may i service you?

Gwyn | twenty | singer | City of Angels so pull me closer and kiss me hard i’m gonna pop your bubblegum heart

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

“Yeah,” he said with a nod, still not sure he was ready for it. It was his own fear and insecurity that was holding it back. The times he’d mentioned it before was when it seemed relevant or when it was off-handed. It’d been woven in throughout, as they rarely had more serious, sit-down sorts of emotional conversations like this. It was weird, how when he’d first been released, about a year and a half ago, the bluntness he had about the experience had been so prevalent it was almost off-putting to most. That reaction had really seeped in, because now, one of the people he now admitted to really caring about could be the one off-put. He believed her and what she said, but it didn’t stop the negative self-talk. “I think I need to figure out how to phrase it, first.”

“You think I don’t already have an elaborate identity theft scam in place? Who do you think I am?” Danny asked, scoffing. Like he would lack the foresight to lose the only free room and board he had. He waited a few more seconds before pretending to sigh and roll his eyes. “Is this what I have to look forward to?” he asked, his voice having the put-on exhaustion and annoyance of a five year-old having to put their toys away. Nonetheless, he crouched in front of her for a piggyback ride. He doubted he could do squats with her, so he wasn’t about to try carrying her like before.

“I know I can be demanding but,” she shrugged, hoping it was clear that she wasn’t trying to force him into anything he wasn’t comfortable with. It was the biggest thing she’d feared about asking him to choose her, that he’d freak out, become almost claustrophobic with her. There was no guilt on her part, but she wasn’t setting out to make him uncomfortable. “We’ve got time. Nothing has to change-- well, most things don’t.”

At Danny’s grumbling, Valora grinned. That action alone was what she needed to be sure that she hadn’t blown everything up in her own face. “Yes, this is it. This is the only perk you get.” Once on his back, she craned her neck to press a sweet little kiss to his cheek. It wasn’t entirely out of character for her, but it wasn’t something she usually did while the lights were on. Maybe she’d blame it on her being tired after rehearsing all day, but they both knew that was bullshit. “You think we should tell Max? I kind of want to see if he passes out.”

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

“No, not that. Talking about the bad stuff.” Or really any of his emotions with people that weren’t his therapist. He didn’t like showing this level of vulnerability. And people didn’t seem to like it when he showed it. They’d always start acting weird and shy away from him. If it happened with Val, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time. Val had been through a hell of a lot of it already, but there was always this latent fear, that it would be too much and the camel’s back would break. 

It was probably that fear, that discomfort that caused him to joke again, not wanting to let his vulnerability or fear be palpable for too long. Especially if this was the start of… He wasn’t about to call it monogamy or exclusive or anything, if only to save face. But what essentially amounted to a relationship. That was usually a really happy sort of thing, and in an atypical fashion, it made him feel vulnerable and unsure. Then again, nothing about their…thing was typical. “Too late. I’ve already set up camp in the walk-in.”

“I already know your life isn’t rainbows and butterflies, what’s the difference in talking about it? It might even help... right?” Val shrugged, because when it came down to it she’d always been flying blind. She was better at physical comfort when he was at his lowest, and Danny knew that, but she wasn’t about to quit on him yet. “It’s not like we need to hold formal meetings about it. Just speak when you want to speak, yeah? It’s cheesy as fuck, but I’m always listening.”

Danny’s joking was clearly a cover up, but she laughed anyway. “I knew you were only using me to get to my crop tops,” she rolled her eyes and tried to push herself to her feet. Only really managing to rock back and forth on the edge of her mattress, she pouted and held her arms out to Danny, “Help me up, my legs are non responsive. But I swear to god if you throw me into the pool I’ll sink to the bottom and drown and you’ll be homeless so... think about that.”

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

“I already promised Dad, no face tats ‘til I’m 40,” he remarked, a sly smile on his face that was just ambiguous enough that it wasn’t clear if he was joking or telling the truth. That was the problem with someone who said such absurd things on a regular basis. Almost anything started sounding plausible. Even face tattoos at 40. 

“I think…” He mused with a shrug. He wasn’t quite sure it had hit him entirely, what this was. Not that he was sure that was even possible. He wasn’t sure he even knew what this was, really. What kind of things he’d have to ask about or say. He was still a little distracted, a little lost in thought about things. About the people that didn’t give a shit, and that someone else noticed. About if he was dooming her to failure, too. And the lingering guilt of agreeing to it. “Just not used to…how this goes. Or talking about any of this kind of shit.”

Even though she liked to think she knew Danny well by now, sometimes that look in his eye was a little too ambiguous. Either way, at least she probably wouldn’t have to worry about a face tattoo for a few more decades-- which was a thought that made her hesitate. Nope, rewind, she’d barely accepted the idea that she wanted him to stop seeing other people, let alone the potential to make it through entire decades together.

