There's more to life..

"She wasn't everything she wanted to be, but she was better than she was. And she's still learning." Blogger since December 2010

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Sana kaya mo rin akong ipaglaban.

Ang hirap maging babae. Minsan naiisip ko, grabe siguro yung kapasidad kong lumaban alang-alang sa pag-ibig kung isa akong lalaki. Kasi sa punto na 'to, kahit sabihin nating iba na ang panahon ngayon at pwedeng manligaw ang babae o siyang unang lumapit at gumawa ng paraan makuha lang yung taong gusto o mahal niya.. nakakulong parin ako sa mga salitang "babae ako." Oo, maituturing na kaduwagan, ngunit 'yun ako.

Araw araw iniisip ko, kung kaya mo lang akong ipaglaban, masaya siguro tayong dalawa sa bawat araw na nasasayang. Kung nakikita mo lang sana na napapasaya mo ko at kaya rin kitang mapasaya, na kaya nating pakalmahin nang magkasama ang bawat problema, at kaya kitang bigyan ng kasiguraduhan sa lahat ng bagay.. siguradong ang kasunod ay pag-ibig na sapat lang. Hindi labis, hindi rin kulang.

Hindi ko maintindihan yung parte na sinasabi ng ibang tao na may mga pagmamahal na hindi mo magawang ipaglaban. Marahil, hindi ako ganon, kaya hindi ko maintindihan. Marahil, talagang magkakaiba ang tao. Marahil, Love is really not enough. O kaya naman, hindi ganun kalalim yung nararamdaman, kaya naman kayang mabuhay kahit mawala yung taong yun sa mga kamay niya.

Bakit ang komplikado magmahal sa panahon ngayon? Bakit hindi kagaya noon, na kapag gustong-gusto ka ng lalaki, hahamakin niya ang lahat makuha ka lang. Bakit ngayon, hindi sapat ang may nararamdaman ka lang? Bakit ngayon eh parang laging may hinahanap at may kulang?

Hindi ba't wala namang sapat?

Hindi ba't walang perpektong sangkap?

Siguro hindi lang "tayo" yung totoong nakalaan. Siguro nga, hindi parin ikaw-at-ako ang itinakda para sa "walang hanggan."

Siguro'y isa ka na namang aral sa buhay ko. Pero, hindi parin ba sapat yung mga naranasan ko noon, para masabing natuto naman na 'ko? Hay jusko.

Kung pareho lang sana tayo, marahil ay alam mong pwede natin ilaban 'to. Alam mo rin na magiging masaya tayo, dahil hindi naman nag umpisang komplikado. Alam mo rin na kaya natin lumaban hanggang dulo.

Kung isa ka na namang leksyon sa buhay ko.. Siguro h'wag nalang natin pahabain pa ang istoryang 'to. Tara, bigyang tuldok na ang masasayang araw na magkasama tayo. Dahil nararamdaman kong - kung patatagalin pa, mas masakit ang kapalit kapag nasanay lang tayo sa panandaliang bagay na 'to.

Siguro nga, ako na dapat ang mag wakas nito.

Ngayon ay ika-12 na buwan ng taong 2023. Masasabi kong hanggang dito nalang ang kaya ko, mahal ko.

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April 7-8, 2018 Mt. Guiting-Guiting - Overnight Sibuyan Island, Romblon 2,058+ MASL; 9/9 difficulty; Major Climb

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March 17-18, 2018 Mt. Amuyao Reverse-Traverse via Batad to Barlig Batad, Banaue, Ifugao & Barlig, Mountain Province 9/9 difficulty; 2,702+ MASL; Major Climb

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March 10-11 2018 Mt. Ulap Traverse-Overnight Itogon, Benguet Minor climb; 3/9 Difficulty; 1,846+ MASL

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Feb 24-25 2018 Mt. Tapulao Traverse a.k.a. TapTrav Tarlac to Zambales - overnight climb 48+ KM 8/9 difficulty; 2,037+ MASL; Major Climb

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Feb 16-18 2018 Jomalig Jomalig Island, Quezon Province

