Mastering the Messy Diaper
Even a lot of partners who are involved in their partners diaper wearing or diaper discipline have a block when it comes to messy diapers.
I wanted to write this article to give some encouragement to get involved in this aspect. But before we start please remember this is just poop!You poo, they poo, everyone poops, it’s nothing that crazy. Yes it can smell a bit, yes it’s a bit yucky at first but honestly it’s a bigger issue in your head than it is in real life.
Partners in diaper discipline should be using their diaper for everything just like a baby would, and pooping in your diaper or being made to do it is one of the most infantile and submissive things your partner will do.
A partner taking their diaper off to use the toilet risks damaging the diaper and allows a lot of room for cheating.
So, as this is such an important part of diaper discipline you shouldn’t be shying away from being involved. There are three areas you need to get involved in:
Making them used their diaper
Your partner should be clear that you expect them to use their diaper for poops and that you’ll force this to be the case.
Unless there is an extremely good reason, when in diapers the toilet should be out of bounds. Good reasons might be being around friends or family. Being in public or on vacation is not a good reason.
You should take measures to force this especially in the early days. Locking clothing or diaper covers are a good way to prevent the option of taking it off. But the best way is to use laxatives or suppositories to force them to mess their diaper.
There is an important difference here which is you’ll be giving them something with the intention of making them mess themselves rather than it being a byproduct of wearing. This can be helpful in making them feel accepted and that you truly expect them to use their diaper for everything.
Suppositories are my favorite as they are very predictable and don’t create a wet mess which can make the clean up tricky. These can be inserted as part of a diaper check or change easily.
If checking their diaper, get them to bend over with the diaper exposed, you should be able to pull down the back and quickly insert it using a finger or applicator.
I’d recommend using one once or twice a week but be careful being more frequent to avoid laxative dependency.
Threaten the use of laxatives or suppositories if you notice they haven’t had a messy diaper for over 24 hours. A simple comment like “I expect a messy diaper soon or I might have to help things along” can go a long way.
Also start getting them used to messing / being messy in public. The balance here is you don’t want to disturb others by this so semi public messes or timing it to minimize the time messy in public is best.
A good starting point is to use a suppository and then take them on a 1-2 hour walk/hike or even just sit in a park. Being outside and not too close to people makes this safe and non-disruptive.
Road trips are also a great time, I love forcing my baby to mess his diaper, have to sit in it for a few hours and then have to wait while we check in to a hotel before he gets changed.
On vacations we use Devrom to reduce the smell which is really fun as then he can spend longer messy in more public situations and I don’t need to rush to change him.
Them being in a messy diaper should be a daily occurrence and no less surprising than them being wet.
Checking and acknowledging messy diapers
Your partner will likely be very embarrassed to be in a messy diaper. Your job isn’t to prevent this embarrassment but show them that you expect this and prevent them from hiding it from you.
One option I like is to give them a suppository but then not allow them to leave the room. For example check their diaper, insert a suppository and then make them lay down on the floor to watch a tv show with you. A some point during them show they’ll fill their diaper but just keep watching and if they do mention anything just day you’ll check them after.
If the smell bothers you, add plastic pants at changes when messing is going to be forced and some scented candles work wonders. Devrom can be used in different quantities to reduce the smell a bit to almost completely depending on the dosage.
If you detect a messy diaper and it wasn’t done in your presence then make sure to mention it! It shouldn’t be in a disgusted way but teasing them a little is fine.
Now even if you 100% know they’re messy, don’t skip the diaper check. This will be extremely embarrassing for them and it’s a key part of diaper discipline. Ask them to come over to you and get them to expose the diaper to you. If wearing jeans this might pulling them down, onesies might require some unbuttoning or you may just need to lift a skirt.
Now physically check that they are messy. I’d recommend gabbing their bum or carrying out a few smacks. Your goal here is to press the mess into them so they can’t avoid the feeling. You can also pull back the waistband to look into their diaper if you wish.
Praise is now important, tell them well done for using their diaper as they are supposed to or your glad they’re getting used to messing their diaper. It’s important they know your not disgusted by them.
Next decide if now is the right time to change them. Messy diapers should not equal an immediate change, if suppositories or laxatives have been used you should wait 30-60 minutes after the first mess as there will likely be some additional waves. With barrier cream being used I find up to 2 hours in a messy diaper is fine.
Also please prevent them from avoiding having to sit or lay down while messy. It can be tempting for them to stay standing or similar to prevent the mess spreading but they should carry on as normal until YOU decide it’s time for them to get changed.
Making them sit down to eat lunch/dinner or sit on your knee are good ways to get them (and you) used to the idea that they have to go about their lives as normal even when messy.
In public situations not shy away from acknowledging it but use more discrete language, “that smells like it might be more than a fart darling”, “let’s maybe look for somewhere to get you changed” and giving their bum a squeeze or pat is a good way to show you know they’ve used their diaper.
In public I also normally prefer to wait until we’re home or back at the hotel even if this means they’re messy longer than normal. So some spray deodorant can keep the smell down.
Changing a messy diaper
You might be tempted to avoid getting involved here and just let them deal with it. They’ll be embarrassed so will also likely prefer to quietly go away and clean up.
Please try instead get involved with their change, it’s not as bad as you imagine and can be an incredibly bonding experience. If this is a hard limit for you then let them clean up but you should be the one who puts them into their fresh diaper.
Willing to give messy changes a go, good on you and you won’t regret it!!
First being prepared makes it much easier. Ideally you should have a dedicated changing area setup but if not, lay out the required elements as below:
1. On top of the plastic changing mat or similar place a disposable pad. You can use bedwetting pads or seat protector pads for this. This will catch anything which escapes the diaper and can be thrown away at the end to simplify clean up.
2. Have a pack of ADULT sized wipes open with a few out of the pack ready. Adult sized ones make this so much easier than baby wipes.
3. Optionally, put on some disposable gloves, these can be helpful at first when you’re still new at messy changes.
4. Have baby powder and barrier cream nearby as well as a diaper disposal bag.
5. Have a new diaper unfolded, fluffed and ready.
All of the above ideally should be always setup and ready to reduce changing times.
Now ask your partner to lay on the changing table / mat. Help them to remove any clothes covering the diaper. Now comes the change:
1. Un tape the diaper and pull the front down exposing their groin. Is their poop in this area? If yes, use the front of the diaper to scrape away as much as possible and then use a wipe to get 95% of it off.
2. Next get them to expose their bum to you, they can do this by placing their feet flat to lift it up or by grabbing their legs. If your partner is small you might also be able to do this yourself with one arm.
3. Use a few wipes to quickly get the majority of poop off them and place the wipes into the diaper.
4. Quickly remove the diaper and roll up and tape closed. This will reduce the smell.
5. Use some more wipes to now get them 100% clean. Remove the disposable pad and slip the new diaper under them.
6. You can now take a minute to dispose of the pad and used diaper in a pail or bag.
7. Carry out a normal diaper change making sure to apply barrier or rash prevention cream.
Well done, you’ve changed a messy diaper and it wasn’t too bad. With some practice this will become quick & easy.
Your partner by the way will LOVE you caring for them in this way but will also be extremely embarrassed by it. This is the perfect mix for diaper discipline 👌
TLDR:
Messy diapers are a critical part of Diaper Discipline
You should expect them to be in a messy diaper daily
Acknowledge and praise them for using their diapers fully
Expect and ideally force them to mess at home AND in public AND on vacation
Always check them before they change
Try getting involved in messy diaper changes if you can
