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there's nothing at all like this song

James Wallace Pondelicek

I fully understand why venlafaxine and bupropion caused me suffering the former much much much more than the latter but I had apparently really bad experiences on zoloft too and I've stopped taking my lexapro because I'm lazy and haven't felt like cutting the pill in half to taper up but it seems a common theme in my medication usage is violent rejection and neurological meltdowns and what's even the fucking point of those kinds of reactions what's going on in my brain at a chemical level that makes it decide under no circumstances should I take anything that could alter my brain chemistry or there will be consequences

Went to the doctor yesterday and bupropion was listed under my allergies and I didn't even feel like correcting her because that shit really was like a satanic takeover I might as well be allergic to it

I’m jealous of the Japanese in that they have so so so many places across the country that are highly revered and felt to have otherworldly presences in them and I do vaguely feel like there’s been multiple times in my life where I’ve been out somewhere and felt disturbed out of nowhere by a feeling that I’m not alone where I am but in America culturally that sort of thing doesn’t really exist anymore except in certain regions in the south and east where it’s more of folklore and not a belief with any practice tied to it . There was a willow tree down the street from my home that I revered and while it was right in the middle of a very developed area I felt strongly drawn to it since half its branches had no leaves no matter the time of year but it fell and I haven’t gone to see it in months, I still don’t think I ever distinctly felt a presence when I visited it but I wish so strongly all the time that I could feel that sort of magical ancient connection with the world , I wish things were special

I'm not going to listen to music or wear clothes other than rags or watch movies/shows or read books or go into cities or leave my house or go to stores or do anything that would expose me to the workings of the outside world I'm just going to make effigies out of mud and clay and feathers and sticks and other natural debris

The death of online community is a really tender topic for me because growing up the only respite I got from the horror of life was talking to likeminded people online and now it's not really possible to do that because most of my old friends have normified themselves to a degree and are no longer interested in humor or even really interacting online, I'm an unwilling victim of changing myself to fit the modern day too but it's horrible I miss having fun no one wants to have fun anymore . I dont have anywhere else to go anymore either because I don't have irl friends and I don't really enjoy doing anything other than going outside into nature which I can't do from the months of june-september . It's just job and school and sleep and suicide

I hate being an adult because now being online a lot is cheugy and I have nowhere to feel connected to others because everyone's gone all of my friends need to go back to 2022 instagram mode

postcard-from-the-past

Handicapped children in a Parisian Asylum

French vintage postcard

postpunkindustrial

An article on Suicide by Sandy Robertson in Sounds 5th, July 1980.

I struggle to ever find a way to describe the role of women in society because no creature or object or natural happening could ever accurately compare to how women are treated, sometimes animals are treated with the violence that women face whenever men rape and kill them because in that case the man seeks to dominate and destroy something he sees as helpless that fulfills his sadism. But really there's nothing and I'd have to list off 500 different creatures objects natural occurrences etc to get to my point and then it would be worthless. What women go through is only comparable to what women go through. It's dizzying to think about and again my adamance in talking about these things is always annoying but thankfully in this case I couldn't care any less about being annoying when every single thing humans do has some connection to misogyny

I talk about porn a lot probably to the annoyance of a lot of people who've been successfully tricked by the propaganda machine to think it's no big deal but I was VERY lucky and at the same time a bit unlucky to have realized as an adolescent just how porn seeps into everything in society and it definitely was far less of an issue when I first figured it out compared to now. As trends have changed over the years the once more subtle sexual competition and objectification that underlaid what people posted online has become completely obvious and anyone in the world will now be the advocate of it . Porn has become reality and everyone is fighting each other to be the biggest non-porn porn star, wives and girlfriends one-upping each other to prove they are the biggest sex slave, husbands and boyfriends one-upping each other to prove they're the biggest slave master. You could go your entire life without watching porn and you would still be a John whether you're male or female. Will society ever be less anti-human ???

Sometimes I accidentally come across pages where the owner is a man in a relationship posting extreme BDSM porn of women and has his gf linked in his pinned post and she posts the same shit (because they follow me and I check my followers) and that’s like maxxed out modern cuckoldry but 10000x worse because you know the gf has been brainraped by porn and men who watch porn to the point where her identity is solely self-objectification and self-sexualization and she sees no problem with that or that she’s being cucked by a guy who sees women as toys to beat and whip and dehumanize and cares less about the full person he’s with and rather cares more about the irl porn he’s making with or without a camera recording it

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