Growing Up Greene

Skye Greene She/ Her/ Hers E(y)/ Eir/ Em

[growingupgreene]

Hey y’all. I’m Skye. This is a side blog for me to post random memories from my life. I had an unorthodox childhood and seem to also be having an unconventional adulthood.

I’ll edit this post as I see fit.

For now, let me say that I use she/her and e(y)/ eir/ em pronouns in English and lei in Italian. Fluent in both languages.

I’m ace and mostly use queer to describe myself. Genderqueer, woman, and other terms also apply

I’m neurodivergent, which might come up occasionally

[growingupgreene]

One of the most spiritual experiences I’ve had was walking into La Sagrada Familia as Ave Maria began playing. It was noon and the light streaming through the stained glass created a holy rainbow, streaking through the shadows of the columns.

I was emotionally out-of-sorts, having had a rough couple days before, so I had gone alone, needing to clear my head and find some peace. And in that atmosphere, I experienced what Gaudí intended: feeling closer to G-d by looking up through light. Ave Maria is a song I associate both with Mary and my mother. And in the cathedral, the music resonated and centered me, allowing me to let go of the emotional turmoil I was holding.

It gave me peace as I continued my day, walking down the boulevards to the beach. I took a nap on the sand, waking up to the sound of my friends’ voices, feeling refreshed.

[mattsmemes]

[growingupgreene]

Reminds me of the two 70-year-olds in my History of Christianity class. Hope they’re doing well

[growingupgreene]

I’ve been trying to avoid sugar since Valentine’s Day, so to celebrate it being two months, I made some pancakes! They were so good, and I need to remember the recipe, so here you go:

It took about 45 minutes from when I started gathering ingredients to when I sat down to eat. It made 3 pancakes, so should be doubled/ tripled if you’re servivng multiple people.

It’s vegetarian, sugar & dairy free

Banana, Oat, & Chia Seed Pancakes

Ingredients

1 banana, can be a bit overripe

1/2 cup oats

1 egg

1 tbs chia seeds

1/4 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp vanilla

Dash of cinnamon

Neutral oil to season pan. I used vegetable, but you could also use coconut/ avocado/ butter (making it no longer dairy-free)

Toppings to taste. I used sweet cinnamon, a kiwi & pumpkin seeds

Method

Mash the banana with a fork

Add the oats to the banana and stir

Crack the egg into the mixture and stir

Add in chia seeds and stir, making sure they don’t clump

Quickly add the baking powder, cinnamon, and vanilla. Stir until the batter is smooth. It’ll thicken as the chia seeds absorb liquid

Heat a pan on medium heat. Add a bit of oil (I used vegetable)

Once the pan is warm, spoon in some batter. I used two large spoonfuls, about a 1/4 c. Use the spoon to smooth the batter into a circle, before it starts to fully cook

Flip when you see bubbles popping, about 2-3 mins

Give the other side a couple mins before removing to a plate. Put a tea towel on top to keep the pancake warm. You can also use a paper towel/ forgo it. I didn’t do this, as I was making a small batch

Repeat steps 7-9 until your batter is gone

Cover with your preferred toppings and serve! I used some sweet cinnamon I found in the pantry, a diced kiwi, and some pumpkin seeds

I gotta say, this was fantastic, particularly with the sweet cinnamon and kiwi. The kiwi’s tartness balanced with the sweetness of the banana, and the cinnamon tied it all together. I’m definitely making it again, probably in a larger batch so I can freeze leftovers!

Future editions might have a non-dairy milk instead of the egg, as the chia seeds could act as a binding agent, making it vegan

[growingupgreene]

An odd epiphany I had last night: part of the reason I don’t like most meat is because I don’t know where it comes from. Let me explain.

Tldr; growing up by a farm/ knowing hunters means I feel more comfortable eating meat that I know comes from local/ sustainable practices.

I was raised pretty much entirely vegetarian. My mom doesn’t allow meat cooked on her stove and was the primary cook, so that translated to my sister and I preferring a vegetarian diet. We did occasionally try meat at common meals with our neighbors, but we generally didn’t eat meat. Today my sister is a vegetarian, while I mostly describe myself as vegan for various reasons, but will try most things at least once (I’m not actually vegan but it’s easier than going on an at minimum five min rant). I’m not gonna insult my host by flat-out refusing to eat something unless it triggers a dietary issue for me.

Over the years I came to realize that I mostly like the various versions of pig and not cow or chicken. Now I tend to avoid eating pigs, since they’re highly intelligent and also my dream pet, so I end up not eating meat 99% of the time. I’ll eat it on special occasions though.

One of those special occasions is the farm End of Year Potluck. Every year one of the farm people makes venison. And it’s consistently the best meat I’ve ever had.

