Overwhelmed
Is an understatement.
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Overwhelmed
Is an understatement.
Good news/bad news bears
The good news is I still haven’t had alcohol and I feel great and have so much more energy. My jeans fit better and my skin is clear (except the two pimples I have right now because of my period - RATS!) but it’s so easy NOT drinking I don’t know why I waited so long to stop.
Flip side: Bad News is I don’t think I can eat meat anymore. I’m not sure if it’s chicken or red meat but so far both times Ives eaten it the pain in my intestines is almost unbearable.... like back when I had that infection in my intestines unbearable. Idk what to do. Just not eat meat for a while and then Try again? I’ve been drinking ginger tea like it’s no ones business!! Ugh!
Disconnecting for a couple days.
Taking down the Facebook. Logging out of insta and Snapchat.
Sometimes I need a reset and just need to focus on me. One of my favorite things to do is go to Batsto Village (google it) and walk around. I sit on the haunted mansions porch and read or just take a nap on a blanket. It’s gorgeous.
Hopefully the weather is nice tomorrow or Sunday.
If not, I’ll meditate, do some crystal healing, and maybe paint. Still no alcohol.
Sex absolutely counts as a workout!
Right?
So I mean... technically I went to the gym tonight.
Lent
Ok, so In a nut shell (my mom is a Greek Orthodox and my dad is Catholic) I’m baptized Greek Orthodox but I follow mostly the catholic religion/calendar. It’s basically the same to be perfectly honest, some things are different but not huge. Both Christianity.
FAST FOWARD,
I’m supposed to be a complete vegan for the next 40 days. I’ve tried that before and I can’t get through it, sorry. So instead of doing the fast with my mom I’ll at least be practicing Lent.
For Lent I’ve given up alcohol.
Now, I know that you’re thinking. Oh great another empty promise of some dumb bitch who’s giving up something she “can’t live without” etc.
ie: Chocolate// tv // carbs //
This isnt that.
I mean... not fully.
I’m giving up alcohol because I just feel like I’ve been using it as a crutch honestly. I haven’t been my best self, I can tell you that whole heartedly. Mentally, physically, emotionally... I’m barely 50% right now.
This was a tough year.
A really tough year.
As I found myself literally having the most relaxing day off, in bed, watching Netflix.... I started crying my eyes out because the fact that my grandmother isn’t here anymore finally hit me even though it’s been months. I think it’s been something I’ve been letting build up ...and I finally cracked. Once I cracked then I started thinking about everything that’s ever happened— you know, the usual downward spiral I put myself into.
Well I popped a bottle of wine, smoked a joint and calmed myself down and then I realized... why did I just directly pop a bottle of wine to try and get myself to stop crying? Then I thought about any other time this past week/month/year (2017/2018) I’ve popped a bottle of wine or beer or vodka to get myself to stop crying.
No bueno.
I need to give up alcohol for Lent for my health and because , if I can’t do it ... then therein lies the problem.
I’m hoping through Lent I’ll start to take care of my body the way I should be. I’m hoping it’ll help kickstart this healthier lifestyle I want to live for my own mental and physical health.
What are you giving up if you practice?
I took Eat Clean Bro’s Sicilian tuna fish refried that in a pan, quick scrambled two eggs and threw 2 tablespoons of cheese. Not counting the calories. Just making sure it’s clean.... and it IS! I’m loving Eat Clean Bro so far. The meals I chose are all under 400 calories and no-low carb. I splurged on the tuna meal, it has quinoa 🤗🤗 So far they’ve all been delicious. I decided to throw a little extra on this one only because I haven’t eaten anything all day at work.
Weed and weight loss.
Yesterday I did pretty ok!
I have to get used to eating smaller portions and healthier foods. I also have to get used to eating LESS in general.
We all know I smoke and I’m a huge advocate for medicinal cannabis (and recreational .. but that’s a different blog)
Recently, I’ve started smoking even more than normal because my pain level is usually at around a 12/10 LOL but when I smoke it at least dulls it. I’m at a 7/10.