“Don’t look at me, I have no idea what’s going on either.” Yeah, she’d had boyfriends here and there, but they’d all been easy. Temporary. Even without any official titles, she’d been sleeping with Danny - and pretty much only Danny - for years longer than anyone else she’d been with. “Sorry, that wasn’t very helpful for team confidence... Uh...” Val sat on the edge of her bed, staring off into space for a long moment, still coming up blank. “What even is there to talk about? Don’t sleep with other people, that’s it, right? That’s all I want. What do you want? You're not having full access to my wardrobe, I can tell you that much.”

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

Danny paused for a few moments, processing her request and nodding. It was uncharted territory, something he rarely felt when it came to his interactions with other people. He didn’t have rule of thumbs to know how to act, or experience to know how not to. Knowing how to navigate social situations and people, it’d always been his forte. Now, he was without a compass. It made him feel naked and vulnerable. Apart from the fact that he was standing there in a speedo. “Alright,” he said, looking up and giving a small nod. “Let’s give…this a shot.”

“Compromise, next tattoo is a knuckle tat of ‘u r pretty’ so it’s always being said,” he said, joking a little again. Then again, he had literally gotten ‘dicks’ carved into his shoulder, so it was understandable if anyone viewed it as a legitimate comment.

Val had to consciously unclench her jaw before she cracked a tooth. What did she even have to worry about? Either he would agree to her terms or he wouldn’t, and if she was being honest with herself she was more prepared for him to decline. Maybe she was so worried because he actually seemed to be considering it. Imagine the two of them, together... For a moment she panicked, wondering if she’d made the right choice in giving him the ultimatum. Was she really prepared for that?

“Okay...” Clearly he had surprised her with how easily he’d accepted the idea, but she refused to let it linger, picking her shirt up from the floor where it had landed when she’d tried to throw it at him. “I’d prefer it on your forehead to be honest,” Val gave him a pointed look, enough of a smile showing that he’d know she was done with her little mood, and tilted her head curiously, “You okay? I didn't mean to freak you out or anything.”

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

Danny nodded, eyes on the floor now as he thought about her words, about how to respond to them. It wasn’t like he’d been under any impression that anyone he hooked up with gave a shit about him. In fact, he hadn’t quite admitted it to himself yet, but on many occasions that had been an added bonus. He’d only viewed it as a practicality of keeping hookups and fuck buddies as just that. But really, it made it that much easier to go unnoticed. To slip away from it all. From their beds, their life, anyone’s life. His therapist had expressed concern, that his behavior could be a defense mechanism. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure if it was defensive or an offense against himself. He hadn’t exactly gotten that far in thinking about it.

It was weird, though. It’d crept up on him, the way that their own dynamic had turned from casual, no emotions, into….whatever it was. He hadn’t really had to think too much about his feelings on the relationship before, it’d all been so gradual, it’d gone without assessment. But, he supposed it was nice that she, as she put it, gave a shit. How she actually noticed when he was gone, cared when he was in the hospital, and seemed to want him around. It wasn’t something he was quite used to. “I never know,” he said, offering a small smile and trying to lighten the mood a little. The smile was a little off and crooked, the weight of the conversation tugging at the corners. It fell again as he returned to thinking about the situation. He wasn’t exactly sure how to handle it or what to say or how these things went, it was never a discussion he’d had with anyone. “So, what would all of this,” he said, a small hand gesture included, “entail?”

It occurred to her that he really was looking to her for help understanding, that it was time for her to make some decisions rather than going with the flow and hoping for the best. Then again, the routine they’d slipped into - living together, travelling together, their intimate moments that often didn't even involve sleeping together - suggested that maybe they had stopped going with the flow and created their own some time ago.

Val bit her lip, trying not to smile too much. It was true though, and he’d said it himself, so she didn’t feel too guilty about being amused. “It’s not like I’ve got a list written up or want to set a curfew or anything, I just... I’m not comfortable with you sleeping around. I don't think I'm asking too much.” She could have gone into more detail, about how she hardly trusted the cleanliness of club bathrooms and crackhouses - or wherever it was he ended up late at night - but that felt like a great way to add kindling to a fire. None of this was about wanting to fight, Val just wanted Danny to take better care of himself... and to see that he had something amazing right in front of him if he wanted it. “And maybe you have to tell me I’m pretty three hundred times a day but frankly, you should already be doing that so I'm definitely not asking for much.”