He kills the deer himself, often in the woods by my house. He prepares the meat, marinates it, and then finally slow cooks it to perfection.

I don’t eat a lot, since meat fills me up way faster than my regular diet. But I will always get at least one slice of the venison. I know exactly where it came from and that it was killed as part of the deer cull. The county has open season to keep the deer population down so they don’t overrun everything in suburbia. Part of the regulations is that you have to use a crossbow instead of a gun, since the places people are hunting are mostly residential.

When it comes to eating meat on other occasions, most of the time I don’t know where it came from. Sure, someone bought it in the supermarket, but where was it raised? In humane conditions? Who killed it? Were they fairly compensated? The lack of answers to questions like these, plus my knowledge of how the mass food industry works, is often a factor in whether I’m willing to eat the meat. Let alone whether it’s a type of meat of which I actually like the taste.

As mentioned previously, I didn’t have a lot of meat in my palate growing up. That’s my theory as to why I tend to not enjoy the taste of most meat now. And unless I have a fairly good idea of where it came from/ that it was raised and slaughtered humanely, I won’t go out of my way to eat it.

I have similar questions about my vegetables and other foods, though in those cases it’s almost entirely about the people farming them. I try to eat more organic and fair trade foods, as they have greater regulations and often have less toxins. And people tend to be treated better and paid more fairly. Not always, but it hopefully helps.

Of course it’s impossible to be constantly vigilant. All of the things I’ve said are broad generalizations. We live in a society where more and more often the food choices available to us have already been made for us. Like many industries, there is only the illusion of choice between companies. But I do believe that by consistently buying products that represent the world I want to see, there is a small difference made in the long run. After all, commercialist capitalism means that we vote with our purchases. After years of only seeing organic products in more expensive stores, they’ve become a staple in all grocery stores. And brands that started as niche health foods have become more mainstream. So maybe there’s hope

[growingupgreene]

I like to think I have a good relationship with my body. I was raised by parents who consciously did not make any comments on my appearance other than that I’m beautiful.

Unfortunately I live in society, so I was still affected by external forces, especially when I went through puberty. Over a decade later, I am still generally happy to live in my body. Are there things about it that upset me? Yes, but that’s only on occasion.

I saw a post years ago talking about how the op was thankful for what their body did for them. When they felt a breeze, sunlight on their face, or tasted delicious food, they gave thanks to their body for giving them the experience. I took it to heart, which greatly helped my teenage self-consciousness.

Being socialized as a woman and constantly receiving the message that I should hate my body and want to contort it into impossible shapes, covering up any flaws.

When I began really questioning my gender, I thought about my relationship with my body a lot. I’ve know about my chest dysmorphia for pretty much as long as I’ve had boobs, but it was interesting to focus in and think deeply about my actual feelings instead of just feeling the intermittent discomfort. I still have mental issues concerning my chest, but that doesn’t mean I hate my body. I’m just uncomfortable with part of it.

It’s an odd feeling, since I know that by social beauty standards I have a great figure, but that’s actually a big part of why I’m uncomfortable. As an asexual woman, I have known since I was twelve that when I dress up I’m going to receive unwanted attention.

Hearing that I was beautiful at least once a day (usually from my mom) my entire life is something I wish everyone had in their life, but I have learned from my friends that it’s rare, which is tragic. I think we should take more time to compliment each other.

[fictionadventurer]

I think the Hunger Games series sits in a similar literary position to The Lord of the Rings, as a piece of literature (by a Catholic author) that sparked a whole new subgenre and then gets blamed for flaws that exist in the copycat books and aren’t actually part of the original.

Like, despite what parodies might say, Katniss is nowhere near the stereotypical “unqualified teenager chosen to lead a rebellion for no good reason”.  The entire point is that she’s not leading the rebellion. She’s a traumatized teenager who has emotional reactions to the horrors in her society, and is constantly being reined in by more experienced adults who have to tell her, “No, this is not how you fight the government, you are going to get people killed.” She’s not the upstart teenager showing the brainless adults what to do–she’s a teenager being manipulated by smarter and more experienced adults. She has no power in the rebellion except as a useful piece of propaganda, and the entire trilogy is her straining against that role. It’s much more realistic and far more nuanced than anyone who dismisses it as “stereotypical YA dystopian” gives it credit for.

And the misconceptions don’t end there. The Hunger Games has no “stereotypical YA love triangle”–yes, there are two potential love interests, but the romance is so not the point. There’s a war going on! Katniss has more important things to worry about than boys! The romance was never about her choosing between two hot boys–it’s about choosing between two diametrically opposed worldviews. Will she choose anger and war, or compassion and peace? Of course a trilogy filled with the horrors of war ends with her marriage to the peace-loving Peeta. Unlike some of the YA dystopian copycats, the romance here is part of the message, not just something to pacify readers who expect “hot love triangles” in their YA. 