I also started infusing coconut oil with it and making edibles now. I’ll rub the coconut oil all over my body and where the pain really isolates itself. But that gives me the munchies too....
Anyway, I’ll figure it out I guess.
The goal is to basically have nothing but healthy stuff around the house so when I do get the munchies .. all I’ll have is like fresh fruit or salad around. Idk. Last night was taco night we had people over. I feel like Mexican food is also kinda perfect for a diet because it’s all so fresh and gluten free and just all around better.
I made ground beef (92% lean) threw some jalapeños, fresh tomatoes, hot sauce, and a little adobo. No salt because the beef is salty enough as it is and sodium makes you retain water.
I made ground chicken too and put some salsa verde in there.
Only had corn tortillas (if you’re gonna do it. Do it right) but I only had two tacos with shells.
Lettuce, homemade guacamole, I made brown rice and beans and tostones. I did have about four tostones with the sauce (mayonnaise base with lime juice hot sauce sriracha and a little bit of pepper and sugar)
All in all though, I had one glass of wine and didn’t feel like shit this morning.
I’ve been trying to drink as much water as I can but as much as I love water I FUCKING HATE IT when I have to drink that much but I’ll get through it.
The more water you drink the easier weight loss is.
I figure ... if I can drink like two bottles of wine myself I can get through a gallon of water, right!?!?!
I’m going to look up some recipes for healthier options for my edibles. Like maybe I can make low carb high protein snacks so when I’m in pain I can eat one of those and not feel guilty for eating a delicious fatty carby Rice Krispie treat hahahahah !
Ugh the struggle.
Why I don’t feel bad about dating married men: A Novel by me.
Okay but after seeing this I started doing it too and it’s amazing how many men I’ve run into bc they expected me to move
Gotta try it
I work (and walk) on a college campus. I’ve lost count of how many men I’ve smacked shoulders with.
Recently, I was standing outside my son’s classroom waiting to talk to his teacher. I stood on one side of the hallway, not even close to the center. At some point, a man came walking along. I was standing right in his path, but the hallway was empty, so I logically expected him to swerve around me. Instead he kept walking right toward me, got to me, and stopped, as if waiting for me to get out of his way. I didn’t; I just smiled politely at him. He finally walked around me, clearly annoyed that I hadn’t leapt out of his manly path.
Now I’m wishing I’d leapt aside, taken off my jacket and laid it on the floor before him, then bowed deeply and said, “My Liege!”
I also work at a college campus. I smack shoulders sometimes, but I find that if I stare straight ahead and follow the advice below, people get the heck out of the way.
Honestly this post changed how I carry myself when walking alone in public, or in a situation where I’m the one leading. People definitely move for the murder gaze.
Confirmed. I once had to rush back inside a convention hall as the con was closing in order to a retrieve a sick friend’s medication, and I didn’t understand why people in the crowd were jumping out of my way (literally—one guy vaulted a table) until I realized I was dressed as the Winter Soldier and doing the Murder Walk because that’s just how I walk in those boots. I got the meds, got out, and made a mental note.
I repeated the experiment later, wearing the boots but otherwise my usual clothing and mimicking the expression I thought I’d had at that moment. People parted like I was Charlton Heston.
I now wear that style of boots whenever possible. I recently had a man do a double-take as I walked by and ask me, politely, where I had served because I “looked like a soldier.” I’m not current or former military. I was wearing a flowy purple peasant top and looked as un-soldierlike as possible.
Moral of the story: wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like you’ve been sent to murder Captain America.
WALK LIKE YOU’VE BEEN SENT TO MURDER CAPTAIN AMERICA
It’s called the Murder Strut.
IT’S BACK!!!!!! I was searching for this to show my daughter the other day and couldn’t find it. I’m so glad IT’S BACK!! I will always reblog the Murder Strut!!
