My ideal Star Wars movie would be a nature documentary of cute space critters narrated by the robot from Rogue One, who clearly knows nothing about nature and is making the descriptions up as he goes along.
"i bring a sort of used to be a clone commander in a past life sort of vibe to the sharpshooting competition that the opposition really does not like" -Cody probably
A happier galaxy where the disaster lineage is somewhat less on fire constantly and senior padawan Obi-wan has developed a fixation on Mandalorians:
Sometimes Feemor regretted just how much he had given away when he had spent 5 expensive months bribing a traumatised Obi-wan to call him brother when he was 14. His dignity, for one, his access codes and shadow cloaking techniques, another. So he had a very dignified reaction when he was awoken to the shine of his younger brother's eyes in the dark at the foot of his bed. "I wou-stop screaming it's just me-I would like a Mandalorian. How do I procure one?"
"How the fuck should I know?"
Obi-wan scowled as if Feemor was being difficult, he wasn't, he wasn't quite awake enough for that yet. "You're a shadow, you're supposed to know things."
Ah, if being a shadow granted you the secrets of the universe instead of just a great many planetary governments, Feemor wouldn't spend so much time wondering what dark rituals Dooku had committed to result in Qui-gon Jinn. (He already knew what regular rituals Qui-gon had committed to result in Obi-wan)
"I know that I'm about to punt you out of my room right now."
"...My birthday is coming up, I believe I deserve compensation for all the traumas."
Obi-wan's eyes were very big now. Feemor sighed. He flopped back down into bed. He resisted the urge to pull his blankets back up and roll over. 'Oh sure when it's time to see mind healers everything's fine but now-'
"Shouldn't you be asking Master then?"
"Master would not approve of how I plan to use the Mandalorian."
He squinted at Obi-wan for a long moment. Obi-wan stared back. He did some quick mental maths and tried not to feel old. Eh. Fine. Feemor swung his legs out of bed. "You had me at 'Master wouldn't approve'."
"Do you think I could get one by walking into little Keldabe and asking very nicely?"
As it turns out, yes he could. A few too many in fact, apparently Jedi, their ancestral enemy, in the Mando district attracted attention, who knew? Feemor knew, Feemor would have known if only he had been properly awake when this semblence of a plan was proposed. He stalked through the cantina towards Obi-wan who was leaning slightly forwards against a pillar, ah...speaking, to a Mandalorian with painted orange armour while surrounded by a larger crowd of Mandos. At least they seem mostly amused. He ignored the youngers squawk as he yanked the back of his robes so that he moved away from the Mandalorian and spun him around.
"You cannot solve centuries of animosity by batting your eyelashes."
"I'm not batting my eyelashes " Obi-wan sniffed," I'm shaking my ass, there's decidedly more effort involved."
"I miss when I was an only child." Feemor sighed deeply. He used the force to scruff the neck of Obi-wan's robes and dangle him slightly in the air. He ignored the shouting from beside him and bowed politely to the staring Mandos. "My apologies for the disturbance, this will not happ-" He considered his brother who was now yelling out his personal comm code with a wink. " Please excuse us, this very probably will happen again, we shall workshop it. May the force be with you all."
I don't have a fully planned AU but it is Codywan!!! cause I love those bitches but have some more dialogue I came up with for this AU. I'm imagining them both as like 20-23, Obi's close to knighthood. He's still a padawan for this because I think him causing Qui-gon headaches is funny. Feemor fully thinks this complicated courtship dance Obi's created is funny, he likes studying his little brother like a bug, he just wasn't prepared for him to just waltz into little kelbade and start hitting on people, though he really should have been.
Hand wavy timeline with Jaster alive but the clones are still clones, Jango was kidnapped and held in stasis or something, Jaster claimed them as Mandos. This is really just about Obi's first and biggest diplomatic achivement being friendly Jedi-Mando relations purely cause he was in his thot era. This also somehow saves the galaxy from the sith.