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January 20, 2018 Mt. Ulap Dayhike Traverse Itogon, Benguet Minor climb; 3/9 Difficulty; 1,846+ MASL

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January 6-7, 2018 Mt. Purgatory - overnight traverse Bokod, Benguet Difficulty: 6/9 traverse; Major climb with 6 peaks: • Mt. Mangagew - 1,705 MASL • Mt. Pack - 2,290 MASL • Mt. Purgatory - 2,080 MASL • Mt. Bakian - 2,100 MASL • Mt. Tangbaw - 2,200 MASL • Mt. Komkompol - 2,329 MASL 

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Ano bang gusto ko bukod sa “ikaw”?

Naaalala ko nung unang beses kitang makita, may kung ano sa aking pakiramdam. Bawat ngiti mo na nakikita ng aking mata, tila para akong nabubusog sa tuwa. Iniabot mo ang iyong kamay nung mga oras na yun Ngunit ako’y tumanggi sapagkat labis akong nahiya sa biglaan mong paraan. Akala ko’y yun na ang una’t huli, ngunit sa paglipas ng ilang buwan, ngiti mo’y muli kong nasilayan.

Dumating ang araw na nakita kitang muli Para bang itinadhana na magkita tayo sa perpektong lugar na ‘yon. Nung una’y nagpanggap akong hindi sabik, Ngunit sa loob loob ko’y “Salamat Lord dahil nakita ko siya ulit!” Tadhana na nga ba ang tawag dito? Pakiramdam ko’y ito na ang tatama sa bawat mali at sakit na narasanan sa nakaraan.

Para kong nahihibang.

Nagtuloy tuloy ang magandang istorya kasama ka, Bawat patak ng oras na parang kay bilis kapag nasa tabi kita. Palaging humihiling na sana’y lumawig pa ang mga oras Ngunit realidad ay parang hadlang.

Natakot ako sapagkat pagkatapos ng ilang taon, ngayon ko nalang muli ‘to naramdaman Natakot akong muli na magpaka tanga kagaya ng ginawa ko sa nakaraan Natakot akong magbigay ng pagmamahal sa isang taong hindi naman ito kayang suklian

Heto na naman ako. Gustong gusto kita. Nahuhulog na ako sayo. Nahuhulog sa isang taong alam kong hindi kayang ibigay kahit oras man lang.  Sabi mo sa akin nung isang araw, wag tayong magmadali, kilalanin muna ang isa’t isa. Sumang ayon ako sapagkat ayoko rin sa mabilisan. Ngunit pagdaan ng ilang buwan, mga larawan ko sa iyo ay burado na

Kwestyunable ang utak ko, sobrang bigat ng puso ko. Palagi nalang may tanong sa isipan ko, kaya naman nasabi ko sa sarili ko.. “Ay eto na naman, napanood ko na ‘to.”

Bigla ko nalang nakita isang araw, mga larawan ko sayo’y napalitan na ng ibang mukha. Ni wala kang sinabi, ipinaalam o ipinaliwanag man lang. Bakit ka nga naman magpapaliwanag sa bagay na yan, kung tayo nga mismo eh walang kasiguraduhan? Kailangan ko pa bang tanungin ka? Malamang hindi na.

Lumayo ako hindi dahil natatakot akong masaktan ulit sa paulit ulit na rason. Lumayo ako dahil gusto ko.

Anong bang gusto ko bukod sa “ikaw”?

Gusto ko.. Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya. Oo, naging masaya ko sa pamamalagi mo sa buhay ko. Pero gusto ko naman sumaya ng hindi lang ikaw ang dahilan. Gusto kong sumaya ng hindi dumedepende sa isang tao. Dahil ayokong dumating sa puntong kapag nawala ka, hindi ko narin alam kung paano pa ba ang maging masaya.

At higit sa lahat, ayokong gawing “mundo”, ang dapat eh isang “tao” lang.