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

If it’d been another time, another place, another mood, Danny perhaps would’ve snapped back and they would’ve gotten into an angry, most likely borderline-petty argument. But the surprise of the subject matter and the vulnerability from the past moment washed over, causing not quite an angry reaction, but one that seemed to be a mixture of upset, closing off, guilt, and something else he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He was still working on the whole “identifying emotions” part with his therapist. “No,” he said, shaking his head. He teetered for a moment, unsure of if it was the moment he close back up and pretend the last few minutes hadn’t happened or if he would try to open up one more time. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut, as if to will him to actually say something. “I’m scared it’ll get worse.” Apparently he went with one more shot at “open” whatever the fuck that was. “Me, life, everything.” He was speaking in unusually short sentences with far more pauses in between than usual. “And I’m scared I’ll lose you.” It was potentially the most non-ironic sentimental statement he’d made in a while. “You were never a backup.”

She could see where he was coming from, even if she didn’t understand why he thought that way. It was just another part of his illness; sometimes she couldn’t relate, but she would always try her best not to put her foot in her mouth. “I’m scared too.” she wasn’t speaking any quieter, but there was an audible tinge of pain in her voice. She was scared of change, of the unpredictability of his illness, of losing him-- in a much more serious way than he was scared of losing her. Danny’s honesty, even in short sentences, was more than she’d expected, so she didn’t really have a plan for anything past her initial question out in the hallway. That left Val uncharacteristically speechless, which in turn annoyed her even more. Worried about him, she took a few tentative steps across the room, trying to speak her thoughts while she had the chance, “I’m not trying to chain you down, okay? I just... I hate knowing you’re with other people and they don’t--” love was far too big of a word, so she caught herself and rerouted, “give a shit about you. And I hate feeling all torn up about a guy. That’s not me. You’ll have me either way, I swear, but something has to change. I don't even know what, I have no idea what I'm doing.”

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

“I know,” he said, with a small nod. He knew it himself, if someone really wanted something, especially something as destructive as he knew he could be, there was no way another person could stop them or tell them it was a bad idea. “But if I let you walk into this…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head. For years now, it had felt like his life was a flaming trainwreck hurling towards some other disaster that would only relight any flames that had died out due to the wind resistance surrounding the train. “I’m a mess, Val. Like, I get it, I’m not a coke-fueled manic whore anymore, but,” he paused, shaking his head. “He’s still in there. Along with who knows what else. I don’t even know what’s inside all of this,” he said, gesturing to his face, but mainly his head, this time not in a point to prove to whichever friend expressed disbelief how he was definitely a 12 now. “Better than you?” he asked, snorting at the concept. For once, it seemed less like one of their mutual ego strokes and a genuine belief. 

“Do I look stupid, Danny? I know what I’m walking into-- what I’ve been neck fucking deep in this whole time.” Her tone was sharp at first, but it was only a defence, a knee jerk reaction to protect herself. It took a conscious effort on her behalf, but when she saw how off balance he seemed by the whole conversation, she softened as best she could. She knew he wasn’t an easy choice, but it was exactly that-- a choice. For years she’d chosen others, let him choose others too, then met him in the middle here and there... but she was tired of it. She deserved to be the first and only choice, and if he couldn’t give her that, then she had her answer. “Yeah, you’re the biggest fucking mess. It’s like you forget that I’ve been here, I’ve seen it. And I’m still here. What’s your point? You think I can’t handle it?” In a flash of childish frustration, mostly at herself if she was being honest, she balled her shirt up and threw it at him, “I can’t do it anymore, okay? I’m not a backup option.”

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

If he knew Val, that repetition meant “yes”. And he had lived with her for about a year now. Questions came flooding into his head, the loudest ones all starting with Why? He loosened his grip enough to let her maneuver out as he felt her move. And then she started moving and he stood still. But that was how life always seemed to work out, wasn’t it? He stood in the hall for a few more moments, fruitlessly attempting to get his thoughts in order. But they’d never been. He gave up on the effort soon enough, quietly making his way to her room. Danny leaned against the doorway, arms crossed and eyes lowered. “You deserve someone better, Val.”

Val didn’t like how vulnerable and entirely not in control she felt. That was why she’d been drawn to Danny to begin with, but sometimes it was too much. Not that it was his doing this time, it was all on her and her big, jealous mouth. She’d been standing there with her back to the door, rifling through a drawer looking for a shirt when he’d appeared, which gave her a moment to steel herself. “You don’t get to decide what I deserve,” she said, bumping the drawer closed with her hip and turning to look at him, “But if that’s the way you want to look at it... You deserve better too.”

[leighsroyalty]

Braids and Space Buns

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

He’d been in a joking mood before, planning to either jump in the pool with her still in his arms or just throw her in. Pool water wasn’t exactly the same as a bath or shower, but it worked for the purpose of the goofing around. But when she named her request, it seemed like the joking was over, even with the blender comment. Danny stopped dead in his tracks. Val may have been thinking on the topic for a while, but Danny hadn’t. It came with both shock and confusion, and his furrowed brows showed it. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”

“I... I asked you what I asked you.” Valora had her arms folded now, not budging an inch. If he couldn’t figure it out, that was his own damn problem. They were in an uncomfortably close proximity for such a tense turn of events, so she wriggled out of his arms, walking down the hall and straight into her bedroom without checking if he was following. Giving him a few moments to think while she grabbed some fresh clothes to change into was a nice thing to do, right?

