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Me: And I'm upset because I have all these amazing people that I consider my soul mates, but because they're the kind of people that would be my soulmate they're off doing their things and no matter where I am I have to miss someone I love because they're spread out all over the world.

Dad: I'd say it's pretty amazing to have soul mates all over the world, and says something pretty special.

Me: But what good are soul mates if having them means you always feel alone?

I'll take you where nobody knows you, and nobody gives a damn.

Give me your eyes I need sunshine Give me your eyes I need sunshine Your blood Your bones Your voice And your ghost We've both been very brave Walk around with both legs Fight the scary day We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves But I'll believe in anything And you'll believe in anything Said I'll believe in anything And you'll believe in anything If I could take the fire out from the water I'd share a life and you'd share a life If I could take the fire out from the water I'd share a life and you'd share a life If I could take the fire out from the water I'd take you where nobody knows you And nobody gives a damn Said nobody knows you And nobody gives a damn And I could take another hit for you And I could take away your trips from you And I could take away the salt from your eyes And take away the spitting salt in you And I could give you my apologies By handing over my neologies And I could take away the shaking knees And I could give you all the olive trees Oh look at the trees and look at my face and look at a place far away from here Give me your eyes I need sunshine Give me your eyes I need sunshine Your blood Your bones Your voice And your ghost We've both been very brave Walk around with both legs Fight the scary day We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves But I'll believe in anything And you'll believe in anything If I could take the fire out from the water I'd share a life and you'd share a life If I could take the fire out from the water I'd share a life and you'd share a life If I could take the fire out from the water I'd take you where nobody knows you And nobody gives a damn I said nobody knows you And nobody gives a damn I said nobody knows you And nobody gives a damn either way About your blood Your bones Your voice And ghost Because nobody knows you And nobody gives a damn either way And now I'll believe in anything

used bookstore visit.

Faulkner - Spotted Horses, Faulkner - Old Man, Faulkner - The Bear, Proust - Swann's Way, Lawrence - Women in Love, Murdoch - The Unicorn, - Sartre - An Existentialist Theory of Consciousness, Atwood - Moral Disorder, Dreyfus - Being in the World, Findley - The Butterfly Plague.

The truest love songs I know.

"Come in", she said, "I'll give you - shelter from the storm."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6y5bEMwVGY

I've just seen a face, I can't forget the time or place that we just met.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbKGsEK_T9g

And then I read this.

And it fit what I just wrote perfectly.

"Drugs and alcohol are not my problem, reality is my problem, drugs and alcohol are my solution."

http://www.theguardian.com/culture/2013/mar/09/russell-brand-life-without-drugs

There was sadness.

I don't like making comments on celebrity deaths. People die every second, usually from horrible circumstances that they had no fault in. I don't like glorifying one life over another.

But yesterday, when I refreshed my twitter feed for the one millionth time of the day (because I have a broken leg, and all I do is read news and write, and read, and write, and read, and stare, and contemplate death) and saw that Philip Seymour Hoffman had been found dead in his apartment - I had the same feeling that I had the morning I woke up to read that Heath Ledger had died.

And I can't put my finger on what the feeling is. And I'm not entirely sure why I felt it for these two men.

Celebrities die. They die on a regular (daily) basis. But, I don't live in a world of celebrity. I try my best to forget and ignore that part of our world. However, I do appreciate art. Because art reflects life. And art shows the beauty in the decay and in the growth and in the ugliness and in the perfection. And this is where my avoidance of celebrity conflicts with my interests. Because celebrity and art, unfortunately cross paths.

Neither actor was one I followed regularly. I didn't have posters of them on my walls and didn't belong to their fanclubs. I didn't know Philip Seymour Hoffman had three children before his eulogies were plastered all over everything.

But I knew his movies, and I knew his art, and therefore I knew him as an artist. And the same for Heath Ledger. They were both actors that were good at their craft because they understood humanity. Nay, they didn't understand humanity necessarily - they felt it. And you could sense this in their portrayal of any character, good or bad. Because humanity was present in the character. Because even if it was a dark character, or an awkward character, or a character you didn't necessarily like or want to identify with, you still did. And it brought awkwardness and darkness to the viewing, because they got into the mind of that human - and showed you that we are all human. And that us and them and any distinction we draw between us is merely facade.

I felt sadness when I read it. And then I read the blurb underneath the headline - it said something to the effect that he was found with a needle in his arm. And the sadness became something that I can't describe. It was the same understanding you felt for his characters. It was a pain that is only brought when you feel it not for the other person, but also for yourself. A pain of empathy. And in that moment, I didn't think about the horrors of heroin. I thought about my own addictions, and the things that get me through my own days when I can't seem to stand another second of my conscious stream of thought.

