The Ghost of Possible, Unattainable You
When you start getting depressed, it's kinda easy to figure out what's happening. The internet is full of articles and people describing the recipe for depression; a spoonful of guilt, a tad of self-loathe, a sprinkle of insomnia, and a whole lot of sadness. It is so easy to find someone, or something, to relate to. Pretty soon you start figuring out what you need to do and where you need to go. You finally get yourself the help you need, and you start going to therapy.
However, what people don't often talk about is what happens after therapy. When you're finally able to function and think normally. When you're no longer held down by all darkness. When the black cloud finally clears from your head. That's when you realize how much of life passed you by.
All the hobbies you left, the books half-way read. All the memories you could've made, the people you could've met. All the things you needed to do to actually build a better self instead of being too busy fighting your own demons. All this suddenly comes back to haunt you.
You regret ever getting depressed. You wonder what quality of life you could've had had you not been depressed. You wish you knew better. You wish you somehow managed to prevent it altogether. You start blaming yourself. I mean, you could've fought better, couldn't you? You could've recognized the symptoms earlier, couldn't you?
But now you have to face it. You have to face that you lost so much, and there's no going back. You have to make due with what you have; which isn't enough. Just fragments of what could've been holding on to dear life.
You have now discovered a new demon to fight; the Ghost of Possible, Unattainable You.
