i don't belong to you. i belong here, with them.

is it possible that 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 could still 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 us?

[hcllowone]

— INDEPENDENT, SEMI-SELECTIVE PORTRAYAL OF THE UNDEAD NECROMANCER [ occtis tachonis ] FROM CRITICAL ROLE CAMPAIGN 4.

NOTICE: unsurprisingly, given that campaign four is still ongoing, my portrayal of occtis will be subject to change. i am new not only to the critical role rp community, but the critical role fandom in general. c4 is the first campaign i've watched them do in full. please be kind!!

carrd. :: verses. :: headcanons. :: memes.

narrated by mayli. they/them ; 21+ ; gmt-6. i am currently watching the tlovm and m9 animated series; i have not watched c1, c2, or c3. i have seen most of the exu one-shots + some candela obscura content. despite this, i am more than willing to interact with other campaign characters!!

sideblog to @sxlivxgant . you do not need to follow back my main unless you want to!

CREDITS. - post dividers. sydneysarchive , thecutestgrotto . - psd. poohsources . - more to come.

// ADDITIONAL RULES : GENERAL. all my guidelines can be found on my carrd – please give them a look before interacting! additionally, you can find my blogroll and my mains there!

// ADDITIONAL RULES : SPOILERS. i generally watch from beginning – break on thursday nights, and break – end on friday nights. i will tag any new spoilers with " spoilers. " up to a week after the episode drops. after that, with all my love, you're on your own. any liveblogging i do will be kept to the " liveblogging. " tag.

[hcllowone]

// occtis is getting loud again . . . send me memes, perhaps?

[troublemqkers]

SEMI-HIATUS!

// in case you somehow haven't noticed by now, i've been a little absent! that's because i'm finishing up my final semester of college (woo! i cry in terror). i graduate in early/mid-may, so until then i'm going to be fairly spotty! i miss writing on tumblr so frickin' much, but as we speak i have an entire research paper due in a week that i have not started, and the rest of my work is a bit overwhelming. i'll be back soon!

if you've got my discord, you mutuals are always welcome to hit me up there – and if you'd like to have it, just shoot me a dm! i can't wait to finish up and be back here with you guys. see you soon!

additionally, my shyness has finally worn off, so – if you hadn't guessed it by now – i've been a bit more active elsewhere recently! if you're into iron lung and/or project hail mary, you can catch me @frcmblood @ircnrot and @amaz3 !

[twinklestarss]

Campaign 4 Episode 12: The Giant’s Belt

[hcllowone]

// "so much of the narrative around my family is...evil. bad." / "yeah, i've– noticed that." i did giggle.

[hcllowone]

i don't know how to let go of the dead. / sofia

@freewillds | occtis and sofia | answered ask! i don't know how to let go of the dead.

the silence following her statement is...thunderous. out of all the sentences in the world that had ever been created, occtis could have never predicted the one that had just left her lips. he pauses, glancing sideways at her from his position on his own horse. "...i mean," he starts slowly, trying to figure out the best way to approach this. "...when something...dies, the brain continues to run for about seven minutes before the activity finally ends. so...in a way, neither do the dead." that was a horrible fact to throw out. hastily, he tries to salvage the conversation: "it's...i don't think it's that simple, though? especially when we...know them. it's–" a sigh escapes, his head falling into his hands, tone turning glum. "i don't know. i– thaisha would probably have a better answer for you; something about how the path reincarnates people back into the world, so no one is ever truly gone. vaelus's whole thing is about not letting go of the dead, so maybe don't ask her? but–" pure exasperation "–what i guess i'm– what i'm trying to say is...everyone does it differently. so don't...don't pressure yourself if one way isn't working."

