@heartacheandi - Tumblr Blog

My sister.. I’m still thankful for your grace and intellect. You have inspired me thru your writings in so many ways. I hope you know that there is magic in the way that you express yourself. I’m sure I can speak for several others when I tell you that you are a gift. Entirely. Thank you🌺

Thank you so very much, I am left speechless. I appreciate you so much

Dear diary; I was blinded

To my past;

The words I hold back, Are the qualities that you lack

You had me believe you were a beauty

A seed, a flower, a fruit, a sweet; to me you seemed

Your dark branches enchanted me but you aren’t the wise tree you seemed

I see you replaying the worst scenes of your life, pretending everything is fine.

You’re not a regret, I’m not mad that we met.

The only feeling I have now is the wind kissing my face

But that was a lesson I was soon to learn.

What I know now, is that it’s not suppose to feel like bruises you find on your body, never remembering how they ever got there to begin.

You were a sweet poison you convinced us we needed

Go back to the creek where you weep,

Where your lies seep into the mouths of the innocent

There’s no longer room here for the wicked, so let me teach you the way you thought me how to drown

heartacheandi

Dear Valentine; Goodbye My Love

I should have seen your mischievous heart

But I have always chosen to turn the other cheek, believing your lies from the start

Darling telling the truth would be like water, cleansing all the sins in your veins

I’m starving for something nature can’t provide

I’m hungry for the honesty you can’t provide

I know it’s all been a lie

After all, picking fake flowers is what you’re good at

Honestly do you know honesty?

You’re still my favorite lie

Your sword of lies pierced me

Leaving blood on the floor

And you still picked me up as if I was a chore

You had my world mesmerized and forced fed me lies after lies

I know what you’re doing

I’m not falling for it anymore

I’ve lost my respect for you

I’d explain my lack of indifference to the wrecking of my heart

But we both know there’s no point

Now Imagine my surprise when I realized your anxieties where just cute little lies

I write to express what I fail to show

While you talk of beauty with your serpent tongue

Dear Diary; I’m tired of heartbreak

We spent our nights watching movies together, and drinking too much wine.

We met the year I was 23, I turned 24, what a year.

We spent our evenings planing our next trip and our mornings eating breakfast in her balcony.

She was a believer, and I was a skeptic; but we would fit eachother so well. I thought our friendship was literally it, but most of all, our relationship and at one point, she did too.

What am I suppose to do with a ring that represents so much of our future. So much of what our love was but you see good things come to an end. And even though not everything was good, our relationship was all good things to me.

We had our first real fall out back to that one summer. We ignored eachother for weeks, I cried every night and slept all day. After we got past it, things just weren't the same; sure there were good days but a voice in my head told me we were growing apart.

I tried to push and shove it away, but the voice continue.

Life was kind to us and we learned to love eachother all over again. Life was perfect, we weren’t but she was to me; but there’s just so much both of us can do.

She showed me true love even though we fell apart; and even though I wish it weren’t so we must learn to move again.

8/14/2019

Dear Diary; it’s forever

The past now lives in pages

On thousands of poems and stories

Now the morning sun has passed

She’s like a beautiful sunset

Full of color and full of hope

Her voice is sweeter than honey

And her eyes

Oh her eyes are brighter than the midnight sky

She brings meaning to my life,

The second our eyes met, I felt warmth rush though me

Her smile freezes me in time, she just captives me in ways no one else has.

Happiness is in the air

We love each other like the stars above

The bad energy you gave

What a waste of words. I hate to even write this down. I’ve never regretted something so much as I regret meeting this one person. You wanted me to write about you? Well here it is.

I wish I hadn’t met you, you’ve brought lies, deception, jealousy and hate. My heart has no room for that and that is why you never got to met the real me. You might have a mouth full of words but those words are pure bitterness. I will not fall pray, nor will I let my light dim over false claims.

My heart is bright and pure, something you could never comprehend. You are halfway though life and you are choosing to try and make someone else’s life difficult for your own pleasure; clownery, you couldn’t get to my friends and family because they know my heart. Better luck never.

2:02AM

July has arrived but I wish it’d go faster.

My birthday was only a couple of days ago, and even though I spent it with good people I’ve never been one to celebrate it. Nothing new going on in my life really. I’m going on a family vacation next month to Florida and a couple months after I’m going on another vacation to Colorado, god willing of course! First week of August we’re spending it in Dallas. There’s just so many adventures to come with my favorite human. I’m just excited to see my old hometown and childhood friends, I’m just nervous about the snow; I know how bad it can get.

I haven’t been this happy in a long while, I’m in a good place. An amazing place.

Till next time!!

07/17/2019

Dear Diary; I’m sorry my heart wants what it wants

Were building something real

something strong

Save your words,

I’m done falling over pick up lines.

I’ve taken miles and miles,

wrong turn after wrong turn, just to find her

There’s not a word in the world that can describe my fascination with stars,

yet stars ain’t got nothing on her.

Her hearts much brighter than the moon

And her touch is warmer than the autumn sky

She’s the song my soul sings

we’re gonna make it

Tonight

Everyday to come is just her and I,

After all, all I see is her.

07/15/2019

heartacheandi

Happy Birthday

Another year

Another birthday gone by

July;

You’ve always been good to me

My mother gave birth to me in your hands

I dont know what it is about you and this summer breeze that makes me fall in love

Maybe its the golden rays of sunlight that beam though the clouds

Or maybe

Its the smell of flowers that come with your beauty

But you know….

You also bring all the memories that i long to bury

July;

You arrive and all i can do is wonder in silence.

heartacheandi

July 12, 2018

11:23PM

It’s a brand new day, my heart has stopped feeling so heavy. I missed it, not the stress, but the calmness.

