Why am I literally the only person in my entire lineage to have spoken out against racism and cultural appropriation, sexism, ableism, all other -isms, homophobia, transphobia, bi erasure, lack of representation among people of color and/within the LGBTQIA community, gender, gender identity, and gender expression, Islamophobia, the use of guns, the American focus on military appeal, etc? I seem to be the only person in my family that is outraged by these things. I have never witnessed anyone in my family physically speak up or write about it on social media. Why are they refusing to use their voices? Why are they not helping us, as minorities, but instead, feeding white supremacy, white standards, and heteronormativity?
We live in a world where microaggressions are the norm. And they’re so casually taken lightly. Why give something so “small” the power to demean you, and other groups, on a wide scale?
The most prevalent issue my family has faced firsthand is colorism. Coming from a line of Southeast Asians (Filipinos to be exact), the women-identified women in my family have used whitening/skin-lightening products for decades. This issue does not only appear in the Philippines. It appears everywhere. The women in my family, as well as other women of color, were taught that dark skin is the equivalent of ugliness, poverty, and no value. And that whiter means beautiful. There is a shame that comes with the color of your skin - when it is not what the mass media wants or is looking for. And yet, I see that the women in my family, as well as others, don’t do anything to change this way of thinking. Instead, they perpetuate this socialization, adding more strength to the white hand. No one wants to be labeled “ugly,” and no one wants to be poor. It’s a trap.
The way society works is by categorizing people. You fit in one box, not another. You can never be an exception that is in-between. If you identify as such, but society disagrees, you end up being shunned and looked down upon. But identity is not just a question of one or the other. Identity is a complex matter. It is fluid, never fixed. It is bound by multiple traits, characteristics, identities within identities. So when society or that job application you’re filling out asks about you, you are defined as one thing, and one thing only. Who you are based on social standards and understandings requires you to never be in the grey. And that’s where they try to tell you who you are, what you’re worth, and if you even matter (considering we still live in a male-dominated world that still doesn’t entirely accept the fact that there are more than two genders, sexualities, types of relationships, and so forth).
Why continue to embrace this mindset when it is harmful to yourself, and people as a whole? This is not the way to live.
The first time my family directly had contact with a gay man, it was last summer when my aunt accidentally outed my cousin to his mother. My aunt had no intentions of doing so, she just brought it up, thinking that he already came out to her. When my aunt (my cousin’s mother) received the news, she wasn’t very enthusiastic. Her reaction went more along the lines of: “Oh, thaaat’s what he told you?” It wasn’t the most thrilling part of either of their lives, but eventually his mom got over it and continued to love him anyway. Still, from this situation, I ask: why is it that my family can be supportive of my cousin, but not the rest of the LGBTQIA community? Why is it that homophobic jokes still get passed along and laughed at within my household? Why is it that when I went to Madrid, my mother saw a transwoman on the streets, selling herself for prostitution, and reacted with such disgust because she couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman (and not inbetween or nonbinary)? When all she needs to do is listen and learn. Why is it that being cisgendered and heterosexual are so pressed upon us, but when someone comes out and identifies as bisexual or ace, suddenly their lives are invalid? Why does no one in my severely large family take interest in these kinds of matters?
You should be outraged. You should be outraged, and confused, and willing to learn. Always question authority. Sometimes the hand that feeds you isn’t always right, nor is it the best for you. Do not give in to conformity. Do not let these social pressures get the best of you and strip you of your identity, taking away all of the struggles and experiences it took to get you here today. Educate yourself, and let others educate you. There is always something going on in the world that needs changing - more importantly, a positive outcome that can mend the struggles of people. Being aware of these kinds of issues can be both empowering and even save numbers of people beyond your imagination. All you have to do is start. Start somewhere. Anywhere. Somewhere big, like an institution, or somewhere small.
You have a voice.
Use it.
