well not to quote barenaked ladies but “IIIIT’S BEEN” four months now since i was last here! wow! i’m not sure about the impact my return will bring at this point but i suppose i should keep something new on record at least so here’s an update.
i’m good. i’m kinda meandering back-and-forth right now since i’m working full-time without much of a solid plan but i’m much more stable and in a better place than i was last year; considering it’s now almost been a year since my breakdown that put basically everything into perspective, i’d say it’s progress at least.
but enough about that shit because i have a website now! it covers a basic portfolio of my photography and the backgrounds of my collage work and if you ever seek commission work/collaborations/etc. i have a contact page you can use on there! take a look, if you feel like it.
i would also like to take this time to apologize to my followers for how much of a literal mope-ass i was the last two years of using this blog. i realize what i was going through emotionally wouldn’t have been easy for anyone else but i felt like at some point i started to take advantage of people’s support by deliberately staying in the self-pity like a fully-grown bird refusing to leave mom’s nest. this is the only analogy i will use for this post so far. i apologize.
and now there’s a lot of things to take note on my end. i’m 21 years old and i still don’t know what it’s like to have a desired career flourish, or be in a relationship, or consistently stay in college, or know when to stop talking. but while it can help to be aware of these things, at some point i accidentally tossed the ability to do things sparingly into a deep, deep well. i’ve let these thoughts take a hold on me constantly and no longer can i just distract myself as if yelling “LALALA NOT LISTENING”. when something inside you starts to veer into obsessiveness, it’s time to do something about it.
and now i’m just here, neither in a personal peak or nadir but almost in stasis, which probably sounds negative but just give it a positive connotation and let’s go forth. a few months ago i got to travel with my buddy’s band on tour and i got to see a little more of the world with some of my favorite people which was dank. i’d kill for more spontaneous decisions like that, but i got other things to do first. so i say this; remember to take things one-at-a-time, work on your goals and then live a little bit when you feel like you’ve earned it. i don’t ever want to bound my life to a series of numbing, self-told obligations because i want to do everything i can possibly do while my heart is still beating. and whether whatever i do is only compensating for the amount of nothing i’ve been doing my whole life doesn’t really matter. it’s something, y’know?
now i’m gonna go take a shit because i want to go to sleep. here’s my twitter and insta in case i don’t post here again. good night.