In this very second

In this everlasting moment, I can feel it

All the worries and the hurt I’ve finally let go of.

I pride myself on always having an ear to lend but what I’ve never been able to have are the answers. But that alright though right? We don’t need to have every single answer, sometimes the silence is better than the words.

It rained today, you know that sweet summer rain that you reminisce to, all I was able to think about is all the goodness in my life. I used to sulk on the past, I’m not gonna lie I still do sometimes, but what’s a little reminder gonna do. I wish it wasn’t so, the way I’m triggered so easily; I hate it how my mind goes there everytime I see a child, I just hate it how that simple reminder ruins my entire week but I’ve grown and overcome so much already so I only pray that life sends me so much kindness.

06/24/2019

Dear diary; nothing excites me more than being called by my middle name.

I had a dream last night

I dreamt of clouds in skies of pinks and blues

The suns warmth brushing my skin

I dreamt that that air was warm and the ground was soft like cotton candy.

I dreamt there wasn’t a worry in sight.

I dreamt that the only disappointment I ever felt was me coloring outside the lines.

I dreamt the stars sang me to sleep, night after night.

I dreamt that I was summer, strawberries and sunshine.

I dreamt of a sunrise peaking over a city skyline.

I’ve realized it was only a dream.

05/31/2019

12:16AM

It’s raining, it sounds so peaceful. It’s nice you know the lightning and thunder. I’m blessed to be able to lay in bed with my human by my side. Her gentle snores put me at ease. She makes my problems feel like nothing. I work this weekend and every weekend to come, I don’t mind it though. It’s true that I’ve lived my entire life carefree, it’s always been easier that way but I’ve finally set my life in order. I know where I’m going and how I’m getting there. I just had to take a little detour but I’m back on track. I still have the same friends and I’ve meet a few more, we’re having a bbq this weekend as well and I couldn’t be more excited! Oh goodness let me tell you about last weekend... or was it the weekend before.. anywho I went two stepping with my lady; and couple of friends. I had such a good time. I can’t remember the last time I went out dancing. I’m not much of a party animal but i had a really good time. My mental state has been testing me these past couple of days. Just everything hit me out once. It was hard but I know I can always get through it.

05/31/2019

Dear valentine; you must love me or I might just die

I can dream of summer, winter sometimes

Or me just flying through the sky

I remember when we met

We drank nothing that night but I was intoxicated

I went home and I thought, could this be the one.

It was a first date, but that was all I needed.

My idea of love was always violence but you, you were sweet.

It’s strange isn’t it? How we were so sure of the last one, but now you’re here and I’m here; redefining the one all over again.

I used to believe love was just a word everyone said just to say but you see, with you it’s so different;

I feel it.

I see it.

05/17/2019

heartacheandi

Dear diary; I want to be dreamt about

It started when she spoke

Making me laugh with a joke

Long nights and adoring skies

We sit in her balcony night after night

Starry nights

Taking us into new heights

She drinks her beer while I drink my wine

Peaceful nights and inseparable hands

Her skin soft as it can be

I hold her as the clouds dance above us and cry out jealousy

The thunder and lighting from the gods above us, envying our embrace

The oceans below us trying to drown my soul from her presence

My world has changed

And my story has too

heartacheandi

Dear Valentine; I am thinking of you always

I had a conversation with the moon last night

About how your beauty is beyond compare

How your eyes always shine like gold

How you always remind me of the summer breeze

How I see more beauty in you than I see in the moon and the stars.

About how your smile is soft and tender like the summer rain

I used to like my mornings until i met you

Now I love waking up next to you

I love waking up to your soft gentle lips, to your delicate touch, Your good morning whispers but most of all

I love your good morning kisses

Even on the bad days

I’ll always see the beauty in you

12:27AM

It’s hard you know. Explaining some days. Some are better than others. I’ve always battled though major depression, it’s always been there; might I even say since the age of 5? I developed several issues back then. I’m so good at hiding my emotions. Who could blame me though. It got so bad in my teenage years, but I got through it somehow.

It’s gotten better, so much better nowadays. I still have breakdowns every now and then, less often though of course. Even so, at the end of the night I wipe off my own tears and when the day is over, it’s me that puts me to sleep.

I wish I could talk freely about my traumatic childhood without shedding a tear or two, but that day isn’t today. Maybe it’ll be tomorrow or in five years or who knows maybe I’ll never heal from it. To the brave souls who can.. I’m so proud of you, you give me hope.

4/27/2019

5:06PM

I wanted to write about a specific topic, but my mind went blank; so here I am just spitting words. You know that moment, when you’re stuck; not moving forward but never moving backwards either. That’s me right now. I have a good support system; and although my friends and I have faded in different directions, I know I can always count on them with my life.

Life is difficult, but it has always been kind to me.. for the most part. It’s strange, isn’t it? That’s alright though, cause even in the dark I still look for stars. There’s always good in between the bad; so I tell myself.

It’s hard not to blame myself for every little bad thing that happens in my life but it’s forgiveness we have to achieve. Forgive yourself, forgive those who have done you wrong. Forgive, forgive, and forgive some more. Don’t hold on to grudges, I repeat DON’T HOLD ON TO GRUDGES; I speak from experience. Nothing good comes from it. Know your limits though, know when you’ve had enough and when you’re ready to walk away from the troubles, from bad friends, or just anything that disturbs your energy. Better yourself. Surround yourself with good vibes, good friends and just overall happiness. You’ll see how much more you’ll come to love life.

04/24/2019

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