hanna jo

anything and everything on my mind, in my heart, in my sight.

[hannajoooo]

Yearn

I don't know what you did to me but 

I think of you when it is sunny 

I think of you when it snows 

I think of you when it rains 

I think of you when it is cold 

I think of you when it is warm 

I think of you when I wake up 

I think of you when I get dressed

I think of you at night 

I think of you when I am happy 

I think of you when I am sad 

I think of you when I feel okay 

I yearn.

[hannajoooo]

And the waves carried me to you

[hannajoooo]

Part 2

If I try 

Perhaps the more I try to make an effort 

To struggle to fight the waves, 

To fight my way through to the desired picture,

the yet unproven potential, 

the unfounded hope

Maybe - just maybe - I am swimming myself away from it

Away from shore

As I try to fight the waves.

The waves will take me to shore, to safety

To home

And I trust.

[hannajoooo]

Part 1

Time to let go and let the waves carry me

There is such a sense of peace in that 

In letting the waves carry me 

Knowing that eventually it will carry me back to shore.

Here 

In the middle of the ocean 

In the pitch darkness 

Not knowing which direction is the right way to go 

No guiding light 

It is then when I realize to 

Let Go 

And it is the only thing, 

and the best thing, 

I can do.

[hannajoooo]

I am trying to unlike you and it is hard

[hannajoooo]

The Back-country in May

Fresh filtered coffee in the forest on a cool morning with a view of last night’s campfire and the lake and trees and sky across the lake.

Kayaking on a calm lake in a sports bra and wet suit on a slightly overcast post-breakfast hour with moments of sun shining through warming up my face, hair and arms with a Clif bar and a mickey filled with OJ and spiced rum.

Not knowing or needing to know what hour and minute of the day it is, only needing to know whether the sun is up or down, waking up when the sun rises and falling asleep with I feel sleepy, and cooking and eating when I feel hungry. 

Taking a number 2 on a damp wooden box with a view of the endless forest and the sky peaking through, and only fresh pine smells and cool air.

Driving on curvy single lane highway roads with landscape on either side, trees with all the shades of green you can imagine, no traffic, lakes and rivers showing up on a surprise giving me a jolt of endorphin, with my favorite old time tunes Adele’s 19, Green Day, Corinne Bailey Rae, S Club 7, KT Turnstall booming on the car stereo.

Sharing mind-opening travel, exploration, experiences with friends old and new under an impromptu tarp canopy while it rains.

Listening to the sounds of the lake water being pushed out by canoe paddles alongside sounds of the Canadian loons and other birds and the trees being bristled by the wind.

Hacking at tree logs with an axe releasing all energy built up inside by stress and jumping on one end of the log to finally split the log in two and hear the satisfying loud crack. 

Lying inside the tent warm in long johns, winter jacket and thermal socks inside a sleeping bag while listening to the hard drops of rain hit the tent, the best lullaby as a drown out into a blissful sleep.

Playing camp activities like trust games and asking questions such as What instrument would you want to be and why? and working on communal activities together such as gathering branches, building a fire, cooking eggs, getting water, setting up tents together and washing the dishes. 

Camping on an island.

Hot chocolate in a mug with marshmallows in the rain in the forest by the campfire.

Zero cell-phone reception.

The morning dew on pine needles and branches.

Yoga, stretches, and deep breathing by the water alongside the pines and morning dew.

Experiencing carrying a canoe on my shoulders over land. 

Barefoot on soft and damp earth (which, by the way, healed the corn on my toe that saw zero recovery by specifically designed medicated corn pads), exchanging energies between my body and the earth. 

No mirrors, no reflective surfaces, no need to care about how I look, only how I feel. 

No drunkenness or caffeine jitters no matter how much alcohol or strong coffee I consume. Forest detoxification, weekend of detoxification.

Discovering clever and nifty camping gear and devices.

Lying by the campfire watching the bright orange flames burning the pine and birch swirling in straight lines and curly J’s before disappearing into the background of eternal black of the night sky.  

Watching the glowing amber within the black crackled wood deep in the campfire.

[hannajoooo]

오늘 또 그런날. 가슴 터져버릴것 같은 그런날. 설렘과 희망과 기대감에 북밭혀서...맛있는 티라떼와 함께... 언제나 그랬듯이. 오늘도 좋은 날 :)

[hannajoooo]

원함?

