Fragments of a Wing

not certainly a blogger, nor a photographer, not even a fluent english speaker... I'm just a mere wanderer that wants to be a drummer =) sometimes a scavenger, but always a daughter of a loving heavenly FATHER ♥ ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• ► the url "half-winged butterfly" One of the doodles I subconsciously do in my idle moments during childhood days. I am so enticed in doing the left wing of that magical creature and always leave the other one empty. In the fear that I won’t be able to make it assymmetrically. Well, what I want is to live forever young. And this url would always remind me of what I used to be. And now, I do have these fragments of a wing. Those that I could see, and those that are behind me that I won’t. And what I want is to have a small part of it to be kept here. :) ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• ► the owner halooo! ^-^ Ang nagmamay-ari ng page na ito ay si odri. Isang bata na naglalakad mula sa exit ng SM Manila hanggang sa entrance ng park and ride sa lawton sa tuwing uuwi galing sa skul habang iniisip ang mga bagay bagay na ipopost niya dito. Kung ilang taon na siya? wala siyang balak iapaalam. Basta, makailang beses na siyang nagcecelebrate ng anniversary ng kanyang pagiging sweet 16. =D Madaldal. Epal. Baliw. Adik. Mabait 'pag tulog? Hindi eh. =P Takot sa ipis. Hindi kayang pumatay ng ipis. Mahal ang kulay brown. Mahal ang mga bitwin. Mahal ang mga libro. *Mariposa ng mga libro. haha! Mahal din ang manggang green na green. Naniniwala sa Neverland. Ate. Kuya. Nanay. Tatay. Gusto kong tinapay :)) May makasariling sense of humor. at sobrang dame pang iba. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• ► the content Lahat ng andito ay ideya at opnyon NIYA. Oo, kanya lang, unless sinabi niya kung kanino yon. Mundo niya 'to. Sali kayo kung gusto nyo ^^ Ikakatuwa niya nang lubusan. Wala siyang sinusunod na mga alintuntunin tungkol sa mga bagay na nakalagay dito. Basta mailabas niya ang mga saloobin niya, tapos. So yun, ingat tayong lahat. More blessings! ;) •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[half-wingedbutterfly]

Gan'to ba talaga ang feeling ng ikakasal. Konting kibot lang, grabe na ang iyak ko. O tama ba ang sinasabi ng partner ko na sobrang sensitive ko? Hindi nga siguro valid yung feelings ko. OA ang response ko sa mga bagay bagay.

Nakikisama ako sa lakat ng events ng family and relatives niya. Ang iniisip ko, soon, magiging kapamilya ko na rin naman sila. Pero ba't ganon?

Parang kulang pa rin. Yung mga araw na 3hrs na lang itutulog ko kasi kaylangan makisama sa nanay at tatay niya kahit weekdays at may pasok pa ako sa gabi. Kesyo rest day niya at maaga ang uwi ng nanay niya. Ako ang laging nag aadjust. Pero bakit ganon?

Yung kasal. Lahat ng lapses sa pagpaplano, sakin ang sisi. Lahat kasi ng tao kaylangan i-please, except sa'kin. Gusto ko ng intimate wedding pero dahil gusto ng reunion ng nanay at tatay niya, nauwi kami sa 100 guests. Ngayon parang aabot pa kami sa 150 guests.

Nasabihan din ako na kesyo hindi raw ako makapag decide kung ano ang motif. Pero ang totoo, lagi kasing may comment ang nanay niya. At ang number one consideration ay wala kaming gagastusin. Ni ultimo infinity dress na less than 400 each sa shopee para sa limang babae sa entourage, ayaw niyang gastusan.

Tapos ngayon, nagkamali ako sa pangalan ng ISANG ninong sa printout. Parang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa yung partner ko at may mali raw. To think ha na 15 pesos lang ang paprint. Walking distance sa bahay nila. Effort daw kasi puntahan. 😅

Ito na nga lang yung maiDDIY ko. Na ayaw pa niyang iconsider na DIY, at hindi naman daw from scratch lahat. Kundi, customized daw ang tamang term at magastos din daw.

Medyo nakakafrustrate na. Tama pa ba 'tong desisyon ko na magpakasal?

Hinihila na lang ako ng kahihiyan. Kasi nakapagsabi na sa mga magiging ninong at kamag anak. Pero sobra na yung stress. Parang hindi ko na rin nagugustuhan yung ugali na pinapakita ng partner ko. Sabi nila magiging 10x daw 'to kapag kinasal na kami.

Parang hindi ko ata kakayanin.

Nasa tamang landas ba ako?

Habang nakaupo ako ngayon dito sa sala. Napapaisip ako.

Mahal, ikaw lang ang dahilan bakit tinitiis ko na mag-isa dito sa bahay. Isa ka sa dahilan kung bakit hindi ako umaalis sa work. Kailangan kong magbayad ng monthly amortization para sa kinuha kong bahay para sa'tin. Kung tutuusin pepwede akong umuwi ng probinsya kanila mama at magsimula doon. Hindi ako papabayaan ni papa. Tutulungan niya ako makapaghanap ng trabaho. Pero hindi e. Nag-decide akong bumalik para sa'yo.