A guy on a bike went around me because he could tell I had no intention of moving. Thanks to this post.
This post went from Scientific to Feminist to Educational to HILARIOUS!
#make men get the fuck out of the way 2k17
I do this now. Stand my ground. Men look flabberghasted that i wont move out of the way. The most annoying thing is when i’m walking along holding Superpups hand (he’s 2.5 years old), and people walk right up to us and expect to go between us… so for me to let go of my toddlers hand for the sake of them. One person i actually had to put my free hand out and onto their chest to block the person to stop before they ploughed into us.
I wasn't going to post anything but ...
I wasn't going to post anything until I was at least a week or two in but I'm too excited.
I started a new journey today. I'm doing two 30 day challenges back to back.
I've lost myself over the span of however many years and I'm ready to feel happy and healthy again.
I just paid my personal trainer yesterday and got my system for the next 2 months.
Super stoked !
Somethings gotta give.
So my thanksgiving is ending with me crying on the bathroom floor curled up into a ball wrapped in a heating pad.
Still no answers about my insides and what the fuck is wrong with either my digestive system or uterus/ovaries or both.
The pain for this period has been excruciating. I’ve been loaded up on 1200 mg of ibuprofen every four hours and have been using he heating pad non stop.
The bathroom visits are more and more frequent and more painful (cramps) every time I have to go. Still not sure why the severe pain/cramps is always followed by the cold sweats, nausea, BM, the shakes and my vision going a tad blurry but that’s what’s still happening. The heating pad kinda helps I guess. I don’t know anymore. All I’ve done today has been sneak away to the bathroom to cry and keel over in pain.
This one I hemorrhaged a lot and clotted really bad. Not sure if that means anything.
I can’t take this.
Functions of the Foreskin
I am seriously disappointed that ALL of the anatomical representations of the male genitals in my Anatomy and Physiology class, whether it be pictures in the textbook or the 3-D models in the classroom, are circumcised. All of them. And the ONLY mention that the text even makes of the foreskin, is when they point out that it is removed during circumcision. That’s it. I looked in another Anatomy textbook that I have and discovered the same thing. This is a basic anatomy class for medical professionals, future doctors and nurses, and they all but leave out a fundamental anatomical structure that ALL MAMMALS ARE BORN WITH. How can they possibly be informed, or even aware, of its benefits or functions if schools are practically ignoring its existence? So to make up for what my textbook is lacking, I’ll elaborate on the functions of the foreskin:
Protection: Just as the eyelid protects the eye, the foreskin protects the glans, keeping its surface soft, moist, warm and sensitive. It also maintains optimal warmth, pH balance, and cleanliness. The glans itself contains no sebaceous glands – glands that produce the moisturizing oil that our skin needs to stay healthy. The foreskin produces the moisturizer that keeps the surface of the glans glistening, smooth, soft, and a deep healthy red or purple color. The foreskin will protect the entire penis when accidents happen, such as contusions, abrasions, lacerations, and burns. The foreskin is the first layer – a double layer – of defense from injury to the rest of the penis.
Self-Cleansing Function: The intact penis is naturally clean. The common view of the penis or the foreskin as ‘dirty’ is unscientific and irrational. The penis, however, does provide an entry point into the body, and it is exposed to foreign microbes every day, especially during sexual intercourse. The immunological functions of the foreskin and the self-cleansing functions of the penis protect the body from harm. Every time a genitally intact male urinates, the urine stream flushes out the urethra and foreskin of foreign microbes that may have strayed inside. In healthy individuals, urine is sterile and has a disinfectant quality. Researchers have demonstrated that the swirling action of urine as it rushes through the foreskin flushes it out effortlessly and naturally. This function is especially efficient when the foreskin is long and the preputial orifice is narrow. Though urine passes through the foreskin every day, the inner foreskin is remarkably free of urea – a by-product of liver metabolism that is secreted in the urine. Studies demonstrate that washings from the foreskin are rich in fructose, acid phosphatase, and mucin, but never urea. It appears that the secretions of seminal vesicles, prostate, and urethral mucous glands, collectively or individually, keep the foreskin clear and clean as well. These self-cleansing functions of the penis are analogous to the self-cleansing functions of the eye, which similarly maintains its cleanliness through fluid washings (tears) and mucus secretion. Therefore, you never need to worry about the foreskin being ‘unclean.’
