Hazard 🧪

RED Team Hazard. Ask me anything! (ran by iamanactualmeme)

[haphazardfun]

I’m alive, by the way. Many things have been happening!

Medic and Engie keep talkin’ to each other, and go silent when I’m near… And they purposefully talk far away from the vents so I can’t listen! I’ve gotta know what’s up with that…

Ah, don’t worry Taube! It is nothing!

It’s somethin’, and I’m gonna find out what! In the meantime… it’s been a minute since either of us go any questions. Might help me remember that I have this account.

[haphazardfun]

This recent weekend, me and Medic found out about a pride parade goin’ on! And y’all will never guess who we saw…

The BLU Medic and Hazard! Usually we’d start fightin’ on sight, but we’re here to have fun. Still gonna beat their asses next mission though!

Can’t tell if they hate each other or just look like that. I’m assuming it’s the latter since well… they’re here together.

…Are they datin’?

Ach, who knows! It was wonderful to see them outside of work, no?

Fair point!

[haphazardfun]

Happy pride month! That means you have to do gay science :)

So go ask Medic out.

-Chemist

First off, I do gay science just by existin’. Second of all, I am not doin’ that!

If you want me to do that, you gotta go ask Engie out! No way am I riskin’ askin’ Medic out.

[haphazardfun]

Happy pride month y’all! Been absent again, not much to update.

Went back in the vents a few times and saw @smokeycreampuffs in there. Might post some pictures later! Aside from that, not much new gossip. Leeuwenhoek is doin’ great though! Li’l guy made a full recovery, and Medic’s doves all get along with him. He’s got a respawn chip too now!

Speakin’ of Medic… he’s been actin’ real weird around me.

What! I have been acting completely normal, mein Freund!

No you haven’t. I’m gonna find out what you’re hidin’!

[haphazardfun]

It’s been a while, sorry y’all! Been real busy over here at the base. I got a bird! Got a picture of him on my head here.

His name is Leeuwenhoek, after the microbiologist! (Get it, ‘cause he’s tiny?)

Lee is a house sparrow I found with an injured wing outside the base. Medic helped me take care of the li’l guy, and now he’s here to stay!

Leeuwenhoek is adorable! The doves love him very much! Ü

[haphazardfun]

I LOVE EVEYBOSY everyoen is so soso cool I wanna uh I dunno but yeah. Yeah if you are reading this I love you and if you aren’t I also love you. Unlesss you suck and are awful. But yes. Love everyone always. I am gosin to sleep now.

Apologies, Herr Hazard is a bit tipsy! He should be better in the morning! Ü

I am taking care of him in the meantime!

[haphazardfun]

what’s your favorite flavor of red?

Well, I’m always partial to blood! I like raspberries too though. Or a nice rare steak… Damn, now I’m hungry! There’s too many delicious red things!

Though I will say, I had a sample of Medic’s heart and it might be my favorite! Might even give raspberries a run for their money… Hm… Nah, raspberries are my number one. Probably.

[wizardex-yt]

no strawberry/fruit punch/spicy/gingers/watermelon (artificial >>> actual tho)

[haphazardfun]

First off, natural is way better than artificial! I know from firsthand experience that most chemicals don’t taste good.

And I do love strawberries, but raspberries are the superior fruit! Always have been, always will be. Matter of fact, I’m fixin’ to get some right now! I ran out…

[haphazardfun]

what’s your favorite flavor of red?

Well, I’m always partial to blood! I like raspberries too though. Or a nice rare steak… Damn, now I’m hungry! There’s too many delicious red things!

Though I will say, I had a sample of Medic’s heart and it might be my favorite! Might even give raspberries a run for their money… Hm… Nah, raspberries are my number one. Probably.

[the-real-list-of-ominous-threats]

I'm gonna eat your intestines.

Cutely.

H…hazard? @haphazardfun is this u???????

[haphazardfun]

Shockingly, no! But whoever anon is, I wholeheartedly agree! I wonder if intestines are their favorite, or if they just picked those arbitrarily… I personally think eyes and hearts are the best.

[haphazardfun]

“With Herr Hazard it has exceeded 10/10” says Medic HMMMMMMMMM

OPEN YOUR EYES BROTHER

-Chemist

Oh, c’mon! He’s just glad to have someone who’s willin’ to get experimented on! Everyone else complains.

Sometimes you might have a point, but this time? Hell naw! I’d be happy too!

Very true! Having such a willing specimen is wonderful! Ü

See! Told ya so Chem!

[haphazardfun]

Hello. The following is a message from the Teufort Census Bureau.

How would you rate your current employment?

Thank you for your co-operation.

@tf2-data-collection-agency

Hah, easy 10/10! I get to do what I love most with 0 repercussions! The pay isn’t half bad either, and I’ve got a great lab setup. Not to mention the others are all fun to be around, despite some being a bit… loud. But eh, I just cope!

It was a 10/10 for me, but with Herr Hazard, it has exceeded that! Ü

[haphazardfun]

Medic just barged into my room with a bowl of fruit? I’m not complainin’ but… I wonder why he did that? Is it ‘cause I’m gay? I dunno, but I’m havin’ a feast with Pyro. They aren’t actually eatin’ any fruit, but it’s the thought that counts!

[haphazardfun]

How bad were Scout's pickup lines, like, on a scale of one to ten and can you give me a few examples?

I need to know how many hammers to hit him with and the context in which to do it.

-Chemist

I’d say negative eight. Some examples I heard:

“You’re so fine, I’d hang you in a gallery. Wait, no.”

“One a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9. ‘Cause I’m the 1 you need. Yeah, that’s better!”

“I’m in the mood for pizza. Uh… a pizza you! Got it.”

These are unfortunately the better out of the batch. I blocked most of ‘em out of my memory. Also, whenever you’re done with him, me ‘n Medic have got some stuff cookin’ up and need a lab rat. I’ll record it for ya.

[haphazardfun]

Back with an update from the vents. Looks like Engie fixed up the mini sentries in there, so now I won’t get shot!

Also I saw Scout practicing abhorrent pick up lines in his mirror. I threw a screw at him through the vent. Now he won’t shut up about ghosts in the walls.

[haphazardfun]

Wait, wait, that's YOU in the vents? Oh, shit....I...um, maybe look out for...mini sentry guns in there? I... may or may not have thought we had mice and asked Dell to make miniature versions of sentries to put in the walls.

-Chemist

So THAT’S what shot at me! Scared the shit outta me, I’ll tell you that for certain. I just turned around… can you ask Engie to put one of those handy anti-friendly-fire chips in ‘em? If you ask, he’s sure to say yes. Thanks Chem!

[haphazardfun]

Chillin’ in the vents today.

Saw Medic talkin’ to his doves. Might’ve said my name at some point? I dunno, but I took a picture of him.

Might make more vent posts. As in posts from the vent. Bye for now!

[haphazardfun]

Demo ‘n Heavy are some great workout partners, I’ve gotta say! Definitely more intense than I’m used to, but hey, pretty fun!

Got to spar against Demo. He won of course, but damn would I do it again in a heartbeat!