Tama nga ba ang desisyon ko?

[half-wingedbutterfly]

Mabuti na lang may tumblr. I can post nonsense without anyone knowing who I am. I don't have to fear criticism. Hindi naman kasi pulido yung English grammar ko. Tinamatad na rin ako magsulat nor scribble lately. So yeah, this is great. Feeling ko malapit na akong lamunin ng kawalan e. 😂

[half-wingedbutterfly]

...

[half-wingedbutterfly]

Reminiscing how I used to be...

▪️I love reading books. Then one day, I grew tired of them.

▪️I enjoy conversations until betrayal shut me out.

▪️Kindness from other people feels surreal these days.

[half-wingedbutterfly]

You are Spiritual, Emotionally Intelligent, Charismatic, Analytical, Grounded

Your 5 dominant traits are: Spiritual, Emotionally Intelligent, Charismatic, Analytical and Grounded. You are very in touch with your senses and read other people very well. You are hungry for adventure and excited about life, but you are also very humble and sincere. You are a great problem solver and have a balanced perspective about things.

[half-wingedbutterfly]

My Joy

[half-wingedbutterfly]

I'd rather have notebooks than chocolates.

Hey there my Mr. Oh-So-Right, please do take note of that one. And oh, don’t forget the Carnations, they look best together. Ocake? ;)

See you soon. :3

[half-wingedbutterfly]

2 years have passed and you know still know nothing... 🥀

[half-wingedbutterfly]

TRUST is, indeed, a big word.

Everything seems to be going as planned with my long-term goals.

1st Goal - Finish College: Done. Years ago. 

2nd Goal - Send Sim to school: Done. He finished his 3-year acads. Now, he’s rendering his 1 year OJT. Once done, he can seek job employment with international agencies. 

3rd Goal - Invest in self-growth. Nakapag-enrol na sa masteral. Halos patapos na ang 1st term.

4th Goal - Initiate house renovation. This is still a work-in-progress as of the moment. But like what like I’ve said, everything seems to be going as planned. 

Syempre, meron pa jan yung mga short-term goals na ipagamot si mama sa mga nararamdaman niya noon. Mga pagtravel sa kung saan-saan sa Pilipinas. Masabing nakapagtravel abroad once. May bonus pa, there’s an additional persona that makes me feel loved, special and beautiful. BUT. I don’t know where this sadness is coming from. 

Hindi ko rin talaga alam. To the point na naiiyak na ‘ko. Ang nasabi ko ay baka dahil nalulungkot ako na uuwi sila Mama at Pau sa Iloilo with Papa tapos dun na sila magse-stay. Ako na lang maiiwan mag-isa. Malungkot nga naman. Pero parang hindi rin. Kasi naeexcite ako ng konti sa gagawin ko sa bahay once na umalis na sila. Plus, yung idea na pwede akong umuwi ng Iloilo anytime. So, parang hindi rin.

Meron siguro ‘tong pinanggagalingan. Mukhang alam ko na rin. Pero hindi ako handang sabihin kung ano yun. I’ve once stated during my college days when asked about God, “He will not put me in any situation nor give me any heartache that I wouldn’t be able to bear.”

Now, I’ve realized, maybe He will. But as long as I’m with Him and He’s with me, then I have nothing to fear.

TRUST is, indeed, a big word.

[half-wingedbutterfly]

Disappointed... a little bit (?)

When you’re too willing to give or do as much as you can, and you can’t help yourself but expect the same thing from other people… that’s when you get very disappointed.

A kind of disappointment where your heart’s struck with thorns. You don’t feel any rage nor any desire for vengeance. You only feel sadness. Feeling sorry not knowing for whom but you’re certain why.

But still, you need to understand things, especially, people.You were created differently. Brought up differently. Grew up differently. Don’t expect Saturn to be the same as Mars. They have their own moons. Their own color. Their own temperature. Their own orbit.

Lesson learned: Though you may have different priorities and philosophies, RESPECT THEM. Accept their decisions whether you agree with them or not. They ARE still your friends after all.

[half-wingedbutterfly]

When you fall, it's just a matter of yes or no. No buts nor ifs.

[half-wingedbutterfly]

With just a simple glimpse of you and your mockery unchains my hidden desires of you.

[half-wingedbutterfly]

Kulang pa ba? Alam kong hindi kaya please po, shut up na lang. 😯😂

[half-wingedbutterfly]

When you're sacrificing, you don't really lose anything precious. You're just passing it on someone else.

[half-wingedbutterfly]

When will you ever notice me?

[half-wingedbutterfly]

Tears falling from weary eyes or worn out heart?

[half-wingedbutterfly]

You can never have it all. *Sometimes, I wish I can.* =]

[half-wingedbutterfly]

I AM dying inside to hold you~