[hcllowone]

“i wish you’d stop trying to destroy yourself in some misguided effort to feel worthy.  ” / valeria

@freewillds | occtis and valeria | answered ask! “i wish you’d stop trying to destroy yourself in some misguided effort to feel worthy.  ”

he blinks back at her, stunned into silence. "i'm...i'm not– 'to feel worthy'?" a half-hearted scoff escapes his lungs, part shock, part exposed. "i'm not– i don't care what he thinks anymore, val," he presses. "that's– that's so not on my radar." yet here he stands in the garb of the penteveral, chasing an education just to gain access to what he should already have learned. "and i'm not destroying myself. i'm not."

[hcllowone]

sound off if you’re alive. / sofia

@freewillds | occtis and sofia | answered ask! sound off if you're alive.

he lets out a groan, first. maybe that's enough for her to hear. his eyes slowly pry open, the landscape filtering back in – blurry at first, but rich in the muted colors of the barrowdell. then, slowly, sharpening out, cold sand pressed up against the side of his face. spitting out a few grains that managed to find their way into his mouth, he pushes himself up to his elbows, glancing around to try and see the others. "present," he grumbles, squinting through the wind. where the hell had that sandstorm gone? it had disappeared just as fast as it had appeared. and what about the crap it had been throwing around – rocks, mini dead plants; anything loose? "where's the oth– ah, um. you...you okay?"

[hcllowone]

❛   in spite of everything, you’re still you.  ❜   / valeria

@freewillds | occtis and valeria | answered ask! ❛   in spite of everything, you’re still you.  ❜

his lips curve upwards in a smile he doesn't totally feel. "...well, not quite," he replies. the vision of his soul ripping apart in front of him is still a little too visible when he closes his eyes for him to say that. "actually...i don't know what i am. i just get the sense that...that there's no, ah. literature to refer to." a small laugh. "i think i'm...going to have to do my own research for this one."

[sirdavinos]

" Hmm. " Julien hums to acknowledge his words. He still doesn't feel entirely comfortable sleeping knowing that the boy will just be awake all night. He had tried to wait for him to sleep first those first few nights. As frustrated as he must be that he can't sleep, Julien feels the same way.

But Occtis is right. He still needs his rest, something that has come far and few between since Dol'Makjar. " I don't know if I'll be able to. After... " He trails off. Then shakes his head like it doesn't matter. He lays back down suddenly. Turning his back to Occtis and pulling the thin excuse for a blanket over himself. A mess of uncombed wavy brown hair the only remaining visible thing.

[hcllowone]

for a moment, the temptation hangs in the air between them. he sits, frozen – is julien waiting for him to ask? should he ask anyway, whether or not the knight wants it? then he thinks better of it; he's blaming me, anyway. i'm probably the last person he wants to talk about it with. instead, occtis just shakes his head, tucking his knees up under his chin. "...night," he says softly, eyes trailing back across the room to the door. at least he can keep watch. at least he can still help.

[hcllowone]

GUIDE : sender has been injured, but their skills are needed to help with the muses’ current situation (an escape plan, tending a wound, or diffusing a weapon, for example). sender has to walk receiver through the procedure, all the while trying to stay conscious. (or reverse!)

@frcmscratch | occtis and babel | answered ask! GUIDE : sender has been injured, but their skills are needed to help with the muses’ current situation (an escape plan, tending a wound, or diffusing a weapon, for example). sender has to walk receiver through the procedure, all the while trying to stay conscious.

he nods, missing his ability to take a calming breath more than ever. the anxiety's too strong right now. refocus. refocus. one arm stays braced under babel's shoulder as best it can, the other hand wraps around their arm for extra stability. "okay...i can do this," he mumbles aloud, nodding once before his head swings back around the corner they're currently crouched behind. two guards at the front door, three soldiers down the hall. there's footsteps coming up behind them; at least one, maybe two more. basically, they were extremely outnumbered, and likely fucked. pulling back in next to babel, his eyes dart to the angry red wound under their shirt. it's bad. it's really bad.

