Every Clean Speech - St Paul, Minnesota (Night 1)
“I was in my meet-and-greet tonight, and I met this amazing guy, who was just thanking me for writing one of the songs on the album, and it’s the song I’m gonna play – after I’m done talking for a hundred years. But he said that it helped him get through a breakup, and it got me thinking about the concept of what it’s like to have someone in your life, to let someone into your life, and share all your secrets with them. And all these wonderful things happen, like wishful thinking and daydreaming, and kind of imagining maybe your future with that person in it, and trusting them and letting them see things that you used to think were your flaws, but letting them accept those things about you. And then if you have to lose that person and all of a sudden that person’s not in your life anymore. You know, heartbreak is such a general term for all these other things that happen to us – the unbearable letdown, the embarrassment that you let this person in and it was all for nothing, the humiliation of having introduced this person to everyone in your life and now everyone knows that it didn’t work out, feeling like you failed. All these things happen to you when you get your heart broken, and then the horrible thing is they make you then regret all the wonderful things that you did in order to let that person into your life. Wishful thinking is beautiful. Daydreaming is beautiful. Being a hopeless romantic is beautiful. So then you get your heart broken, and you walk around through this world like time is moving in slow motion, like you’ve got some open wound that only you can see. You feel like you’ve got writing all over you that says, “I am in pain. I have just gotten my heart broken.” You feel like you’re haunted by the memories of what this could have been and “what would this day be like if this person hadn’t left my life?” And then one day, you start to replace the old habits with new ones. And you stop checking your phone in the morning for a “good morning” text. And you start replacing what used to be someone you were in love with, with time with your friends. And maybe you pick up some new hobbies, and maybe you start living your life the way you would want to live it if no one else had any influence over it. And then one day, for me, you find yourself walking down the street and you get this idea in your head for a song about how all the struggle and feeling like you’re tarnished by love, feeling like heartbreak defined you for so long. That cloud is finally lifted, and then there’s this day that comes – and I promise you it comes no matter how heartbroken you are. There’s a day that comes when all of a sudden all that writing that you thought was on you is gone, and you look in the mirror, and you’re clean.” (x)
