‘ my kink is getting some fuckin sleep. ’
‘ omg here goes your lil crybaby ass. ’
‘ the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up. ’
‘ don’t start buddy. don’t you dare. ’
‘ gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right. ’
‘ not to vent, but: fuck. ’
‘ the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to. ’
‘ i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot. ’
‘ sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful. ’
‘ i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again. ’
‘ shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot. ’
‘ it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed. ’
‘ i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out. ’
‘ i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle. ’
‘ i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water. ’
‘ i don’t have enough black clothes. ’
‘ sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired. ’
‘ i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me. ’
‘ me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly. ’
‘ i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous. ’
‘ the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed. ’
‘ i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired. ’
‘ i always look sleep deprived. is that hot? ’
‘ just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough. ’
‘ my heart is a soft and sensitive mess. ’
‘ all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities. ’
‘ honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring. ’
‘ hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection. ’
‘ now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab. ’
‘ i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old. ’
‘ my new years resolution is to stop. ’
‘ i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way. ’
‘ i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened. ’
‘ i know i’m cute, but you can remind me. ’
‘ hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me???? ’
‘ i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever. ’
‘ me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me. ’
‘ girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor? ’
‘ anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact. ’
‘ today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss. ’
‘ going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds. ’
‘ everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed. ’
‘ i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated. ’
‘ hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes? ’
‘ i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like ’
‘ i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible. ’
‘ remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED. ’
‘ why did we just accept catdog? ’
‘ my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong. ’
‘ you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable. ’
‘ i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything! ’
‘ i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on. ’
‘ honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin. ’
‘ would an alien think i’m pretty? ’
‘ i love boys, but only as a concept. ’
‘ why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here???? ’
‘ i identify as an inconvenience to the world. ’
‘ i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao ’
‘ dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap. ’
‘ i’m literally tired of myself. ’
‘ don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol ’
‘ what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword. ’
‘ i highly recommend never having feelings. ’
‘ self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens. ’
‘ staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling ’
‘ do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends? ’
‘ um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me? ’
‘ date a girl who fucks everything up. ’
‘ not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost. ’
‘ i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing. ’
‘ a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot. ’
‘ you can start again anytime! ’
‘ all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past. ’
‘ i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much. ’
‘ you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep? ’
‘ i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway. ’
‘ tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again. ’
‘ first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down. ’
‘ i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life. ’
‘ i’m tired of things costing money. ’
‘ don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh? ’
‘ who cares? do better, move on. ’
‘ i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income. ’
‘ appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb. ’
‘ thnks fr th mntl llnss. ’
‘ what hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive. ’
‘ i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here. ’
‘ binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant. ’
‘ i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell. ’
‘ this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes. ’
‘ i’m alive, but only ironically. ’
‘ there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me. ’
‘ do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo? ’
‘ lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat. ’
‘ my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’ ’
‘ i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer! ’
‘ i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me? ’
‘ you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly. ’
‘ you son of a mumford! ’
‘ hi, i’m here to ruin everything. ’
‘ you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead. ’
‘ the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him. ’
‘ everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho ’
‘ no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men. ’
‘ i need $$$$$ not feelings. ’
‘ ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again. ’
‘ oops, i don’t care lol ’
‘ why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth. ’
‘ maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this, ’
‘ i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering. ’
‘ concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content. ’
‘ i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half. ’
‘ pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars. ’
‘ life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho. ’
‘ i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over? ’
‘ we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. ’
‘ we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself. ’
‘ whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong. ’
‘ new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter. ’