"you said you had a plan," he urges nervously, words coming out under his breath as he nods down the hall behind them. "just...just tell me what to do. there's– there's five out there, that i can see, two more coming up behind." don't tell me it's bad odds. we have to make it out. his hand grips babel's arm a little tighter. "i– i need your help here, babel, please." don't go unconscious on me now. not yet. just a little longer.

[hcllowone]

from sunderedson, pin coming up and whining as he puts his forepaws on occtis' chest at a time occtis is visibly upset

@sunderedson | occtis and pincushion | answered ask! pin coming up and whining as he puts his forepaws on occtis' chest at a time occtis is visibly upset.

it's hard to breathe. no, it's because he doesn't need to, but feels like he should be. instead, his chest is almost painfully still as his eyes dart around the room. it's all just a little too much. every new piece of information hits his already overflowing brain and ricochets off, and it takes extra effort to gather it all back up again. there are still bones scattered across the floor next to him. there's still a head in his satchel – he's going to need to figure out how to better carry that, and fast. everywhere he looks is another problem to solve, another step to climb, another–

thwup. he glances down to see pin, paws pressing gently against his chest as the fox stares up at him. for a moment, occtis just blinks at pin's button eyes, slowly coming back to himself. one hand comes up, settling heavy against pin's head, rubbing across the top of the fur, fingers feeling the stitching on his ear. "i'm fine, pin," he murmurs to the fox, using his other arm to pull pin fully into his lap. the words sit heavy on his tongue, never having felt more like a lie. the world is falling apart in front of him, and there's no one to stand firmly at his side. his fingers idly play, working their way through pin's coat as he looks back out to the ritual room in front of him. "...it'll be fine."

[hcllowone]

FLICKER (allexandrianrejects) ((from Nikola))

@allexandrianrejects | occtis and nikola | answered ask! FLICKER : sender thinks they’re too late to save receiver and begins to mourn them / sinks in defeat and grief, holding them close, only to find through a simple action (a cough, a twitch of a hand, a murmured word) that they haven’t left them after all.

occtis has already died once. he isn't exactly keen to repeat the experience – especially without knowing what lies beyond the veil waiting in store for him now. the last time he had breached the realm of death, he had been quite nearly commanded into servitude. he will not be doing that again. unfortunately for him, he doesn't always get to choose when the barrier between life and death grows thin – his lifestyle lends itself towards danger, now, and his...state of existence can tend to throw people off.

their group had pushed their limits a little too far this time. somehow, one way or another – the details were still hazy; he just remembers thinking he'd been careless – occtis had taken a massive blow to the abdomen, a chunk of flesh still missing from his side, then been thrown against the wall, discarded like the dead thing he so visibly was. and there he still lay, form disturbingly still, absent of a steady pattern of breathing nor a weak pounding of the heart. for all intents and purposes, he has essentially reverted back to a corpse by the time nikola reaches him, eyes dim and far-off, skin cold and clammy. not even the comforting thrum of magic flashes under his skin; unresponsive to pleas verbal or physical.

it takes a good minute or two for the odd green glow to return to his gaze, blinking in and out for a moment, eerie and yet also relieving – for life still somehow flickers in a dead man's gaze. slowly, he blinks, twice, then carefully glances down to his side. "...shit," is all that escapes, voice barely loud enough to be considered a whisper. he doesn't know how to heal missing flesh from a corpse. how is he ever going to fix this one?

[hcllowone]

you are not your last name. / sofia

@freewillds | occtis and sofia | answered ask! you are not your last name.

he blinks once, twice. has he heard her properly? it feels almost insane to hear the words spoken aloud, especially after the day (eternal night?) he's having. but perhaps that's just him judging off of her own last name. swallowing any comment he might have made, he nods to her once; "...thank you." the words come out a bit shakier than he wants them to, and he tries to ignore the instability in his knees as they press on. "um. that's– that's all i've been trying to say, really." the latter comes out much softer, keeping it just between them, out of prying ears of their companions up ahead. his hand toys at the strap of his satchel, knowing the weight of the papers sitting patiently in the bottom of the bag. "...just– yeah."

