My problem isn't the nation, I know well that their horribly flawed but still a thousand times better than what they fight. THE PROBLEM IS THAT THEY LITERALLY WORK FOR HER, THEIR ACTIONS ARE HER'S (and the tribal totems but that's a whole different can of wyrms). While she can't really command them now on account of the whole dying/dead thing, SHE WASN'T ALWAYS THAT WAY.
The war of rage/the Impergium, the war of tears, the white howlers, the Mokolé before humanity, she has watched her children kill each other and slaughter the innocent time and time again, and the closest she has ever come to doing anything about is telling the wolves "no eating people." How am I supposed to blame the wolves for their flaws when the only thing I know Gaia could ever do is make more child soldiers
And that's before we get to the aforementioned child soldiering, killing the elderly, the veil. Half of the nations flaws exist BECAUSE SHE ENDORSES THEM.
don't get me wrong Gaia dying is really bad, but Ignoring how many of her and the Garou's problems stem from her own lackluster leadership feels a bit too "god works in mysterious ways" for me
I could probably have done a better job explaining my problem with changeling, It's while yes the seelie/unseelie conflict exists, it's always been much more about tradition versus individualism as vague philosophies rather than the actual moral value of said traditions, notice how all of the changeling example you provided were based on glamour, not people, that the Fae will lord above the mortals and that said mortals live to give the fae glamour is always a given (except for House Liam), the difference is practically cosmetic.