star splitter

vent blog for when i’m emo please heed the content warnings in my pinned

[heavenlystarsplitter]

The day the star split in two ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Ash . he/him . 20

this is my vent blog for me to be emo and scream at the world. it’s also a comic diary. a place for the heavy stuff.

i dont really mean a lot of the stuff i say when im angry, so please don't take it to heart.

this blog may include topics such as: self harm, suicide, abuse, depression, and delusions. i’ll tag warnings. please be aware that i dont encourage or praise any of these things and i recommend you don’t either.

i dont usually make a dni, just don’t be a dick. i block freely

#starspittin - talking tag, #starart - art tag

[heavenlystarsplitter]

brother you cannot “build” an alter. why would you use my art as a faceclaim and then have the audacity to TAG me 😭😭😭

[heavenlystarsplitter]

you’re good! you’re okay! it’s okay!

[heavenlystarsplitter]

“dude it was a joke” SAY THAT THEN BRUHH IM AUTISTIC I TAKE EVERYTHING LITERALLY

[heavenlystarsplitter]

out of character. play your role. stay in line.

i’ve never been good at coloring inside the lines

[heavenlystarsplitter]

[heavenlystarsplitter]

there’s something wrong with you

there’s something wrong with you

there’s something wrong with you

[heavenlystarsplitter]

you all are fucking stupid and i want all of you to experience a blood vessel bursting in your head

[heavenlystarsplitter]

whenever i wanna do something no one cares man. at least say youre busy or something. i feel ignored and useless

[heavenlystarsplitter]

taking notes

[heavenlystarsplitter]

clenching my fist. niggas triflin all over

[heavenlystarsplitter]

you’d think more people would at least try to be uplifting but all yall are as pessimistic as me huh

[heavenlystarsplitter]

[heavenlystarsplitter]

the feeling of dread and doom wont go away

[heavenlystarsplitter]

it’s no one’s fault in these scenarios but it sucks working super hard on something just for there to be no one to be available to look or listen. like it took soo long man but suddenly everybody got a Thing at This Time

[heavenlystarsplitter]

i dont think it truly gets better. and i dont mean like your situation cant change or improve, or that you cant grow

i mean i’ve been depressed since i became a teenager and it just doesn’t go away, and it wont. have you ever heard of anyone truly recovering from depression?

[heavenlystarsplitter]

i feel bad being so unhelpful for my friends that struggle with things far worse than i have ever encountered. and it doesnt help my “stop feeling sad other people have it worse than you” mentality either

like im sitting here with trash littered around my room and roaches in my closet and piling dirty laundry and havent showered in a weekz but its only because im bad at school, not cuz im stupid either, i just procrastinate until i give up, and i feel bad about it so now i cant take care of myself

some people are orphans or have nearly died or had abusive parents or something else crazy and im… not that. i had the privilege of having a, relatively, normal life. and the guilt drives me crazy

[heavenlystarsplitter]

it also doesnt help that i feel like some white cishet person hearing about the discrimination minorities face and going “oh i just cant bear to listen to the horror stories it stresses me out…”

nah i’ll be there to support them always. i just have the guilt of knowing my life was more manageable than someone elses and feeling bad that im still suicidal and cutting my thighs bro like