Han Knows

Yet Another Sci-Fi/Tech blog. From the Socially Awkward, Sun-repelled trenches.

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Msg me on Yahoo Messenger right now my SN is greenturpenUU121256

? you can email me if you want at [email protected]

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More fun with Word Clouds. Made with Tagxedo.com

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+π

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Henry Winkler

I can't say it's a very smart choice to hire Henry Winkler as spokesman for you mortgage company.

When today he's most easily recognized as Barry Zuckerkorn, attorney at law.

I mean, I'm pretty sure Bob Loblaw was also available.

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Pro-tip

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John Noble

I know he's working on Fringe and all, but can someone please cast John Noble somewhere in Game of Thrones?

I'm pretty bad when it comes to picturing a new face while reading a book, so I tend to just "cast" actors that match the book description, or just the first face just that pops into my head to remain there until the last page. Combined with my lack of imagination, this results in some bizarre cast ensembles. In the case of Game of Thrones, I read the books before the show was even announced, so here's what my cast looked like:

King Robert - Robbie Coltrane, AKA Russian guy from Goldeneye, who I'm just realizing is Hagrid from Harry Potter.

Lord Commander Mormont - John Noble

Eddard Stark - Liam Neeson

Mad King Aerys - John Noble

Lord Varys - Glenn Shadix circa 1988, AKA fat guy from BeetleJuice

Lord Roose Bolton - John Noble

Balon Greyjoy - John Noble

Tywin Lannister - John Noble

Brienne of Tarth - Milla Jovovich from Joan of Arc. Far from Ugly, I know.

Victarion Greyjoy - John Noble

...and so on. 

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Excerpt from the novelization of the Fellowship of the Ring movie.

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Melissandre and the Black Plague

So you're sick of reading about Game of Thrones casting? Did you just realize how many months are left until the second season? Here's something that might be of help: You may have heard that actress Carice Van Houten was cast as Melissandre of Asshai for season 2. Well, here's a chance to check her out, fully dressed in red and preaching to Eddard Stark Sean Bean about renouncing his Gods. 

The movie is Black Death, and it's available on Netflix. A pretty decent Medieval Horror movie about a group of Knights (Sean Bean and Co.) set out to find a town that's been mysteriously spared from the nasty Black Plague, and kill its Heretic leader. 

If you're suffering from Medieval Fantasy withdrawal you could do a lot worse than to watch Black Death and start picturing how Melissandre is going to be portrayed come 2012. 

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Old draft from George R.R. Martin!

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Suddenly, plans of going to bed early are cancelled as Die Hard is on TV

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Of Cowboys and Aliens

I think I overhyped myself.

Back when this movie started filming and confirming Harrison Ford in the cast, I used to joke that the Academy can hold its little show on 2012 if they want, but there was only one clear winner for me. Jon Favreau proved with the first Iron Man that he was able to take a silly, preposterous concept and ground it to the real world outside of the initial premise. There was absolutely no way this movie could have gone wrong. And it didn't.

So why was I not overcome with excitement when I left the theater? The movie looks and feels exactly like the typical western, where it just so happens the bad guys are from another planet. It is a truly great movie. The action scenes never become bogged down in ridiculous CGI physics and everything that happens feels as real as it can feel. 

I obsessed over every news, tweet and picture that came out of that set, saw the early shaky-cam footage, and eagerly awaited the early negative reviews, which could not reduce my enthusiasm for this movie. I went on saturday night and left the theater a happy, but not completely satisfied man. However, the more I think about the movie, the more I love it. Maybe I was expecting the typical Hollywood, loud summer action movie, and was somehow disappointed that it's actually quite subtle and mute, just like a western. Make no mistake though, Cowboys and Aliens is a fantastic movie that would have absolutely blown my mind if it had come out of nowhere.

I don't get why the reviews refer to it as cheesy, check-your-brain-at-the-door entertainment. Sure, the premise and the title of the movie are, but it stops there. A great Science Fiction movie is the one in which a fantasy element pushes the characters and the story into situations otherwise not possible, and this is what we have here. 

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Rango

A chameleon walks into bat country, meets Joseph Campbell, and one, two and three acts later ends a pretty good movie. Funny moments here and there, great animation, Big-name voice actors, all well and good. 

That doesn't matter though.

What matters is this fucking thing:

Ho-lee shit. 

In this scene, Rango has your standard desert hallucination and he sees this badass Clint Eastwood model as the spirit of the desert.

This kinda makes me glad the Dark Tower movies/series/blog/webisodes got cancelled recently. This is the way I want to see that book. This is how Roland should be put on the big screen. Javier Bardem, Viggo Mortensen and whoever else was in contention just got served by DreamWorks animation. 

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LET'S.DO.THIS.

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My Epic Novel. Excerpt #1

Of course I'm writing an epic Fantasy/Medieval/Post-Apocalypse/Dystopian/Post-modern/Young-Adult/Travelogue novel. Here's a teaser:

Efraim knew. His skills with a laser-sword were unmatched in the eight galaxies, and his attitude and wit made him the ideal candidate for this mission. It was as if the creator himself had made him as an idealized version of himself, his flaws non-existent. His conquests in the bedroom were innumerable, and all women wanted him. He was definitely not a pathetic aspiring writer.

So why was he afraid?

"Ahkmehk! Ckiu La!" The guard uttered under his Phenkutian facial hair. "Lhuime, phu thrist, Efraim..." 

Efraim reached for his Bronkthonk, but it was too late. He felt the burning in his chest before he realized what had happened. "How did you know?" He managed to say before collapsing on his knees.

"Khlap Shkalg Paid programing" The Phenkutian guard said. He did not speak the Earth tongue.

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Han Knows. Of course he does

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There's something disturbing about this video...

A future world where glass has become one of the worlds most traded commodities, and people live in a utopia with the perfect merging of the digital world into our own. All thanks to glass. 

There's gotta be something else as well. In the mines.

In a world where technology and society depend on glass, silica is bound to become rare and expensive. And in countries where Glass Magnates exploit the local underdeveloped population, a revolt soon starts. Perhaps exposure to fine silica powder, combined with local pollution, causes psychotropic effects. And addiction.

Sure, there are glass walls where you can see the weather and the news, but they are also connected to the emergency warning systems. The glass walls of your house and car turn bright red, flashing the message 'Glassers Incoming' and instructing you to go to the nearest concrete shelter.

The glassers only want one thing: The glass in your house...

Oh, wait. No, they'll also rape and eat you.