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

Danny smirked at the squeak, the smirk growing into a full-blown grin as he felt her teeth on his ear. That is, until he heard her question and his face contorted in a scoff. “Are you saying I don’t?” he asked, his voice implying all of the dramatic hand gestures he would’ve used. He would’ve spun on his heel, too, if he wasn’t balancing an extra person. Instead he just turned around. “Hold on, rerouting,” he said as he started going back the way he’d came, with Val still in his arms.

“If I have to sacrifice a peaceful shower to myself, you have to sacrifice something for me,” she poked his chest. Truthfully, Valora had been thinking on her request for a while, and it seemed like as good a time as any to spit it out. She looked over his shoulder at the now receding bathroom, considering becoming a dead weight in his arms in protest; but that seemed like a great way to get her ass dropped. “Fine, fine. Delete those stupid apps. Tinder, grindr, fucking blender, whatever else. Then you can join me.”

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

“Guess I’ll just have to carry you, then,” he said, immediately reaching down to swing her legs around and pick her up. It was a good thing she was so small, because while he’d started working out more, he already knew he couldn’t carry Max very far and he hadn’t tried with too many other people. Luckily, he didn’t think he’d drop Val. It took him a moment to regain his sense of balance before walking towards the bathroom, albeit a little slower. 

Valora was surprised by Danny scooping her up, letting out an undignified squeak, but she wasn’t against the idea as a whole because her legs really were spent. “Well aren’t you just my knight in shining armour,” she rolled her eyes, definitely not the kind of girl that would ever use that phrase and mean it, and gave his ear a teasing tug with her teeth for good measure. "So what, you think you're gonna get to join me now?" 

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

“When your manager’s on your ass. And not in the fun way,” he said, his eyebrows betraying him in his know-it-all tone. “You can’t just say something like that!” Danny called after, quickly running to catch up. There was no way he was going to miss a chance to see a naked Val. Even if the chances of slipping in the shower were greater. At least he’d die a happy man. He ran up behind her, slipping his hands on her hips and a kiss on her cheek. “Well, I was planning on eating out tonight,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

Val sucked her lips between her teeth to curb her smug smirk. He didn’t need to know how pleased she was to hear him chasing after her. “Oh, you were, were you?” Val didn’t stop, because she really did want to shower, but she did cast a glance at him over her shoulder as she rounded the corner into the bathroom, “I’ve been dancing all day, so I already can’t feel my legs,” she waggled her eyebrows right back at him. Was she making him try harder? Pushing to see if she was more than another one of his booty calls? Hell yeah she was.

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

Danny’d been on his way to the pool. He didn’t have any particular plans other than practicing a few dives for old time’s sake and then melodramatically floating in the pool. Maybe he’d check his inbox see if anyone had wanted to buy the speedo he was wearing and if they had any special requests. That is, until he heard Val’s voice. “Is that a real-time hour or a rest-of-the-night hour?” he called up, peering his head out from the corner, looking up to the top of the staircase.

“When is it ever a real time hour with us?” Val tilted her head, as if that was going to help her peek around the corner to see if Danny was wearing any clothes. “So do you want to go out or stay in?” She pointed down the hall, starting to walk backwards, “I’m gonna take a shower so either have clothes on by the time I get down there or order this bitch a meal. Thank you, you’re the best pool boy a girl could ever want!”

[gwyn-woods]

“Busy tonight?” Valora called from the top of the stairs, having just unlocked herself from her practice room. It was later than she’d expected, but she was glad she’d caught a glimpse of Danny walking past downstairs before he’d disappeared on one of his own adventures. “I’m self-imposing a working ban for the next, like, hour.” @saverinallmylove

[gwyn-woods]

saverinallmylove:

“I told you, Hanukkah’s eight crazy nights,” Danny said, waggling his eyebrows at Val and leaning in a little too close for comfort. That is before he quickly turned his head and went back to the spread in front of them. “Besides, we both know that in this, I’m a gift to the world,” he said, holding up the underwear he’d given to her that was meant for him.

“You’d think I’d be used to crazy nights by now...” Val rolled her eyes and bared her teeth at him a little, but it was all in good spirit, because who could complain about eight days of gifts? “Do we both know? Do we really?” She snatched the underwear from him, and not-so-gently pulled them over his head, “So... were those for me or is the gift me getting to see you in them?”

[gwyn-woods]

Looking at her unwrapped gifts from Danny, Val was just glad they’d decided to do their presents without the fuss of anyone else being present, “What am I supposed to do with this?” @saverinallmylove