#justinisnotdead @hashtagjustinisnotdead-blog - Tumblr Blog

To make it clear, there was nothing you could do. Nothing you could say to fix this. It's not your fault. It's okay. It'll be okay. And I'm sorry. I died as I lived. Selfish and cruel.

I'm sorry I'm so sorry.

Yes

Fffaaaa

slamdunkers--remade-deactivated

THIS STRANGER JUST OPENED MY FRONT DOOR PETTED MY DOG SAW ME AND LEFT

slamdunkers--remade-deactivated

i just met my step-brother for the first time

tobehumanspeed

liquidatomicgonads-deactivated2

The Kool-aid man destroys the last remaining ancient wonder of the world to give a kid a sugary drink.

never-let--it-die-deactivated20

This is the most 90s thing I’ve seen in years

herooak

Every RT Life 3/? - Ghost Pepper Challenge

plasmalogical

i was talking with my brothers yesterday and we decided the best way to own a guy who takes off his shirt to fight you is to pick his shirt up and put it on

agentverbivore

2 Favorite Trip + FitzSimmons moments (1x21 & 2x09)

laughingmandailygrind

TRIP!!!!

Fuck off 2014

I was going to kill myself last year. Obviously I didn't. And if I'm being honest most days it feels like that was a mistake. It's been a year. I moved out of the only home I've ever known. Moved into a busted up house with my best friend that I almost never see. Got a job. A horrible, shitty, fucking slowly disassemble your soul kind of job. I went to a bachelor party. Drunk texted someone. Felt something again, wanted someone again for the first time in literally years and almost immediately ruined it because I am just a bad person. I am moody and obsessive and selfish. I put my own catharsis before someone else's feelings. I was cruel and ugly. I made a friend through the shared trauma of mental illness. The only good thing I've ever gotten out of this cancerous rotting mind of mine. A good friendship. Something reciprocal and equal and decent. I didn't feel unwanted or overwhelming or like a burden. And I lost that too. And the shit that happened in the world this year. I mean I'm not into the whole apocalyptic it's all getting worse kind of thing but you know fucking hell it seems pretty bad now. I hated this year. I really fucking did. Even the good bits turned sour. And it's okay. I can take a bad year or three or five or ten. But I guess this year it became more apparent to me that I am sick and no matter where I go or what I do or who I'm with or what medication I take I will always be sick. And I'm strong enough to deal with that. I know I am. I really fucking believe that everyone is strong enough. It's not a question of being strong enough, it's if being strong is worth it. Worth the pain. Worth the loneliness. Worth that throbbing ache and terrible want for something final. And I wish I could be optimistic. I've tried before, to rouse myself into self actualization. But the philosophical reasons to be alive ring hollow. The altruistic reasons seem impossible. The artistic, unattainable. Now I feel like the only reasons I keep crawling my way through these marathon days are my fear of hurting the people who, God knows why, care about me and the dim and distant hope that one day things might be different. But I feel like I may not have another year in me. Anyway, happy New year. Drive safe.