Father’s Day Thoughts
Thought I would post this blog in honor of Father's Day- it is a bit long, but a Top 10 list on things that can help you do something interesting to shake your life up in a good way- especially if you are a dad trying to keep up with kids who growing and getting smarter at an alarming rate. Hope you will enjoy...
Since the moment I let people know I was doing Haymakers for Hope and since the conclusion of the journey, I have gotten a lot of comments from people that are usually either “I would love to do something like that”, or “I could never do something like that”. I have a few thoughts to share that focus on taking on a big challenge and getting out of your routine and comfort zone. Whatever “something like that” is for you- it could be open mic comedy or climbing a mountain, the point is that you should do it and you (almost) definitely can do it.
Here are my thoughts, Top-10 style, on some of the critical things to taking on a new big thing, which are by no means an exhaustive or definitive list- they just stood out to me when reflecting on my journey on the things that made my experience so worthwhile. My thoughts are pretty centric to a parent of young kids- really to being a dad (I feel like taking on a big challenge for a mom is just item #87 on her to-do list that she crushes without much fanfare…), but hopefully anyone can glean some insights and, hopefully, will pursue something big.
0. Take Control of Your Health. This is #0 because, as the saying goes, you have nothing without your health. True saying. For me it was a laundry list of issues from my weight, aches and pains, fatigue.. . Once I took proactive steps to identify issues, and removed plausible deniability on certain culprits, it made all the difference. I knew the issues and the solutions- at that point addressing them was either a priority for me or it was not. Everything was very interconnected, more than I ever could have guessed, and resolving/improving the issues put me in the position to consider taking on a challenge. This is not applicable only for a big, physical challenge either- anything that takes a significant time commitment, and is out of your comfort zone, takes mental and physical resources. You need to be sleeping better and thinking more clearly, at a minimum, to add big items to your life. So whatever issue may be holding you back, take this step. If you take this step and do nothing else, then you are way ahead of the game.
1. Make Sure You Have Support. If you are taking on a big challenge, then you will need support from the biggest components of your life. I was very fortunate to have incredible support from my family, immediate and extended, and my company, TwinFocus, who did not just tolerate my efforts but were proactive contributors towards my efforts. What’s great is that this is a two-way street- the people who spend the most time with me get the benefit of a healthier, happier, and grateful Patrick. On that note, if you have someone in your life taking on a challenge- support them, you will be glad you did and they will remember it. On the flip side, absent the timing being terrible or other extenuating circumstances, if the people around you won’t support you- why not? Just like addressing your health, make sure you have healthy relationships with the people you spend the most time with.
2. Get out of Your Comfort Zone. This is about doing something new, ideally something you have wanted to try but have not. There is a reason you are drawn to this activity, so take a chance and figure out why that is. You can always go for a new personal record or make a comeback in something you have excelled at. Having to learn the most basic, introductory steps of something is humbling, but also energizing when you start building on the fundamentals and put things together. You exercise new physical and mental muscles. I found it particularly helpful as a parent of young kids who are learning new things every day, to be reminded that learning new things is hard. Putting on my wraps, getting in my stance, throwing a jab.. .the most basic stuff in boxing, I am still learning about. I realized how quickly my kids are actually picking things up. I think I have more thoughts about this experience as it relates to parenting that will follow.
3. Define the Objective. You have decided to take the leap- congrats! Now what is a good outcome for you? Be ambitious within reason and adjust accordingly. You may have a hidden talent or maybe it is much harder than you thought. Either scenario is great. I wanted to raise a lot of money and awareness for the fight against cancer, break through on some health and conditioning goals and win a boxing match. Two out of three ain’t bad…Haymakers created an incredible infrastructure for these objectives. You may do something similarly established, but if not, understand why you are doing it and what you want to achieve.
4. Get A Manageable Core Routine (and then push it). Put yourself in a position to achieve your objectives by scheduling consistent blocks of time that you can dedicate to each week- then build around them with additional work that can be more flexible based on your schedule. You’ll have some late nights and early mornings. You will miss time with friends and family. That is the point- if you don’t miss anything then you aren’t working hard enough. This goes for your diet as well, if that is a component of your challenge. I knew I was going to Digg Inn for lunch 4X a week. Have 80% of the time and activities you need booked into a routine. If you have that core time figured out than the rest can be optimization. If the kids have soccer, go to that and run when they are napping.
5. Roll With the Punches. The only thing you can guarantee about your routine is that it will be blown up on occasion. You will have sick kids (who get you sick), work travel, family holidays... Being a good partner and parent, handling your business- those are the few things that should take priority over this endeavor. So embrace the departure from your routine. Some of the coolest parts of my experience were the “departures”, such as training internationally on work travel. Do I look back now and wish I missed parent-teacher conferences to train, or that I avoided my kids when they were sick? Not even for a second. Make up the time later. Whatever you are training for certainly won’t follow a script, so being too rigid will only hurt you.
6. Involve Your Spouse and Kids. It’s more fun, more practical, more inspiring.. If you are trying to achieve something that you really want/need to silo yourself for and not include the most important people in your life, then this is the wrong write-up for you. My family would workout with me, cheer me on, help with all the extra logistical stuff. Incorporating them always was a reminder of why I was taking on the challenge- to wind up a better version of myself.
7. Inspiration Is Everywhere-Use It. No matter what you do it will be hard, but there will be sources of inspiration to draw from. Look for them and use them. Boxing in support of KO’ing Cancer left me inspired every day by people wishing me luck and supporting me. I learned some boxing history and about some of the colorful characters. While your journey will be unique – you won’t be the first to make it, so embrace being a part of something bigger than you.
8. Chronicle The Journey. We have incredible technology that provides us, in the palm of our hands, similar resources to a news truck from not too long ago. Take pictures and videos, capture your thoughts and write them down throughout the process. Maybe you will do lots more adventurous, challenging things - but this will be the one that kicked it off and you will be glad you were diligently tracking it. If you are one and done, then you can remind the kids (and yourself) that you weren’t always so boring…
9. You Have Done It- Now what? Despite being the owner of an 0-1 record with USA Boxing, I had an incredible journey, topped off with a once in a lifetime fight night experience. Now what? Well, I’ll spend some extra time with my family to start. Maybe cheat on the diet a little as well. The benefit to making sacrifices is that you can think about what you really missed when you dedicated all that extra time to the challenge and what you didn’t. Allocate more time to the stuff you missed and a lot less to the stuff you didn’t. I’ll bet the stuff you missed is more meaningful than the stuff you didn’t. I missed playing with my kids after work a lot more than happy hour. There is no need to stop the challenge activity either- I’ll keep up with the boxing. Being lighter and in shape will allow for some other things too- as I mentioned you can always go for a personal record or make a comeback. Now you can do it with new skills, perspective, and confidence.
10. Be Thankful. Whatever you choose to do, it’s a choice. Be grateful you can make it. It means you are healthy and have support all around you. You will make new friends and reconnect with old friends. You will learn new skills. You will have triumphs and defeats (yes, even be thankful for the defeats- if it stings you know you still have some heart...) Taking risks and testing yourself cuts through the BS in your life- the experience will force you to prioritize all the discretionary things that come your way and renew and enhance your appreciation for all the core things in your life - and that is the point.
Haymakers for Hope TwinFocus Capital Partners, LLC The Play Ball Foundation Alethea Harney