My mind is very loud today. My thoughts are heavy. My body feels so exhausted from simply just existing. My body feels like it’s failing me. My brain feels like I have to beg for its attention. The good attention, not the bad. Constantly having to remind myself that I’m okay or I’ll be okay or it’s just my anxiety, it’s just my tummy problems, it’s just me. All of these problems make up who I am and right now I could not hate who I am more because it comes with all of these endless problems that don’t make me feel normal. In fact I’m far from normal. And I sometimes can’t wrap my head around why someone would even want me around because I don’t even want to be myself. I’d do anything to switch bodies or brains with someone else who is okay. Someone who isnt struggling with crippling anxiety and freaking out over nausea because their tummy hurts. I want to be normal. I yearn for that “normal”. I’m tired. And I overthink. Constantly just overthink and overthink and every single scenario just plays out in my head, good and bad but mainly bad. The bad always over rules the good. But when the good is good, man does it feel amazing. But that feeling has become so rare that when it comes I never have enough time to enjoy it because I’m already thinking about what happens next? The good fades quickly. And then I’m left with myself again.
2087
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