Self-Protecting Function: The urinary meatus (the opening of the glans through which urine and semen flow), is an entry point into the body. From infancy to adulthood, the foreskin ensures optimal protection of the glans and urinary meatus from contaminants of all kinds. During childhood, the foreskin is also usually firmly attached to the glans to prevent contaminants from invading the urethra. The neck of the foreskin places the vulnerable urinary meatus at a distance from the external environment and defends it against invading contaminants. The fusion of the foreskin and glans and the nonexpandability of the preputial orifice in the child’s penis are therefore necessary for the health of the child. Even after the foreskin separates from the glans and becomes retractable, it continues throughout life to cover the glans and meatus in order to protect these delicate structures from dirty, contamination, abrasion, or bacterial invasion.
Immunological Protection: The mucous membranes that line all body orifaces are the body’s first line of immunological defense. Glands in the foreskin produce antibacterial and antiviral proteins such as lysozyme. Lysozyme is also found in tears and mother’s milk. Specialized epithelial Langerhans cells, an immune system component, aboud in the foreskin’s outer surface. Plasma cells in the foreskin’s mucosal lining secrete immunoglobulin’s, antibodies that defend against infection. Rigorously controlled studies have also demonstrated that the foreskin plays a protective role in shielding the rest of the penis and thus the rest of the body from the contagion of common sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) encountered during sexual activity. In infancy, antibacterial substances, such as the complex sugars (glyconutrients) in breastmilk, the oligosaccharides, are passed from mother to child during breastfeeding and are secreted in the baby’s urine. The penis retains these substances in the foreskin. Universy studies have shown that these substances protect against urinary tract infections (UTIs), as well as from infections of other parts of the body. Babies excrete in their urine 300-500 mililgrams of oligosaccharides every day. These compounds prevent virulent strains of Escherichia coli (e.Coli) from adhering to the mucosal lining of the entire urinary tract, including the foreskin and glans. Researchers conducting immunological experiments with the foreskins of bulls have found that plasma cells in the mucosal lining of the foreskin secrete immunoglobulin. The researchers hypothesize that this provides immunity from bacteria and other germs. This is likely to work the same in other mammals, including humans.Apocrine glands are important glands found in the skin. They are found in the foreskin and elsewhere on the body. They secrete the important lysosomal enzymes cathepsin B, lysozyme, chymotrypsin, and neutrophil elastase. All of these enzymes help protect the body from many kinds of bacteria. These enzymes are also found in tears and other bodily fluids. Human apocrine glands also produce cytokine, a nonantibody protein that generates an immune response on contact with specific antigens. All these substances have immunological functions and protect the penis from viral and bacterial pathogens. This natural protective function has been destroyed in circumcised males.
Antibacterial Function: To help fight harmful bacteria, the foreskin supports a rich flora of beneficial bacteria. Friendly bacteria exist in a symbiotic relationship with the body and are found on all body surfaces and through the gastrointestinal, genitourinary tract (the urinary system that runs from the kidneys, through the bladder, and out the penis), and the mouth. Friendly bacteria also thrive in the eyes. Without the presence of friendly bacteria, the human body would be vulnerable to attack from pathogenic bacteria. The good bacteria that live in the inside of the foreskin are similar to the bacteria found in the mouth, nose, the female genitals, and the skin in general. It must be stressed that this good bacteria is both harmless and highly beneficial. Without these friendly bacteria, the urethra would become an easy entry point for germs and harmful stains of bacteria, which could cause disease.