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December 2-4, 2017 Caramoan Islands, Camarines Sur, Bicol Bag-ing Island Cagbanilad Island Catanhawan Island Cotivas Island Lahus Island Lahuy Island Matukad Island Minalahos Island Pitogo Island Sabitang-Laya Island

A well spent vacay with my college friends. :)

Eto yung bakasyon na magsasawa ka sa islands dahil pag gising mo kinabukasan, island hopping ulit ang labanan. Hahaha!

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Oct 28-29, 2017 Silanguin Island Cove, Zambales

"What happened in Silanguin, stays in Silanguin."

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My 2017 Climb

January 8, 2017 Mt. Maculot via Rockies to Summit to Grotto Traverse Cuenca, Batangas 930+ MASL Difficulty: 4/9 traverse; Minor climb

My first ever climb experience; My mother mountain :)

April 9, 2017 Mt. 387 Batong Amat & Aloha Falls Brgy. Puncan, Carranglan, Nueva Ecija 724+ MASL Difficulty: 4/9 traverse; Minor climb

Also known as the Chocolate Hills of Nueva Ecija. :)

May 20, 2017 Mt. Arayat Traverse - Pinacle; North Peak; South Peak Pampanga 1,030+ MASL Difficulty: 7/9 Major climb

My first major climb :)

June 18, 2017 Mt. Marami Maragondon, Cavite 405+ MASL Difficulty: 3/9 Minor Climb

July 15, 2017 Mt. Manalmon & Mt. Gola Twinhike Biak na Bato National Park, San Miguel, Bulacan Mt. Manalmon: 196+ MASL; 2/9 difficulty minor climb Mt. Gola: 192+ MASL; 2/9 difficulty minor climb

September 10, 2017 Mt. Ulap Brgy. Ampucao traverse to Brgy. Sta Fe, Itogon, Benguet 1,846 MASL Difficulty: 3/9 minor climb

When it comes to minor climb, Mt. Ulap is my favorite mountain. :)

September 24, 2017 Nasugbu Trilogy Dayhike: Mt. Talamitam; Mt. Apayang; Mt. Batulao Nasugbu, Batangas Mt. Talamitam - 652+ MASL; Difficulty: 4/9 minor climb Mt. Apayang - 662+ MASL; Difficulty: 4/9 minor climb Mt. Batulao - 811+ MASL; Difficulty: 4/9 minor climb

October 15, 2017 Mt. Damas San Clemente, Tarlac 685+ MASL Difficulty: 6/9 Major climb

November 12, 2017 Mt. Pinatubo Crater Lake via 4x4 ride “A Beautiful Disaster” Capas, Tarlac, Zambales 960+ MASL Difficulty: 2/9 Minor climb

November 26, 2017 Mt. Daraitan & Tinipak River Tanay, Rizal 739+ MASL Difficulty: 4/9 Minor climb

December 16-17, 2017 Mt. Pulag via Ambangeg Trail ”3rd highest mountain in the Philippines” Bokod, Benguet 2,922+ MASL Difficulty: 3/9 Minor Climb

First time climbing this mountain and ‘twas my year end climb also, sad to say, I’m with Typhoon Urduja. One of the most unforgettable climb of my 2017. The “no clearing - no summit” experience. Lol

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March 11-12, 2017 Sagada, Mountain Province

My First solo travel and i’ve met new friends! :)

Banaue Rice Terraces Echo Valley Hanging Coffins, and Cemetery Sumaguing Cave Lake Danum Sagada Sunset Kiltepan Viewpoint Sunrise Sagada Jeepney Top load Bomod-ok trail Bomod-ok Falls St. Mary the Virgin Church Highest Point: Philippine Highway System

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ILOCOS 2017

Santa, Ilocos Sur Ilocos Sur Adventure Zone Ferdinand E. Marcos Presidential Center Paoay Church Paoay Sand Dunes Adventures Malacañang of the North Laoag City Cape Bojeador Lighthouse Bangui Windmills, Ilocos Norte Timmangtang Rock, Ilocos Norte Patapat Viaduct Bridge Cabigan Falls Pagudpud Beach Resort Bangui Windmills, Ilocos Norte Part2 Pagudpud Arch Baluarte, Vigan Ilocos Sur Calle Crisologo, Vigan

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January 8, 2017 Mt. Maculot, Cuenca, Batangas Rockies to Summit to Grotto Traverse 930+ MASL Difficulty: 4/9 traverse; Minor climb

My first ever climb experience; My mother mountain - Mt. Maculot

Balikan natin ‘tong unang beses kong pag ahon sa bundok.