I thought about the times I've just literally needed a cigarette. Or a drink. Or a joint.

And I thought about the times that I tried to stop myself from having those things; or the times (recently, with broken leg) when those things are simply not available to me when the anxiety hits. I thought about the desperation I feel, and then I felt lucky. Lucky to never have had the money to give serious drugs a second glance. Lucky to never have had to decide whether or not to try them. Lucky to have realized how addictive my personality can be before I got addicted to anything scary.

I thought about how in those dark times, it seems as though all I need is something, anything, to change my perspective. When I just need a mind altering substance to alter my mind, to take me out of my reality and put me in a new one. When my mind races on the same things, and I need a new perspective. When I feel like I'm going crazy...

I thought about the desperation that arises. How it feels like your soul needs to get out of your body. The itchy skin.

And I understood. I became his character, like he became other characters. And I understood. And there was sadness.

#philip seymour hoffman

I like a person, who's a person.

Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Zizek, akaThe Elvis of cultural theory, is given the floor to show of his polemic style and whirlwind-like performance. The Gian...

Tough times for the USA

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/24/world/middleeast/kerry-reassures-israel-on-iran-but-divisions-remain.html?ref=world

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/23/us-monitored-angela-merkel-german

miley miley kimye engagement miley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUiTQvT0W_0

≠

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My2FRPA3Gf8

“If you think about it, there is this break in the day that smoking gives to you, a chance to stop whatever you’re doing … you have a chance to pause in this incredibly hectic world we live in,” she said.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/behold/2013/09/15/laura_noel_smoke_break_examines_smokers_in_their_natural_environments_photos.html

"The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide." - Kurt Vonnegut, Welcome to the Monkey House.

And then I find myself back here. Thinking, "maybe I should write something."

I hate the idea of selling my time for money.

On his new songs, the rapper points fingers in every direction, including back at himself.

one should read many people's perspectives of life.

One of rock's royal families has just gotten a bit bigger. Régine Chassagne and Win Butler, the power couple behind Arcade Fire, have welcomed a brand new seven-pound baby boy into the world.

I've been thinking lately about how the world changes, how it's made better, how the progression of history marches forward. I've been thinking about the meaning of life, about why you're here and why I'm here and why any of it is here. Of course I think about these things, on some level we all do.

But I started thinking of something new. And it started when I realized how happy it made me that these two rockstars have a baby together now, that a human that is raised by them will exist. And I started thinking that perhaps that is how the world is changed. Perhaps the way we change the world is by raising the next generation to continually be better than we were.

I've always been semi-anti child. I love kids, but not for myself. I've thought that in making the choice to have a family you lose the ability to create perhaps more meaningful change through other avenues or experiences. But perhaps the raising of good humans is the only way. Perhaps its small steps from generation to generation. My parents were better than theirs, they learned from their mistakes. And if I ever have children, I will move one step beyond that. Perhaps.

The truth is that I never shook my shadow Every day it's trying to trick me into doing battle Calling out 'faker' only get me rattled Wanna pull me back behind the fence with the cattle Building your lenses, digging your trenches Put me on the front line, leave me with a dumb mind With no defenses, but your defense is If you can't stand to feel the pain then you are senseless Since this I've grown up some, different kind of fighter And when the darkness come, let it inside you Your darkness is shining, my darkness is shining Have faith in myself, truth I've seen a million numbered doors on the horizon Now which is the future you chosen before you gone dying I'll tell you about a secret I've been undermining Every little lie in this world comes from dividing Say you're my lover, say you're my homie Tilt my chin back, slit my throat, take a bath in my blood, get to know me All out of my secrets, all my enemies are turning into my teachers, because Light's blinding, no way dividing What's yours or mine when everything's shining Your darkness is shining, my darkness is shining Have faith in ourselves, truth Beautiful was the proof in the truth, and it shows in the youth When they just do what they naturally do, truth is natural It's actual, and it's factual Perfection, pragmatic and practical Unabbreviated, that which has not been deviated Imperishable and can not be alleviated It's the language of god, for it's he who created it And made it, even when a man is cremated Down to his ashes, his essence remains in the gases Lies disintegrate as all time passes Although illusions has been accepted by the masses And they teach us lies every day in high school classes Divine and sublime, unaffected by space, motion or time The truth, the intensive nature of the mind It's correct, for man has miscalculated He misrepresented and they misinterpreted If he feels light in the darkness, regardless Your pure heart or heartless, it's the truth, it's the proof

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narcissisim is healthy.