The worldbuilding in the Hunger Games trilogy is simplistic and not realistic, but unlike some of her imitators, Collins does this because she has something to say, not because she’s cobbling together a grim and gritty dystopia that’s “similar to the Hunger Games”. The worldbuilding has an allegorical function, kept simple so we can see beyond it to what Collins is really saying–and it’s nothing so comforting as “we need to fight the evil people who are ruining society”. The Capitol’s not just the powerful, greedy bad guys–the Capitol is us, First World America, living in luxury while we ignore the problems of the rest of the world, and thinking of other nations largely in terms of what resources we can get from them. This simplistic world is a sparsely set stage that lets us explore the larger themes about exploitation and war and the horrors people will commit for the sake of their bread and circuses, meant to make us think deeper about what separates a hero from a villain.

There’s a reason these books became a literary phenomenon. There’s a reason that dozens upon dozens of authors attempted to imitate them. But these imitators can’t capture that same genius, largely because they’re trying to imitate the trappings of another book, and failing to capture the larger and more meaningful message underneath. Make a copy of a copy of a copy, and you’ll wind up with something far removed from the original masterpiece. But we shouldn’t make the mistake of blaming those flaws on the original work.

[growingupgreene]

I read The Hunger Games when it first came out. I then chose not to read the next two books when they came out. My main reason was that I didn’t enjoy Suzanne Collins’ writing style. It felt like if I didn’t keep reading something terrible was going to happen. That doesn’t mean I don’t think they’re good books, I just didn’t want to experience that type of reading hold on my life.

My friends read all three books when their English teacher assigned the first book freshman year of high school. (I was in a different class but that’s another story). I didn’t mind spoilers, as I didn’t want to read the books. And hearing what happened in them confirmed that choice for me at the time. Looking back, I think it was partially because I was haunted by the Twilight effect (also didn’t read those, but again, different story), and partially because it was the popular thing to do. I had made up my mind not to read them and so I didn’t read them.*

I did go and watch the movies when they came out. I was more willing to devote a couple hours of my time to them instead of days. I loved Catching Fire, especially the chariot scene. But what stands out to me the most is when I went to see Mockingjay Part 1.

It came out around the time of the Syrian Refugee crisis. I was once again a freshman, this time in college. And all I could think, as I watched bombs fall and the characters flee for their lives, was that this was people’s current reality. And how many people sitting in theaters across America would get that? How many people who came to be entertained by a heroic struggle between the oppressive state and an underground resistance would understand that this was the reality for many people around the world? That this was history played out as fantasy? So yes, the Hunger Games trilogy had a massive impact on YA literature, but I think it had an even bigger effect on the teens reading it. It’s the first step to understanding how the American regime works. And, as OP says, how we are all complicit in it.

*Major spoiler discussed:

The one big reason I didn’t want to finish the books was because as an older sister, I identified perhaps too strongly w/ Katniss’ urge to protect Prim. And she ultimately failed, which would have destroyed me. When I watched that scene in the film I was sobbing & it makes me tear up just to think about it. It didn’t help that the actress slightly resembles my sister. I understand from a narrative sense why it happens and it’s actually a really strong part of the plot, but I refuse to read that. It’s just too personal

[animentality]

[growingupgreene]

It makes me think of my high school class. Cause we did have some out kids & it was a really accepting place (I can wax rhapsodies about it) but it was also the 2010’s and there wasn’t as much awareness/ collective knowledge. And then we all graduated & went on to college, etc. and I’m so curious how many of us ended up discovering things about ourselves/ actually coming out. Cause I know of at least three other people besides me…

Also I started to become lactose intolerant throughout high school but it really hit after. So that’s another thing re: intolerances. You can grow into them/ not know what’s wrong for a long time

[growingupgreene]

I’m officially off my meds!!

I’ve been taking them for six years, which is honestly pretty long for these particular ones, but I kept having life events that I knew wouldn’t be good to come off my meds during, so it took this long.

I took the last dose on the 1st, so I think it’s finally out of my system. And idk if it’s cause I haven’t slept properly in like a month or cause I haven’t had an unmedicated brain for six years, but the physical disregulation is A Lot. I’ve been stimming a lot today cause the muscles in my arms have really needed deep pressure, but I don’t have a weighted blanket here/ my roommate’s out of town so I can’t ask her for help. But also that’s nice cause I can just vibe.

I’m rambling cause I need sleep so I’m gonna get ready for bed. Goodnight

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.

you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)

and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

bitches needed to hear this huh ♥ (you're bitches)

[growingupgreene]

Yes!! I love growing up!