Ano nga ba ang pakiramdam kapag first time mong aakyat ng bundok? Una sa lahat sobrang nakaka excite. Dahil panibagong experience.

Kaya ko ba to? Ilang oras kaya ang aabutin bago ko makababa? Delikado kaya? Ang daming tanong sa sarili.

Sa una ang hirap talaga. Ramdam na ramdam ang sakit sa katawan. Lalo na pagkatapos. Pero kahit ang hirap dahil hindi pa sanay ang katawan, sobrang worth it pala sa pakiramdam kapag alam mong natapos at nakarating ka ng summit. Kapag first time mo, akala mo yun na yung pinaka masayang experience mo sa pag akyat ng bundok. Pero ngayong halos lagpas 30 bundok na yata ang naakyat ko sa loob ng halos dalawang taon, may mas sasaya pa pala dito. At sa loob ng halos 2 years, sobrang dami kong naranasan na saya at hirap. Saya at hirap kasama ang iba’t ibang klase ng tao. Sobrang dami kong nakilala. Ang iba nakilala lang at hanggang sa trail lang nakasama, pero ang masarap at masayang part dito, yung may mga nakasama ako sa trail at sa bawat “take five”, na nananatiling kasama ko sa pagbubundok hanggang ngayon.

Sobrang excited narin akong i-share dito sa blog ko lahat. :)

(Kadalasan talaga kapag first timer ka, Jansport lagi ang ginagamit na bag eh. Hahahahahaha!)

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Hashtag Depression

Depression is not feeling down for an hour out of your day. It's not something to be glorified. It's not beautiful. Depression is being on the brink of tears because you dropped your glass of water. It’s not having the urge to clean up the mess, rather you fall on the floor and cry. It's feeling safety in not brushing your hair for weeks at a time.

Depression is one extreme to another, you're either so high with happiness or so down that you doubt the world will have colour again. Some days are good, great in fact, and you almost feel like you’re better. Then something small, a look from someone or a memory, can turn you into a mess.

People will ask why are you crying? What's wrong? And the only answer you can give is “I don't know.”

Everyone will tell you that it will get better... and you dream of when it will be. Some days you can feel the sun radiating happiness through your body, and then other days you feel nothing and everything all at once.

Depression is not easy nor is it a quick fix. It doesn't just hit the “kids with bad upbringings”. You can have a very privileged background with parents who love you unconditionally, parents who give you anything and everything you could want. But some bad things can happen, planting a seed for you to carry for life. Your friends and family encourage you to talk to them when you’re having an episode. But how can you do that when it’s 3 am in the morning?

Depression is not fun, it's not a game, and it's not a quirk to add to your personality because you think it's cool. Depression is serious and ugly and affects so many people. It doesn't just disappear, you don't suddenly wake up and decide not to feel hopeless.

But..

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be weak. You're not bulletproof, you're human. You're capable of getting hurt. Feel the emptiness. Figure it out. Savour each tear. Grieve. Cry your heart out. Stop pretending. Unmask yourself. Breakdown if you are tired. Break. Get lost in the solitude you’ve been battling inside. You are hurt. Admit it. Stop pretending that you’re okay for the first time. And let the curve in your face be sadness rather than smiles.

Let it all out. Swear if you want. It’s fine. Be miserable. With time, you will be healed. And after, go on with your life. Leave the pain to those tears you have shed. Let the memories remain but not the mourning. Smile. Smile the real smile, without pretension and heartaches.

Be okay. Be fixable. Be happy. Live. Begin again.

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November 12, 2016 Pinto Art Museum, Antipolo

Tropang tagaytay goes to Antipolo. :)