이 설레이는 마음은

이 애타는 마음은

그 무었도 달랠 수 없는 거 같네요

여기갔다

저기갔다

다시 여기로 와도

가시지 않아요

마음 한 켠 부족한 느낌

무언가로 아주 절실히 끓어 당겨

채워 주고 싶은 느낌

설레면서 왠지 슬픈 그 느낌

원할때 그 느낌

마무리가 안된

허전한 애절한

그 느낌

이 것 처럼

[hannajoooo]

달램

머리속에 감정들이 가득 차서 

찌끈찌끈 욱신욱신 할 때

관자놀이에 반창고를 붙여놓으면 나아질까

이런 생각까지 들정도로

아무것도

손에 잡히지 않을 때

심장의 수축과 확장 

안절부절못하는 중지 검지 엄지 

약지 새끼 손가락

눈이 찔끈

웅성웅성

쿵쾅쿵쾅

쨍그랑 쨍그랑

설레이는 마음

초조불안한 마음

달래고 싶다.

[hannajoooo]

I

kinda miss the intoxicated mess of the summer. With the romance and whatnot.

[hannajoooo]

간혹

산다는게

느낀다는게

가슴이 벅찰때

설명하기도 어려울때

표출구가 필요할때

어린아이같이

답답하지만

살아있다는게

넘쳐나도록

느껴질때

이럴때.

[hannajoooo]

당신을 통해서

내가 원없이 부족하다는 걸, 더 노력하고 더 겸손해져야 되겠다는 걸 아직도 많이 철이 없다는 걸 느꼈습니다.

감사합니다. 

[hannajoooo]

요즘이란 나날들

오늘 하루도 최선을 다해서. 마음을 다스리고 추스리고. 쓰다듬어 주자. 지금 이 따스한 커피향 날듯한 푸른 하늘에 햇빛이 훤하게 비추는 도심 속에서 학구 열기, 풋풋한 청년들의 패기와 오후 2시의 나긋함. 찌근 뻐근 한 뇌 근육, 길게 생각하고 되세기고 되돌아보는 시간도 없이 지나간 바빴던 일주일...이주일 삼주일을 마무리하는 나만의 시간 캐치업 시간. 이 소중하고 아리따운 나날들 수 없이 넘어지고 무너지고 지적받는 나에게 아주 잘하고 있다고 말해주자, 계획과 예상 이상으로 너무 잘 하고 있다고. 지금 이대로, 고개 숙여 다니지도 말고 콧등 높이지도 말고 어깨는 피고 앞을 똑바로 보면서 전진하기 꾸준히 나아가기. 지금까지 하던데로 도전하고 못 할 것같은 일들을 해내보고 또 넘어지고 또 일어서고 중요한 사람들과 우선순위를 잊지말면서 사소하고 중요하지 않은 것들에선 미련없이 뒤돌아서고. 이렇게 하면 나아가고 올라가고 자라는 것. 아 그리고 다칠 가능성이 있더라도 머리와 마음과 가슴의 문을 더욱더 열고 다니기. 

요즘이란 나날들의 생각들.    

[hannajoooo]

All

All the beautiful things in the world

All the beautiful moments

That beautiful moment

That spark

That moment that leaves you speechless

That deep intangible something

With a blinding white light

With a glimpse you're in a different realm

Surreal, unreal

The hope

For it to be real...

[hannajoooo]

[hannajoooo]

barrier-free? free of prejudice? embracing diversity? equal rights for all?

yeah. right.

"the true north strong and free"

"God keep our land, glorious and free"

of course, it's never easy for everyone to live up to the ideals set forth by the representative heads speaking on behalf of the inhabitants of a country, province, city, town, community. we are only human. and there are so, so many of us. so long as we are free to do what we want, when we want, however we want, there will be infringement of the rights of others. Ironic isn't it? I've seen family members suffer from prejudice and injustices. I've heard from many others that have also seen first hand how unfair our society is, how age and race became a barrier to jobs, opportunities. in a country that boasts of embracing diversity and equal rights for all. what is the problem here? is there really a problem? globalization didn't start today. it's been long since members of different nationalities moved out, "diaspora", out of their own initial national boundaries and landed elsewhere, within another nation's boundaries, becoming minority. it's been long since different cultures and nationalities had to cooperate and live along-side in the same community. why does it have to be so difficult for certain people to live in certain places? why do certain people have to take discrimination of being different? it makes me mad. but I am not mad at anyone. no, I'm not mad at the country, the people that discriminated, or the people that refused my family members the right to a dignified living. I don't know but I know that it's not so simple. but at the same time it doesn't have to be complex. do you see a problem? what makes you mad? let's make it better. let's look at why there is that problem. can it be solved? if not, can it be alleviated? let's act on it. just do it.

[hannajoooo]

Money forces save lives AND prevent lives to be saved. How can we solve this dilemma?