Coverage During Erection: During erection, the penile shaft becomes thicker and longer. In some males, the penis can extend to twice its flaccid length. Sometimes, it can become even longer. The double-layered foreskin provides exactly the right amount of skin necessary to accommodate the expanded organ and to allow the penile skin to glide freely, smoothly, and pleasurably over the shaft and glans. It is important to consider the fact that every penis is unique. By looking at an infant’s penis, it is impossible to predict how big his penis will become when he is an adult. Heredity does play a role in determining the ultimate shape, size, and configuration of the penis, but it is still difficult to predict the adult size and shape of an infant’s penis even if one looks at the penises of his father, brothers, and other male relatives. What we can say with certainty is that your baby’s penis will develop and mature according to his own unique genetic coding. Thus, the amount of foreskin he is born with is exactly the amount he will need for his penis to develop properly and experience comfortable, pleasurable erections throughout life. As a result, the idea that any amount of penile skin can be cut off without affecting the later function of the penis is false. In nature there is no surplus, only economy. Everything provided is required. In the natural penis, as the shaft elongates during erection, the lips of the foreskin slowly expand. The glans begins slowly to protrude through the widening opening. Since the foreskin is soft, elastic, and pliable, it can easily and comfortably stretch to allow the passage of the glans. The stretching process elicits pleasurable sensations as the foreskin gently unrolls (everts) over the glans and shaft. Eventually, in most males, the glans can be fully exposed. Some males, well endowed with a generous foreskin, have the glans fully covered even when the penis is fully erect. Most, however, if they choose, can manually roll the foreskin all the way back to expose the glans. During full erection, the sensitive inner sleeve of the foreskin is turned inside out, exposing it. In this position it receives and transmits pleasurable sensations. The natural penis is a marvelously engineered organ for receiving and giving natural pleasure. Needless to say, circumcision destroys all these functions and imposes a diminished, scarred, immobile, dowel-like penis that has permanently lost the ability to experience normal levels of sexual sensations. A circumcised male, or his partner, for that matter, can never know the intimacy of the normal penis and the ability of the foreskin to open and glide up and down the shaft. An entire dimension of sexuality has been lost to both the male and his sexual partner.
Erogenous Sensitivity: The foreskin is more sensitive than the fingertips, the glans (head) of the penis, or the lips of the mouth. It contains a richer variety and greater concentration of specialized nerve receptors than any other part of the body. These specialized nerve endings can discern motion, subtle changes in temperature, and fine gradations of texture. This function enables genitally intact males to experience a superior dimension of sexual pleasure, compared to males who were circumcised. Intact males can be more tender, gentle, relaxed, and loving during sex because the slightest and subtlest gesture or motion evokes deeply satisfying sensations. Circumcised males have to work harder just to feel sensations. This is an unhealthy situation for both the male and his partner.
Sexual Functions of the Foreskin During Intercourse: One of the foreskin’s functions is to facilitate smooth, gentle, and slow movement between the two partners during intercourse. The foreskin enables the penis to slip in and out of the vagina nonabrasively inside its own slick sheath of self-lubricating, movable skin. The female is thus stimulated by moving pressure rather than by friction only, as when the males’ foreskin is missing. The foreskin fosters intimacy between the two partners by enveloping the glans and maintaining it as an internal organ. The sexual experience is enhanced when the foreskin slips back to allow the male’s internal organ, the glans, to meet the female’s internal organ – a moment of supreme intimacy and beauty. You may have heard circumcision promoters allege that the foreskin is ‘dangerously thin and delicate; and that it ‘rips and tears easily during intercourse.’ This is unscientific nonsense and has no basis in anatomical fact. I am sorry to say that it is a deception calculated to provide false reassurance to anxious circumcised males and to frighten parents into letting their children be circumcised. The simple truth is that the foreskin is perfectly designed to function effortlessly and pleasurably during sexual activity. Its double-layered integument is strong, flexible, and resilient. The foreskin is a durable and vigorous organ that enhances and facilitates sexual intercourse. If it didn’t, it would have atrophied years ago.
