Picture Me

Endure, for that is all we can reasonably do.

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A pattern of morality: whatever is held highest always has an opposing value which subjugates it, rendering it flawed and tainted with falseness.

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I told her she makes me want to destroy parts of myself; that in order to create one must destroy.

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With a deep reverence for life I am. It gives everything I need, and i receive it openly; yet I take everything I don’t need, force its worth.

I must learn to receive and give.

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I studied Morse code for 3 hrs today

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Narcissus entrapped. Fruition of his belief Gilded by himself

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Assuage my sadness with melancholy stars, so dim from afar.

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Confused. If I really hated myself, I would kill myself. But I can’t, at least not at the moment. So I don’t really hate myself. But who am I then if I’m not the sort of person who hates their self to the point of death? 

Life can be so reassuring in the sense that its the only thing that comes even remotely close as a subject for experience. Death though, unexplored by billions.

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Holding out for death.

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I’m beginning to be tagged as the devil at work, because i don’t believe in souls, or bless you, or altruism, or god, or love, or equality.

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As soon as I type "I", I regret it. A confused wreck. Emotionally uncontrollable. What am I? Certainly not human if being human has anything to do with relating to others. I can't even relate to myself.

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Between personal discovery and scholarly understanding, playing among truths and wrestling with unknowns, calculated self worth infringing on justifiable self depravation and deprecation, a goal within view but lacking direction, the objectifying object,

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What of survival? Biologically, relatively monotonous.

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February Goals

Goals for the last two weeks of February:

+ Improve on freestyle and writing raps

+ Read and Think about the introduction in Heidegger's Being and Time

+ Climb a minimum of 3 times each week

+ Clean the apartment

+ Find vitality in all instances of depression and anxiety that occurs from life.

+ Increase resolute positivity

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I feel like my live revolves around wasting time until I die.

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The pessimism of active energy: the question "for what?" after a terrible struggle, even victory. That something is a hundred times more important than the question of whether we feel well or not: basic instinct of all strong natures -- and consequently also whether others feel well or not. In sum, that we have a goal for which one does not hesitate to offer human sacrifices, to risk every danger, to take upon oneself whatever is bad and worst: the great passion."

Friedrick Nietzsche note 26 in The Will to Power.

[hallucinatingtelepathicmovement]

http://compressedthought.tumblr.com/

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At certain moments I feel completely inadequate, which amounts to believing that I am completely inadequate. During these moments whatever I have done in the past no longer retains the emotional presence it once had, but is instead replaced with a feeling of disapproval towards whatever action I had once taken. The previous attempts at living flounder under critique, its affects polarized and semi-permanent, lasting until the next moment that reverses the last.