It’s exciting to think about the future and how much more I’ll learn. I’m close to 30 and I’m finally getting to the part of my 20’s where I no longer feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I know I don’t know what I’m doing and that’s okay! I’ll figure it out! Just because I don’t know what will happen in the future doesn’t mean I should stop planning/ striving to become a better person who is more in tune with myself.

I love getting to reap the benefits of the work I put into getting where I am today, just as I continue to find things to stride towards for the future. And getting to be here, day after day, means I get to have new joys. Sorrows too, but the important thing is that I keep going. That I keep feeling the sun on my face and breeze on my skin. I listen to new and old songs and dance along. I taste good food and smell the sea air. I am alive. And that’s enough!

—🍁🍁🍁—

I recently realized that I’m finally closer to who I was/ wanted to be in elementary school instead of high school and I’m so proud of myself. I’m more confident and don’t care as much what others think of me. I’m finally fulfilling dreams I’ve had for over two decades and it’s the happiest I’ve been in a while. I love it and am proud of myself.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving. I’m glad you’re still here.

[growingupgreene]

When I was little, my mom would add a surprise into our hot chocolate. We had these little chocolate balls with foil covering that looked like the globe and she would drop one into the hot chocolate.

It made drinking the hot chocolate even better because you could scoop up the “globe” and eat the melted part and then drop it in again.

I’m only now realizing that it technically wasn’t a globe after we unwrapped it, but that doesn’t matter. It was a lovely addition to the hot chocolate and a nice way to warm up on a chilly day

[growingupgreene]

Y’all. It finally happened. We’ve officially moved into the apartment!!! I’m so happy!!!

Still getting things set up/ can’t find my calendar, but it’s so exciting!! I have a bed! And a bathroom! All to myself!!

[growingupgreene]

Sometimes the best thing is to let a relationship go, even if you’ve invested a lot of time and energy into it. If you are consistently accommodating at the expense of your own mental health with no reciprocation it isn’t worth it

[memewhore]

[growingupgreene]

I had a coworker that was oddly excited about the thought of fighting an animal. Once he found out my mom’s a ranger, he wanted to ask her which animal would be the easiest to fight. My response of “none of them. It’s not a good idea” didn’t deter him. He started brainstorming armor ideas

[growingupgreene]

For a while I wanted to be an astronomer when I grew up, but then I realized that it wasn’t the stars themselves that attracted me (although they do still fascinate me). It was the myths, the stories about the constellations. Throughout time, across the globe, everyone came up with patterns and made up stories about them. It’s a beautiful thing, to look at the night sky and draw pictures. And then to take those pictures and put stories to them is even more beautifully human.

The Greeks called some of them wandering bodies. Perhaps not human bodies, but still more than just objects.

In more recent history, we started to learn even more about the glowing pinpricks our ancestors used as props in bedtime stories. We sent out our creations into the sky, creating our own wandering bodies, in an attempt to learn more about our surroundings. Our innate curiosity and imagination led us from dreaming about the star people to becoming them. And I think that’s lovely

[growingupgreene]

Resisting the urge to blow up at my neighbors for bullying my other neighbor:

“This isn’t how we resolve issues in a cohousing community, we solve things through calm and thoughtful critique, don’t yell at them for harassment, it won’t be heard unless it’s coming from a calm place, breathe, …”

I know I’m gonna end up sending at least one email/ having a call-out conversation w/ at least one of them… but all in good time

[growingupgreene]

Watching the Wimbledon men’s final and it’s absolutely incredible. I am in awe. But something occurred to me.

The reason I enjoy tennis is because I grew up watching it w/ my dad. In fact that’s how I’m watching the final. He had it in when I came down this morning. And the other sports I’m a fan of are also because of my dad.

I have fond memories of watching tennis, hockey, baseball, and even golf with him. And the first three are sports I still enjoy/ follow when I remember. I do also enjoy basketball, but that’s more due to college.

My dad is the one who taught me the rules of the sports. Mom taught me about football, since she grew up in a college town, but most sports I learned about from my dad. And it’s something I cherish.

On another note, he has a group chat w/ his siblings & most of them are watching. My uncle called my dad to talk about the game because my aunt’s on a delay and asked for no spoilers. They do it for baseball too. I think it’s adorable how they’ll watch games together.

Also: they played a game for 27 mins. Not a set, a game. They’re both absolute powerhouses. Incredible

[growingupgreene]

Another reason to enjoy tennis: they use “love” instead of zero and it makes me happy

Oh and how the players (usually just the men bust sometimes the women too) will yell/ groan as they hit the ball so there’s an “ah!” “ugh!” soundtrack added to the sound of the rackets