Self-Lubricating Function: Analogous to the eyelid, the foreskin protects and preserves the sensitivity of the glans by maintaining optimal levels of moisture, warmth, pH balance, and cleanliness. The glans is an internal organ. The glans itself contains no sebaceous glands and relies on the foreskin for production and distribution of sebum to maintain proper epithelial lubrication. Lubrication is naturally secreted by Cowper’s glands in the urethra. This clear fluid begins to flow out of the meatus as the male becomes sexually aroused. During intercourse, this natural lubricant assists the male in inserting the penis in to the vagina. Because the fluid is sheltered under the foreskin of the erect penis it is less likely to dry up. Instead, it keeps the penis well lubricated and prevents the vagina from drying out. In the circumcised penis, the Cowper’s gland fluid quickly evaporates. When the circumcised male inserts his dry penis into the vagina, it soon uses up all the female’s natural lubricants, causing friction and pain for both partners. This can lead to small tears and painful bleeding in the organs of both partners. It comes as no surprise that in the United States today, where a large majority of sexually active adult males have been circumcised, painful vaginal dryness is the biggest complaint women have about sex. This is also the reason that there is such a large industry in the United States that manufactures artificial sexual lubricants. I doubt there has been a study to determine the longer-term effects of using these chemicals on such delicate organs. Genitally intact males are free of the need for lubricants of any kind either for manual stimulation of the penis, or for vaginal intercourse. Many circumcised males must also resort to using these artificially factory-made lubricants to masturbate. Other circumcised males research orgasm by friction of their hand over their externalized glans. They have been deprived of the gliding movement of the foreskin to stimulate themselves naturally. The penis is a different organ without a foreskin, and a sexual function is altered when the foreskin has been amputated. Many circumcised men will think they are normal because they are able to function sexually to their satisfaction, never realizing that their sexual functioning as an adult was changed forever by a medically unnecessary and extremely painful procedure done to them as an infant. In my practice, I have examined little boys how have had so much foreskin removed that there is hardly any loose skin on their penis. The skin on their flaccid nonerect penis is taut. I wonder what will happen to a boy with such a radical circumcision when he gets an erection: Will he be able to have as much pleasure from his penis as he would have had if the circumciser had amputated less of his prepuce organ? This most unfortunate situation is all too common in the United States.
Production, Retention, and Dispersal of Pheromones: The sense of smell is one of the oldest, most precise, and most important senses in humans. Smells convey vital information to the brain. Pheromones are hormonal chemical messengers secreted by an individual and perceived by another individual of the same species. They create sexual arousal and attraction in the person perceiving the pheromone. These glands are found in the armpits, breasts, and in the genital area. The penis itself is a specific site for these glands. Pheromones are secreted by the apocrine glands in the foreskin. These glands are present at birth, but during puberty they develop in the presence of testosterone. Although pheromones themselves are odorless, they are released by the foreskin into the air where they are perceived by the vomeronasal organ, a small tubular structure in the mucosa of the nasal septum. This organ is a component of the accessory olfactory system. The olfactory area of the cerebral cortex is closely associated with the limbic system, the part of the brain that organizes emotional responses, mood, memory, and sexual arousal. Although most complex smells and their emotional associations are learned, the identification of pheromones is hardwired into the brain. The automatic sexual arousal elicited by the perception of pheromones is as certain as the automatic pleasure reflex elicited by a caress. The perception of any scent associated with pheromones varies from individual to individual and depends largely on bacteria. The bacteria itself may be needed to chemically interact with the pheromones to make them active. Diet, bathing habits, and general health also impact the quality of these scents. The predominant odor associated with male pheromones is musk. Nearly all human cultures esteem the rich, earthy, musky, pheromone-rich scent produced by the glands in the foreskin. Perfume makers obtain musk from the foreskin glands of the musk deer. The nonhuman pheromones contained in this muck are unable to elicit sexual arousal in humans, but the fragrance of the musk itself may, bay association, elicit a pleasant response in humans that evokes a sympathetic erotic arousal. This is, at least, the effect that the perfume industry hopes to create.
