week ago.
âOh,â you muttered as you felt his hand creep higher.Â
âAgain, only if youâre comfortable with thatâŠâ he said. You mulled it over for exactly one second before you began nodding quickly.Â
âIâm comfortable, but only if you are, too,â you said, wanting to give him the space to back out and not feel pressured.Â
âI used to be somewhat of a legend when it came to this,â he said with a stretch of his arms, pushing you further back into the cushions. âBut that was many moons ago. If youâll let me, Iâd like to see if I still have what it takes⊠let you give me a true rating, just like I gave you..â he went on.Â
You bit your lips in, suddenly feeling a little shy, but also completely empowered at the comfortability of it all. âI think I can do that.âÂ
There was a light breeze in the air, stirring up the smell of the citronella and whatever candle or incense he had burning in his room, making for what you felt was about to be a very immersive experience.Â
He took a deep breath, rolling to his knees as he knelt between yours. He hooked both of his fingers in your shorts and underwear, giving you another look of reassurance as you nodded his way. He swallowed hard as he began pulling them down until they were all the way off, and he tossed them to the side as his eyes finally landed on your completely uncovered lower half. You felt shy, but not in an embarrassing way; the way his eyes took you in made you feel as though you were the most beautiful wonder he had ever laid his eyes upon, soft and sweet and all for him, tonight.Â
âYouâre gorgeous, Y/N,â he whispered lowly again, the flicker of the candle flame lighting up his doe eyes. He pulled your ankles up to his ears, turning his head to kiss the insides of your legs as they balanced on his shoulders. He worked his way down, switching from one to the other as he laid light kisses and pecks all the way down to your knees, sending you little looks of admiration every few seconds. After a few minutes familiarizing himself, he bent down, bringing himself closer to your core as he got comfortable laid out on his stomach.Â
âIâm gonna go slow,â he whispered as he placed his arms under your thighs, pulling you closer to him. You imagined that he was talking himself through it, so you went along with whatever he wanted to give you. You were fully exposed to him now, and though the feeling was a little uneasy, it didnât feel wrong, in the least.Â
âYou do whatever you want, baby,â you reassured him, running your hand through his locks. âI canât believe weâre about to do this on your roofâŠâ you laughed, covering your face as you tried to lighten the mood just a little. You heard his high-pitched giggle fill the air, the one he only let slip out when he thought something was really amusing.Â
âI know, Iâm sorryâŠâ he admitted, still laying wet kisses to the insides of your thighs.Â
âDonât be sorry, Iâve just never done this outdoors before,â you cooed, scratching your nails into his scalp as your body was already heaving a bit, in search of the connection it was so craving. You felt your hips buck up a little on their own as they sought him out.
âYouâre fucking dripping, baby,â he said as his tongue ran one languid strip along your slit, not yet making its way inside yet. His words sent your mind into a carnal, visceral reaction, and suddenly you pushed all the comfort talk to the wayside as you imagined him fully, admiring the wetness that he created. âYou really want me this much?â
âYes, Josh⊠been craving you, pleaseâŠâ you pleaded, suddenly no longer able to hold on to anything besides what was in front of you.
âCraving me? Thatâs a powerful word, lover,â he went on, teasing his tongue around your lips.
âHavenât you?â you rebutted. âYou told me at the bar Iâve been the only thing on your mind since last weekendâŠâ
You heard him hum a sweet laugh. âPatience, sweet thing, Iâm getting there.â
His mouth finally connected to you, the thickness of his lips pulling you into him, his hands gripping hard on your asscheeks. Finally his tongue was exploring you, switching between long strokes and pointed pokes into your opening, flitting his tongue as deeply as he could inside you. âOh, fuck, JoshâŠâ you called out, your hands digging harder at his curls.Â
He continued on, finally paying special attention to your clit as he brought his hand up to join his mouth, placing one finger on either side of it and alternating them as if he was pushing buttons. The indirect pressure was sending your mind into a frenzy already, even without the direct contact. He continued there for a few seconds before he licked his tongue up along you again, pressing it directly between his fingers and onto the sensitive bud. You felt the long-awaited and new overwhelming sensation, sending your head back into the pillows as he hummed onto you, vibrating his lips against it and sending an immediate convulsion through your body.Â
âOh my god?â you perked up, finally looking him directly in the eyes, your knees bending up to squeeze his head. âWhat in the hell was that?! FuckkkkâŠ.â  you cried out, watching as he smiled on you. Cheeky fucker.
