It's always been my gift to know the smallest change in someone's behavior or feelings towards me, especially those who are close to me, dear to me, the one I cherished the most. This is not the first time I felt this kind of feeling, and it still hurts me so bad.
It has been going on for almost 3 weeks now that my anxiety has risen to the point I want to give up everything. It's because of a person named "Raffa". This guy I met on Walla (gay dating app). He texted me first out of nowhere and asked me for pic trading. After that he's missing for like weeks. During that time I kept texting him in hoping that he would replied back. One of my text was asking his phone/whatsapp number since he said previously that he's more active in WA rather than in this app (Walla). One day, he was online and texted me back and gave him his phone number. I was so excited and happy bcs I thought that I had a feeling towards him even though he didn't text me back previously. I was hoping that finally I found someone I can open my heart to again after years I closed my heart for anybody. Indeed I have 2 guys in relationship with me, but I can't say they are my "boyfriend/partner" as they don't really care to me.
Be that as it may, I found this guy and I felt so excited. We finally chat through WA, getting to know each other. He often told me his life story, he was very open to me. Until one day, he called me out of nowhere in the mids of night, it was weekend if I recall. We talked for like 3 to 4 hours long. Talking about random things. He wasn't being illfelt to listen to my sore voice lol. He was happy to finally met someone like me. He said I'm different to the other people he knew before. He said he liked me, and from the simple text I sent to him, he said that he's mine now that I'm also his.
Days passed and we were still fine, even though I know that he's actually a bisexual. He likes woman more than guy. But I'm still happy he's coping up with me. He told me that he had a girlfriend. That news shocked me but I tried to hold my composure. I tried not to fuss about it. He had a gf before knowing me. Put that aside, his gf (now she's just a remnant of his story) is a sex maniac and he really hates that. Finally he and her gf broke up, but his ex is still running after him. Not long after that, he met another girl, and this girl confessed to him about her feeling. She wanted her to be his gf. But Raffa hesitated and said to see what will they be later. Let's going on with it. He said to me he didn't have any feelings towards her, until recently he told me that he's grown to like her :) Even after what she had done to him - Fucking him in his sleep!!!!! :')
Raffa indeed has high libido, but he's not a sex slave. He always emphasize that phrase to me. This girl is no good to him. Her kindess is only a mask to cover her from her demon inside her to deceive Raffa :( But Raffa falls for it :(
The news is that, he's changed :) He's not as kind as he was to me before :) Not really responding much to me. He even ignored my some of my text and question. His feelings changed. I know that for sure. This is what burdens me so much. I have to feel for others while others don't feel me. I'm begining to running out of energy. My anxiety has risen again after years it is calm. My mood is up and down. Overthinking keeps haunting me every minute. I don't know how long this will end :( I hope to end it soon, but I guess it's impossible now. I've fallen to deep right now. No one saves me :) I'm crying for help but no one comes to aid me :)
Should I REST or just GIVE UP?