[hcllowone]

DELIRIUM (allexandrianrejects) ((from Nikola))

@allexandrianrejects | occtis and nikola | answered ask! DELIRIUM : receiver wakes up to sender's relief, only for receiver to not believe it’s really sender (that they’re imagining sender or that they don’t think sender would come for them) or that they’re finally safe. 

shades, everywhere. wraiths and ghouls and ghosts and everything nasty his family lineage has ever commanded at their disposal. his over-exhausted brain bends the facts, exaggerating things without any sense of accuracy. in his mind's eye, there's no fewer than a hundred wraiths, swarming the room, overflowing from the hallway outside. aranessa can't be seen, though occtis can sense her presence somewhere to his far left. there's too many shades to see through. his brother looms over him – while occtis had never been a particularly large child, here ethrand seems almost like a giant, a triumphant sneer on his face.

occtis has never felt so afraid. and then, someone is there, a hand on his arm.

for a moment, he's choking on his own air, something not quite breathing and not quite hyperventilating. then, slowly, his brain kicks back on, logic telling him to stop – overriding his body's natural instincts. slowly, he sucks in a breath, forcing his lungs to inflate – despite them fighting his every move. "stop," he manages to croak out, trying to pull his arm away. the fingers are cold, long, it's a wraith, it's a shadow – his systems are panicking too hard to register the warmth under the skin. "don't– no." between fight and flight, it feels like he's picking both; the line between his day-nightmare (trancemare?) and the waking world thin as a fingernail. "get off–!"

[curiositymemes]

HARD-TO-FIND HURT / COMFORT ACTION PROMPTS.

a selection of some of my favorite underrepresented situations and actions for one of my favorite tropes! feel free to add + REVERSE to any of the prompts to change the situation and provide context as necessary. do not add to this list.  

CRADLE : sender picks up the injured / unconscious receiver and holds them close to their chest, carrying them to safety. 

GUARDIAN : facing down a threat, sender pushes receiver back with an arm, moving to stand in front of them and protecting them with their own body.

TENDER : receiver wakes up to sender caressing them gently; a hand carding through their hair, brushing hair off their forehead, a hand on their cheek, a thumb swiping under their eye.

SHELTER : seeing a threat barreling toward them (such as a storm, the shockwave from an explosion, or a building they’re in collapsing), sender holds the injured / incapacitated receiver close, turning their back to the threat to bear the brunt of the impact instead of the receiver.

FLICKER : sender thinks they’re too late to save receiver and begins to mourn them / sinks in defeat and grief, holding them close, only to find through a simple action (a cough, a twitch of a hand, a murmured word) that they haven’t left them after all. 

DELIRIUM : receiver wakes up to sender’s relief, only for receiver to not believe it’s really sender (that they’re imagining sender or that they don’t think sender would come for them) or that they’re finally safe. 

CONCEAL : both muses have been injured or have fallen ill, though sender keeps their injury / illness secret in favor of taking care of receiver. however, as receiver gets better, sender’s injury / illness worsens from lack of care, and they wind up collapsing, their injury / illness fully revealed. 

GUIDE : sender has been injured, but their skills are needed to help with the muses’ current situation (an escape plan, tending a wound, or diffusing a weapon, for example). sender has to walk receiver through the procedure, all the while trying to stay conscious. 

SAVIOR : receiver is at the mercy of a threat, and all seems lost, only for sender to suddenly burst in and come to their rescue, bearing weapons and all the protective spirit they can muster, to the relief / confusion / anger of receiver. 

LAST RESORT : injured / sick and alone after an encounter with a threat or a run-in with a dangerous situation, sender finds themself at receiver’s door, coming to them because they have nowhere else to go.

[hcllowone]

//

THANK GOD FOR VAELUS.