It was like he was starving for you, pulling you into him with heavy suction before extending his tongue back into you again, working your clit with his thumb as the top half of his hand added pressure down onto your abdomen. He was right, he knew exactly what he was doing. He just had to get familiar with it again.Â
He pulled away, out of breath and heaving as you felt the devastating disconnection. âSwitch me, babe⊠want you on top of me,â he barked, motioning with his hands for you to hurry. He helped you sit up to kneel as he took your spot on the cushions, pulling at your thighs for you to come and straddle his face.Â
âAre you sure, Josh? This isââ you were breathless as you asked, already so close to orgasm and he hadnât even shown off for you yet.Â
âMâ sure baby, come on,â he commanded, slapping your legs as he repositioned. Before you knew it his mouth was on you again, pulling you down with force as you cried out in pleasure again, completely uncaring if the neighbors could hear your moans from their back porches. Your hands were balanced on the wall to hold yourself up, his tongue still doing whatever it wanted between your folds. The sensation was overwhelming, all-encompassing as you were sure youâd never felt anyone take care of you like this before.Â
You could feel your wetness on his beard and mustache, the grittiness of his coarse hairs a bit grating, but you welcomed the bit of discomfort. You felt his hand come up, toying with your entrance as he paid special attention to your clit again, pulling it forcefully in and out of his mouth.Â
âCan I?â he asked, wondering if it was okay to go that far as his fingers did everything but enter you all the way.Â
âYes, fuck, please,â you begged, the immense need to feel him inside you overtaking your decision-making skills. The next thing you knew, his two middle fingers were buried deep inside you, curling and twisting in a way that let you know that he had the fingers crossed, one right over the other. He pumped them in and out of you a few times, taking the breath completely from you as everything became almost too much to handle. You laid your forehead against the wall along with your hands, ignoring your own want to swirl your hips.Â
âCome on baby, you canâŠâ he growled from beneath you as he tapped your hips again, his free hand still gripped hard on your ass. Heâd read your mind, so you did, swirling your hips in a figure-8 while his fingers and tongue continued their work.Â
âMmmhmmâŠâ  he hummed onto you as your pitiful cries filled the air again, your body weight fighting to keep itself upright. Your mind was blacking out as you felt the pleasure overtaking you in waves, the constant realization that you were outside, on Joshâs roof, letting him devour you making you all the more dizzy. Just envisioning the visual of the scene made you want to cum right then and there.Â
Suddenly he pushed you away from him, sliding his body down and out from under you, standing up on his knees again. He turned and pulled you backward by the waist as he bent you in half, pressing your head back down onto the cushion as he pulled your legs apart a little. You felt him maneuver himself again, leaning his head down as he gripped your ass in his hands again, connecting his mouth with you from behind.Â
âFuck!!!â you yelped at the sudden change in position, and for how downright confident he was being. Intimacy was suddenly out the window. You arched your back for him, giving him greater access to your most sensitive places. His hands worked to separate your folds as his tongue delved deep again, sending you so close to the edge that you almost lost it.Â
Right then you knew that you needed more, you needed it all. Burying your face in the pillows for him was the only thing you wanted to do, from here on out. In whatever position he wanted⊠frontward, backward, upside down⊠You needed it. You needed to feel all of him. But you knew in the back of your mind that going all the way might not be in the cards.Â
At least not tonight.Â
Your cries were building up again as you swayed your hips for him, eliciting a heinous growl from somewhere deep in his chest. Every nerve ending in your body was lit up with electricity as you began to see stars, his constant attention directly where you needed it making all of your strings come untied. âJosh, fuck⊠Iâmâ closeâŠâ you cried out in a slew of breathless words.Â
He pulled away again, gripping under your belly and flipping you back onto your back. âErrrghhh,â you complained as he edged you again, and you could feel your jaw clenched together with rage.Â
âDonât yell at me, baby,â he said. âAm I not giving you what you want?â His eyes were deep and hollow as the light flickered off of them again, making him seem more devious than he had ever looked before. He laid back down in front of you, pulling your knees to rest on his shoulders again. His fingers pressed into you again, and continued flicking deep inside of you, twisting up and curling as he pondered you.Â
You gripped your hand around the back of his neck, pulling yourself up to kiss him, uncaring of your own wetness now transferred onto you. He moaned into your mouth as your tongue searched for his, his hand never letting up as your body began to tremble again. You could feel the sheen of sweat forming on your head and cheeks as he unraveled you, his fingers so perfectly deep and his thumb still expertly working your clit, you were positive that there was nothing else existing in the world right now, besides him. You pulled away, meeting his eyes with a question that he had no idea you would even ask.Â
You didnât even have to speak a word, he knew exactly what you were asking of him.Â
