During a workshop for my Variations group, Man v Rat, I had brought in all the required materials and research items, examples spot illustrations, a simple gif that I’d made. But only a couple of other people had done that as well, because of this I had to show my stuff in front of the group and show everyone how I animated my gif in Photoshop. Now, this may not sound like something worth reflecting on, but for me, it was huge. I hate public speaking. Hate is maybe the wrong word for this, I fear it. I have incredibly bad social anxiety, the thought of a presentation fills me with an incredible dread. This surprise presentation shook me to the core, when he asked me I froze, I was in shock, but I couldn’t worm my way out of it. I stepped up to the MacBook and attached TV to teach my way of making a gif in Photoshop, I couldn’t look anyone in the eye, and I think I talked way too fast, but, I did it. And after that I was speaking to my pals and I know they were probably just being nice but they said I spoke okay and got it across well. A terrifying experience for me and something I need to work on, massively. There were presentations recently for the dissertation rough project, and I was absolutely terrified again, went through my slides too fast and was almost incoherent, hopefully I will someday overcome this, but I don’t know when that’d be.
Group work is usually a fearful time for me, new people, new anxieties, fears of not being good enough, not pulling my weight. However, my group for the exhibition are fantastic, we’re all similar people and get on really well, I must say, it does help having a few friends in it too, I’m able to find my voice, give opinions, ideas and help others. In fact, my group have decided to use my idea of running a drawing workshop. I’ve never felt so appreciated and it’s given me quite the confidence boost. Like, my ideas are okay, and to not be afraid of sharing them. As a group we have overcome and ironed out all the various obstacles that creating a half hour workshop in a week throws up. Thinking about it, group work with the right people is fantastic. I’m getting pushed into making more and it gives me a great feeling. Hopefully there’ll be more group work with friends and similar minded people in the future.
The exhibition was a great success in my opinion. We all worked hard and it culminated in a good fun evening for all. There was a small amount of last minute drama with my groups workshop, two people didn’t turn up. I don’t know how I feel about it now, at the time I was annoyed. But after some sleep, I’ve been reflecting on it and the day before we were talking about how we probably wouldn’t need everybody to be there and talked about four people running it, the rest mingling. I don’t know if maybe the stress of the occasion led to some crossed wires or miscommunication, one of the two doesn’t have Facebook so wasn’t in our chat, it was my job to text him and keep him up to date. So, it could all be my fault, I mean, I asked him where he was before we were set to start but I should probably have messaged sooner. Hours sooner. I guess if I’ve learnt anything from this, it’s that close communication is key. It’s incredibly easy for things to be misconstrued and things to be missed.