Source: Functions of the Foreskin: Purposes of the Prepuce
Body positivity post.
Girls always talk about how when they saw an uncircumcised penis fort he first time it was weird, or they didn’t like the way it looked, or whatever else. Not cool. A dick is a dick is a dick. Also, ALL OF THOSE SUPER IMPORTANT THINGS LISTED ABOVE.... HELLO !
Can we just......
Ok ladies and gentlemen, I’m going to try and explain to you what goes on in a girls head when she’s with someone, and by someone I can mean the first night, or every single night if you’re in a long term. It never changes to be honest.
Let’s start from the beginning… The flirting: nervous laughter, sweating, turning red. “oh my god how can this person think I’m pretty I’m a dog”. Or something along those lines.
The kissing: trying to figure out what the person you’re kissing likes always causes anxiety. Not to worry, just start putting your hands everywhere, be as awkward as possible, try not to shove your tongue down heir throat unless they initiate the tongue, don’t bite because they may not like that and you don’t know them well enough to bite or pull hair etc. Just have as much anxiety as possible, that usually helps ////sarcasm//// Dry humping: that weird in between I wanna fuck you but I’m still too nervous because I don’t know if we’d be compatible sexually, but I’m super attracted to you, but I forgot to shave today and I’m stubbly, but you’re hot, but I have a 70′s bush type thing going on right now, but I want to jump your bones, but OMG does my breath smell? Do I smell ok? I wonder if this feels as good for him as it does for me?
Actually taking your clothes off and making things a little hotter: Omg, I’m a fat lard, hopefully he still thinks I’m attractive after seeing me semi naked. I promise my body has potential. I can totally have abs, don’t notice my stretch marks don’t notice my stretch marks don’t notice my stretch marks…. Please don’t notice the fact that I STILL forgot to shave. Do I smell ok? Does this feel ok? Is he enjoying this?
Actual sex: Cover your face while he’s taking off your clothes, it’ll hide your anxiety and embarrassment. Don’t look at me for too long, you may not want to have sex with me anymore. Why are you staring? Beautiful? How am I beautiful? He must be lying.. Ok. Take your clothes off and just go for it. Does this feel ok? Is he enjoying this? I wonder what i feel like? God this feels fucking great. Yes. Pull the hair, perfect. ok. I wonder if he’ll be ok with choking? Back and forth back and forth, don’t fuck up the motion…. ok you fucked up the motion, switch positions. oh god, he wants you to get on top. fuck. you’re so fat, he’s going to see your stomach…. reverse cowgirl. NOW problem solved. ok. he likes this, awesome. what the hell was that noise? jesus christ hopefully he didn’t notice. oh god he noticed. ok he’s smiling and laughing a bit. just laugh too. noises happen? oh my god you’re so laid back. how do I taste? Have I been drinking enough water lately? have I been eating enough fruit? god I hope I taste okay. wow this feels good. Ok, don’t cum in his mouth, don’t cum in his mouth don’t cum in his__ ok, you came. Now he knows you squirt. Play it cool. play it cool. shit. Is he cool with it? did it freak him out? uncover your face you ass hole and look at him. Ok, whew! He thinks its hot. thank god. keep going you sexy beast. yeah, you’re fucking awesome. He’s totally going to cum in no time. …… YUP. there it is. alrighty then it wasn’t so bad.
Yes, that’s right. It’s not up until the VERY end you feel absolutely comfortable with yourself, and by that time he’s finished hahahaha.