He broke eye contact, looking down at the cushions as he continued with his hand. âI want to baby, believe me⊠I fucking want to⊠I want you, tooâŠâ he captured your lips in a sweet and longing kiss again, letting you know he was right there with you. âJustâŠgive me this⊠let me have you like this⊠andâŠâÂ
You nodded, feeling the knot coming undone in your belly, anyway, unable to stop it even if you tried.Â
âPromise me, Josh⊠you will, we will⊠want you, want all of youâŠâ
He nodded hard as he pressed his forehead to your cheek, your body almost completely bent in half as the backs of your knees rested on his shoulders. âI promise sweetheart⊠one dayâŠâÂ
With his promise and one particularly specific pump of his finger and thumb combination, you were falling over the edge, your whole body shaking and tremoring as you came undone for him, the sounds coming from your body almost embarrassing as you finally were able to hear your own wetness against the slap of his hand.Â
When you finally came down, his tongue was on you again, cleaning up the mess youâd both made and swallowing it down. âGod, youâre fucking delicious, Y/N, I swearâŠâ he praised as he ran his tongue along you again, sending your body into a fit of shaking overstimulation.Â
He pulled his t-shirt up over his mouth, wiping away any excess as he flattened your body back out, crawling up you to lay one last kiss to your now-soaked lips.Â
You took a long, deep breath, cleansing yourself of being devoid of proper oxygen intake for the past few minutes. He finally joined you on the pillows, throwing an arm behind his head as he looked at you with a smug grin. âTold you I was a legend,â he said, adding a giant cheesy smile along with his boasting.Â
âOkay, listen,â you said, slapping your hand onto his chest. âYou canât call yourself a legend, then ask for me to rate you. It doesnât work like that,â you argued. âUnfair.â
âOkay, alright, whatever. Then what do you give me?â he asked, turning toward you and pulling your weak leg up over him.
You pressed your finger to your chin just as he had done when he was âevaluatingâ you. âNine and a half.â
âWhat?! Now, thatâs unfair, you canât give me the same rating I gave you,â he complained. âBe serious, Iâm a perfect ten.â
You swallowed hard, not wanting to tell him the real reason that you didnât give him a ten was because the only way you know he could reach that level of perfection was if you could have him wholly and completely, though both experiences with him so far had been beyond stellar on all fronts, deep down, your thirst for him wouldnât be satiated until that day. That, and the fact that you simply couldnât let him beat you.Â
âSorry, thatâs my rating,â you shrugged him off, reaching down for your underwear and shorts.
âWell fuck me,â he complained, rolling to his back.Â
âI tried to,â you said in retaliation with a laugh, causing him to shoot his look your way.Â
He met you with a look that you hadnât seen from him yet, one that told you that there was something you were missing, something that he refused to divulge, but you were honestly too scared to ask. He bit his cheeks in and broke away from your stare, taking a choppy breath again. âI know we promised, babe, but⊠weâve gotta remember that weâre just friends, yeah? Just friendsââ
âFriends with benefits. Right,â you answered for him in a clipped tone, unsure how to take it. You wished that you could put it all out in the open and discuss things how they lied, but what Josh didnât know was that you shared his same feeling of uncertainty, both of you so swept up in the idea of one another that you were too scared to fall. Too scared to take a leap that the other one might not want to share.Â
Your feelings for Josh were growing. Sprouting new buds and new blossoms every single day, weaving themselves deeper into your bones than you had ever anticipated. But you could never tell him the absolute truth, it could ruin everything. It could turn your relationship up on its tail, causing the both of you to see the other in a light that neither of you even planned on shining in the first place.Â
Thatâs the devastation of it all, the realization of the possibility you might be physically compatible while sharing little to no other characteristics with someone who could end up being more than just a friend.Â
But the passion was there, you could feel it. It was almost tangible just now as he begged you to fly into oblivion for him, all at the touch of his hand. You couldnât lose Josh, and he couldnât lose you. Not right now, at least. The two of you had become dependent on one another, in all ways besides romantically.Â
If you took that step⊠if you both let your guard down all the way⊠would things still be the same? Did he even want you in that capacity? You were too scared to ask, you were too scared to know.Â
So, you cleaned yourself up, replaced your panties and shorts and followed Josh back into his lavish bedroom, letting him pull you up underneath his protective arm under his sheets and blankets, kissing you on the forehead as the two of you drifted off into a sleep that begged for more. The both of you lying to yourselves right where you were, waiting for the feelings to dissipate.Â
Or worse, manifest themselves in a way that was much more gruesome than something a friend with a benefit could ever, ever give.Â
Hi my lovely readers! So lately Iâve been suffering writers block and creative difficulties. But also dealing with things going on in my personal life. So I havenât really been working much on most of my work. And I want you all to know that Iâm very sorry. Iâm just taking my time on when I can get involved with my writing again. So I may be on a slight hiatus for the time being until my writerâs block has passed. (Which I hope is soonđ„Č) So I do hope you all understand!