I like to imagine that Cody's brothers recorded that little exchange between Fee and Obi on their helmets and uploaded it online where it went viral on MandoNet before going viral galaxywide because wait holy shit is that a Jedi saying that????. Qui-gon gets called in for a very weird meeting where the council's like ok so the entire holonet has seen your padawan being horny on main but also this is like the biggest jump in our diplomatic relationship with the Mandos in centuries so like can we keep this up somehow? This results in Obi-wan being holonet famous, first through vode recordings but then he starts a space tumblr and twitter account and he's famous now. Then his friends and other jedi start accounts because wait we're allowed to do that? and those become big as well and this is literally the best PR the jedi have had in hundreds of years. the holonet loves them. the sith are fuming.
Obi-wan, scoffing: What were they gonna do? Shoot me?
Feemor: Yes.
Obi-wan: I don't believe in blasters.
Bly: ...like as a concept...?
Obi-wan: No, spiritually.
Obi-wan: I'm sure there's a nice Mandalorian we can find for you
Feemor: I'm not sure those 2 words belong together
Obi-wan: No of course not, we can't find a nice one, then they'd be all alone, we need to find an absolute bastard of one so that you two match :)
Obi-wan: Oh so Master gets to take in pathetic life forms but I don't? This one's already domesticated!
Wolffe: Debatable.
Feemor: Cody's a person! Not a stray tooka!
Obi-wan: Master takes in stray people all the time! That's how he got me!
Qui-gon: How do you explain this behaviour Padawan ?
Obi-wan: The force pushed me towards the Mandalorians Master, it was quite insistent on me developing better relations with them given our difficult history.
Feemor: Fascinating, please do elaborate, I'd love to hear the theological implications of a force-assigned kink.
Just rewatched A New Hope and I have to say the energy between the main trio is absolutely bonkers; like they switch between "you are the most annoying person I know" to "omg bestie hugs!" at the drop of a hat.
- Han and Luke are arguing the whole way from the cantina to the detention center.
- Then Leia comes in and she's yelling at both of them.
- Then they get stuck in the trash compactor and Han desperately tries to save Luke from the tentacles, and then when the compactor goes on and they're all panicking he's trying to help Leia get to higher ground.
- Trash compactor goes off, they all celebrate, Han and Leia freaking HUG...and next scene we're right back to the Sass.
- Leia kisses Luke on the cheek for luck right before they swing across a gap.
- Han and Luke bond over shooting tie fighters away.
- Han admits he kinda likes Leia even though they've basically done nothing but bicker (when not in immediate danger).
- Luke gets upset when Han wants to take his money and leave even though he's know him for like a day. Han pretends he doesn't care but then leaves Luke with a completely sincere "May the force be with you." Despite thr fact that he doesn't believe in that stuff.
- Luke continues to be upset so much that he complains to Leia about Han leaving and she kisses him on the cheek AGAIN as comfort.
- Han comes back and must have been tapping into the comms the whole time because he swoops in specifically to save Luke.
- When they return to the base Leia runs to hug Luke, and then Luke runs to hug Han, and then they all just end up in an excited group hug.
And maybe it's because Leia just lost her planet and Luke just lost all his parental figures and Han is just lost but they absolutely speedrun found family in a way that critics nowadays would find completely unrealistic, and yet the energy between them is something neither the prequels or the sequels were able to match. Just "nope, these idiots are mine now".
Anyway the point is Star Wars is good when it's good.
(Luke doesn't get a braincell until RotJ, Han has no braincells but is very good at making it seem like he does, Leia has braincells but they are angry.)
Created an AU where Obi Wan adopts the twins and takes them to hide out Tatooine with him. He’s a tired dad and the twins are menaces. There’s a lot of sadness and drama to be found but for now let’s enjoy the cute, sweet family stuff. (Feel free to send asks if you want!)
Officially this is called the Obi Dad AU! Thank you to the person who put it in the tags (and for the kind words)
jbbartram-illu
jacobvanloon
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