Girls are weird. Bare with us. Make us feel comfortable with our bodies —–always.
never say, “ Ew” “Gross” “What the hell was that noise?” Never point out our stubble, or our stretch marks, or fat, or scars or anything. Keep telling us we’re beautiful even though we’ll think you’re lying. It still helps.
If we’re on top, don’t touch our stomachs, touch our boobs. Pretend like you don’t even see our stomachs unless we put your hands there. That means we’re comfortable. That’s what it’s ALL about. And if I could delve into the mind of a man and tell you what he thinks about himself as all of this is going on, I would. But it’s all about comfort, people. With whoever you’re with. Just make them feel ok with themselves.
My first day back to exercising. I've since cancelled any gym membership I had because Matt and I moved into an apartment a month and a half ago and I need to keep my bills to a minimum during winter since hours get cut when you're in the service industry. We have a weight bench though, barbells, dumbbells, and my favorite - kettle bells. I hate to admit but I started smoking last year and it's been harder for me to quit this time. I'm down to like one or two a day. I still crave them like crazy though. So that's something I'm going to have to stop all together to get to my healthiest. For now, I'm proud I cut down from a half or even sometimes a whole pack a day or even two days to one maybe two a day. Anyway, I was able to repeat this 3 times around. The first "10" through I did it the way it says to do it. The "15" time around (so I didn't get bored)I did sit-ups instead of push-ups, then a squat thrust. The "20" time around I did ten sit-ups/ ten push-ups, figure eights, and a squat thrust.
So I haven't had any carbs after breakfast still. The last three days I've been having one piece of rye toast, 5 egg whites & one whole egg with low fat Swiss cheese, and sliced tomato. For lunch I've either been doing tuna salad lettuce wraps (yes even with mayonnaise but I hate mayonnaise so very little) they have jalapeños, low fat Swiss and tomato in it I also have a couple slices of low sodium deli ham and deli turkey. For dinner it varies honestly on how lazy I feel haha. The other night Matt went to class and I didn't feel like making a whole dinner for just myself so I had roll ups 2 roast beef and low fat Swiss, 2 low sodium turkey with low fat Swiss, 2 low sodium ham with low fat Swiss, had some sliced tomato and jalapeño with that. The night before I had more tuna with lettuce cheese and tomato. Had carrots and ranch for a snack while watching movies. Last night was somewhat of a treat though because he stopped by chipotle on his way home and got me a lettuce bowl with (obviously lettuce) pico, corn salsa, mild salsa, peppers, onions and chicken. With a chipotle vinaigrette. It was so good I'm thinking about making something like that for dinner tonight.
So I'm in a good place.
I'm in a good place right now mentally. Not just about my body but about my whole life for once. The apartment is coming along, I'm able to keep up with my bills again (CUE THE WINTER SEASON-- but I'll get through it), my little family is growing, and YES I like my body! I'm fluffy and I don't care. Did I start dieting again? Yes. However, this time I'm doing it for me. Not a man, not to compete with anyone, not to look good for everyone else, FOR ME. I didn't even really do it to lose weight although it will go along with it , I was eating way too many carbs in a day. I was tired, bloated, and cranky (AND MY FACE WAS BREAKING OUT!). Since I haven't had carbs I've had way more energy, my face cleared up to almost perfect, I'm not cranky, and my sex drive is through the roof. I haven't cut them out completely, I'll have them in the morning for breakfast to keep me going. Granola, a piece of rye, or a little cup of oatmeal, but other than that throughout the day- No Carbs. To the followers hat I've had for a long time, thank you for going on my first journey with me. Thank you for my incessant ranting, multiple picture posts, my crying, and watching me through that whole process of finding myself again. To any new followers I may have, I'm sorry you missed all of that! Although, then it was for all of the wrong reasons and I developed an eating disorder from it all, so maybe you're lucky that you were spared. I hope this one is more inspirational than the first. Day one of the blog/day three of no carbs/ day one of the rest of my life.
i need *bangs fist on table* intimacy